Chapter 6
It wasn't that I was afraid. It wasn't a sign, or a cruel, angry message Cassie was trying to send me. It wasn't a terrible thing, to sleep in David's old spot. After all, it was the only good place in the barn, the loft. But then, if this wasn't some evil trick, why did I have to try so hard to convince myself that I was safe here? It wasn't like the shadows moving across the walls were really anything to be worried about. I wasn't going to hear the evil thought-speak voice of a boy long trapped as a rat. Nobody was coming to assassinate me or shove an unforgiving yeerk into my mind.
Right?
It didn't matter how hard I tried, the shadows never stopped looking like merciless assailants and I never stopped expecting to hear David's desperate voice explode inside my mind. I was terrified of everything, from the creaks of the floorboards to the wind outside to every itch on my body. I didn't even trust my own breathing, for fear that it was hiding other noises from me. It was like the high after a horror movie, when the creepiest scenes are swirling through your head and you tell yourself not to be scared. But even then you're still trembling and wishing you were still a little girl so you could go crawl into bed with your parents and let them tell you it's all going to be okay. Only there, with your parents hugging you as they sleep, do you feel safe.
There were a few issues with that though.
Number one: it was real. I wasn't dreaming, and this wasn't a horror movie. Number two: in this world, my parents might not even exist. So who was I supposed to go crawl in with? The wolves?
I had to calm down. It was just my imagination, after all. No worries, right?
I froze. I could have sworn that I'd heard the door creak. Automatically, I held my breath, waiting for more noises. I began counting off the seconds, focusing all my attention on sound. The silence burned in my ears. Twenty seconds, nothing. Thirty seconds, still nothing. At forty-five seconds, my lungs were screaming for air. I must have imagined it, I thought, taking in a deep, shaky breath.
"Hey Alex."
I bolted upright and whipped around to face the ladder that led up to the loft. There was a figure surfacing there. I pulled my legs up, ready to stand if I had to. How had I not heard the person walking across the floor on the lower level?
"It's just me," Cassie said, stepping onto the floor of the loft. I relaxed. Now that there was someone else here, I wasn't half as scared.
"I know," I said shakily.
"It's okay," Cassie said. "I was like that for the first few nights too."
"Like what?" I asked, playing oblivious.
"Maybe I'm wrong, but I was always really nervous about everything. It was pretty scary, all the what-ifs I came up with. What if they can find me? What if someone's in my room? What if my family's been taken or they know about me? It got worse after we met David, because he knew us and he had the morphing power. What if he's in this room right now? Will he kill me if I fall asleep? Will he kill me if I don't? Things like that. Your mind never stops coming up with ways to scare you. It's like a horror movie, except this time it's real." She looked at me carefully. "But maybe that's just me."
This was good. At least Cassie was on my side. "No, you're right. I'm exactly the same way."
Cassie smiled. "It's scary. It took me a long time to figure out how to calm myself down. But I promise, you're safe here."
The books were right, Cassie always knew just what to say.
"Thanks, Cassie," I said. "It's just… Well, at least you guys have your families here. You're living at home. Maybe Tobias isn't, but he's never actually had a real family before, so he never really knew anything else. But my family might not even exist here, as far as we know, and I might never get back. All my friends, all my stuff, everything is gone. It's so… hard. You couldn't possibly understand."
Cassie sat beside me and put an arm around my shoulders. "You're right, I couldn't possibly understand unless I was you. But Ax might."
"Ax?" I asked.
"Sure. He's in almost the exact same situation. He's stranded here, the only free andalite on earth. His home is trillions of miles away, with all his stuff and his friends and his family," Cassie pointed out. She had carefully avoided the notion that neither Ax nor I might live long enough to find a way home.
"Yeah, but he's…"
Cassie waited expectantly, a calm, passive look on her face. Most people would say stuff like that just to defend the group, but Cassie genuinely cared. She wasn't angry with me for telling her that I was worst off, she just wanted me to talk to Ax because she hoped it would comfort me.
"He's an alien. And he's in the military. And his brother is Elfangor," I said.
"That doesn't mean he doesn't miss his home," Cassie said.
"And I think he hates me," I admitted.
"I don't think he does," Cassie said.
"Really?" I asked, doubtful.
"I think he's only a bit worried. You know so much about us, and yet you've never met us. Maybe if you share a bit more about yourself with him he'll open up."
"Thanks," I said.
"No problem," she said. "You know me, peacemaker Cassie."
I winced. She must have gotten that from my mind earlier. She seemed really upset by it, like it was a bad thing. I felt like I had to say something to comfort her. "Without you, the group would fall apart," I said. "You're the glue that holds them together." Someone must have said the exact same thing in one of the books. I reminded myself that I couldn't use their lines anymore, because here was the one place I was sure to get caught for plagiarizing a joke.
"Thanks Alex," Cassie said. "I guess everyone was too tired to think it over much tonight, but I just realized a minute ago that you aren't known to controllers. That means you could sleep over at my place for a few nights, then Rachel's until we figure out a permanent place for you to stay."
"Thank-you," I said, feeling very grateful indeed. A bed would definitely beat a bundle of hay any day. We climbed down from the loft and stood on the floor of the barn. On the other hand, the word permanent stung a little. But then I reminded myself that this was what I had wanted: adventure.
"The only problem is what I'm going to tell my parents. It's a little late for them to approve of a surprise sleepover party. Not to mention it's a school night. I wanted to come up with a story you approved of. Can I tell them there was a family emergency or something and your parents left on a trip?"
I thought about that story. It sounded good, but there were some flaws with it. "But your parents will expect my parents to be contacting me. And they may want to talk to them. Then we have to make up an emergency good enough for my parents to run out and leave me behind…"
"You're right. That is a bit complicated."
"Let's keep it simple. My parents have been fighting. Um… let's say my dad is a binge drinker and I need a place to stay while my mom tries to get him help."
Cassie frowned. "Are you sure you're okay with that? I don't want my parents to have a bad impression of yours."
"Ha!" I scoffed. "Our parents will never meet anyway. I live in a completely different state than you, remember? And I won't be talking about my real parents, just made-up ones."
"Okay then," Cassie said. "But you should keep your voice down. You're talking pretty loud."
"Sorry."
Cassie stood up and offered her hand to help me up. I took it gratefully and we climbed down the ladder to the floor of the barn. Outside the door I heard the crunch of gravel under a boot and began searching for a hiding place. Cassie grabbed my wrist with amazing precision. "Stay right here. I'll do most of the talking, just smile and nod." Her voice was more assertive than I had expected to hear from her. Besides that, "just smile and nod" has got to be the stupidest order anyone could give. I decided not to take her literally, because everyone knows that in the world of books and movies, following orders that well has a tendency to go tragically wrong.
A dark-skinned, middle-aged man entered the barn. "Cassie! There you are! It's nearly midnight, you really should be in bed." Then he noticed me. "Oh, hello. I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met."
I looked at him with a smile, waiting for Cassie to step in. When she didn't introduce us immediately, I stepped forward and shook his outstretched hand. "We haven't. I'm Alex. Are you Cassie's father?"
Cassie shot me a concerned look. She was worried that I'd mess things up. It was okay though, I had everything under control.
"Yes, I am," he said. "I haven't seen you around before. Are you new?"
"Yeah," Cassie cut in, "she just moved here and she needs a place to stay for a few nights. Can she stay here?"
I knew right away that Cassie's dad wasn't about to ask why I needed a place to stay. Instead, he said, "Of course she can. There's always room at our house. Where are you from?"
I swallowed. Think fast, I told myself. "Vegas," I said quickly. That sounded about right. It was a big place, hard to track people down in it, and I'd been there once on vacation, so I could answer questions about it.
"Ah," Cassie's dad said. "Big place, Vegas is. We went there last summer."
"Two summers ago," Cassie corrected.
"Right," Cassie's dad said with a smile. "Well, come inside. The smell in the barn must be killing you." He turned to walk out of the barn.
"Last summer we were busy fighting the yeerks," Cassie said quietly before we followed her dad out of the barn and into the house.
We set up a mattress for me beside Cassie's bed. She leant me a pair of pajamas. It was a good thing that they were really big on her, because they fit me perfectly. I don't usually like to mention it, but I'm not really a petite girl. Not really big or anything, just not small.
We got into bed silently.
"Cassie?" I whispered after a few minutes.
I had expected to hear a sleepy mumble, but instead I got a completely awake, "Yes?"
"I don't think anyone likes me," I said.
"Why?"
"Because Tobias avoids me and Jake is hostile. Marco said no to me coming into the group and Rachel just plain hates me."
"Hmmm," Cassie said knowingly. "And you used to feel like you'd fit right in with us when you were a kid."
She must have seen that when she was wrapped around my brain. Or maybe she'd just guessed. After all, she was supposed to be really good with people. "Yeah," I admitted.
"Hmmmm," she said again.
"Do you like me?" I asked, afraid of the answer but at the same time, knowing that if it was hurtful, she'd lie.
"Yeah," she said. "I don't know you that well yet, but I think you're a really great person."
Coming from the person who had seen inside my head, I was inclined to take that as a massive compliment.
"What are you guys going to give me for a battle morph?" I whispered.
"I don't know," Cassie replied.
I wanted to suggest something. If anyone would help me get a really cool morph, it was Cassie. She would try to help me fit in. She was my key to making up with everyone else. She could help me. The problem was, I wasn't completely sure what I wanted.
"What kinds of animals do you like?" she asked, almost reading my mind.
"I dunno. I always thought I'd get something that was a cat. Like a panther, or a leopard or a lio—" I stopped myself, realizing that I had just said something that might have been fatal, had Rachel or Jake or just about anyone else been there.
"A lion," Cassie finished.
"I—I was just, you know, brainstorming," I said, flushed.
Cassie looked at me in the dark. The only thing that let me see her was a small sliver of light from the hallway that came from under the door. Her expression was not hard, but it was far off, upset. She didn't want to see me ousted, hurt, trapped or even killed, but she wanted even less to put the group in danger. I was causing her pain by being here. She was probably my only ally right now, and she wasn't even sure if that was a good thing or not. I felt guilty.
"I'm sorry."
Cassie's expression softened. She was sympathetic now. "It's not your fault you ran into Ax," she said. "And we're grateful that you want to help us, we really are."
"I promise I'm not like David," I blurted.
Cassie looked surprised.
"I won't attack anybody, I wouldn't. You guys are like, the greatest. You've been through so much, you've been so brave. When I was little, I felt like I knew you guys, like we would be best friends." My eyes started to water and I scolded myself. You stupid crybaby, I thought, Stop it. "David was horrible. He was always a bad person. He wanted to steal and hurt you guys. I would never. I mean, I've loved you guys since I was a little kid."
"Wow," Cassie said after a pause. "It must be so weird. I can't imagine meeting a character from a book."
"Or even a T.V. show," I commented. "Do you guys have Power Rangers over here?" Over here. Like I was in a new country, not a book. Man, I must have been nuts.
"Yeah," Cassie said.
"Like meeting them, not the normal T.V. actors, but the real people.
Cassie was silent. It was a long silence, and my thoughts went back to David.
"I wouldn't ever do anything like that," I said. "Especially not what he did to Saddler."
She stared at me.
I stared back. It was a long time before either of us spoke. She closed her eyes and for a while I thought that she had gone to sleep.
"I tried to quit," she said quietly. "I left. And I let a yeerk into my head of my own free will."
It was random. "I know," I said.
"How many people have read these books?" she asked. Her eyes opened to look at me again.
"Millions," I said without thinking. "Everyone loves them."
Cassie's eyes glazed. "To think," she said slowly, "that many people know who I am."
"Yeah. They know who all of you are. They know about everything."
"Did the story end?" she asked. It was just curiosity, wonder. Obviously she hadn't looked through my mind thoroughly.
I swear, for a minute my heart stopped beating. I knew how it ended. I had read all the books after all. I knew that they had needed to take their parents to the hork-bajir valley to keep them safe. I knew that it had become open war. I knew that Marco saved his mom and that Tom had taken the morphing cube. I knew that it had been Cassie's fault. I knew that they made a whole new team of morphers. They went to the military. They made one last final stand where they won.
And Rachel died.
My eyes were watering again. I was silent for a long time, eyes closed, hoping that Cassie would think I had fallen asleep.
"Alex?" she asked.
I gave a sleepy sort of mumble and turned over, hoping that my acting was good enough. Praying that it would do.
"Okay," she said. She didn't buy the act, not for a second. "But sooner or later, you need to tell us. You have to tell us what happens."
A/N: I'm not sure if I've already mentioned this, but Cassie did only a very quick scan of Alex's memories. She didn't have nearly enough time to see them all. Therefore, she knows only a little of the story after the point they're at. To tell the complete truth, I'm not yet sure what that point is, so any suggestions are totally welcome. Please review!