Sorry it's been so long since I left you with that wicked cliffhanger. I'd want to kick my ass too. So here's a nice long chapter to make up for it.

Thanks to everyone for your reviews and for asking me for updates. The title of this chapter is a Paramore song.

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Chapter 11: We Are Broken

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Sirius wasn't allowed into the Hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey had shoed him away, claiming that there already were too many people in her care. It didn't take long for Sirius to cast a Summoning spell on James' invisibility cloak. As a Marauder, this wasn't the first time he'd snuck in to see his sick friend after curfew.

Remus was lying on a bed, pale as a ghost and covered with bandages. If not for the slight rise and fall of his chest, Sirius would have thought his friend was….

"I suppose I owe you my life, Potter." Severus' deep voice was low with humiliation. He lay in an adjourning bed to Remus. He looked haggard and weak, and his neck was wrapped tightly to conceal a wound. "A Wizard's Debt. You too, Pettigrew, as it were. I have little choice in the matter." He sounded like it was costing him everything to show gratitude to his worst enemies.

"Oh, well," said Peter, looking rather pleased with himself. "It was scary, wasn't it? Nothing James and I couldn't handle though."

"Stuff it, Wormtail," James growled then turned to Severus. "You don't owe us anything."

"But, you heard him. He wants to—" Peter looked like he just had a big slice of chocolate cake pulled out of his greedy, little hands.

James shot him a withering look. "We wouldn't have had to save anyone if you hadn't been wandering around where you didn't belong, Snape! What the hell were you doing there? Always have to stick your overlarge nose into our business! What were you trying to do? Spy on us? Get the dirt on our secret activities so you could go running to Dumbeldore and get us expelled once and for all? First you take Black away from us and now you nearly slaughter Lupin? Why couldn't you stay the hell away? Slytherin!"

Severus matched James' fury. "I didn't do it for any of those reasons! Black told me he'd meet me there. Told me how to get past the Willow."

James laughed bitterly. "Now that is a lie! He'd never do such a thing."

Sirius stepped out from under the cloak. "It's true, James."

Severus scowled and turned his head to the wall. James just stared at Sirius like he'd never seen his friend before.

"You… you told him about the passageway? You were going to show him Moony's secret? Our secret?"

"Yes. I had to." He went over to Severus and tried to take the pale hand into his own. "Brain, I—" Severus would not look Sirius' way and withdrew to a safe distance. The Gryffindor felt as if he had been struck across the face.

"Had to?" James said. "Had to risk Moony to the exposure and contempt of the wizarding world? And what about us? All the rules we've broken, even if it was to help our friend? The Ministry would expel us and this little snake would be more than happy to put our heads on the chopping block!"

"I knew he wouldn't do that!" Sirius said. "I didn't want to show him everything, just Moony. I wanted him to see why Remus was so dangerous."

"And why why WHY would you want to do that?!"

"An answer I am quite interested in hearing myself."

The boys all looked up to see the grave face of Albus Dumbledore. Professors McGonagall and Slughorn, both looking angry and concerned, stood a little behind him. Sirius felt as if he had fallen through the ice of the lake.

"You!" Madame Pomfrey shouted and pointed a boney finger at Sirius. "I thought I ordered you out of here, Mr. Black! Insubordination! No wonder the students are running wild. Sneaking out of school grounds in the middle of the night. Throwing all manors of hexes at one another for sport. Out you go now! All of you who are not staff, out. My patients need their rest."

"A moment, if you will, Poppy," said the Headmaster. "I wish to know the events which transpired this evening and why they occurred."

The three Marauders all looked fearful. Severus remained silent.

"It was all my fault, sir," Sirius admitted at last.

Dumbledore raised a bushy eyebrow. "Indeed?"

"Yes, sir. I told Severus to meet me tonight, and how he could get past the Whomping Willow. I was going to take him into the Shrieking Shack so he could see Remus after he transformed."

"Say no more, young Master Black," said Slughorn. "An admirable sentiment, I am sure. Trying to cover for your fellow student, as a noble Black would. But the time for heroics has past and this rascal must answer for his own crime."

"I'm being honest!" Sirius insisted. "Only I didn't count on Professor McGonagall giving me extra detention tonight and I couldn't get word to Severus in time. I never thought that he'd go through the passageway alone."

"Ah-ha, so you admit that Mr. Snape was out of bounds after hours. And his record is against him. Fighting in class, lashing out at other students, and now he very near brought serious injury to Mr. Potter, too. Oh, what would Lord Potter say if his only son had been savaged by that foul beast?"

"So, it's all right if Snape and Pettigrew got hurt, is it?" Sirius barked. "Because they don't have their own vaults at Gringotts? You pompous piece of sh—"

"Shush," Dumbeldore said and the room fell silent as if he had used a Sonorous charm. "Why did you feel the need to bring Mr. Snape in on your secret, Mr. Black?"

"I daresay I blame myself for that, Headmaster," said Slughorn. "I partnered the lads up in my class, in hopes that the students would improve their inter-house bonds. I can see now what a mistake that was. Some students can never see past their differences."

Dumbledore acted as if he hadn't heard and continued to stare at Sirius.

"I-I wanted to warn him, sir," Sirius moaned. "Brain, I mean, Severus and I…well, the truth is we've been going together not long after term started." Slughorn nearly chocked on something and turned very red, McGonagall made a small noise of surprise. Dumbledore merely nodded. "But Remus was interested in Severus too, and I was afraid that Remus would, that Sev would… leave me."

"So you thought it wise to show Mr. Snape why Mr. Lupin was a poor choice of companions?"

The truth hurt, but there was no way to sugarcoat it. "I didn't want to lose him! I thought if we had both gone in together I could show him. I never thought this would happen. We've gone into the Shack with Remus every time he had his time of the month and he's never attacked any of us."

"We've always been in our animagus forms around him when he transforms, mate," said James. "You weren't there when Snape wandered in. Moony went wild! Tore past us and went straight for Snape. Peter and I tired to distract him, give Snape a chance to run, but Moony…. He was just so strong. He got a hold of Snape and then got all quiet like, sniffing him and all. For a moment we thought it was going to be okay. Then… then Remus just tore into Snape! Thought he was gonna tear his throat out. But Remy's never done anything like this before, and he wouldn't have done so if Snape hadn't been there in the first place! Honest, Professor. He's normally very gentle when we're with him. Snape must have provoked him!"

"So," said Dumbledore calmly, regarding the boys over his half moon spectacles. "Mr. Lupin in his transformed state attacked Mr. Snape. And then what happened?"

"I managed to jar Moony by ramming him with my horns. I, uh, my animagus form is a stag, you see. Snape got free for a second and hit Moony with a curse. Terrible thing, too! All these cuts opened up all over Remus' body and there was blood everywhere. Peter and I transformed back into ourselves and dragged Snape away from the Shack to find help. I don't know what he used but I'll bet my broom that it was Dark magic! Moony almost bled to death and none of Madame Pomfrey's Healing spells did any good."

"Mr. Snape?" Dumbeldore turned to the injured boy. "Did things proceed as Mr. Potter has described them?" A nod was Severus' only response. "And the spell that you used? Where did you learn such a curse?"

Severus still would not look at anyone. "I invented it."

"A particularly gruesome bit of power for a fifteen year old to be experimenting with. For what purpose did you invent it, might I ask?"

The Slytherin shrugged. "In case my life was in danger. I've had to deal with bullying all of my life." He flashed a dangerous glower at James and then at Sirius. "It was just a theory. I've never tested it on a living thing before."

"And yet you invented a counter-curse for it, as well. Madame Pomfrey informed me that once you regained consciousness, you re-entered the Shrieking Shack to cure Mr. Lupin's injuries."

Another shrug. "The spell would keep the wounds from sealing until there was no blood left in his body, and only I knew how to stop it. I didn't want a spell of mine to send me to Azkaban."

"Shocking!" Slughorn shook his head. "And most unfortunate. Another Slytherin wizard lost to the lure of the Dark Arts, I'm afraid. Not so unexpected, considering his background."

"Honestly!" McGonagall rounded on Slughorn and the fat man actually blanched. "You have just heard that three Gryffindors are unregistered animaguses, and they have been sneaking out of school grounds every month for the past five years. Besides, I believe there is a bi-law clearly stating that Dark magic may be used for defense under dire circumstances."

"I agree with Minerva," said Dumbledore. "Although it was a forbidden curse Snape used, it was not cast lightly, but in fear for his very survival. And he did prevent Mr. Lupin's death."

Severus dug one finger under the edge of his bandages.

Madame Pomfrey stepped forward. "Is that injury troubling you again, Mr. Snape? Shall I change the dressing?"

He leapt away from her as if fearing an assassination attempt. The school nurse withdrew slowly. "I'll check on you later then, shall I?" She led Professor Dumbledore a bit to the side so no one else could hear. "Poor lad. It's as we always feared, Albus."

"Has he been bitten?" Dumbeldore asked. His face was ashen.

"I'm afraid so. A rather nasty one, too, though not deep enough to kill. He will be scarred."

"Scarred is the least of his worries, my dear woman," Professor Slughorn said, not bothering to guard his voice. "The very least. It was only a matter of time, after all, Dumbledore. Keeping a… boy like Lupin with such a condition within a school. I'm only surprised that it did not happen sooner. Alas, no help for it now. They both should be removed immediately."

"Really, Horace," Professor McGonagall said. "That is hardly sympathetic."

"Minerva, we are on the edge of a blunder most egregious! The reputation of the school itself is at great risk. What parent will want his child to attend a school where they at risk of just such a tragedy? No, I fear the only solution would be to send the infected boys to a proper institute where they can receive the rest of their education without further risk to themselves or to others."

"That will do, Horace," said Dumbledore."

"I am only thinking of avoiding a scandal, Dumbledore. Surely you must see where this will all lead. Perhaps a bit of gold could be produced for the boys' families. The less fortunate are easily placated, and with far less coin than you may think. This could all easily be forgotten. If you would permit me to do the talking when the parents are informed."

"You cannot tell my mother!" Severus shouted so loudly that everyone in the room gasped.

Dumbledore returned to the boy's bedside. "Severus, if you will just remain calm—"

"You cannot tell my mother, sir!" Severus repeated. His dark eyes were large and full of fear. "You know her condition. She is ill. This will be too much for her to endure. They'll put her back in that terrible place. I won't say anything! I'll keep silent about the whole affair."

"But, Severus," Dumbledore said in a soothing way. "This has been a terrible situation, and although you are not solely innocent of blame, I cannot overlook it."

"Expel me if you must." Severus sat up straight in his cot. His hands shook and he had the appearance of a man on the verge of madness. "I was out of my common room after curfew. I broke school rules. I'll not say a word about your precious Gryffindors, and no one will care if a Slytherin without a knutt in his pocket is sent home. Keep Hogwarts' reputation clean, as you will, only do not tell my mother. It will kill her!"

"Severus, please calm down, I beg you." Dumbledore raised a gentle hand for peace. "No one is going to be expelled, and no one is going to tell Mrs. Snape, if that is your wish."

The boy did not appear to believe it. Neither did Slughorn.

"Honestly, Dumbledore," said the Potions Master. "I'd take him up on his offer. You see that he is willing." He was silenced immediately by Dumbledore's glare.

"That will do. Now, Severus, I am well aware of your mother's frail health and believe me I would not wish to risk it for anything. But we cannot ignore the circumstances here. Mr. Lupin was not in his right mind when he attacked you, you must understand."

Severus scoffed. "I don't blame the beast. I blame Black! But I won't press charges against either of them. The Blacks are a powerful family; they'll want to know why he was expelled. They'll ask questions." Severus' frown became more pronounced and he was shaking all over now.

The Headmaster cleared his throat. "That is admirable of you. Unfortunately, there is the other issue. I am very sorry for what has befallen you, Severus, and for what you will be forced to endure from this point on. We can help you deal with the curse."

Severus flinched as if to cast off an annoying insect. "I do not intend to deal with it. I intend to cure it. I just need time." He started to get to his feet. "My note book. I need to get back to work."

"You'll do no such thing!" Madame Pomfrey placed a hand on Snape's chest and pushed him back onto the bed. He reacted as if the touch had burned his skin. "You shall remain here until I deem you are fit to leave. Now stay. Stay! And drink this. You shall take Blood Replenishing Potion every hour from this point on." She thrust a glass into his hand.

Severus swallowed the foul stuff without a word. He glanced over at the unconscious figure. "What about him?"

"He's also being fed the potion and is stable at the moment. We'll see the effects once he is awake. He'll be happy to know that you showed so much concern."

"Concern?" Severus scowled. "A dead test subject is of no use to me. I need him alive, for now. Otherwise I do not care what the beast does."

He sounded so much like a heartless Slytherin that Sirius wanted to weep.

"Severus," Sirius began carefully. "I didn't think that—"

"I knew you would do this!" Severus bellowed and hurled the glass at Sirius' head. Sirius ducked just in time. "I knew you would hurt me! This was your plan from the very beginning! To lure me in just so you could humiliate me in front of your friends! Stay away from me! I never want to see you again!"

"Severus." Again Sirius tried to reach out but was shoved back.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! I am poisoned! You and your monster poisoned me! Stay away!"

"Come now, lads," Dumbledore said and gently ushered Sirius from the bedside. "As Madame Pomfrey has said, her patients need their rest."

Once out of the room Sirius fell to his knees and began sobbing uncontrollably. He would have been sick if there had been anything in his stomach, instead he dry heaved until even breathing became painful. A light touch upon his shoulder made him glance up. The headmaster kindly offered him a pocketchief.

"I didn't mean for any of it to happen, sir," he said. "I was so mad at Remus, and James and I haven't been getting on for weeks now and Severus was losing faith in me. I just didn't know what else to do."

"Calm yourself, my boy. I do not have to point out that your behavior tonight has been both reckless and possesive."

"I've never been in love before! I was afraid he'd stop loving me. You wouldn't understand, sir."

Dumbledore's ice blue eyes softened. "Believe it or not, I understand you better than you suppose. Love may be the most powerful weapon in the world, my boy, but it is a doubled-edged sword. It has been the root of obsessions, terrible betrayals, and misery without end. Love has destroyed more people than war, but it does not stop us from desiring it. A word of advice from an old duffer who has been in your shoes. Love cannot be held with the fist. It must be caught with an open hand."

Sirius blew his nose. "That doesn't make any sense, sir."

"I didn't think so at your age either and that caused me to make terrible decisions. Your friend is going to be going through the worst ordeal of his life. He will need support, as you supported Mr. Lupin all these years. If you truly care for him, then you will not abandon him."

"He never wants to see me again." Sirius felt fresh tears well up. "He hates me."

"That is part of love's power. Remember, the secret to true love is not joy, but endurance."

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Things had all gone wrong from there. James flat out refused to speak to Sirius anymore, ever since McGonagall had also given him detention and a suspension from the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Peter, simpering sycophant that he was, followed suite, leaving Sirius quite isolated.

But worse of all was the change in Severus. He did not attend meals in the Great Hall any more. When he showed up for class, Sirius could scarcely recognize the boy. Severus looked even paler than usual. His shoulders were hunched with tension and there were heavy, purple circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. He trembled when he sat still for too long and his hands shook when he was not writing endlessly in his notebook. And his hair—Sirius could have wept aloud—his hair had reverted back to it's former greasy tangle, only now it looked like Severus no longer cared to wash it at all. Even though it was nearing the beginning of April and there was a definite rise in temperature, he always wore his Slytherin colored scarf, indoors or out, wrapped tight around his neck.

His moods were quite frightening. He would be quiet and sulky all day but then savagely lash out at anyone who dared get too close. First years were positively terrified of running into "that awful boy" in the corridors. Not even sweet Lily, his very best and dearest friend, was allowed no more than two words before he scolded her openly in the library and she fled in tears. He watched her go and looked ready to run after her. Then he saw Sirius looking his way, scowled and returned to taking notes from his books. His fingers were black from ink and there were stains on his robes.

"Pity." Sirius overheard Dunstran Diggory whisper to one of his Ravenclaw mates. "He had potential, but he's gone and wasted it all. Wasted away like a plant kept too long in the dark."

Sirius resisted the urge to walk up to pretty-boy Diggory and punch him straight in his perfect nose. If he only knew what Severus was going through, how much he was suffering, but then he could not know. He must not know. That was the whole point, and Sirius was determined not to louse things up any further than he already had. Sirius knew that Severus was watching the calendar with the same dread that Remus must experience every month. He seemed convinced that the answer lay somewhere buried within the library and he was running out of time. Dumbeldore had even granted Severus permission to explore the Restricted Section. Severus felt this was small compensation for being mauled by a fellow student who was secretly a werewolf, but like a true Slytherin he accepted the bribe and with very little complaint, too.

It was hard to believe that less than a fortnight ago he and Severus had sat at that very spot, going over calculations while playing footsie under the table. Sirius longed to go to him, to shake some sense into him, to tell him that it didn't matter what he was. It didn't matter, or at least he told himself so, now. Would he still feel the same way when the full moon appeared and the beast would howl and tear it's way loose from Severus until it had consumed the boy utterly? Sure it didn't matter that Remus had his hairy little problem. It was always a whispered joke in their common room. He didn't love Remus any less just because he was a monster three times a month.

But would it be different with Severus? Would he want that in a lover? Would he be willing to build a life around that? Dumbledore said that the secret to love was not joy but endurance. What in the name of Merlin's blessed cock ring mean? What was it that he was supposed to endure anyway when Severus wouldn't speak to him?

It was the first time he had spent his birthday without his mates, without even a gesture or a kind wish. He recalled that wonderful afternoon by the beach tree with Severus, his dear Brain, offering him, Sirius, the best and most delicious birthday gift he could ever want.

Small chance of that ever happening now, he groaned to himself. He did not even have any more detentions in Potions to look forward too. Even if he did, he was sure than they would no longer be as pleasurable. Sirius wandered back into the Gryffindor tower, hardly aware of anyone until he spotted a top of sandy-brown hair.

"Remus!" he exclaimed. "They let you out of hospital."

"Hullo, Sirius." The boy looked tired and weak and there were strange new scars across his face. "How are you?"

"Not bad," he lied. "You?"

"Not bad. Still a bit off since having to replenish nearly all of my blood."

"Remy, I'm really, really sorry about what happened."

Remus gave a slight roll of his head. "Alright."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

"I don't know," Remus said sadly. "It was always my greatest fear that I would pass my curse on to another and now…. I've hurt him. The one person I cherish above all others. He's sick. I've made him sick."

Sirius bit his lip to keep from sobbing. "Have you seen him?"

Remus shook his head. "Not yet, but I don't have to. I can smell him. I know his scent and it is with me now."

"I don't understand. What are you saying?"

Remus stood up a bit taller. His eyes were gold and filled with a new fortitude. "The beast knew him, knew him by scent the moment Severus entered the Shrieking Shack. The beast chose its mate, it marked him, and werewolves mate for life."

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A/N: You'll recognize the line JK used to describe Snape, "a plant kept too long in the dark." I really liked that one and thought it appropriate here. I'm planning on going much further into how Remus deals with his condition on a daily basis since we know very little about his inner suffering.