Warning: Semi non-con, blood play.

Chapter 12: That's What You Get

xXx

Everything had changed. Remus knew it, felt it, felt it right down to the quick of his nails. He felt it deep down in that place in the pit of his stomach that had always felt empty. Now he felt something odd stirring inside him, like a serpent coiling and uncoiling itself, unsure of what to do next. He was anxious but unfocused, sort of like James moments before flying out for a Quidditch match. More than anything he felt like a prisoner, a betrayer, like the monster he always feared he'd become.

It wasn't what he had wanted. Not this way. It was a lifetime ago when he had asked Sirius, his friend, his brother, to plead on his behalf for Severus' favor. And he had hoped, for a time he had known what it was like to really hope. The hope of being cured, having a normal life, a relationship. He should hate Sirius. Sirius Black, the golden boy of Hogwarts, devilishly handsome and charming, Quidditch chaser and heir to the Black family fortune. A spoiled, boastful youth who had everything. How had he, Remus, sent such a person to intercede for him with Severus? He might as well have had wrapped a ribbon around Sirius' cock, supplied him with a vat of lube and A Hand Book to Hand Jobs and Other Magical Delights by Randy Rockwood.

He wanted to hate Sirius, but the bugger was now so damn miserable, so void of life, it wasn't worth the effort. Not only had Sirius stolen his, Remus' boyfriend, but now he had stolen Remus' ability to loathe Sirius properly. The tall Gryffindor had allowed Severus to wander into the Shack while he, Remus, had been in full wolf form, and the Beast had done as was in its nature. It had passed on the curse and doomed another to suffer as he did every month. It was a betrayal of Remus' very soul to know that he had destroyed someone else's life. He would rather have died himself. He had lost so much on that night.

Remus watched Severus from the other end of the library. The Slytherin was neck high in Darks Arts books, taking notes at a frantic speed. He glanced back over them as if he wondered who had written them, and then tore them all to shreds, all the while he muttered and cursed under his breath before starting over again. A wide perimeter had formed around him, as if the other students feared he had some sort of contagious disease, they just didn't know what.

Remus longed to go to him. He wanted to tell Severus that he understood the dread the other boy was experiencing, the anxiety as the moon slowly grew in the sky, the constant loneliness and feeling of being unwanted. Something less than human. Something monstrous. Remus had been forced to deal with such emotions for nearly his entire life. It was harsh but he knew how to endure. He could teach Severus.

However, Severus wasn't accepting anyone's help at the moment. The Slytherin wouldn't even speak to him, other than when he needed more tissue samples or wanted to test another potion. When the last one had failed Severus had shouted and hurled the goblet at Remus, as if he, Remus, had somehow been responsible for its failure. He even went so far as to yank a lock of Remus' hair out by the roots, without so much as a warning or an apology, when his temper was up. Severus merely threw it into the potion and watched for results. He might have been alone the entire time.

All the while Remus remained calm and gracious. He owed Severus after all. Even before this dire situation, Severus had been the only one in the world trying to help Lycanthropes. If there was still a possibility, a small glimmer of hope—something that was foreign to Remus—then he would carry on as long as Severus needed him to. The days passed. Remus waited. It was all he could do.

A week ago he'd have given anything to be normal. Sirius had given the Beast a gift, offered Severus up like a blessed sacrifice, and now Remus was tied to Severus. He no longer needed the Marauders Map to locate the Slytherin. He had the boy's scent within him. He was even beginning to interpret the Slytherin's moods by smell alone. And yet, what if Severus really did find a cure? What then? He was sure to lose Severus. The other boy hated his guts. Severus would have no further interest in him and he, Remus, would be alone again. What if Severus went back to Sirius?

He had to get out of there. Remus returned to the common room. James and Peter were seated in a huddle, glowering over their books. Their workload had suffered drastically since Remus had stopped doing their essays for them. Sirius sat alone in a squashy chair, looking positively wretched. He was a pack animal who had been abandoned. Remus took some comfort in that.

"Moony," Sirius began.

Remus sat by the fire and opened a book, determined to ignore the other boy.

"Moony, have you… have you seen him?"

Remus shrugged his shoulders.

"He… he wasn't at dinner again tonight." Sirius went on. "He never comes to meals anymore. I was just wondering if you spoke to him, if he was… was all right."

"He's far from all right," Remus' voice was like ice. "You saw to that. Besides, he's not your problem anymore."

"He was never a problem!" Sirius' snapped. "I'm just worried about him, is all."

"Well don't. He doesn't want your concern, or anything else from you for that matter."

"Maybe he does! Maybe he needs help and is just too afraid to admit—"

"You have no idea what he's going through so don't pretend that you do!"

"Perhaps not, but I never stopped wanting to be your friend even after I found out what you were. I can't just wave a wand and turn off my feelings. And that includes you too, you pillock! If you can't accept that, then you can sod off for all I care!"

Their argument was cut short by the Fat Lady swinging open and Lily bursting in through the portrait entrance.

"Ah, Evans," James said cheerfully and ruffled his hair. "Fancy a study session?"

Lily stormed past him, threw her arm back and slugged Sirius right in his face. The shock of it sent him reeling to the floor.

"What did you do to him?" she demanded as she pointed her wand at Sirius' chest.

"Owwww! What the fook, Lils?" Sirius spat out a mouthful of blood.

"What did you do to Severus?" she shouted. "I know you did something to him! I know it was you. He's been my best friend since we were in nappies. You don't think I wouldn't notice his odd behavior? You knew that he was gay and you took advantage! I always knew you were bent, Black. And now you've brought him low again, haven't you? You and your Marauders! Always having a go at him for fun because you're bored, because you're not as smart as he is. You're all such jokes! Do you have any idea how pathetic you lot are? Why did you have to go and hurt him?"

"I didn't mean to—" Sirius tried to say but physically blanched under her rage.

"Didn't mean to get in trouble? Were you blaming him for your getting kicked off the Quidditch team? Did Potter want a good laugh to eat up time in the afternoon? Severus is ten times the man any of you wankers will ever be!"

"He is! I know he is!"

"Don't try and be clever now! What did you do? Why won't he talk to me anymore? Me of all people? Every time I try and get close he lashes out. He… he called me a…a Mudblood."

"He never!" James said. "I'll kill him!"

"Shut it!" she spat. "Your hand is in this, too! Don't think I don't see your familiar signature on what has happened. What did you wankers do to get my best friend in the world to say such a thing to me? And he doesn't sleep in the dorm anymore. Regulus said he's been going missing these last few nights. Something is wrong and I want the truth!"

Sirius looked ready to weep. "I hurt him," he whispered. "I fell in love with him and I messed it all up."

Shocked, Lily's anger dissipated for a moment, and the next she was kicking Sirius with all her might. "What are you trying to pull, Big Mouth? I'm supposed to believe that you love Severus? The boy you bullied since the first day we all came to Hogwarts? You got the entire school to call him Snivellous, for Merlin's sake!"

"It's the truth! He wanted to tell you but I asked him not to. I messed up, all of it."

She kicked him one more time, in a place that Sirius was not soon to forget. "You messed up? Bollocks! Sev wouldn't break down like this over a torn heart. He's made of stronger stuff. Besides, he always comes to me. We're always there for each other. Why would he push me away now?"

"It's my fault, Lily," Remus said.

"You? Remus?" Her face dropped. "No. I don't believe it. You always looked the other way when your mates had a go at Sev, but you never did anything yourself."

"This time I did," he said and he told her everything.

xXx

Lily had said that Severus was no longer sleeping in the Slytherin dorms. Remus did not need her to tell him that it was so. He knew that Severus was not on the Hogwarts grounds. The boy's scent led away from the castle. Remus found he didn't need to follow the trail. He felt his footsteps urged him on, as if he were under a compulsion.

Remus was surprised to find himself just outside of the Shrieking Shack. Why would Severus want to go in there? Full moon was two weeks away. Remus entered the rickety building with caution. He could smell dust and rot and panic. Upstairs he could hear definite sounds of someone in distress.

There was a light in the main chamber and he peered in through the door crack. He could see Severus walking up and down in the dust-covered chamber, speaking to himself while he wrote calculations on the walls. He had long run out of ink but carried on using a sharp awl instead. Severus cursed and stabbed at the wood, ripping at it with his fingernails until the walls were red.

"I can solve this!" he shouted into the murky air. His voice was raw and broken. "I can! The answer is here. I just need more time. Give me more time! Every riddle has an answer!"

He looked quite mad, twisted and haggard from lack of proper food and sleep. He was thinner and paler than Remus could ever recall. How could Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey allow this to happen?

Carefully, Remus opened the door and stepped into the room. Severus spun around and brandished the awl as if it were a sword. His hands were bleeding freely now. He was trembling all over like a leaf, and his eyes—those beautiful, clever eyes that Remus had admired—were wild and terrified, like a deer caught in a predator's sights.

Remus reached out and had to dodge the awl from slicing his throat. He caught Severus' arms and held them with a strength the other boy could not fight. The instrument clattered to the floor. Severus shouted and tried to free himself. Remus began to say something soothing, but then the sharp tang of copper entered his nostrils and another more primal urge took over. Suddenly he was lapping the blood like a great cat. The warm rush was life. He could feel the pulse under his lips quicken. The Beast purred, wanting, craving more. More.

Severus hissed and shuddered. His black eyes glowed gold with a strange new fire. He sniffed at Remus, inhaling the scent of his hair, his skin, the nape of his neck. A low, inhuman growl escaped his throat. Remus could feel the wolf in Severus lusting to break free, that familiar urge to bite, to tear, to feed.

Severus lunged. The wolf had not yet reached full strength and Remus was able to force Severus against the wall. Remus knew he was crushing the other boy but it was necessary. In his state Severus was likely to kill him, or do further harm to himself. Severus was on the precipice, ready to fall into madness unless someone caught him. He loosened Severus' scarf and licked the scar there. He sunk his teeth into the flesh, felt it tear and a warm gush spilled down his chin.

Severus bucked and fell upon Remus with an animalistic desperation.

xXx

Remus thought it had been a dream. He was confused at first when he smelled oil and fresh herbs and parchment paper. He opened his eyes and found Severus Snape fast asleep in his arms, curled up against him like a child. They had both fallen asleep on the wreck of a bed in the shack. It was nearly dawn. Remus could tell by the light creeping through the holes in the roof. He looked back down at Severus. The dark haired boy looked peaceful, he even had a small smile on his face. Remus purred and placed a kiss on his lover's brow.

Severus sighed and nuzzled a bit closer. One hand lightly searched Remus' neck for something he could not locate. He leaned closer to breathe in the scent there. He stopped and jerked backward, his eyes snapped open.

"Hello," Remus said, rather sheepishly. He could feel his face flush bright crimson.

Severus stared at him, then at their state of undress. He pulled the moth-eaten blankets over himself. "What… what happened?"

"We, uh, last night we, well, we sort of had, we were… you know. You… me. Well, you first, then me. It was rather mental, after all. Not that it was bad! At least, I don't think it was bad. That is, I don't have any past experience to compare it to, but I'd say it was pretty good. I mean, you were a real tiger that last… I mean…. Is it warm in here to you? Are you having trouble breathing?"

"For Merlin's sake!" Severus snapped. "Can't you ever do anything but babble nonsense?"

"Sorry. Sorry, but this was, uh, the first time I ever did something like this."

Severus blushed and turned away. "Yeah, me too."

"For true?" Remus said. "I thought, you and Sirius—"

"That's none of your bloody business! And I don't want to talk about HIM. Where are my clothes?"

"Wait. Shouldn't we discuss what happened? I know a lot of it is blurry and all—"

"What happened was a mistake! Madness. I don't even remember how I got here."

"It was the Beast," said Remus.

"What?"

"The Beast. That's what I call the wolf within. The dark passenger. It sometimes takes control and you find yourself doing things you normally might not, ah, do. You will learn to deal with it."

"Don't say that!" Severus batted away the hand that reached for him. "I don't want to 'deal' with this! I want to end it. I want my life back the way it was. I don't want this dark passenger, as say. I want it gone! Don't you? Why are you so calm about all this?"

Remus shrugged and rubbed his neck. "Been used to it longer, I guess."

Severus regarded him. "You have a bite on your shoulder. Did I do that?"

"Uh, yeah. Last night while we were… intimate. You should know, we are bonded now."

Severus stared at him.

"When werewolves mate they mark one another with a bite on the neck or shoulder. A unique signature to warn other werewolves that this person is off limits."

"That's what you did to me that night? You marked me? Why?"

Remus stared at his hands. "The Beast marked you, not me. But… but I liked you. I've liked you for a very long time now, Severus. I think I even love you. No, really."

Severus threw his head back and laughed. "Why? Why on earth would you care?"

"I just, I just always thought you were smart. A silent, brooding genius type."

"That's likely! For months I was researching everything I could about lycanthropy and I couldn't even recognize one that was sitting two bloody feet away from me! Some genius."

"It's not your fault. I've had to become an excellent pretender to survive. I could show you. Severus, I want to help you. I know how alone you must feel because it's the way I feel myself."

Severus turned away. "Is there a way to undo this bond?"

Remus hoped he could disguise the hurt in his voice. "Not that I know of. When a Wolf mates, it's for life. If something happens to one of the mates the other one is known to pine away, or… or run mad."

"Why have I never read about any of this?"

"I guess Lycanthropes don't like to bang on about our secrets. Besides, who is going to admit to being a werewolf in order to sell a few books? I never meant for any of this to happen. You have to believe me. It was the Beast. When I change it's like I become someone else. I have no control over what I do. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted you to get to know me, to know that I admired you and I wanted to be someone that you would want as your boyfriend."

Severus stole quick glance at him. "Why did you never say anything?"

Remus bit his lip. "I was too nervous and had asked Sirius to speak to you on my behalf. I encouraged him to become your partner in Potions."

"Siri—I mean, HE used to talk about you a lot, about what a great guy you were. You were the one who sent that gift parcel, weren't you?"

Remus nodded. "Did he take credit for that?"

"Not exactly. HE just said it was from someone 'nice.' You were the secret admirer all along." Severus pulled at a tangled lock of his hair. "I just thought that HE was talking about himself. HE was such a boy, with a child's judgment. I couldn't see anyone else when HE was around. I was a fool."

"You were not. I am angry with Sirius, for everything he's done, but I genuinely believed that he loved you."

"HE lied to me! HE led me to believe—" Severus scrunched up his face and forced the sobs in his voice to subside. "What was this really? A new game you Marauders wanted to play? Another form of torment for ol' Snivellous?"

"It wasn't a game."

"It's always a game for Marauders!" Severus cried. "HE made a fool of me and now you've cursed me! I'll never be able to see my mother again. I won't have her see me chained to a wall like an Azkaban prisoner. Dumbledore will favor his Gryffindors as he always does and Slughorn won't lift a flabby tit to aid me. But you're happy, eh? You've had your shag and now have a cellmate to cozy up to each month. Is that why you did it? So you wouldn't be alone anymore?"

"No! Yes. I don't know. I want you to forgive me."

"Did you forgive the werewolf who bit you?" Severus grimaced at Remus' silence. "Do you have any idea how this feels to me? My life has been ruined and now I find that I'm bonded to the one who ruined it. And I have no choice in the matter. I am trapped. It feels like I've been violated."

Remus reached under the blankets and took hold of Severus' hand. He kissed the fingers and held them against his cheek. "Severus, forgive me. I only wanted to matter to you. I didn't mean to hurt you. I won't ever do it again. Merlin, being this close to you, touching you like this, and last night— Merlin! Severus, I love you! I can't help it. I wanted this love and now I will do everything I can to earn your trust."

Severus stared at his companion. "I can feel you now. It's like I have some sort of rope pulling me towards you. When you touch me I—it's not like anything I've ever felt before. It's like I've taken a Befuddulement Draught. I feel... drawn to you, but I'm not—I don't…. Dammit! I can't do this! It's too soon! I'm not over— It's not fair. You don't deserve this. You should have someone who chose to be with you from the very beginning, not as a compulsion. I wasn't kind to you, even when you were trying to help me. I lashed out at you."

Remus smiled weakly. "It didn't matter. I wanted to offer my support."

"I yanked out your hair. You should have hexed me for that."

"You were distraught."

"Still, you should never let yourself be a doormat. Nobody can be that nice."

"Bad habit of mine. You've had a horrible experience. I only want to comfort you. You are everything to me."

Severus blinked. His eyes were clear and warm. "What am I?"

"You are my mate," Remus assured him. "My own brilliant mate. I will help you learn our ways and we will weather the storm together. For all days I will be by your side and I will make you happy." Remus moved a little closer and carefully put his arms around Severus. The dark haired boy tensed but did not resist. He laid them back on the pillows and smoothed down Severus' unruly tresses. He touched them to his lips, then Severus' cheek. "Can we start over? Sort of clear out the system so we're more resistant and can make things better?"

Severus' started. "What did you say?"

"Can we please start over?"

"No you said that we should become more resistant, like through an immunization."

"Is that what I said? I'm not sure what it means. Severus? What are you thinking?"

"Hmm? Sorry. I was just thinking, now that my mind is clear. Anyway, now I can think properly again and maybe I've been looking at this from the wrong way all along."

"You're smiling. Do you have a solution?"

"No way to tell yet. I'll have to get back to the Potions lab."

"Oh, yes, of course. But could we stay here a bit longer?"

Severus drew the blankets around them both. Remus let his head rest against his mate's shoulder and sighed with content. Another feeling rose up inside him that he only felt when he had discovered that he had made true friends at Hogwarts. Joy.

"We are not cursed," he whispered. "You must know that we are blessed. We are not alone. Do you feel cursed when you are with me?"

"No," Severus answered. "No, I don't."

xXx

There you go. A nice long chapter to make up for the time gap. I mentioned that Remus would even out the playing field soon. It broke my heart to make it in this fashion. My father once commented that Remus was such a kind, gentle man—completely unlike his beastly inner demon. I thought about this and how the werewolf would have a sexual appetite as well. It would embody all of Remus' repressed desires and it wouldn't be so shy about taking what it wanted. The Beast is Remus' ID.

I left it all warm and fuzzy but it is only temporary. Obstacles are still ahead and the full moon is rising. FYI, the sex-guide book title is my own invention. I don't think Ms. Rowling would ever stoop to that level. XD

The title is another one of Paramore's songs. The dark passenger was from "Dexter," about his own inner demons.