Looking across the hall, I could see a young boy being wheeled down towards the room the doctors had just taken Joe. I breathed heavily, not wanting to recall today's events. Nick's arms tightened around me as my chin rested on his shoulder. A nurse showed us to the waiting area. After what seemed like forever, a doctor finally came out to address us.
"Jonas?" He asked.
My head shot up as I listened intently to what he was about to say.
"Yes?" Denise asked in a weary voice, probably from crying so much.
"I have some news." He said; no emotion showed on his face. I stood up, Nick standing with me and putting arms around my waist and pulling me close.
"Well, from the impact from the car to the long hours of surgery…" He started using all of these medical terms and speaking scientifically.
"English please?" I said, a bit anxious.
He looked at me with consoling eyes.
"I'm sorry, there's nothing that we could do."
The words that almost killed me. Not only were my parents and brother dead, but so was the love of my life. We just had to end fighting. I could kill myself over so many things right now.
Denise erupted into tears with the whole family. Nick leaned his head on my shoulder, beginning to sniffle. I wasn't sure what to do- laugh, cry, get mad… there were so many possibilities. But before I could decide, everything went black…
I fainted.
I later woke up in a hospital bed, surrounded be a curtain. I propped myself up with my arms, and remembered what had happened. I broke out into tears and the curtain was almost ripped from its hinges when it opened to reveal a crying Nick. Frankie was still crying into stomach, Paul and Denise were crying onto each other, Nick was crying on himself, and Kevin was trying not to cry. I could see the hurt and sadness in his eyes; probably hurt because, it was my fault that Joe was dead.
Nick looked at me for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. So, I jumped into his arms and sobbed even harder, if possible. He rested his head on my shoulder and cried with me. He sat on the edge of the bed and held me close. I started to think, do I even deserve to be here right now? Joe just took his own life over mine, and I don't think I'll be able to deal with that. I shoved Nick off of me and jumped off the bed. I yanked the door open and darted down the hall; past nurses, doctors, patients, staff, and some loved ones coming to visit their families. I ran, ran harder and faster than I ever had in my whole entire life. I ran out of the hospital and down the side walk. I kept running, not sure where I was going, I just kept on running. I finally reached a busy road. The walking sign was on stop. I thought for a moment, and attempted to jump out in front of a car, but was stopped by a pair of familiar strong arms. I was pulled back. I whipped around in his arms and started hitting him, like I had done to the poor paramedic earlier today. My make-up, which I only put on everyday to feel pretty around Joe, was running and my eyes burned from mascara that had gotten into my eyes from the rain and from the tears caused by Joe.
He pulled me close, but I still resisted. I kicked him in places no one should, but he didn't care. I hit him and basically did everything in the book, but he still held me close. I gave up and let myself into his arms. He picked me up bridal style and carried me back to the hospital. He set me down in an empty waiting room chair, considering it was about 10 pm, and looked at me.
He checked that no one was around and said, "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU!?"
I had never seen him so mad, I was … scared.
I looked at the floor, fearing to look up at his raging eyes.
He just continued, "SHELBY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT WAS RUNNING THROUGH YOUR MIND, BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, IT MUST'VE BEEN STUPID, JUST PLAIN STUPID!!"
That's where I drew the line.
"Nick, you don't control me! I'm my own self and I do what I want! You would've thought that someone as smart as you would know how independent I am and I don't listen to what anybody says if I really have my mind set to something! So just shut the hell up and stay out of my life. Joe's gone, it's my fault, I'm pregnant with your child, Joe hates, whoops, hated me for it and I'm not sure what to do with myself!" I cried, screaming so loud that Denise came in the room.
"What is going on in here?" She yelled, outraged.
"Shelby tried to kill herself!" nick blurted out.