Happy New Years! I hope this chapter finds you all well. It may be a bit before I can update again but I'll keep on truckin'
Four Years Later
The house was small and beautiful. A trail of brightly coloured flowers lined the pathway that lead to the bright red front door. His eye caught the small tire swing hanging from the large maple tree in the yard beside the house. He spotted movement through the side window. She was home. His heart took residence in his throat and try as he might, he was unable to swallow it. His skin prickled with anticipation as he slowly placed one foot in front of the other. He became acutely aware of his appearance. His temples had hints of gray and his eyes held more pain in them. He balled his hand into a fist in an attempt to relieve his nervous tension. He was unsuccessful in his effort so he decided to just let go and reach his main goal. His hand clung to the brass knocker as it landed crudely on its base. He stepped down a step and waited. It felt like an eternity before the door creaked open. A tiny girl with long chocolate hair and a red ribbon tied around her head poked out from behind the door. Her thick, long black lashes framed wide blue eyes. Her heart shaped lips were pursed in a curious smile. Her skin was porcelain and she wore a blue dress that had little yellow ducks embroidered into it.
"Hello." She greeted in a friendly tone. Her voice almost caused Elliot to melt into the stairs.
"Um, hello. Is this where Olivia Benson lives?"
The small girl smiled and nodded, "I'll go get her." She disappeared behind the door again and Elliot heard the word that made his eyes widen in shock and horror. "Mommy!" Elliot felt shivers run their course through his body. She was a mother. She was married and had a beautiful child and a beautiful home and a beautiful life. It only made sense. Olivia herself was heart-breakingly beautiful. She deserved to have beauty surround her all the time.
The door opened again and the little girl re-appeared, "She's coming."
"Thank you. What's your name?"
"Ruby. What's your name?" she parroted.
"Elliot. How old are you Ruby?" Elliot knew it was none of his business. But he wanted to know how long it took for Olivia to move on.
"I'm three." She boasted and Elliot nodded. He started to figure that Olivia had taken a year to settle down when Ruby shattered his thoughts, "I'm almost four."
"Ruby, go back inside." Her voice split the air and caused Elliot to crash back down to the stone step of Olivia's home.
His eyes landed on the frame of the most beautiful woman he had ever loved. She was frowning at him. He stared straight into her chocolate browns and he saw her fear.
"Liv…"
"Stop right there." She spat. Elliot frowned and pointed at the door that Ruby had disappeared behind.
"No, you don't get to cut me off! She's mine! She's mine and you didn't tell me!"
Olivia frowned, "What makes you think she's yours?"
"We were together four years ago." Elliot explained and Olivia shrugged.
"I don't know who's she is." She stated matter-of-factly.
Elliot withdrew his defensive stance in surprise, "You what?"
"I don't know who her father is." Olivia grabbed the door handle and closed the door so Ruby could not hear the conversation taking place on the front steps.
"What does that even mean? You cheated on me?"
Olivia face displayed a disapproving glower, "I never cheated on you. We didn't have a relationship for me to cheat on you with. You had left the squad, I was drinking a lot, I slept with some guy at a bar. I felt awful. It's why I was so drunk at work. But then you showed up and I felt so guilty. I almost told you what I had done… but then we had sex and you left again. Ruby could have been conceived on either of those nights." The tone in Olivia's voice made Elliot uncomfortable. There was no feeling in her any more. No expression. Not a hint of concern. It was like her emotions had died.
Elliot stared at Olivia, unsure of what to do next. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her hair was in a sleek bob; very different from the long hippie hairstyle she had sported when he left. She wore a white knit sweater and form fitting jeans. She looked like a mom. Though the feeling had left her voice she still maintained the expression in her eyes. They sparkled as if they held some sort of big beautiful secret. Elliot knew that sparkle. It was the sign of a loving mother. She held the secret of her love for her daughter. The indescribable, mountain-moving love that could never be imitated. Elliot's examination of Olivia only stopped when her voice crashed through his thoughts.
"What are you doing here Elliot?"
Elliot sighed and took a step up so he was standing on the same level as Olivia, "Have you heard from Fin yet?" he asked. Olivia furrowed her brow.
"No. Why?"
"Does he know how to get a hold of you?" Elliot asked, curious as to why Fin would not have called Olivia first.
"He was here for breakfast on Saturday. What's going on Elliot?"
"Fin called me last night. Munch died."
Olivia's hand raised to her mouth and tears lined her brown orbs. "Oh my God. What happened? I know he was sick… but not that sick."
"They don't know. There's suspicion surrounding his death."
Olivia's eyebrows rose, "They think someone killed him?"
Elliot shrugged, "I'm not sure but Cragen called Fin and asked him to get in touch with us. The ME called Fin and asked him to come down today. Fin assumes this means that John didn't die from his illness. Why didn't Fin tell you all this?"
"Ruby and I were out last night. My phone died." Olivia answered, "Well, I should go call Fin. Thanks for coming Elliot." Olivia tried to duck behind her front door but Elliot grabbed her wrist.
"Wait-" he begged, "We need to talk."
Olivia glared at the hand holding her back, "Talk about what?"
"Liv, I came here to get closure… I can't keep living my life without knowing how you are… Fin wouldn't give me updates, out of respect for you so I came myself… I figured I would be seeing you because of the funeral… I wanted us to be okay… I care too much about you to have you be this huge mystery for the rest of my life." Elliot pulled Olivia closer throughout his speech. Olivia continued to stare at the ground and he could hear her swallow before answering him.
"Elliot, I'm fine. You can leave now."
"Please Olivia- Ruby… I have to know…"
Olivia's head snapped up and the anger that filled her eyes caused Elliot to release her wrist, "You what? Fuck you El! You think that just because you show up here and see Ruby you have some sort of right to her? Ruby and I have been on our own for years and I didn't need a man for them- I don't need one now!"
Elliot nodded in agreement, "I know you don't and you didn't. If anything, I'm sure you're enough of a mother to be both parents. But what about Ruby? You don't think she might want her father eventually?"
Olivia glared, "If eventually rolls around I'll give the father a call. But for now I don't want whoever he is around my daughter. Elliot, please don't come here again." Olivia then entered her home and left Elliot standing alone on the front step, gloom filling his heart.
Elliot entered the old squad room he had dedicated so many years to. It looked exactly the same in the broad sense. The paint on the walls was still peeling and the ceiling fans still hadn't been cleaned. But Elliot noticed the subtle differences. The photos that sat on each desk were different. The chairs had been replaced with higher-end quality ones. The Wanted Posters had changed to other suspected criminals. The lettering on Cragen's office door had changed to "Captain Olivia Benson". Elliot's brow furrowed. How had he not been told she was promoted to Captain? How did she not know about Munch's death? Elliot then remembered her saying she had been out with Ruby and her phone had died. There was no way to reach her. Elliot was taken out of his thought-filled daze by a familiar voice.
"I thought security would have blocked an old bastard like you."
Elliot turned to see Cragen standing with Fin. Both held sad smiles on their faces as they walked forward and greeted Elliot with typical "man-hugs". Elliot knew the only reason they were talking with him was because of John. Otherwise he barely received the mandatory once-a-month phone call from Fin and the occasional Christmas card from Cragen.
"If the didn't let me in they sure as hell wouldn't let you two assholes in here." Elliot teased back. The trio stood apart and Elliot allowed Cragen the appropriate time to gaze around his old work place.
"I can't believe it's been four years since you two left." Fin mumbled.
Elliot nodded. He knew that Cragen had been promoted to OnePP a few months after he left. The award his squad received was enough for the higher-ups to decide he didn't need to deal with regular people anymore and he was moved into a glorified paper-pusher job. But he got the fancy title and the huge raise that came with it. Fin had stayed at SVU the whole time; promoted to lead detective, training the rookies who he knew would only make it a few years in the squad. Munch had worked for two more years until he got sick and had been forced to retire. He was still brought in as a consultant on major cases. Elliot had never received an update on Olivia. No one was willing to cross that line. His fellow officers had known about his life. He had been promoted to Captain of the Queens SVU. It seemed that when Blaine had left their squad to work in Manhattan, they had trouble filling his old position. Elliot stepped in and people were in shock and awe of his skill at catching a pervert. Elliot was the only one who knew that he was working slower than he used to. He worked with a young partner named David Barnes for a year before he was promoted to Sergeant and then another year before being promoted to Captain. Olivia must have gotten the position the same way.
"So, Liv is in charge of this joint now?" Elliot asked. Cragen and Fin nodded. "How's she doing?" Elliot asked out of curiosity. If he had left anything behind in Olivia, it was his hatred for the bureaucratic idiosyncrasies. The stupid quirks that the higher-ups felt were important to oppress their working-men and women with. Olivia could handle the paper work and the politics. As long as she was still allowed to interrogate.
"She's amazing. She pulls double duty. That of a politician and that of a detective." Fin answered, "And she's still raising Ruby."
Fin had received a phone call from Elliot the night before. It was filled with expletives and frustration on Elliot's end. He wanted to know why Fin never told him about Ruby and why he felt it was more important to protect her instead of him. Fin had answered simply. "She's not the one who left you broken."
Elliot nodded and then sighed, "Was anyone with her when Ruby was born?"
Fin smiled and nodded. "We all were. Olivia was promoted to Sarge before she told anyone she was pregnant. When she finally announced it Cragen had already put in his recommendation for his replacement. He agreed to stay on for a few months while she was on maternity leave and be replaced when she returned."
"And even though she was on maternity leave, Olivia just couldn't stay away." Cragen added.
"She came in to consult on a case and the woman went into labor right here. We got her to the hospital and Ruby was born."
"She swore like a sailor the whole way through. Nearly broke my fingers." Cragen joked.
Elliot stared at his old Captain in shock, "You held her hand?"
"Through the whole thing." Fin boasted. Elliot frowned slightly. He knew that Cragen felt differently about Olivia than he did about the rest of his squad but not that differently. He always acted as the boss when Elliot was around but he knew Cragen softened whenever he was alone with Olivia.
"I can't believe you did that." Elliot stated. It was clear he was jealous.
"Of course I did. She was alone. She needed someone." Cragen shot back defensively.
"She's didn't need to be alone." Elliot muttered. Fin and Cragen shot each other glances and Fin frowned.
"Nah man, you don't get to go there. Olivia was messed up when you left. She made the choice to be on her own."
"Where's my choice? What if Ruby is mine? Don't I get a say?" Elliot snapped.
"No you don't." All three men turned to see Olivia standing behind them. There was fire in her eyes and venom in her voice, "Captain Stabler, come with me please." She turned on her heel and Elliot followed quickly, leaving Cragen and Fin to wonder what could happen. They went straight into her office and closed the door. It had changed quite a bit. It was organized, cleaner, and more personal. A photo of her mother and a photo of Ruby sat on the desk. Awards and framed newspaper articles lined the walls. Elliot then caught sight of something that made a small smile creep onto his lips. A photo of their old squad hung behind her. It must have been at a Christmas party because Olivia had tinsel hanging around her neck and Fin wore a green and red foil hat. Cragen, Munch and Elliot all had wrapped presents in their hands. Their arms were slung around each other in a happily messy way and their grins filled the photo. Elliot then looked over to a scowling Olivia and his smile disappeared.
"This is the worst place and time to have this conversation, Elliot." Olivia snapped.
"This seems to be the only time to have this conversation." Elliot defended.
"Elliot, go home. I'll call you later."
"Sure, because I believe that."
"There's no reason to doubt my word."
"Really? 45 unanswered calls isn't reason enough to doubt you?" Elliot referenced his attempts at calling her the night before, in hopes of a talk, "You shutting me out like this is wrong."
"I'm not discussing this with you here."
"You don't get to dictate this. You're shutting me out. You know what hits me the hardest Liv? You keeping Ruby from me."
"What? I'm not keeping Ruby from you!"
"Oh really? Because I didn't get the memo about her existence..."
"You need to leave right now."
"She needs her father."
"I know she needs her father! But I can't trust her father! He's either a nasty drunk or he abandoned me!"
"Do you think I like this situation?" Elliot spat.
"Oh God." Olivia groaned in frustration.
"After all we had going-"
"El, do you remember why we're here? What tiny event led us to this very pleasant moment we're sharing?"
"That has nothing to do with this!"
"Wha- oh, ugh... man! El- What do you want from me?!" Olivia was on the verge of slapping Elliot. Tears burned her eyes.
"I wanna talk!"
"About what?!"
"I don't like how things are."
"But that's how they are."
"I didn't want things to turn out this way."
"But they did turn out this way!"
"But I didn't want that!"
"Elliot- did you leave me?"
"Yes..."
"Did you then sleep with me and then leave me again?"
"Yes…"
"Then we are where we are. Accept it."
"I can't."
"Don't you understand that I can't talk to you? Because it hurts. Talking to you really hurts. Standing here right now is killing me, okay? Don't you understand that?" Tears burned Olivia's skin. She held her hands to her heart and prayed that it would not shatter beacause of Elliot again.
"Elliot- I think you better go now." Olivia and Elliot turned to see their former Captain standing at the entrance of his old office.
"Cragen- please."
"Leave, now." Elliot turned to Olivia who avoided his stare. Elliot stormed out. Olivia turned to Cragen.
"You know you need a mask and a horse when you do that."
So, Im not even lying when I say that it's my birthday tomorrow... so a really awesome birthday gift might be a tiny little review? And for you late readers, don't worry! I accept belated gifts.
ADDED NOTE: Yes! I totally meant to credit Amy Sherman-Pallidino and Dan Pallidino for the Elliot-Olivia fight at the end of this chapter. They're the brilliant and amazing writers for the Gilmore Girls. The argument is in a much different context but some lines have been directly stolen. Sorry I forgot to mention in my posting haste earlier... hopefully Amy and Dan will see this before they fully file their law suit against me.