Hi! I went on a writing spree. That's the reason for my absence. (Just in case you missed me, I'm not assuming that you did ... ) :-)
FANART - YES! (Copy, delete spaces, paste or click on my profile for the links)
From neato123 'The Cave of Sorrows'. Please, look at that coloring! And Sokka's face! Suki is my favorite ...
http : / / neato123 dot deviantart dot com / art / AMoH-The-Cave-of-Sorrows-100293913
From Luna 'Suki found Religion!'. I am not sure if Luna considers this fanart but I love Suki's face on this one too ...
http : / / luna-wannabe dot deviantart dot com / art / AM-Suki-100303324
So, what's the name of El Tuerto-Momo ship? These are the current suggestions: El Moerto (Luna), Momorto and El Tuermo (Loiel). I like all of them!
The Hakoda-Ursa ship? Hakursa? Hakosa? Ursoda? (??)
XXVII. Of Swords and Men
Aang helped her get dressed, thoughtful.
"I need to check something out," he said finally, while walking her to her room. "Try to get some sleep. I'll talk to you later."
He kissed her lightly on the lips after bending fire in her stove and left her there, feeling forlorn. Toph wanted to talk to him about the events of the day, the Agni Kai tomorrow and the sense of dread the Ebi's mind gave her, but his thoughts were someplace else. So she let him go.
She went to her bed with all the intention of sleeping. She had just covered herself with the furs when someone knocked on her door. She cursed under her breath and went to open the door, and felt Suki's presence.
"What's up, Fan-Girl?" Toph asked while walking back to her bed. Suki followed.
"I need some company," the warrior said. Toph felt the sadness in her voice.
"What's going on? Where's Katara?" Toph laid down on her bed and Suki laid down next to her. They covered themselves with the furs.
"She's with Zuko. They needed to do something important."
"Yeah, I can imagine what."
"No, seriously. They needed to meet with someone to discuss something important. Zuko was being intense - as usual, and Katara was, too. You know how she gets, all snappy. She was barking at Sokka like there was no tomorrow."
"She does that when she's nervous." Toph wondered if Aang would talk to Katara about them. If she was in a snappy mood, it could get tricky. Aang always caved in when Katara was in a difficult mood. He didn't with her, though - at least, not lately. "What's up with you? You don't sound too good."
Suki burrowed her face into Toph's shoulder and the earthbender felt poignancy seeping through the fabric of her clothes.
"Is it Sokka again?" Suki nodded. "What did he do now? Is he returning Ty Lee's 'You are so awesome' hints?
"Well yes, but it's not only that." Toph waited for Suki to say more. "He's … he acts like he doesn't even notice if I'm next to him or not anymore. I mean, he always expects me to be next to him, like the second fiddle to any protagonist role he may have going on. He doesn't even ask me any longer if I think any of his ideas are crazy or stupid. I'm there, and that's it. He takes me for granted."
"Do you take him for granted?"
"Of course not. I know he loves me, I know. But I hate that I've become like a piece of furniture for him. Like … like his sword. He expects it to be at hand when he needs it, he unsheathes it when he wants to make a point, and he uses it if he has to. But he doesn't look at his sword anymore, not in any special way. He just takes it for granted. Like me."
"Is he still, you know, wondering?"
"I think so. He's not that obvious about it anymore, but I can tell by the way he starts fixing up his hair when the other Kyoshis are around. And seeing Yue didn't help. He refuses to talk about her, even though I know all there's to know. She told me everything about their relationship that day in the Spirit World."
Toph caressed the warrior's hair.
"Loving without assurances..." Toph said knowingly, "…sucks. Big time."
"I know. There was a time when he used to be after me all the time, chasing me up and down. I never ran too fast, you know that. But now, it seems like I'm the one running after him and sometimes- sometimes… he doesn't let me catch him."
Toph thought about that and felt a pang in her heart. What if that became the case for her and Aang? Sometimes, Twinkle Toes could be a real weasel when sneaking his way out of things he didn't like, or didn't want to do. Real, unspoken pain nestled in her chest thinking about the possibility of her chasing T.T. around and him putting on his slippery act. It felt like the hag had gotten an accomplice in her heart.
"What's the difference between lust and love?" Fan-Girl asked suddenly. Toph jolted in surprise.
"Are you asking me?" she said, but didn't have the energy for the virginal act anymore. Not after the Ebi. "I honestly don't know. It can get really confusing. Lust is so powerful. It renders you senseless to anything else. All I can think of is that we need to trust our feelings, you know? Be loyal to them, don't betray them. And the line between love and lust is usually drawn in there."
"I don't think men can tell the difference as well as we do," Suki concluded, and Toph felt tears make their way through the fabric of her dress.
Toph thought about how long it took Sparky to sort that out. For all she knew, it could have been almost a year - even more, if she counted his and Katara's back and forth before the swamp and the bananas. That made it almost five years for Zuko to understand where lust ended and love started. Aang, however, was on the other side of the spectrum. He was always quick at feeling and expressing love, but now he was beginning to face the confusing assault of lust. And she was somewhere in the middle of this, with her feelings in her hands like a bunch of spring flowers.
"I think Sokka does love you," Toph said instead. As she said it, she realized she meant it. It was her experience with Sokka that though he may be dense at times, he was not a devious person. He was a fairly basic guy, actually. An intelligent and curious man that enjoyed food and detested philosophy, but practiced it without knowing. He was also fiercely loyal, and was probably more confused than anyone else would be at the moment with the lack of certainty he felt now that lust had subsided, and all he had left was love and affection. "Wait, I know that Sokka loves you. He has lost his way because he doesn't understand a couple of basic facts regarding human nature. I can help."
But Suki shook her head in Toph's shoulder.
"No, I don't want to put you in an awkward position. You're already going through so much. That Ebi today trying to eat you because you're a virgin was the creepiest, most disgusting analogy I've seen or heard of." Suki stopped for a moment. "What do you mean by 'basic facts regarding human nature'?"
"Lust always subsides. By definition, passion fades, lust settles. There's no way to sustain the intensity for too long a period of time, but it comes and goes. Right now Sokka's at the low point of his lust, and he's confused because he doesn't know if that means the end. I know how to help him and you."
Suki raised her head from her shoulder,
"Are you going to kiss him?" she asked, expectantly and scared at the same time.
"Why don't you leave the logistics to me," Toph said assuredly. "You promised me you will let me do it on my own terms and my own way." That was what she needed - a project. Something to distract her from the possibility of becoming either Fire Lady or Earth Queen tomorrow, and her disgust at either. Something to take her mind off the fact that Aang was a flyer, and that his nature was air. Detached air.
Suki sat on the bed.
"If we are doing some logistics, I need to fix you up good. Your hair is everywhere, you didn't really brush it today after your bath. Let's go to my room, I'll take care of this."
Suki fixed her good, all right. She wrapped her in some warm but tight outfit she could scarcely breathe in, and even went as far as putting stuff on her face. Toph tried to stop her. The last time she had let someone put stuff on her face, some girls she didn't even know had made fun of her on the street. Just the memory made her feel angry and flush with embarrassment. Suki brushed her concerns off.
"No. My boyfriend, my rules," Suki finalized while brushing her hair. When she was done, she took a step back. "You know, you could really have anyone you want. Don't blush, I'm serious. It's interesting that Kuei - the bastard - can see so clearly, while the rest of those silly guys out there can't. I would have never bet that that guy had good taste." Suki made a 'tsk-tsk' noise. "Those are men for you. Don't know their elbows from you know what."
Toph wasn't sure if Suki was complimenting her, or insulting her own boyfriend. She shrugged. The next step was to find Sokka. Suki assumed that he would be at the hall, drinking some Moonshine Tundra Vodka or whatever it was they were hooked on before dinner. They went looking for him, but they couldn't find him. The Order of the White Lotus, all of whom were happily drinking and toasting Jeong Jeong for bravery, hadn't seen him. Toph and Suki drank a shot in Jeong Jeong's honor, and Toph even gave him a kiss on the cheek as thanks. All the older gentlemen applauded and cheered.
They then tried to ask Gran-Gran, who was in the kitchen ordering some people around, but she hadn't seen him either. Toph thanked Gran-Gran for the hair pin that had saved her life.
"How did you know that I wouldn't be able to bend?" She asked.
"I didn't. But I did not make it from the North Pole to the South Pole at sixteen, in the middle of a war, without friends and without money for naught. Luck favors the prepared. I learned at your age that you always need a Plan B." Toph hugged the lady. Gran-Gran was everything she wanted to be at her age. Minus the chauvinistic husband, of course.
They then looked in the bakery, the stables - where they found Momo hugging his bird, his shop in the outer village … but nothing. Suki scratched her head.
"Maybe he's with Chief Hakoda," she said, "or with Zuko and Katara." Toph nodded.
"Let's split. You go and look for him at Zuko's or Katara's, and I'll look for Chief Hakoda." Toph had the impression that she may be able to find Chief Hakoda paying a social visit to the Lady Ursa, but didn't want to highlight that fact to Suki. The warrior assented and went towards Katara's room.
Toph was walking to Lady Ursa's chambers when she heard voices.
"Don't look so guilty, cutie. A kiss never killed anyone." 'Famous last words', Toph thought. "Besides, I haven't even started teaching you the Kyoshi Code. You should know, Suki is the first one to understand the importance of the Kyoshi Code."
"I just didn't know that the Code involved me, too. Suki never mentioned it. Is it hot in here? I can't breathe."
Toph stood in front of the closet door and knocked vigorously. She heard Sokka's cursing in alarm and then:
"Yes?"
"Open the door, Sokka, I know you're in there!" Sokka opened the door carefully.
"Yes?" he repeated and she felt how, while his head was the only thing peeking out of the closet right now, his shame was flooding the corridor.
"Sokka, I'm blind. I cannot see if you are in a big or a small room. I also cannot see if you are alone or with someone else because I'm on ice. So, step out of there and escort me somewhere. I need to talk to you." Sokka stepped out. He started babbling something about the huge room he was just in, but Toph shut him up. "Pipe it! Not interested. Take me somewhere private where we can talk."
Sokka seemed surprised, and for the first time he also seemed to be taking her in.
"You look really good… I mean, pretty. Really pretty. Are you going somewhere?"
She decided to be honest with him.
"No. I got this make up to talk to you. Thought that it would make the conversation I'm about to have with you easier."
She heard him scratch something. Probably his chin.
"Okay, I can see that. I think. Hey, I know just the place for a conversation." He stopped. "Shouldn't we get something to drink first?" He sounded like he needed a drink. "Maybe some Moonshine Tundra Vodka? Gran-Gran just distilled a batch in her own bathtub and she says it's her best yet." Toph could picture the vodka sloshing in the same tub where Master Pakku took his baths and cut his toenails. She may be a fearsome warrior but she was also human.
"No thanks. I'd rather drink fire wine."
"I have a bottle that Zuko gave me as a gift. I can go get it."
"You do that, I'll wait for you here." She heard Sokka running away, waited a minute and then knocked on the closet door again.
"Yes?"
"You can come out now, Ty Lee. Sokka is gone." The warrior stepped out of the closet.
"Are you telling Suki?" she asked directly. Ty Lee might be a bimbo, but she wasn't stupid.
"No, I'm not. On the condition that you tell me the truth. And remember, I can tell if you're lying." Actually, on ice it was really hard for her, but Ty Lee wasn't aware of that. "You and Sokka, have you guys done anything that would make Suki really, and I mean really, upset?"
Ty Lee didn't hesitate.
"Not really," she said. "He didn't seem comfortable. One kiss. A short one."
"No frolicking?"
"Absolutely not!" Toph nodded. Good. Not everything was lost yet.
"I won't tell Suki if you promise me that, first, you're immediately stopping this closet business with Sokka, and second, you won't develop a conscience in the future and confess the kiss to Suki. Leave Sokka alone. Why don't you try Chin? I hear that he can be rather appealing and believe me, you're totally his type."
"Oh, I know Chin pretty well. He's a cutie too! And good. We all think so. He's so good, he's the only one we all keep coming back to." Toph thought that it was a good moment to end the conversation.
"Okay! Ty Lee, I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. I shouldn't be the one telling you this, as there's such thing as common sense, but I will: Your boss's boyfriend is off limits. Let the word slip out there that I'll personally take down any Kyoshi Warrior that doesn't get that basic survival fact. Sokka equals pain. Lots of it. Let that be known, okay?"
Ty Lee sounded scared. Toph's toughness was legendary.
"Sir, yes, sir!" The warrior said saluting. "No frolicking, cavorting or kicking up heels with Sokka. It shall be known."
"And NO KISSING. Good. You can go now." Ty Lee practically ran away. Five minutes later, Sokka showed up.
"I have the fire wine," he said, full of pride. Toph wondered what happened with the old Sokka, the charming fifteen-year-old that would get all worked up if someone besides Suki showed him any interest. After talking to Ty Lee and consoling Suki, she was getting really worked up herself and not in a good way.
"Okay. Let's go some place private."
Sokka grabbed her elbow and guided her somewhere else. She had no idea where they ended up, but he seated her on a cushion and took a neighboring one for himself. Sokka served two cups of fire wine.
"So, what do you want to talk about?" he said, his voice low. Toph raised an eyebrow. No, no, it couldn't be. Sokka and the husky thing did not belong together in the same physical space. Scratch that. In the same universe, except if Suki was at the other end of it.
"That thing you're trying to do with your voice, cut it out. Right now. Before I smash this cup of fire wine on your head," she threatened. He recoiled, embarrassed. She could feel his blood rushing to his face, in shame.
"All right." He adopted his normal voice. "So, tell me, what do you want to talk about?"
"How long have you been feeling confused about your relationship with Suki?"
"Who said anything…?"
"Please, spare me."
He took a minute before answering.
"Everyone seems to think that it's just a matter of days now before we announce to the world we are getting married. I mean, no one is even considering the possibility that there may be more … out there."
"More what?"
"I don't know, stuff. More of something."
"More women?"
"I didn't say that!" He stopped. "It's just like the rest of my life has been laid up in front of me and I know exactly how this scroll is going to end. No surprises left in this story. Some people really like that idea. Me? I don't know. Maybe I like to be surprised once in a while."
"Be careful what you wish for. The Gods like to punish mortals by granting them their desires."
"Well, I thought that you were just that."
"I beg you pardon?"
He seemed uncomfortable.
"That you were a desire granted by the Gods. You know, when you showed up here at the South Pole so pretty, so grown up, so sure of yourself."
Toph shook her head. Suki had been right all along. Sokka was wondering. Badly.
"I'm not the issue here, Sokka. You are. And whatever you're doing to your relationship with Suki."
She felt him shrinking on his seat. Like a prune.
"I'm not doing anything to my relationship with Suki."
"Kissing Ty Lee doesn't sound like nothing."
He choked on wine and guilt.
"Who said anything …?"
"Again, spare me." She sighed. "Sokka, what are you doing? Seriously. Can't you see what's in front you?"
Sokka shifted on his place.
"I see what's in front of me. I mean. It's like going to a tea shop. You order Jasmine, and then realize that there's also Ginger, and Ginseng and Rosehips. How do you know that Jasmine is as good as it gets?"
Toph remembered what Suki had said about being on a diet and looking at the dessert table.
"You can look at the menu, Sokka, that's normal. What is not normal is drinking all the teas to find out which one you really like. You get sick that way. The scumbag way."
She felt him lowering his head in his hands.
"When I was a kid I made a list of all the things I wanted to do before settling down. I wanted to kick some Fire Nation butt, I wanted to rebuild my tribe, to avenge my mother, to see the world. Some of the things I wanted to do, I've done. Some I haven't. And now it's like the time for adventures has passed and I'm scheduled to settle down. What if in a couple of years I want to break free? How do you break free?"
"I have the impression that you're looking at this the wrong way."
"You still wear the bracelet I gave you," he said suddenly, changing the topic. "We used to be together all the time, remember? I used to carry you all over, and you were my partner in crime while raiding Katara's grocery bag." He was getting wistful again. Like that day in the Spirit World, when he saw Yue. "We used to laugh together all the time, and you always made me feel good about myself, even though you were insulting me most of the time." He put his hand on top of hers and squeezed. "I've missed your company. We were free together."
Toph nodded and bit her lip. This was the Sokka she remembered. The Sokka she used to crush so hard after. The Sokka of her dreams until that day when she woke up as head of the Dai Li in Ba Sing Se and decided to let him go from the romantic side of her heart and walk into the friendly side of it. And precisely because he was in the 'friend' side of her heart she realized that she needed to act. Sokka was beyond rational words right now. Action was required.
"I've missed our crazy adventures," he was saying. She felt a twinge of vanity that came upon her sometimes.
"So, do you really think that I've grown up? That I look nice?"
"I do, Toph, I honestly think you do. Really nice." He paused. "What was it that you wanted to tell me? I think I know."
"Do you? Really?" She made a gesture with her index finger, a becoming gesture, prompting him to get close to her. "Come closer, Sokka. Closer. So I can tell you a secret." His face was so close to hers that she felt his breath almost on her lips. She smiled seductively and when he was about to kiss her, she punched him in the top of his head with her closed fist and all her might. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" she yelled.
"OUCH!! That hurt!"
"Don't 'ouch' me! What were you thinking? Suki is the best thing that ever happened to you!"
He kept rubbing the top of his head.
"You don't need to be so forceful about it! I know!"
"No, you don't! You have no idea about anything! So, what was it that you thought I wanted to tell you, ah? How much I've loved you since I was kid?" She felt his embarrassment, and knew that she had nailed it. She tried not to laugh, so she covered her mouth with her hand in mock horror. "You must be joking, Sokka."
"I … I'm sorry! I thought that after the Ebi today you would be all frustrated with your … whatever!"
OK, that was unexpected.
"You thought I was frustrated with what?" Toph opened her mouth, flabbergasted. "Oh, wait, no, no, don't tell me … my virginity? Is that what you're trying to say? Oh, by the Spirits! Were you hoping that I would ask you the favor?" She shook her head and almost punched him again. "Sokka, you're hopeless."
"I'm sorry, okay? I don't know where my head's been lately! Sometimes I'm really happy with everything and ready to settle down, and sometimes I just want to run away because I'm afraid I'll suffocate."
"Sokka, believe me, I've been there. I'm the Queen of Running Away Before I Suffocate. You are looking at this the wrong way. You're confusing your doubts about yourself with Suki. You think that because you feel that you haven't finished living your adventures that means there's something wrong with your stable relationship. Darn, man, you're confusing steady with predictable."
Sokka was confused.
"What?"
"Sokka, I know a secret that I'm going to share with you. The love that robs you of your freedom is the same love that liberates you." She realized a second into the phrase that she was talking about her breeze-man, and she felt something flutter inside her. "I mean, Suki has never been the one that stifles you. You're the one choking yourself in your head and thinking that your relationship has something to do with it. You have this checklist in your head and somehow you have decided that you need to check all the boxes by yourself, when you can do it with her next to you."
"So you're saying that this I'm feeling is just in my head?"
"In your head, yes, not in your heart. You love Suki. But you're taking her for granted. And that's pretty stupid because believe me, you will be hard pressed to find someone like Suki. You're assuming that what you have with her is something you can easily get with someone else. And that's not the case."
"What did you mean again by the bit about the love that liberates you?" He was still trying to understand what she had said before. She felt herself blushing.
"I meant that when you are prisoner of a love that makes you free like nothing else ever did, that's a good love and you shouldn't lose it." Damn. That poetry thing, that was contagious. She sighed. Next thing, she would be listening to gentle air currents singing to her or something. "You're very lucky, Sokka, and you don't even know it."
Something in her voice made him react. She felt him deflating, unwrapping within himself, and hugging his knees.
"Suki is the best thing that ever happened to me," he said softly. "She's always up for any project I may come up with, she's strong, noble and funny. I'm never afraid that she won't be able to face with me anything that comes our way." Sokka hesitated and then added. "Yue was so different than Suki. She was… delicate. You know how beautiful she was, I mean, is. Like an immortal. And I'm not saying that she wasn't brave. Yue was willing to do the ultimate sacrifice. But I always felt that I needed to protect her. She just seemed to need … protection. To be cherished, like a doll. Suki is not like that. She can protect me! She doesn't need me the same way."
"She needs you in every possible way," Toph affirmed.
She heard him nod. He was obviously grappling with his feelings - and his guilt.
"I know. And I need her. I - she - we are so well suited as a couple."
And Toph knew by the way he muttered Suki's name again that he was really recognizing that his girlfriend was the best. But, Toph thought, that didn't mean that he should get an easy reprieve and not be made aware of the errors of his ways. So she added casually.
"Suki is also very beautiful. And just so you know, you and I are not the only ones that think so."
He suddenly sounded wary.
"What do you mean?"
"I heard Sparky and Twinkle Toes the other day talking about how good looking she is. And how sexy the fans are." Well, maybe she was laying it a bit thick but Sokka totally deserved it.
"What? What are you saying? Is Zuko after Suki?"
"Of course not! Where do you come up with such a crazy idea? But you know how it is when we are all practicing martial arts. Anyway, he's single - well, sort of, Sunshine doesn't really count - so it's okay if he says things like that. I'm sure he didn't mean any disrespect or anything. Suki was practicing with her fans after all. The thing about Sparky is that he comes with perks."
"What do you mean perks?" Sokka's voice was distrustful.
"Well, let me see: he has a palace, an entire nation that follows him and treats him like a God, big feet that throw fire … Hmm, ah! He also knows how to handle a sword. TWO of them to be precise. How many swords do you have, Sokka? One? Well, those sound like good perks, wouldn't you say?"
"No, I wouldn't."
"That's because you're not a girl. Katara, the Kyoshis and Suki totally agree with me about the perks. Anyway, we all have eyes. I mean, not me. I'm blind. But you know that!"
Sokka's voice sounded dark.
"You all have eyes? What's that supposed to mean? Are you guys checking Zuko out? Is Suki checking Zuko out?"
"Well, wouldn't you if your boyfriend was having commitment issues? Sparky is tall. Is he taller than you? I forgot, I saw you in the Spirit World. He totally is. And rich. Richer than … let me think … ah, yes, you. And educated. And he chews with his mouth closed."
All of the above fell like rocks on his head.
"Stupid sexy Zuko!" Sokka was fuming. "What's with the guy that all women go gaga about? He has a scar and he's a sourpuss!"
"It's the mystery factor. We women look at him and all we can think is how puzzling and tortured he looks. Then we let our imagination fly. Most of the time, we just want to save him." She carefully left out the fact that his own sister was so down the Zuko path that no pair of ruby red shoes could bring her back home.
"Women are so messed up," Sokka mumbled.
"You have no idea," Toph sighed. "All right, let's move on here. So, are you going to keep with this commitment issue? Or should I let Suki know what you just tried to do to me, what you were doing in that closet and then tell her that Zuko is practicing firebending, right now?"
"Firebending?"
"Yes. With the firebending movements. The thing with the feet. The sweat. Maybe … no shirt?"
"Forget it, woman!" Sokka yelled, unsheathing his sword. "You just bought your friend a very angry and committed boyfriend!"
"Yeah, you go and do that." She patted his hand. "And try to get Zuko to teach you some mystery while you are at it."
Toph was walking back to her room when she heard them.
"Pay up!"
"No way! You knew that she wouldn't do that to her friend!"
"So? That was the entire purpose of the bet, you silly. Would she or wouldn't she? Anyway, you're the Goddess of Adultery. This is supposed to be your specialty, so quit it with the excuses. PAY UP!"
"That warrior, he was all for it. If it had been me instead of your Chosen One, that would have been a done deal. I'm paying, okay? Paying right now! When are you picking up smoking again?"
Toph smiled to herself before stopping at Suki's door. She knocked. Suki opened the door.
"Done, Fan-Girl. Problem solved. With No Kissing. By the way, Sokka's going to be driving you crazy every time you mention the word Zuko, but that's a-okay. Make sure that you mention that Zuko has two swords at least twice daily for a week. After that, you can let that one go and just talk about Zuko's palace or mention his firebending without a shirt in passing when you notice Sokka getting distracted again. That should keep him on his toes for a while."
Suki hugged her.
"Thank you, Toph! Now that I think about it, Zuko does have two swords. Long, curvy ones. Interesting ones."
"That's the spirit!" Suki tried to high five her but failed miserably because Toph was blind. She hugged her again instead. "See you later, Fan-Girl. Ah! And tonight, call Sokka Zuko by mistake at least once. Don't make it too obvious. Maybe when he's kissing you or something. Yep. I think that should do it." Suki kissed her forehead and let her go.
When Toph got to her room, Aang was there waiting for her. She felt him sitting on her bed, tapping the floor with his staff. She felt emotion emanating from him almost like a scent. She was so happy to feel him there that she ran to embrace him. He, however, did not embrace her back. He pushed her away, actually pushed her.
"What were you doing with Sokka?" Aang asked bluntly. He sounded livid.
"I was helping Suki with something." Toph answered, her smile fading. She didn't like him pushing her away and realized a bit too late that she had misread his emotions.
"So, it's OK if the girlfriend says yes?" He stood up, and she heard him throwing the staff on her bed.
"What are you talking about?" She asked, taking one step back. "I don't think I like what you're implying."
"I'm not implying. I saw you."
"You saw me? You saw me do what?"
"I saw you walking with Sokka into a dark room. His room." Well, she thought, there you have it. Main problem with being blind, you never know when the rooms you are walking into are dark. "I saw you guys getting very close. He was holding a bottle of fire wine and grabbing your arm."
"Wait. Did you stay to watch?"
"I didn't have to. It was obvious!" He was raising his voice, and she definitively did not like that. She crossed her arms but refused to step back further.
"If you did not stay to watch, how do you know that I did what you are implying?" she asked calmly, willing to give him a chance.
"I'm not going to stay and watch you earn the title of ultimate tramp. I know that you always liked Sokka! I also know that he has been looking around lately!" His voice was bitter. "So what? Time to teach him what you learned with me?"
She was agape.
"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" She asked, and yes, she was deeply hurt.
"What else do you expect me to think? You're all made up, you even put on make-up!"
She stomped her feet in anger and nothing happened. No earth-induced concussion on the cretin monk.
"Get out," she said, furious. "Get out, right now."
He grabbed her arm and pulled her to his chest, grabbing her neck with his other hand, and kissing her fiercely. She put her hands on his chest and pushed him back with all her strength, making him tumble and almost fall on the top of the bed.
"NO!" she exclaimed. "You don't get to call me names and pretend it's foreplay! You don't get to insult me and then kiss me! GET OUT!"
Aang rose from his prone position and tried to adjust his robes.
"I'm not getting out, you owe me an explanation," he ventured, but she could feel that under the anger there was something else. Regret. She, on the other hand, was not in a charitable mood anymore.
"I don't owe you anything," she bit back. "You, on the other hand, owe several explanations. Remember your fiancée? Have you explained things to her? Starting with me and ending with your future festivals!"
He turned towards the bed and picked up his staff.
"I …" he started, and did not continue. He breathed deeply, and tried to speak again. "I've … tried. It's so … difficult. I mean, we don't even know what's going to happen. It's very confusing." She felt the blood rushing to her face and her heart leaping, in a bad way. With dread. After everything, after all that had happened between them, he was still confused.
"I tried to talk to Katara today," Aang said, sitting on her bed, his staff on his knees. "She was crying. She was so sad … and I couldn't bring myself to tell her anything. She doesn't deserve this. I … I consoled her and promised her to take her away when all of this is over."
Toph heard more than what he said. Toph heard the unspoken affirmation: 'We don't know what may happen, except that you'll be either Earth Queen or Fire Lady.' And she hated him for that.
"You're taking her away when this is over. I see."
"We have been together a long time." His voice was full of pain instead of anger now, apologetic. "She has been my friend, our friend, through thick and thin. How am I going to do this to her? It's not honorable."
'She is going to do it to you,' the hag in her head told him. Toph shook her head, trying to blink away the tears that were coming. 'Don't worry,' the hag told her nonchalantly. 'When she dumps him like the hot disgusting turnip that he is, you can always be his consolation prize.' She kicked the hag out of her head because this was not the moment to be insulted, because she was hurting and because she was no one's consolation prize. If the monk wouldn't choose her openly, then she didn't want him. That simple. She refused to be his "better than nothing." And she definitively refused to be there waiting for him after her friend broke his heart.
Toph could feel his shame now. Recoiling like a serpent. Filing the room. She raised her chin, swallowed her tears and absolutely refused to let him get away with it. She walked to the door and opened it, her face a mask.
"Go. Now," she said frostily. "Un-confuse yourself on your own bed and with your own fiancée. I'm done with you."
He stayed in the room, obviously not wanting to leave.
"What do you want from me, ah? To throw the last five years out of a window? It's not honorable!"
"I want you to have the guts to make a tough decision. Here or there. You can't be in two places at the same time. It's not honorable."
"You don't know how it feels! Do you want me to break Katara's heart when she's down? I thought she was your friend too, but you don't care about hurting her!"
She opened her mouth in shock. So she was the bad one, now? She was the one hurting innocent people?
"Don't you dare making me the evil one here because you're cheating spineless twerp," she said, her voice like glass, just one step from shattering. "And for your information, I know perfectly well how it feels. It feels like defeat. Out. Now." Dammed it if she was about to let the monk see her cry. She still had her pride. Actually, it was the only thing left to her at the moment.
"How can you be so cold about this?" he asked angrily.
"I'm cold? You? Accusing me of being cold? You have nerve, monk. We both knew from the start when coming into this that only my heart was at risk." She breathed deeply. Control, she prayed to Fate for Control. Not crying in front of him. Not now. "Leave now Aang, before I start screaming until I get everyone in the South Pole, right now, in this room."
She knew that he knew her voice and that this was not an idle threat. He walked to the door and stayed in the frame wanting to say something else but she pushed him out with a shove and slammed the door at his back. She then leaned against the door and left herself slide to the floor with a thud.
"Hear that?" she asked the hag, who for once was not mocking her. "It's the sound of my heart breaking."
She could hear him on the other side of the door.
"Toph," he called softly.
"Go away."
"Toph." He bumped his forehead against the door. "I am sorry. I'm so sorry. I was angry. I was … jealous. I didn't want to insult you."
"Go away. Insulting me because you're jealous does not count as romance in my books."
"What else can I do to apologize? To show you that I'm sorry?"
"You can go. That will really show remorse."
"Toph, please."
"Don't please me." She leaned her head against the door. It was easier to say what she was about to say if he was on the other side and she couldn't feel his vibrations clearly. For once, let's bless the ice. She knew this was coming anyway. She knew it the day she decided to cross all the lines of self protection and love him without guarantees. That was the way to a miserable broken heart. That's what had happened to La, and for the first time in the entire ordeal she felt some pity for the Fish. Just some, because no amount of pain justifies taking revenge on blind earthbenders. "It's not about the insults or the fact that you're sorely mistaken about Sokka."
"What is it about, then?"
"Us. You still think that you can get away with what you're doing. That you can have me and Katara. Good luck with that."
"You told me yourself that there were no strings attached!"
"For you. I meant not strings attached for you. I didn't mean myself. Anyway, you proved me right. So, I'm taking myself out of your story."
"I don't want you out of my story."
"It's not your choice. It's mine. Just because you don't see me bleeding, doesn't mean I'm not hurt. But for you, the only heart worth not wounding is Katara's. You don't even have the guts to fight for me. So go away. I'm not going to be your secret anymore. I had enough being my parents' secret."
"Don't say that. Don't ever compare me to your parents."
"Really? Like you're not acting like them? Go away. I don't do subtle and I don't do half ways. Detach yourself, Aang, you're good at it."
"Toph, don't send me away. Just because I don't enjoy hurting someone else…"
"Don't even try it. Don't pin on me Katara's suffering." 'If any,' the hag said. "And I can't send you away. You were never here to begin with. But I was. The difference between us, is that I can distinguish between love and lust." She thought she heard a weird noise. She wondered if he was crying. She wasn't. Too focused in pulling all her energy to keep herself from cracking on the outside. She thought about saying things like "It's okay, we'll still be friends," but she knew that those were crappy lies. And anyway, it was not her job to console him, and she didn't want friendship. But she also knew by looking at Sad Gods and Sad Mortals that your heart does not stop beating just because it's broken. "I'll survive you, Aang," she told him, standing up before stepping away from the door. "I will."
"I don't want you to ..." She heard him say, but this time she did not answer. She went to her bed and put her pillow over her head.
"Fate, Tlatli, Hag," she called. All the squatters in her head were needed right now. "Sing to me."
"I don't know any lullabies," she heard Fate say.
"It's not the music she cares about," Tlatli answered. "She just want to drown his voice."
Fate and Tlatli sang a forgotten song, sheltering her from the world and the noise of the monk banging on her door.