Chapter 4

This is Bella's POV after she leaves
Sorry I took so long with this chapter
The song for this chapter is Same Mistake by James Blunt
BTW don't you think that this song suits Chuck Bass from Gossip Girls so much with the whole drama about Blair?

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)

As I walked away from Edward I marveled at how much fun I had just had and congratulated myself on my brave act of kissing him, hopefully he can tell I'm interested and will ask me out tomorrow! What I should wear tomorrow? Will he kiss me?

I was suddenly startled by my thoughts, how stupid they were, how irrelevant. For a moment I had forgotten I was dead.

I started freaking out, who was this boy to make me forget something like that? When I had gotten up to leave Edward I had wanted to stay, I didn't want to check in on my family. What did that mean? I love my family more than anything and I wanted to stay with Edward. Did that mean I loved him? But how could I, I'd just met him. What was wrong with me?

I could feel the tears starting to slide down my cheeks and I broke out into a flat out sprint towards the lake. I reached it in no time at all- one of the greatest things about heaven, wish fulfillment- and knelt down beside the still water. I gazed into it and wished to see my mom.

If you watched people on Earth you could choose how to do it, some people had a special TV channel or something like that but I personally choose to see through this lake, it was kind of like a video was being projected onto the water.

I lent closer to the water and watched my mom make a cup of coffee. She picked up her mug and made her way back to the lounge room, brushing past the mantle on her way, past one of her many photos of me that adorned the house. She stopped and looked at the photo, running her finger down the frame, ancient grief overtaking her expression.

I broke down and the tears poured down on my face, creating ripples in the water.

"Oh mom, I'm so selfish. I'm thinking about some boy, and what I'll wear and you're miserable!" I burst into a fresh flood of guilt-induced tears and buried my face in my hands. I was shaking at this point and the only thing that made me attempt to compose myself was the fact that I needed to be with my mom. I pulled myself up and took shaky breaths. I leaned over the lake and returned to watching Renee.

By this time she was crying as well and it was killing me not to be able to comfort her. Renee's sobs became audible and I heard the familiar sigh of Phil's chair as he went over to her, he stood beside her, one hand around her shoulders.

"Renee, honey, its been three years, you need to accept that Bella's dead." He said softly.

"I can't, I can't." cried mom, shaking her head fervently. Phil took her into his chest and rubbed her back,

"Shh, shh, would Bella want you to cry over her?"

"NO, NO, I DON'T" I shouted, though I knew they couldn't hear me.

Renee whispered "no" and tried to calm herself down.

"Its okay, Bella's in a happier place" Phil reassured her.

Happier Place my ass

"She was just so young, she never even got to have a boyfriend." Wailed Renee.

"I know honey, I know"

At that I pulled myself away from the images projected onto the water, It was too much to take in, the confusion, the guilt the…happiness, that all of today's events had inspired. I walked back to my cottage and climbed into bed, in Heaven you didn't need to sleep but tonight I'd be grateful for the oblivion. Before I slept I thought back on Renee's conversation with Phil.

Renee had wished I could have had a boyfriend. I wonder what she'd think of Edward? I guess it'll be a while before I ever find out. But what I did know was that the only thing that consoled Renee was the assumption that I was happier now, Surely she wouldn't begrudge me if I was to spend more time with Edward, surely she would want me to be happy, to have as normal a life as being dead would allow.

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