Chapter 6
This is Bella's POV
Disclaimer: I don't own twilight (weeps) or Edward (sobs)
"Hey Bella, will you go out with me?" he asked as I hurried to the lake.
I didn't know what to say, of course I wanted to say yes, so badly, but I needed to say no.
Edward had been alone for so long and the first chance he has to date someone and have some fun, and he picks me! A small part of me is flattered; of the hundreds of girls he must have met he picks me, but mainly I felt awful. I knew that I was bad for him, I was still bitter about my death, and very attached to Earth.
Today when I was talking to him about my life it made me realize just how broken I was, I couldn't even talk about it without the hole in my heart that had been there since I died aching. There is always a part of me wondering what everyone on Earth was doing now, what I would be doing if I was still alive
Alice and Rose accused me of being addicted to watching my family and they were right. Sometimes when I was with Edward I would forget all that, but not for long, that burning masochistic desire to watch even though I couldn't interact, was still there, and probably always would be.
It was in no way fair for me to allow myself to be with Edward no matter how much I wanted to, I would always put him second, never give all of myself to him, I would always be broken. Edward deserved better, he deserved to be first, to have fun.
But Oh God, how I wanted to be whole, to be better, to have him. The selfish part of me was screaming SAY YES, SAY YES, YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS, SAY YES. But there was a bigger part of me that knew I could never really be happy if I was making Edward miss out on what he deserved.
I opened my mouth to refuse his request, but couldn't find the words.
"Edward…I…I…I just…just" I bit my lip, still searching my mind for something to say, I couldn't just say no, I had to explain, "I want to say yes…I just don't think I'd be very much fun to date"
Edward's jaw drops and he runs over to where I'm standing, "Bella, that's ridiculous, I have more fun with you than I've ever had with anyone before. " he says. I crumple to the floor, tears now rolling down my cheeks. Edward sits besides me, one arm around my shoulders, the other gently wiping my tears away.
"Edward, you don't understand, I'm broken, completely screwed up" he opens his mouth to protest but I cut him off, "I'm still attached to Earth, still bitter about my death…" this time Edward cuts me off,
"Bella, none of that matters to me, I want you, and nothing you say can change that."
"But Edward, you deserve better, you deserve someone who's normal, someone perfect."
Edward rocks me back and forth slowly, rubbing relaxing circles on my back, "Bella, you are perfect, perfect for me. You just need help coming to terms with your death." I knew he was right- well about the last part anyway- but I shook my head stubbornly. Edward sighed, "you're so stubborn" I cracked a smile in spite of myself and watched his eyes light up in response.
Then, without warning he took my face in his hands and bent his head down, "you're perfect" he said before gently pressing his lips against mine. Well that was it, I couldn't think anymore, all I could feel was his warm and firm lips against mine. Edward pulled away, "I want you" he said leaning in again, I knew now was the time to protest but what the hell, I wanted to feel him again, feel the real version of heaven again. Our lips moved slowly together, I felt as though I was soaring, I could hardly feel the ache in my chest that had been my constant companion for the last three years.
When we finally broke apart we just sat there grinning for a while. But slowly I could feel reality creeping up on me, could feel that ache in my chest again, and could remember all my reasons for needing to reject Edward. "Edward…" Edward saw what I was about to do and cut me off for the second time today,
"Bella, remember when you shot me?"
"Yes" I answered confused, it was after all a very off topic question.
"Remember how you still owe me"
"Um, yes"
"Well, I've decided that you have to date me." He stated. I had already been struggling with my resolve and that was the final straw, if he was that desperate I really had no other choice.
"Fine" I sighed as though I wasn't ecstatic to be dating him.
Edward chortled, "Please, as if you're not totally euphoric to be dating me" he said with a smirk.
"You wish" I replied, ignoring the fact that he was right.
"Mmm" he said, before catching my lips in another kiss.
So they finally got together, well actually it was only 2 days, but it felt like longer to me. Hope it lived up to your expectations.
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