Chapter 13

Disclaimer: yes I love Twilight, no I don't own it or the characters, I do however own the idea of killing them all and sending them to heaven :D
Just a warning, there's a bit of swearing in this chapter
(oh and by the way Bella is back at her cottage, but Alice is staying with her for a while)

"Bella, honey, its time to get out of bed."

"Go away Alice."

"Bella, you've hardly gotten up in two weeks."

I jumped out of bed, "Fine Alice, fine, are you happy now." As I stood before her I could tell she was horrified by what ever she could see.

"Bella, have you eaten at all?"

"I haven't been hungry."

"You're starving yourself."

"No I haven't, I just haven't been hungry." I defended myself.

"You haven't been anything Bella; you just lie there feeling sorry for yourself." Alice didn't even sound mad, just upset. I couldn't stand the pity on her face.

"I'm going for a walk." I announced. Alice nodded her head as if satisfied,

"Okay, when you get back, Jasper might be here, he's coming over." I nodded, not really caring.

I swept out of my cottage, and headed to the lake, cursing the horrible weather. Normally I could control the weather, but my horrible mood, had rendered it constantly rainy, as dismal as Forks had been when I was alive.

I knelt at the river bank, and my moms face came up. She was reading a book, curled up on the couch, Phil's arm around her. She looked so happy; happier than me.

I wondered why I even bothered to watch her; she was mostly the picture of happiness, and when she wasn't it just made me depressed, I couldn't do anything about it. And to think that she was the reason Edward wasn't with me right now, because I couldn't not watch her, couldn't not over-react when ever I thought about her. I started to cry, my tears making ripples in Renee's smiling image.

This was the reason I was so miserable, so alone, why I've cried every day for the last two weeks, why I haven't eaten, why I sometimes wish it was possible to die in heaven.

"You spoiled everything. I spoiled everything. Everything is ruined, mom." I yelled at her, the tears poured relentlessly now.

"Fuck mom, I loved him, I love him."

It was too much, this revelation, and I splashed the image away, and was left only with a reflection of my self. I recoiled, my face was red and puffy, and I looked sick, I was shaking; my now too-thin body racked with sobs. "Oh my god, what have I done, I love him."

I swiped my hand across my face, and tried to collect myself, I wished that I looked the same way I did before Edward, before he left. Instantly I was rewarded by a much better reflection; outwardly at least I was back, although I was still crying. And then I paused, I wanted to go to Edward's but how could I? I loved him. I had said such horrible things to him, how could he want me back. I was pathetic.

And so I went home.

It was quiet, and considering Alice was always loud, this was unusual. I listened intently

"Alice, I'm home."

There were some muffled noises, and Alice came out into the small hallway, she seemed startled, "Bella, you look…better."

I shook my head, "I'm not better."

"what do you mean?"

"I'm in love with him Alice. He's all I want, all I need. He's perfect Alice, completely perfect and I don't want a life without him."

"I know honey, I've known longer than you have."

"I've fucked up Alice, completely fucked up, but I need him back." Alice nodded,

"Go tell him Bella."

Oh I know, I'm so cruel. My exams start this week so I might not be updating for a while, but please review.

Heaps of you guys have alerted this story, and I would love it if you could review as well. It doesn't have to be long, we can even have codes; G means good, and B means bad if you can't be bothered to write out a long review. Oh and by the way, anonymous reviews are more than welcome.

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