AN: In vino veritas—In wine, truth. Because Jonny was never going to express his feelings sober.

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Jonathan had never seen the appeal of drinking.

No doubt that was due in part to having an alcoholic mother—though she hadn't been much better sober—but beyond that, the idea of drinking yourself sick didn't sound like a good time to him. It had always been his view that if you needed intoxication to enjoy yourself, you were doing something wrong. Slightly hypocritical, maybe, given that his idea of a good time was watching others suffer intoxication, but intoxication from weaponized hallucinogens, not alcohol. He avoided drinking, usually, partly because alcoholism was genetic, and partly because the idea seemed so basic, so primal that he'd never been able to see the appeal.

One glass of whiskey later, however, he'd figured it out. Drinking was fun.

"This is great," he said, for the fifth time—or maybe sixth, he wasn't sure— regarding the empty glass. Had he known drinking was like this, he'd have taken it up long ago. There was so much clarity, and so little inhibition. Everything made sense, suddenly, and he had no issue saying exactly what was on his mind. And he wasn't even drunk.

At least, he didn't think so. The Joker's constant laughter following everything he said would seem to imply otherwise, but what did the clown know? So his words were a little slurred, so what? That didn't make him drunk.

"Really great," he repeated, staring at the glass. He'd never before noticed the fascinating way light reflected off glass before, but now that he had, he couldn't believe he'd never noticed. It was like a kaleidoscope, only not. Things even looked better when he was drinking. Alcohol was the best thing ever to happen to humanity, no doubt about that.

"So you've said." The Joker had the camera pointed at him. He'd turned it on about twenty minutes ago, when Jonathan had felt suddenly compelled to give his views on the state of the government. He wasn't sure why that was film worthy, exactly, but he hadn't questioned it. "And speaking of things, uh, previously mentioned, what was it ya said before, Jonny? That no one could get drunk off one glass?"

"Yep." He could tell from Joker's tone what he was implying, but the insinuation that he was intoxicated didn't bother him. It was wrong, yes, but it didn't seem worth the effort to get annoyed about it. Even the Joker was pleasant when he was drinking. He'd have to start doing this more often. "I'm not drunk."

"Kitten, you're so drunk I doubt you could stand up without assistance."

"Could so," he said, then realized how childish that sounded, and giggled.

The Joker smirked, watching his companion through the camera's display screen. "Well?"

"I don't wanna right now."

"Oh. Of course."

He tried narrowing his eyes, then realized that would take effort and quit. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"That you're drunk, Jonny." Grinning, he shook his head. "Seriously, I think I had better tolerance when I was twelve than you've got now."

"Oh, shut up," he said amicably, wondering why he'd never realized that Joker was actually quite funny. "Can I have another drink?"

"No. Another would probably kill you."

He crossed his arms, scowling. "I'm not drunk, Mr. Fun…Taking Away…Guy." Well, that hadn't been nearly as biting as he'd hoped. Ah, c'est la vie.

"Okay, so you've got a sense of humor after all. It just sucks. Good to know." Off his friend's less than happy look, he added, "Look, if you can make it into the kitchen and get yourself another glass, I won't stop you. Of course, that's not gonna happen, because you're totally drunk."

"Is that a challenge?"

"Absolutely."

"Fine." Jonathan stood, slowly—not because he was lacking in balance, he told himself, but because he wanted to take his time. The Joker would be eating his words soon enough; there was no need to rush things.

Three steps later, Jonathan was suddenly aware that his feet were no longer on the ground and the carpet was rushing up to meet him. A second before he could hit the floor, he felt a hand on his wrist, pulling him back onto the couch. Joker, still filming, met his gaze. "Told you so."

"That was just a false start," he protested, trying to stand again, only for the clown's grip to tighten.

"It's the only start you get. You're way too out of it to try again."

"Am not," he protested, trying to push the Joker's hand off. It was about as effective as trying to move a mountain.

"Are so."

"Am not."

"Are so. Look, scaredy cat, you're so drunk that I'm the more responsible one here. Do you realize how intoxicated that must make you?"

Jonathan paused to think up a clever retort, and found himself staring at his companion. Joker had always been attractive, but the effects of alcohol made him even more so, somehow. That, or he was the same as always and Jonathan just wasn't inhibited about thinking so, he wasn't sure. Either way, he looked good. Really good.

Not that made Jonathan any less annoyed. The Joker may be pretty, but that didn't make him any less irritating, sexy lipstick or not. "You're no fun."

"I'm no fun? This coming from the guy with a stick perpetually up his ass?" He shook his head. "I can't tell if I like you drunk, or if it's just scary."

"Oh, who cares what you think?" Jonathan asked, free hand reaching out to the Joker's own glass, not yet empty, only to be swatted away. "What's so great about you, anyway? I mean, you're hot, but that doesn't make you any less of a dick."

There was a pause in which the Joker stared at him, eyes widened, before bursting into hysterical laughter. He was actually wiping tears from his eyes when he finally straightened up, almost ten minutes later. "Wait, lemme be sure I get this on tape. I'm what now?"

"Hot." What was so funny about that? He was. "Like, really hot. Like, if Robert Redford and Clark Gable somehow combined their attractiveness into human form hot. Only you don't look like either of them. But you're still attractive."

He'd never seen the Joker look dumbfounded before. It was cute. "Well," he said, after a moment. "Wow. Thanks, Jonny."

"You're still a dick, though. Just 'cause you're hot, it doesn't mean you're nice."

"I'm sure it doesn't." The Joker looked less stunned now, and had gone back to smirking. "you know what, kitten? I like it when you're drunk. I could get used to this."

"Can I have another drink then?" he asked eagerly, straightening up.

"No. I like you coherently drunk. Not asphyxiating on your own puke drunk."

"Jerk."

"You'll thank me in the morning." He paused, looking back down at the camera. "Well, maybe you won't. Not when you see this, anyway."

"You're a jerk. And you're manipulative. And rude. And unhygienic. And mean." As he wasn't afraid to say such things currently, Jonathan thought it best to get it all out in the open. "And you're a pervert."

"Maybe I don't prefer you drunk, after all. I am not."

"Are so. Not to mention a liar 'bout it."

"I don't lie."

"Yeah, you do. With all your "sexually repressed" talk," Here he did quotation marks with his hands, "and all your sad little attempts at justification when you come onto me. Know what? I don't think you really have a philosophical agenda, or psychological one, or whatever, when you make me kiss you. I think you just wanna get fucked."

To emphasize the point, he moved himself onto the Joker's lap, amused to see the clown go rigid for a moment, in surprise. Knew it. QED, bitch.

"Okay, you're definitely gonna kill me when you watch this sober."

"See, now you're changing the subject, 'cause you know I'm right."

"You're one to talk." It was really infuriating, how the Joker could still act so calmly with a pretty, intoxicated villain on his lap. Lesser psychopaths would have been all over such an opportunity. The Joker, of course, was above such things. That was probably part of what made him so appealing.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're going on about repressing how you really feel, but last I checked, you've been walking around acting like none of the kissing affected you. And before you try and say it didn't, you're almost black out drunk now, but you're still nowhere near as flushed as you were when I made you kiss back. So now who's the liar?"

"Fine, so I liked it. Loved it, actually. It was great. 'Fly me to the moon and let me sing among the stars' great. Is that what you wanna hear? There's no point in expressing it, because the whole thing's a joke to you anyway."

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it too." He moved his gaze from the display screen to Jonathan's eyes. "I mean it when I say you're too serious, Jonny. you need to live a little."

"What, like this?" Before the clown could react, before Jonathan even knew what he was doing, actually, he'd leaned forward, pushing the camera to one side and kissing the Joker. He'd always thought the saying about seeing fireworks when you kissed was completely idiotic, but seeing them now, perhaps he was wrong.

The moment was ruined about thirty seconds later, when Joker pushed him off. Not forcefully, but he still used his free hand to hold him back when Jonathan tried leaning forward again. "Hey. No. Bad Jonny."

"You're the one who wanted me to kiss you to begin with!" he protested, wiping the clown's lipstick off his mouth.

"Yes, I was. I still do. However, you're gonna remember this tomorrow and start screaming about sexual assault and being manipulated, honey. And that wouldn't be any fun for either of us. Save it for when you're sober, okay?"

"I won't wanna do it then." He tried leaning in once more, still to no avail. "I wanna kiss you now."

"Yeah, well, I wanna kiss you too, but I'm trying to be a gentleman here." Joker pulled back, holding the camera between them as a line of defense. "And you're making that really hard for me, Jonny. I don't wanna take advantage."

"I want you to take advantage."

"No, you just think you do." He closed the camera and stood, pulling Jonathan up with him. "I think what you really want is to go to bed. C'mon." He began walking, half-dragging his companion.

"I'm not sleepy."

"Not now, maybe, but give it five seconds." When it became apparent that Jonathan had all the coordination of a rock right now, around three feet from the couch, Joker sighed, picking him up. "God, I can just picture the hangover you're gonna have tomorrow."

"I'm not drunk."

"If you're sober, then I'm God."

"Our father who art in heaven," Jonathan muttered, right before Joker put him down on the bed.

"Okay, I'm leaving the room so you won't feel the need to throw yourself on me again, okay? Don't try to get up, you'll just hurt yourself."

"'Kay." Maybe he was tired after all. That, or the blankets were just very comfortable. Probably both.

"Call me if you're gonna be sick or something, okay? Your friends will kill me if I let you choke on vomit or anything."

"Uh-huh."

The lights switched off. "G'night, Jonny."

"Night, Jesus," he said, watching the Joker's progress down the hall. He supposed it was nice of the clown, watching out for him like this. Even if he was being mean and holding out on the kissing. He rested his head against the pillows, stared up at the ceiling, and was out almost at once.