AN: In regards to Jonathan's lack of experience sexually, I don't see that as naivety or innocence on his part, so much as lack of interest. Also, canonically, the man doesn't have much success in relationships so I don't think he dates very often at all, leading to even fewer opportunities to try things.

As for the weird little 'sexy time now' scene, as I've dubbed it, the point in this chapter was to highlight the difference between Jonathan and the Joker's views of a relationship. I see Joker as being all about instant gratification, be it physical, emotional, or whatever, whereas Jonathan is more about mutual happiness and being connected above all else.

Thanks for the reviews!

Two days went by, though for once time didn't seem to drag on indefinitely. Rather, it flew, most of it spent with the Joker, and most of the time with the Joker spent kissing. He wasn't sure how he'd gone from despising all physical contact to making out for extended periods, but it was pleasant enough he wasn't going to question things. The only annoying thing about it—besides the gingivitis—was the lipstick and makeup that came off on Jonathan's face and hands each time they kissed, but he was going to have to deal with it. The one time he'd asked that they try things without the paint, the Joker had responded that he'd go without it when Scarecrow took on Batman without the mask. When Jonathan pointed out that he had taken on Batman maskless, six months ago, he was told that didn't count.

It absolutely did, but it wasn't worth going into. Besides, the lipstick wasn't that bad. At least it didn't have a bitter taste, unlike the white paint, as he'd found out when he'd kissed the Joker's scars. Really, it was more out of curiosity than annoyance that he'd have liked the makeup gone. He'd seen him without it on, obviously—it wasn't as if he was allowed to wear it in Arkham—but he'd never looked all that closely at his face. He'd avoided doing so, actually. People didn't just sit there and stare at the Joker, at least not unless they had a death wish.

Anyway, just because they seemed to have reached a not trying to kill or torture each other truce didn't mean it was time to start testing limits. This was the Joker, after all. Even when he was being nice—or his version of nice, which was considerably different from a normal person's—he was still wild and unpredictable. Like yesterday, when for no adequately explained reason he had felt it necessary to bite Jonathan's neck hard enough to break blood vessels under the skin as they had been kissing. All right, so that was something that normal couples did as well, but that didn't make it any less perplexing.

Beside him on the bed, the Joker sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Morning."

"Afternoon," he corrected, setting down the book he'd been reading.

"Whatever. How do you feel?"

"Not like death, actually. I think the toxin's out of my system."

"Awesome." Joker straightened up, looking far more awake now. "You know what that means?"

"Laughing gas?"

"Besides that," he said, with a wave of his hand.

"Oh." Jonathan thought it over, drawing a blank. "Then I have no idea."

"It means we can play together without getting you hurt."

He raised a brow. "Is 'play together' a euphemism for intercourse?"

The grin on Joker's face told him all he needed to know.

"No, thank you."

"Aw, c'mon. I've got bubble bath."

Jonathan blinked. "The hell?" He wasn't sure if the Joker made such random statements because he was insane, or only to keep everyone else off balance, but it was terribly confusing either way.

"Bubble bath. Because it's romantic and fun."

"I don't take baths."

He pouted. "Why not?"

"Because I don't like water." He didn't want to think about combining water and the Joker. Nice as he'd been recently, it didn't make the idea any less horrific. And with his luck, the clown was probably into erotic asphyxiation and would end up holding him under.

"You take showers."

"That's different."

"How so?"

He didn't respond. Relationships should be trusting, true, but he'd be damned if he was going to give the Joker any more weaknesses to exploit. God knows he knew enough already.

Joker poked him in the ribs, still frowning a little. "Are you sure this isn't just an intimacy issue?"

"I'm sure."

"Do you not like sex or something?"

He shrugged. "I don't care either way."

Head tilted, he ran his tongue over his lips, considering. "I understand not actively seeking it out, I guess, but you like the feeling, don't you?"

Lovely. If there was one place he'd been hoping their conversations wouldn't go, it would be his sexual history. "No idea," he said, with another shrug.

"Whaddya mean, 'no idea'? What, you couldn't tell if it felt good or not when…" He trailed off and straightened up, comprehension dawning on his face. "Wait, you mean you haven't—"

"I've gotten as far as humanly possible without actually trying it," he muttered, face reddening. Oh, he would never hear the end of this.

"So, you're still—God, no wonder you're so miserable all the time. That's it, I can't stand for this. Something's gotta be done." He had that determined look on his face that Jonathan had learned to be wary of.

"Exactly what are you planning—" And then he was lying down on the bed, the Joker above him, hands on the zipper of his jeans. "Hey! No. Bad touch." Jonathan pushed him off, pulling his legs together. "What are you doing?"

"Helping you out, what does it look like? Christ, you're how old and you've never gotten laid?"

"Absolutely not. I am not doing this now." If ever.

"Why not?" The Joker looked completely lost, for once. Jonathan supposed someone so ruled by impulse would have a hard time comprehending someone with no desire to give into that impulse.

He did not respond with the first and utterly ridiculous thought that popped into his head: I want the first time to be special. It was idiotic; it sounded like something a teenage girl would say. So he went with the second thought. "I don't know that I want to, all right? Get off."

"I think you're insane." Joker shook his head, otherwise unmoving.

"Maybe so. But what are you going to do, rape me?" The instant the words left his mouth he regretted it. Great, give him ideas. There's a plan.

He looked amused. Jonathan couldn't tell if that was a good sign or a bad one. "You think I'd do that?"

"No. Rapists are motivated by feelings of inadequacy, and you are nothing if not self-confident. Look, you're cutting off the circulation to my legs. Get up."'

He did, albeit with a pause just long enough for Jonathan to really get nervous. "Fine. I still say you don't know what you're missing out on."

Jonathan shrugged, considering it to be safer than answering. He was sure the Joker wouldn't take advantage of him—well, ninety-nine percent sure, which was really the most one could be with the Joker anyway—but he didn't like the idea of giving him a new threat to use in intimidation. "Possibly. I'm going to work on the laughing gas now."

"Well, if you change your mind…" He stretched out on the bed, looking like a Playboy centerfold gone horribly wrong. "I'll be in here."

"I'll keep that in mind."

The rest of the day was spent experimenting, excluding a two hour break in which the Joker had again made the mistake of asking Jonathan what he was working on, and was only able to shut him up an hour and a half later by kissing him into silence.

Things had been pretty much normal—or, as normal as life could be for two fugitive lovers—until Jonathan awoke in the night to find himself alone in the bed.

That in itself wasn't remarkable; Joker often ended up sleeping somewhere else, but they'd been together when they'd gone to sleep, and the Joker had fallen asleep first. Jonathan had never seen him get up under those circumstances before. Vaguely worried, he got up, telling himself he was being ridiculous but unable to shake the worry that something was wrong. Upon searching the apartment and finding it empty, he resorted to pacing back and forth, biting his nails for a few minutes, before he recalled the Joker's stargazing hobby and decided, on impulse, to check the roof.

He found the Joker standing there, apparently unbothered by the cold night air, though his coat probably helped with that. It was dark and windy and showing all signs of potential rain, but if that affected the clown, he didn't show it. Jonathan glanced up at the sky as he made his way across the roof; as far as he could see, no stars were visible, between the city lights and the clouds.

Come to think of it, the Joker didn't even seem to be looking at the sky. Rather, his eyes were scanning the rooftops, from Jonathan's guess.

"So," he said quietly. His companion didn't move in response, still watching. "Stargazing means Bat searching, I take it?"

"I don't get it." Jonathan had never heard the Joker's voice sound so flat before. It was unnerving. "We haven't moved. I haven't even been that careful to conceal our location. Why hasn't he found us?"

He found it even more unnerving that his friend seemed to want to be caught, but decided not to depress him further by mentioning this. "Maybe he doesn't know all the details of your escape. I mean, now that's he made himself public enemy number one—Well, not number one," he added quickly, remembering how fiercely Joker defended his status. "But still up there. I mean, Gordon can't just give him police records like he used to. And if he doesn't know all the details, it might be harder for him."

"That shouldn't matter." Joker scowled, kicking absentmindedly at stray bits of crumbled brick littered around their feet. "He's my antithesis. He should have devoted all his time to hunting me down, and records or not, he'd have done it by now."

The way Joker talked about the Batman almost hurt, in a way. Jonathan was beginning to feel like the other woman in one seriously depraved romance. "Well, we haven't really done anything. I mean, beyond those guards you killed when we broke out. Maybe he's going after the mob, or those actually committing—"

"He didn't come after me and Harley, either, when we were out last. Not for two months after the night he caught you. And we weren't dormant then. Not at all." He was still watching the rooftops, his expression a mixture of longing and sadness.

"I know." He remembered the news reports; Joker's men causing mass panic and death throughout the city, Joker and Harley themselves committing murder after murder in increasingly bizarre ways, the most memorable being a victim whose organs were removed. The corpse had been stuffed with playing cards before it was sewn shut again.

"I'm the most dangerous criminal this city's ever known. Why doesn't he care?"

I'm sure he does. Maybe you should stop your henchmen from making messes he has to deal with before he can find you, if you want to see him so badly. Not that he was going to say that out loud, of course. It wouldn't do any good at all. He held in a sigh, watching the Joker with a mix of pity and concern. "Let's make him care, then."

Joker turned to regard him for the first time. "What?"

"I should have the toxin by the end of the week, if I put enough effort into it. Let's go out and test it as much as possible. Not necessarily a lot of people at once, but get the word out. Let the Batman know that you're at it again and the only way they can even hope to stop you is if he tracks you down. And while you're at it, make him jealous. Show him what he's missing."

"Missing?" the Joker repeated. His expression was more blank than somber now, which Jonathan took as a good sign.

He illustrated his meaning by grabbing hold of the clown's lapels and pulling him into a kiss.

"Ah." The Joker's eyes were sparkling when they pulled back for air. "And how do you suggest I show him that, Jonny?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. We can take out a billboard if that's what it takes."

The Joker laughed. It was a raspy, terrible sound as usual, but it was oddly comforting, given how unlike himself he'd been a moment ago. "God, kitten, what would I do without you?"

"Have a partner that actually likes sex?" he offered, feeling water hit his shoulder the moment he'd finished speaking. Within a moment, it was raining around them, not yet hard but the potential to become so. "We should go in."

"No, wait." Joker took hold of his hand, keeping him there. "I like rain."

"We're going to get pneumonia," Jonathan protested.

"You really do not like water, huh? Well then, consider this my way of returning the favor."

"Returning the favor for what, and how?" Jonathan pulled off his glasses, sliding them into his pocket. They'd already fogged up and were absolutely useless.

"For giving me an idea of how to attract the Batman's attention. And I'm gonna repay you by helping you appreciate this lovely act of nature."

Oh, this couldn't be good. "And you're doing that how, exactly?"

"We're gonna stay out here until you start to enjoy yourself."

Christ. How was it that even when he was being nice, he was an absolute sadist?