They arrive at the SGC before Teal'c. Daniel goes straight to his quarters, avoiding as many people as possible. He wonders how long he'll stay here; on base. He can't go home. Not yet. Maybe not ever. The thought that his house lay un-touched since Sam and him were last there, makes him never want to go back. He doesn't want to remove the slightest trace of her. Maybe he could live off-world. Maybe that was the solution. He thinks fondly of Abydos, but that's gone now too. He is pulled from his morbid thoughts, by an efficient tap on the door.

"Come in." he replies not even bothering to turn round from his un-packing.

"Sir, General O'Neill requests your presence in the control room, Teal'c is back." Daniel nods that he has understood "Oh and Sir.." Daniel begrudgingly turns to face the officer. "The general told me to give this to you." He holds out the envelope that Major Lorne had tried to give him the day before. Daniel turns away again, the officer looks puzzled but places the envelope on the table nearest the door. "The General said to tell you that he was worried that you might have forgotten about it. He thinks that you should read it sir." The officer seems to need some sign from Daniel that he has understood, for he does not leave.

"Yes, thank you." He replies pointedly. The SF quickly nods his head and leaves. "Jack O'Neill You are a persistent git, Daniel grumbles to the empty room as he grabs the offending letter. He knows Jack won't let this drop, as he rips the envelopewith more anger than necessary. He doesn't want to read it, but he's tired and can no longer fight the inevitable. Teal'c would just have to wait.

Two things drop out of the envelope; a letter and a photograph. He barely takes any notice of the letter. It's what he's been dreading, but he doesn't give it a second look as he stares at the photo. It makes his heart soar, and burn at the same time. It's a copy of a advanced baby scan. Daniel doesn't know how long he stares at it. However long; it will never be enough. He's sat down at the bottom of the bed, but he doesn't know how he got there. The first tears that he has been able to shed blur his already poor vision. He sees the letter on the floor, where he must have dropped in his shock. He picks it up with shaking hands, laying the photo carefully on the bed, as if it was alive; if only.

Daniel.

We would have had a girl. we had always wanted to have a family. We never will now. I found out by accident. Dr Keller has been giving everyone nearly daily check-ups, what with Hoffman virus, and Michael's ability to turn humans into his hybrids. The scanners are so advanced she was even able to determine the gender, and I'm only three weeks gone. Apparently I'm due on the 26th of may, but I don't think we'll get there. I am so sorry Daniel. I should tell you in person. I should come back, let you look after me, wait for the birth of our child. But I can't. It's too late. I'm needed here. I can't let the IOA take over. They're facing extinction Daniel. A whole galaxy is going to die. And Richard Woolsey would let it. I can't turn my back. I just can't. And I know it's awful, but I think I have to put myself and my baby's life on the line to save all theirs. Michael is our fault anyway. I've sworn Keller to secrecy, she won't tell another living soul. I just can't leave without trying to help. You never know, I may be back. You might not even have to read this. No, I don't believe it either.

I love you Dr Daniel Jackson. I always have. Long before I could tell you. I wish I had sooner. We could have had many more years together. Maybe even a family. But I wouldn't change anything for a second. I will always love you Daniel. I am so so sorry. You do not deserve what I have done to you. You are the last person in the entire galaxy that I would ever want to hurt, yet you are the one I have the most. I will understand if you hate me. I will understand if you don't want to grieve for the woman who killed your baby. I sometimes wonder if I've turned into some kind of monster? I saw how Teyla was willing to change her entire life for her the life growing inside of her; yet I cannot even come home. Maybe I am too selfish to be a mother. I will always look out for you Daniel, I'll never be far away, because I gave my heart to you years ago. Please keep the picture safe, I don't want you to ever forget our baby. Our little Mai Jackson.

I love you Daniel, with all my heart.

Sam

.XxX.

There is nothing he can do. He is unable to act. Sam saw to that. She has taken away all his choices. He has never felt more helpless. He doesn't hate Sam. In some strange way he understands; they always knew what their jobs meant. Jobs; the word doesn't seem appropriate, not anymore.

"We will always have to make sacrifices Daniel." He hears her voice, even now. Sam had said that a lot. After a particularly difficult mission. Or the time they had to miss their anniversary, because of another emergency. They had always done what they had to, for the greater good. But Daniel finds it difficult to see how there can be any 'good' when the love of his life and his little baby are dead.

"Daniel." He doesn't look up. He daren't let his eyes wonder from the page. He doesn't want this to be a dream; he doesn't want to be losing it. "Come on Daniel. You know this isn't your descent into madness." Her voice so calm, more at peace then he had heard it before. Daniel slowly looks up, wondering what will be in front of him. She's no different to what he had seen, touched; over a month ago. Sam's hair; tied into a loose plait, a few loose strands, not long enough to put behind her ears, have fallen into her eyes. Without saying a word. Daniel rises from the bed; letting the letter fall as he stands in front of Sam, brushing the stray hairs from her face, his eyes never blinking. Sam doesn't say a word, her face barely registering his touch, yet her eyes begin to sparkle with newly formed tears. "Daniel." she coos; her head slightly moving into his hand, as it slowly cups her face.

"Do you forgive me?" He stops. His hand frozen on her face

"there's nothing to forgive" His Thumb, rough from years working on digs, strokes her cheek. "It's good to see you." She smiles at that, her body seeming to emit a glow of it's own. Daniel finds himself, looking her over head to toe. His eyes staring at her anew, making sure that he burns to memory, every aspect, blemish and scar, as if she's been carried here on the wind, and may depart at any moment. He doesn't know what to say. He hasn't been with her for so long, it's as if he's forgotten how to talk to her. He moves his hand from her face to her hand which he realises is shaking. "I didn't think ascended beings got nervous." He breathes edging ever closer into Sam.

"What makes you think I'm one of them?" She smiles coyly, as Daniel gives her a piercing stare. "Okay, well I guess you've got some past experience."

Questions bubble in his head. The anthropologist in him wants to know how. What with Omar gone, and the reported quickness of her death. But all this is pushed aside.

"Will you stay?" Daniel finds himself unable to hold her eyes, his vision dropping to their entwined hands, now both slightly shaking, the grip now stronger, though who was holding on tighter, is anyone's guess.

"For a bit." He feels her eyes seeking out his.

"Won't you stay. Change back for me?" He can hear the self-pity dripping from his voice, and he hates himself for it. He looks up repentantly, seeing the hurt in her eyes. "I'm.. I'm. I just never imagined doing this without you. I don't know if I can."

"You were doing just fine when I was in Atlantis Daniel. You don't need me. You never did." Daniel can't believe that she could think that. He's spent the majority of his time off-world unable to be in a place where Sam should be.

"I DO." It's louder than he had intended. His quiet tones forgotten. Daniel didn't mean to shout but he needs to make her understand. Her voice when she speaks, is barely more than a whisper, her words not able to be voiced louder.

"Don't you think I need you too? I felt lost In Atlantis, second guessing every decision, wanting to go back, to the SGC, to you. I slept in your shirts, just to feel close to you. But this is different. It's more important than us." Daniel wants to scream once more. The darkness coming. Threatening to take her from him.

"We have spent so many years; putting everything before you and me. Before us. But I can't loose you."

"It's our daughter." She breathes. Without missing a beat he relinquishes all resistance. Reeling from it. He feels his head nodding, the darkness dissipating.

"Okay. Do what you have to. For her."

"she was barely a she when it happened. A mix of X-X chromosomes, half of you. Half of me. Barely a baby at all." Daniel picks up the scan from the bed, handing Sam the picture, as he rakes his hand through his uncombed hair.

"She's perfect. Worth everything." He looks at her, the love of his life. " I'd do anything for her. But don't ask me to say goodbye to you."

Sam strokes the paper, her small smile again prevalent, unwilling to answer Daniel's plea.

"Daniel, Your right. She's everything. I never thought I could feel that way. It's strange. When your with her, it's like you can feel her, all around, a mixture of emotions and feelings, particles in the air. It's all she is at the moment." Daniel unconsciously brings Sam into his arms, kissing her forehead, knowing he'll never want to let her go. As they both look down at the photograph.

Her stillness in his arms is disconcerting. He's not even sure if she's breathing. Not that she needs to now. It's just another thing that takes her away from him. How could he compete?

"I want to keep you." He speaks into her hair. Not really addressing her. He's not being fair. She could have left him in the dark. He would never have known that he had a child. His baby girl.