Author's note: It's been so long since I updated this, I think I should give a few reminders. This is about a series of court ordered psychological evaluations of the Titans. As part of the negotiation about what the record of those evaluations would be, Robin had the City's representatives agree that no names would be used in the transcripts of the sessions with the court appointed psychiatrist, David Silberman, none, not even that of the Titan speaking in that particular session. So, each Titan is identified as Subject #-. Robin=Subject #1, Cyborg=Subject #2, Beast Boy=Subject #3, Raven=Subject #4, Starfire=Subject #5, Kid Flash=Subject #6, Jinx=Subject #7.
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9 May 2008
(My upcoming session with (subject #5) had been on my mind all morning. How, exactly, do you evaluate the psychology of a girl literally from another planet. That's the story about her. First seen nearly four years ago in Jump City. She caused significant damage in one district of the city but was officially pardoned as she was supposedly being transported as a slave by another group of aliens, the Gordanians. Some elements of the press have tried to debunk the official story about her and claim that she's a girl from earth, not some other planet. But they run into an obstacle in trying to explain her incredible powers.
I was still trying to decide what the right questions were to ask someone from another planet when the boat launch arrived at the dock and ferried me across the bay to Titans Tower. I marched up the stone steps to the glass front door and pressed the buzzer. After just a moment, (Subject #6) and (Subject #1) came around the corner, joking under their breath to each other. It was startling to me to see (Subject #1) smiling like that after all my encounters with the Titans' invariably somber leader. (Subject #1) then told (Subject #6) that he'd take care of things and waved for me to follow him. I tried to match his brisk stride and barely got into the elevator before the doors closed. (Subject #1) didn't look at me or even say a word as we rode up in the elevator to the 6th floor. Once there, he ushered me into the room where I'd been having sessions with the Titans and muttered "Keep in mind how limited your understanding of her is," before closing the door behind me. I think I sighed in frustration. There was such a skeptical attitude toward me from these teens. Was it just this incident with the little girl and (Subject #2) that had them feeling this way or did they have other grievances against the way the City had treated them?
My speculation only lasted a minute and then (Subject #5) walked in the room. Her appearance is unique. She has an exotic sort of beauty with golden skin, purplish red hair, large green eyes and the slender figure of a model. Her outfit featured a skimpy top with an odd neck to it and a short skirt. According to information supplied by S.T.A.R. Labs, she stands 6 feet tall and weighs 135 pounds. She is cheerful.
She sat down opposite me and stared at me with a look of uncertainty then started speaking before the tape was running.
I turned on the recorder.
#5: -to shrink my head?
DS: No, that's not what I (sighs) This session takes place at . . 1:45 P.M. on May 5 2008 with Dr. David Silberman and . . . . . . . . . . . . . with Dr. David Silberman and . . . . . . . . . . . . um, you're supposed to say your name now.
#5: Oh, I am (Subject #5)!
DS: Thank you.
#5: You are most welcome friend shrink.
DS: Um, well, shrink is somewhat of a pejorative term, slang at best.
#5: What is this pejorative?
DS: It means that it's a term with mostly negative meanings.
#5: But it is what friend (Subject #7) and friend (Subject #6) called you. And they are very fair. He is very nice, not surprising given that he has orange hair, haha! But she is also nice once you get past her velsorg.
DS: Her . . velsorg?
#5: It is a Tamaranian word meaning, hmm, let's see, the false bravado of the toughness.
DS: You speak english well, for someone from another planet. Other people from earth at least have common speech patterns and languages developed in nearby countries often have roots of words in common but you had nothing to help you.
#5: That is true. So I kissed friend (Subject #1).
DS: You what?
#5: It is how we Tamaranians absorb language when we meet people from other worlds, by the tactile connection.
DS: So, you just kissed (Subject #1) and you were able to understand english?
#5: Yes, that is true. It helped that he was so cute, hehehe!
DS: You've been here on earth for how long?
#5: For 4 of your planet's revolutions around its sun!
DS: 4 years.
#5: Yes. That is what I said.
DS: And how have you found Earth?
#5: Oh, it is very easy. You have a medium sized yellow sun not many light years past those two red suns over there at the edge of the galaxy. Once you pass Saturn, you-
DS: No, I-I mean, how have you liked living here on Earth.
#5: Oh! I have liked Earth very much. Most of the people are very friendly and my teammates are wonderful friends and excellent warriors.
DS: Would you like to talk about that?
#5: No.
DS: No? Really? Why not?
#5: Well, I would like to do the word associations. Friend (Subject #7) said that we might do that. And I wanted to do well at this, so I was practicing this morning. For instance, you might say "wertgrops" and, of course, I would immediately respond "feldstang". That is how it is done, yes?
DS: Um, I think so.
#5: Then you will do the associations of the words with me?
DS: Perhaps.
#5: Maybe!
DS: No.
#5: Yes!
DS: Stop!
#5: Go!
DS: Please!
#5: Pretty!
DS: (Subject #5)!
#5: Blackfire!
DS: Wait! Wait! Wait!
#5: Haha. I win, do I not? I win! You had to resort to using a word more than once.
DS: Um, that's, uh, that's right. You uh you win the word associations game. I didn't even know a patient could 'win' the game, before this. I didn't even think it was a contest but you won.
#5: Haha. That is funny friend Silberman. I like funny people. They are well regarded in many galaxies. You remind me of a man.
DS: What man?
#5: The man with the power
DS: What power?
#5: The power of the hoodoo.
DS: Hoodoo?
#5: You do.
DS: Do what?
#5: Remind me of a man!
DS: What man?
#5: The man with the power.
DS: What power?
#5: The power of the hoodoo.
DS: What-? No! Wait! Wait. We're . . we're going around in circles now.
#5: Haha! But it is most fun isn't it? Hoodoo is the comedy for which Rigell7 is famous. You would be very good on Rigell7!
DS: I would, you think?
#5: Oh yes. A zingmorp, a fulfor and a grathmy walk into a bar. The grathmy says to the bartender-
DS: With-with all due respect, I don't think I'll get the joke. I-
#5: but you have not even heard the joke. The grathmy says to the bartender, boy I could use a-
DS: Look, please, I"m sorry to interrupt. I-I apologize but I don't know what those words mean. Besides, which, we're getting a little far off topic.
#5: Oh, but everyone likes the good joke. In the Teen Titans, we fight the criminals and the villains and train quite hard but there is still much time to fill and everyone likes to make the jokes back and forth. Sometimes we make very funy jokes about each other, especially about friend (Subject #1). Everyone likes to make fun of the person commanding them. Some of the jokes about him are quite funny.
DS: Such as?
#5: Well . . . friend (Subject #6) once said that a lump of coal up his butt would come out a diamond.
DS: Ha ha. (Subject #1) doesn't mind (Subject #6) making fun of him like that?
#5: Not friend (Subject #6). He is his crengriff.
DS: I don't know what that means. Tell me what that means.
#5: Hmm. A crengriff, in earth words-
DS: In english-
#5: Yes, in english. A crengriff, in english, is the one person with whom a very stern person relaxes. Friend (Subject #6) is (Subject #1)'s crengriff. Sometimes I think he is a wonderful influence on our leader. But other times I am not so sure.
DS: Why is that?
#5: On Tamaran, we have a saying that a falzinth's crengriff may make a falzinth a molloprawn or more threndrak. So true, yes?
DS: (Sighs) I . . . again. I'm sorry, but again, you're-you're using words that you must realize I have no idea what they mean.
#5: Hmm. A person speaking the english might say that a stern leader's sole friend may lead him away from sternness or he may make it easier for him to be stern with everyone else. Do you think that is the case friend Silberman?
DS: Perhaps. Some people only have so much openness in them.
#5: Sometimes I think that is what happens in our team. The (Subject #6) is friendly with (Subject #1) and his friendliness allows friend (Subject #1) to be completely dedicated at all other times.
DS: You sound ambivalent about that.
#5: What is the ambivalent?
DS: It means that you feel two different emotions at the same time. In this case, happy for (Subject #1) that he has such a good friendship with (Subject #6) but perhaps sad that it makes him comfortable enough to not feel he has to open up more.
#5: Oh. You mean Pantharg. Yes, I am pantharg about this. Though it is natural. I knew immediately that they would be good friends though my teammates could not see it. And friend (Subject #6) does have orange hair, after all. Hehe. Though I do not mean to say that he and friend (Subject #1) are . . . not that there would be the anything wrong with that.
DS: Um, okay.
#5: (Subject #6) is not that sort of orange hair. (Titans East member) is that sort of slutty boy. Haha! Every pole and every hole, as friend (Subject #2) says about him.
DS: Um, back up a second please . . . . . . . No! No! Leave your chair wear it is. I-"
#5: Friend Silberman, please be more precise in what you say.
DS: I-I meant, go back in your words. Is there something about orange hair that means something on your planet, Tamaran.
#5: Yes. It means a grolt zark and great dorneff. Mmm, hmm. Yes!
DS: (Sighs) You . . you did it again. How-how am I supposed to know what that means?
#5: Oh, I am sorry friend Silberman. I forgot that you are so much more ignorant than I am. On Tamaran, it is known that having orange hair means that a young man has an exceptionally large penis and along with being good company in every circumstance, is extremely good at using his penis to bring others pleasure.
DS: um . . .
#5: Though, the (Subject #6) is most in love with the (Subject #7) and does not use his zark to give (Subject #1) or any other boy pleasure. But, as I said, (Titans East member) on the other hand, is quite the slutty boy, haha, who will bring dorneff to most anyone. Each time I meet him I see the emotional imprints of many others on him.
DS: The emotional imprints?
#5: Yes. We Tamaranians are very much centered around our emotions and are very perceptive of them and significant emotions felt by others. Many Tamaranians can tell just from looking at a person when the last time was that that person, um, let's see, the earth phrase would be, um, yes, made love, the last time that person made love and who it was with.
DS: Really? You're not serious?
#5: Yes.
DS: What about me?
#5: Hmm. Well, let's see. Hmm. It was . . not recently. It was . . . it was with . . . your wife and . . . it was . . . twen-ty . . no, twenty . . . six earth days ago. That is right, yes?
DS: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . um . . . enough about me. Let's-
#5: Oh, I am sorry. You are the embarassed. I did not mean to create that.
DS: No, I'm fine.
#5: I am sorry. On Tamaran we are much more relaxed about the sex than people are here on earth. Friend (Titans East member) being a slutty boy who uses his zark with both the boys and the girls would not be considered a bad thing on Tamaran, especially because he makes both the boys and the girls very happy. He would be most quite highly esteemed on Tamaran, to be a hero and warrior and one bringing so much pleasure to so many. So very many. Very . . very many.
DS: Um, well, we, um, we really should focus on you.
#5: Alright. Well, I had much of the sex with (Subject #1), perhaps 40 times, yes, and it was quite good. I have not had the sex with friend (Subject #6) though I would be open to it. He has the orange hair and is a most friendly person with the very prominent buttocks. Yes. Very prominent. But he has never asked, though, as friend (Subject #7) and he enjoy each other's bodies as much as is possible. (Titans East member) is cute, though his buttocks are not as prominent as (Subject #6)'s and he is emotionally unsettled.
DS: No, I-I didn't mean to just talk about you sexually. Are-are you happy with your life in the Teen Titans? You said that Tamaranians are very emotional. Does that cause you any problems with the group?
#5: Well, it did not help the relationship with the (Subject #1) and the (Subject #4) is always making the wisecracks under her breath but I cannot change how I am and I must do my best to be a good comrade. My powers are emotionally based. The only way for me to fly or to throw starbolts is to trigger my powers with the emotions. I cannot be like (subject #4) and have my powers work and I must have them work. Because it is the most important thing to be a good teammate, a good comrade.
DS: Is that how people feel on Tamaran?
#5: Oh yes. We are a warrior people. And being the good comrade to your fellow warriors is one of the most important things in life. It is one of the reasons I like being a Titan perhaps even more than being on Tamaran.
DS: Why is that?
#5: Because on Tamaran, I am a princess. I do not have many . . . what is the earth word? Peers?
DS: Yes.
#5: Only my sister Blackfire. And she and I do not . . . we do not get along very well. Somehow, no matter how I try to be nice to her Blackfire sees any kindness as a weakness and an invitation for her to take advantage of me. She has visited earth three times since I have been here and tried to take advantage of me twice.
DS: What happened the other time?
#5: She spent a weekend engaging in the exotic sexual acts with (Titans East member), as I said, he is quite the slutty boy. She was most pleasant that time. But, afterward, she was introduced to the (Subject #6). I believe she intended to go from one orange haired earth boy to another only (Subject #6) was not interested and (Subject #7) threatened to hex her ass into your planet's sun if she did not leave its orbit within a period of 10 seconds. I had not known that Blackfire could fly quite that fast. It was most impressive.
DS: Have your relations with your sister always been less than you would wish?
#5: Sadly, that is true, friend Silberman.
DS: Did the two of you ever consider seeing a psychiatrist? Do you have this sort of thing on Tamaran?
#5: Yes. There are sort of . . psychiatrists . . on Tamaran but it is considered very shameful.
DS: Really? You said that people on your planet are much more comfortable with their sexuality but they aren't comfortable with the idea of a psychiatrist?
#5: No. It is considered shameful.
DS: Why? Why should it be shameful for a Tamaranian to see a psychiatrist?
#5: Oh, no. You have misunderstood me. It is not considered something of which the person who sees the psychiatrist should be ashamed. It is considered a horrible black mark on his comrades and his friends. They are supposed to comfort their comrade. They are supposed to help their comrade. They are supposed to help their friend. Why did they not help him? They failed him. They did not talk to him like good comrades and so he has to talk to a complete stranger to become well again. They failed. Being a warrior means often being isolated in difficult circumstances with only your teammates or comrades. It is considered a matter of honor on Tamaran that all your teammates are healthy and of sound mind. It means you have been a good comrade and helped them deal with the difficult issues of battles and the inevitable losses and injuries that come with them. No, if a Tamaranian seeks the help of a psychiatrist, he tries to keep it secret so that his comrades will not be laughed at and derided as poor comrades and therefore poor warriors.
DS: That's . . . that's different than the way things are here.
#5: Yes. But, I try to enjoy the earth things that are different and which I like and not dwell too much on those which I do not like.
DS: Such as?
#5: Well, I am sorry, friend Silberman, but the refusal to accept that a hero like friend (Subject#2) was, as always, being a hero, is disappointing. A spotless record of honor is revered on Tamaran. And that's what friend (Subject #2) has. It is . . most disappointing that this seems to have no weight in this process.
DS: As I have told your teammates, (Subject #5), I'm only trying to do the job that was assigned me by the court, to determine if you're a danger to yourself or anyone else.
#5: How would that be? I am a Teen Titan. I help the people.
DS: It-it could be the case or a significant risk of being true if you were not mentally stable or in control of your powers.
#5: But I have always kept control of my powers, haven't I? You see, I have quite good control of my powers.
( Subject #5 suddenly levitated into the air and tossed a green ball of energy back and forth from one hand to the other)
DS: Yes. You have.
#5: And I do not seem to be the mentally unstable, do I?
DS: No, in your own relentlessly cheerful way, you seem to be quite stable.
#5: Haha, friend Silberman, you remind me of a man.
DS: What man?
#5: The man with the power.
DS: What power-oh god not again