Author's note: Again, just as a reminder, this is about a series of court ordered psychological evaluations of the Titans. As part of the negotiation about what the record of those evaluations would be, Robin had the City's representatives agree that, rather than debate about which names should be blacked out and which could be left in, no names would be used in the transcripts of the sessions with the court appointed psychiatrist, David Silberman. None, not even that of the Titan speaking in each particular session. So, each Titan is identified as Subject #-. Robin=Subject #1, Cyborg=Subject #2, Beast Boy=Subject #3, Raven=Subject #4, Starfire=Subject #5, Kid Flash=Subject #6, Jinx=Subject #7.
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19 May 2008
(In preparation for my evaluations session with (subject #4) I tried to gather as much information as possible. But the available data was frustratingly sketchy and consisted, in large part, of speculation. She seldom speaks in public, almost always defering to (Subject #1) or one of the others at ceremonies at City Hall and the like. She was about to speak once after the Titans had defeated Plasmus. The 12 second video clip was included in her file. Cyborg and Starfire can be seen at the edge of the shot pushing a reluctant (Subject #4) toward the local TV station anchorwoman set to interview her live. The bleached blond woman spoke into her microphone smiling at the camera and said "Thanks Bob! I'm here in Jump City's warehouse district with Crow, of the Teen Titans. Crow and her teammates have just defeated the villain Plasmus and . . . " the anchorwoman's mouth then dropped open as (Subject #4) simply disappeared from the scene as a black astral image.
Crow?!
This did not help her overcome her reluctance to do interviews. I found that she subsequently refused interviews with Oprah Winfrey and just about every magazine targeted at a young female audience. On the few occasions when she has spoken, it always seemed to be in a sort of sarcastic deadpan voice. The Mayor of Jump City jammed a microphone in her face at one City Hall ceremony.
"Doesn't this outpouring of affection from the citizens of Jump City make you feel wonderful, um, (Subject #4) is it?"
"Yay . . . . . . . . . Go Jump . . . . . . . . . . might . . as well . . . . . . . . . . Jump?"
The voice had been so completely devoid of emotion, so perfectly deadpan. It seemed to offend the mayor but the kids in the audience all cracked up. Oddly enough, her reticence and lack of playing the game, as it were, had only made her more beloved in certain parts of Jump City society. My daughter says there are three different girls in her class who affect a goth style and who absolutely adore (Subject #4). She's a sort of a role model to them.
But exactly who and even what she is no one can say. I requested her file from Captain Doyle, the Metahuman Control officer at the Jump City police department. She handed it to me with a sort of a chuckle. "That one? She might be the most dangerous one of all. Be damn sure you figure out what the hell's going on inside the head of that one."
But the 2 inch thick file she handed me didn't do much to help me. It was all clippings and bits of video from battles the Teen Titans have had. Reports were sketchy about many of their fights, as well. I have to admit that I snickered at the rumor of one in which the criminal Mumbo had turned her into a talking rabbit and (Subject #1) into a little monkey. As near as they could tell, she has some sort of ability to fly and she also has a sort of telekinesis power where she conjures up fists and other shapes of some sort of black energy and fights villains with them.
There was a lot of speculation in the file, a lot of quoting people who seemed to be spouting off arbitrarily. One priest was quoted calling her some sort of satanist and claimed that you could always find a pentagram wherever she had been. There was no corroboration of this accusation. Another claim was that she's not from this planet. A third was that she's part demon and part of some greater plan for a takeover of the earth. Again, there was no corroboration for any of these crazy allegations.
I also found, in the file, a transcript of a pitiful confession from the villain known as "Dr. Light" begging the Jump City Police to protect him from her, an apparently tearful confession accompanied, according to the officers present, by this "Dr. Light" wetting his pants each and every time the name "(Subject #4)" was mentioned in his presence.
Fearsome and mysterious. That's (Subject #4). I knew I had my work cut out for me. I didn't know if the standard template of expectations was even applicable to (Subject #4) or how to conduct an evaluation of her. At least with (Subject #5) I knew what the reason was that she would be an unusual subject.
As I rode the boat launch across the bay to Titans Tower I had resolved to do the best I could without any preconceived notions of how this would go and follow the clues the subject gave me. I made my way up the stone steps to the glass front door and pressed the buzzer. Just as I did, (Subject #7) came around the corner. laughing, immediately followed by (Subject #6) who wrapped his arms around her from behind. They seemed like the very picture of a young couple in love. Then they turned and saw me and both their smiles went away and they adopted wary expressions. It did not feel good to think that they regard me that way.
(Subject #6) let me in and they both rode up in the elevator with me, one red gloved hand clasped firmly around one of hers. They glanced back and forth a couple times. I'm not sure exactly what they were saying to each other with those glances.
But just before the elevator stopped, she turned to me and asked, "Who're you going to defame today?"
I think I saw the red gloved hand squeeze hers more tightly. I protested that I didn't intend to 'defame' anyone. I added that I was going to have an evaluation session with (Subject #4).
(Subject #6) looked slightly worried at what his wife would do when she held up a hand to stop him in his tracks in the hallway approaching the usual room and then patted his rear telling him to move along past that door. She led me into the usual room and then closed the door behind us.
"Look," she began, "(Subject #4) used to be my enemy, my rival, nemesis, whatever you want to call it. When I was on the villain side of things, there was no one on the Titans I wanted to beat more than her. So, when I tell you this, I'm not some goody goody spokeswoman for (Subject #4) blowing smoke up your butt. She makes a constant and tremendous effort to control her powers so that she never hurts anyone. Meditation. Researching new spells. Extra-dimensional expeditions. The works. And she does a great job of it. If you think she's a danger to anyone, then you're the one who needs some serious psychological evaluation, okay?"
I forget what I mumbled in response to this. I had to remind myself how deeply the Titans all (with the exception of Subject #5 who seems incapable of it) mistrusted me.
(Subject #7) exited the room and I was left alone for a few minutes. I was fidgeting with my recorder and note pad when a black apparition, a sort of vaguely bird shaped thing of almost tangible energy floated softly down from the ceiling to the seat across from me and then suddenly materialized into (Subject #4).
She looked at me warily from beneath her hooded cloak and nodded slightly. I turned on the recorder.
DS: This session takes place starting at . . 2:07 P.M. on May 19, 2008 with Dr. David Silberman and . . .
#4: (Subject #4)
DS:Would you, um, would you mind please pulling down your hood? I need to see your face as you speak.
(Subject #4 complied with a sigh. With her hood down I could see that she's a strikingly attractive young woman with large eyes and light gray skin, much like (Subject #7), purple hair and a small red gem on her forehead. She had an air about her of intensity but very much introverted, in contrast to (Subject #7)'s energy which was very much that of an extrovert. She spoke, almost always in a deadpan, sarcastic tone of voice )
#4: For the, um, record, I want to say that it's farcical that all this effort is being made because someone actually thinks (Subject #2) is or ever was a danger to anything other than loose bolts on the T-Car.
DS: I'm not supposed to divulge what's said to me in a session such as this but I think I can tell you that your teammates have all said similar things and I'll tell you what I told them. I'm just doing the job I was hired to do by Jump City.
#4: Which is to . . determine if we're . . dangerous?
DS: Dangers to yourselves and the general public. It's different.
#4: How?
DS: Well, you all have incredible powers. You're all-
#4: Not all of us.
DS: Um, yes, I guess that's true. But you're all incredibly capable fighters. You're all incredibly dangerous to criminals. It's my job to determine if you're in control of yourselves, if your state of mind allows you to control your powers or . . fighting abilities. Do you have control of those abilities or powers? Are you in your right mind. Is your state of mind stable? There's just one problem.
#4: What's that?
DS: It may be improper to judge some of you by the standards applied to average people. For instance, (Subject #5) is from another planet. How should we apply normal psychological standards to her?
#4: With . . a whole lot more perkiness?
DS: Yes, she's very . . upbeat.
#4: No. (Subject #6) is upbeat. She's way beyond that.
DS: . . . yes. She is. But perhaps that's just her background. Speaking of which, I have to say that I tried to find out about your background before this session but even your Jump City Police file couldn't shed any light on it.
(long pause)
#4: Um, I'm french.
(long pause)
#4: Alright. Alright. I had to try. In the movies it seems to explain anything. But it's even worse than that, actually.
DS: Go ahead.
#4: This all stays with you, right? It won't go into any police file for that crazy Captain Doyle to spread around?
DS: Please. I'm a psychiatrist. Anything divulged in a session with me is confidential. I have a professional code of ethics to uphold.
(long pause)
#4: Okay. Here goes. I'm from a place called Azarath. It's . . in another dimension.
DS: Another dimension?
#4: Yes, one seldom accessible to this one even if you can create the necessary singularity to allow conveyance.
DS: Another dimension?
#4: Yes, another dimension. Don't look so skeptical. It's not a common thing but . . well, for instance, (Subject #6) gets his speed from another dimension. I've traveled across dimensional boundaries a couple times. He's an open door to another dimension 24-7. That's what he is. He's a dimensional portal. His whole . . body. That's much weirder than me. But he wears cheerful colors so . . .
DS: How did you get here?
#4: Well . . . I'm not quite certain. But the prophecies did say that I would be transported to another dimension upon reaching a certain age and that that's where my father the demon would go.
(long pause)
#4: You're, uh, you're supposed to react a little more than that. I said 'my father the . . demon' . . . .
DS: I-I heard you. I just wasn't sure what to say. You're father is a demon from this . . Azarath place?
#4: Well, not just Azarath. He tends to pillage a lot of different places. Papa was a rolling stone. That sort of thing.
DS: Who-who's your mother?
#4: My mother is a woman from earth. I'm half earthling.
DS: And you get your powers, spells and telekinesis, from your father?
#4: Um, yeah. It kind of eliminated the need for a paternity test.
DS: In this-this other . . dimension, were there a lot of others like you, who had powers like you?
#4: No. But then there aren't a lot of fathers like Trigon.
DS: That's your father, the, uh, demon's name, Trigon?
#4: You got it.
DS: Did you . . did you see much of him in . . Azarath?
#4: No. He was more of a feared legend in Azarath.
DS: Did they fear you in Azarath?
#4: No, they didn't really fear me because the prophecies said that I'd be used so that Trigon could get to this dimension and that he'd kill every living thing and being here. Azarath wasn't really on the concert tour schedule. They showed me the t-shirt and everything.
DS: You . . you keep joking about this.
#4: Laugh or cry.
DS: Your-your father is going to kill every living thing in this dimension?
#4: Well, that was the plan. That's what the prophecies said. And I was somehow transported to this dimension, to earth as foretold but when Trigon tried to come through we stopped him.
DS: Your father the demon already tried to kill everything and everyone?
#4: Um, yeah. But the Titans stopped him.
DS: I-I didn't see anything about that in the file.
#4: I don't think half of the things we do are ever publicized or known about by the police.
DS: So . . you lived your whole childhood being told that you would be part of your father killing untold billions of people? What was that like?
#4: Yeah, um, kind of a downer.
DS: But . . how did you deal with that? It must have been a terrible sense of guilt.
#4: . . . . . . . . . yes. It-it has been.
DS: Even though you didn't do anything to deserve it.
#4: . . . . . . . . correct
DS: Do you think that prompted you to want to be a hero, to try to do some good to make up for what everyone told you you would be a part of?
#4 (Sighs) Yes. But, really, there's not a single one of us who had anything like a 'good' childhood. You have to be pretty driven to do this sort of thing.
DS: But it didn't come true. So now are you . . free?
#4: That's one way to look at it. That's what the other Titans all tell me. Of course, we didn't kill Trigon. We just stopped him. But the fact that we were able to stop him works against his succeeding being a logical necessity.
DS: Right. Right.
(long pause)
DS: And that also means that . . . . after you were somehow transported here, to our dimension, to earth, you were-you were being a hero even though you were convinced that everthing was going to be destroyed at any time by your father?
#4: Um . . yeah.
DS: In one sense, that seems even more admirable, that you were helping others have even just a little more time without pain or suffering.
#4: Or it was the stupidest waste of time ever. You know, I never quite settled on one or the other.
DS: But you acted as a hero. So, you did settle on one.
#4: . . . . I couldn't just sit there . . even if it was pointless.
DS: Do you feel more optimistic now? I mean, if you can win, then it's not pointless.
#4: Maybe. It-it doesn't change much. Even if you're told things are fated to be a certain way, you act as though you have complete free will in the matter and everything is yet to be determined. Maybe it's just predetermined that we'll act as though we have free will.
DS: Do you really believe that?
(long pause)
#4: No. But it still doesn't change much. I still have to control my powers.
DS: Is it difficult for you to control your powers?
#4: Not as long as I do my meditation and keep my emotions in check.
DS: How often do you meditate?
#4: Every day. At least an hour, minimum. Preferably three. My powers come from my father's side. His abilities are rage based. If I could only feel happyhappyhappy like (Subject #5), letting my emotions go would not be much of a worry. But things don't work like that.
DS: Do you . . do you worry about the riske in trying for positive emotions, that if things turn out badly it'll only increase the negative ones?
#4: Of course. What the hell did you think I was telling you?
DS: Sorry. Sorry. So . . I mean . . a . . relationship? Would that be out?
#4: (Sighs) No. Not that it matters much. I just have the worst luck ever with guys. If (Subject #7) had focused all her bad luck on me in one of our fights when she was on the other side, she couldn't have made things turn out much worse.
DS: How so?
#4: Well, I was nagged for years by little (Subject #3). He was always trying to get it on with me. There were always green fleas and green flies and green moths trying to sneak under my door. I didn't have the heart to just reject him conclusively, not till last year. I just couldn't take it any more. And then almost as soon as I do, he grows 8 inches taller, his annoying voice changes and his looks become so much better that he's in those car ads. You've seen 'em. Green can be beautiful. The ones for the hybrid or electric. I forget which.
DS: Ah, yes. I've seen those.
#4: He was even the leader of our comeback against the Brotherhood of Evil. (Subject #3)! My only consolation there is that he's turned into a bit of an obnoxious playboy now that he's such a pretty boy.
DS: Really.
#4: (Chuckles slightly) He'll get over it. But he's so full of his pretty boy self right now. We went to a performance by (female Justice League magician), all of us, and she brought all the guys onto the stage one by one and turned them into animal assistants. She turned him into a peacock. It was perfect. Anyway, let's see, besides rejecting (Subject #3) just before he grew up in every way, I fell in love with a wizard in a book who turned out to actually be a dragon. Then I thought I might be able to have a relationship with (Subject #1) before realizing that he's barely emotionally available enough to have a friendship with (Subject #6) and even then it only works because it's (Subject #6). Then I developed a crush on (Titans East member) only to find that he's in a romantic relationship with (Titans East member). And to top it all off, my room here is next to the one shared by (Subject #6) and (Subject #7). So, I get to see the one guy who I think is attractive enough, well, more than just enough. That body in that suit! And emotionally available. And intelligent. He and (Subject #7) sit in bed reading when they're not doing it all over the Tower. The one guy . . . and he's totally in love with my former rival. If (Subject #7) tells me some day that she cast a spell to give me nothing but bad luck in romance, I won't bat an eyelash.
DS: I'm sorry things haven't gone better. But you're young and pretty-
#4: with . . gray skin and purple hair.
DS: Not so odd among boys with orange hair and green skin and girls with pink hair. And there are a lot of other guys out there. It's probably healthier to at least keep trying. A satisfying relationship can be very healthy for the psyche.
#4: . . . . . . You don't have to tell me. I've seen what it can mean. The difference in (Subject #7) from when we first encountered her to now is amazing. She was nearly psychotic then. She's so calm and confident now, with (Subject #6). I'd like a relationship like that. I want . . a-a . . boyfriend. It just hasn't happened. I have all the same urges any other young woman has.
DS: These . . urges, do they interfere with you controlling your powers?
#4: No. Well, I mean, they eventually might have. I don't think so. But I was feeling a lot of stress. I was under a lot of pressure. I . . I got (Titans East member) to come over and . . . well . . . the pressure was relieved.
DS: Really? That sounds sort of . . I don't know. It sounds sort of like you just used him and didn't even think of it becoming something more.
#4: If . . if you knew about him . . .! The idea of somebody being worried about poor (Titans East member) being used for sex?! My irony meter just broke, doc.
DS: How about friendships?
#4: I'd say I'm various degrees of friends with all the Titans.
DS: Anyone in particular?
#4: I-I almost think I should say 'no' and maybe that is the right answer. I mean, it's not true right now. We have a lot to work past. There are still hard feelings deep down, between me and (Subject #7) I mean. It's been a glacial pace of improvement. And I think we should be better friends. I know I wish we were. She and (Subject #6) have (Titans East member) over sometimes. He's a prince where he comes from and he grew up with all kinds of highbrow culture. And they spend the whole night talking about books and classical music and jazz and and new bands and intellectual controversies and unusual movies and-and it's exactly the sort of thing I want to do. It's exactly where I should be. But there's still this underlying conflict between us. I feel like I don't belong there even though I want to be part of that. I-I hate to say this but we could probably learn a lesson from the boys.
DS: How so?
#4: When (Subject #6) was up for membership, I found out that (Subject #1) hated him. And (Subject #6) hated him right back. I don't know what it was. Anyway, after (Subject #6) joined the team, he went down to (Subject #1')'s room and they hashed things out directly. Just . . bang. Thirty minutes later they were good friends. Just like that. Not a particularly nuanced approach to it. I guess they each just took turns explaining why they thought the other guy was a total asshole. But it worked. (Subject #7) and I keep trying to go around it and avoid it and it just festers instead of dissipating.
DS: That might be the thing to do, address it directly if you constantly feel a distance between you two that shouldn't be there. But be careful. I suspect that (Subject #1) and (Subject #6) may be uniquely suited to hearing such things from someone else and not having it bother them. But let me switch topics a bit and ask you about being a hero, in general. How do you feel about it?
#4: Obviously I like it if I keep doing it.
DS: People do a lot of things out of habit and not wanting to make an effort to reassess and change things.
#4: That's true but I'm not. I feel good when we help people. I wish they'd say 'thank you' more often. I wish we weren't treated as freaks quite so much even though we are freaks. Most of all, I wish it wasn't so necessary. I shouldn't be surprised at anything. But every new bank robber or villain who thinks the way to live life is to hurt other people and take their things still catches me a little off guard. When we formed the Titans I think I half expected that criminals would see how powerful we were and they'd stop. But they didn't. And now we have (Subject #6) and (Subject #7), too, and still people do crazy things, things like tomorrow won't come and other people can be treated as just means to an end.
DS: Is the persistence of criminality taking away from the increased feeling of optimism you should have as a result of seeing that Trigon can be defeated?
#4: That's pretty good, doc. I'd like to be optimistic. People would be shocked to hear me say that.
DS: Because you always project ironic detachment?
#4: . . . . that's-that's really pretty good, doc. (Subject #6) actually used that exact phrase with me the other day.
DS: It can be a defense mechanism, ironic detachment can, protecting you from people and things around you by never bringing them close. And it can be a sort of negative prophecy of things.
#4: Annnnnnd you're going to warn me about the power of self fulfilling prophecies?
DS: Maybe not warn you, but bring it to your attention.
#4: It's not a-a conscious thing. I kept people at a distance, initially, because of what the prophecies said I would be a part of.
DS: You didn't want to hurt them. And maybe you didn't feel good enough to be with them, considering the guilt you were carrying around.
#4: I . . (sighs) . . I suppose there was some of that. It did neatly dovetail with my need to meditate to control my powers and spend time looking for spells that would help me.
DS: That's fine. I'm not reproaching you. But you have to be aware of the great power of habits.
#4: Yeah, ,those nun hats-
DS: You know what I mean. You stay away from people for a specific reason and then maybe the reason goes away, but how easy is it to be with people after all that time.
#4: It's-it's not. So, what would you counsel, that I go to the 'mall of shopping' with (Subject #5)?
DS: Huh?
#4: Um, never mind.
DS: What I would suggest are baby steps.
#4: Baby steps?
DS: If you really want to break out of certain ways, try doing something small that's different and work your way up to whatever level of change feels right to you. There's nothing wrong with wading into the shallow end of the pool. No one's required to dive into the deep end.
(long pause)
#4: There's only so much that can change in my life but I do feel the pleasure of being social. We had a girl's night out for the ocasion of Jinx's bachelorette party. There were 9 of us. Maybe the mix of auras was just right. I don't know. But it was . . it was fun. I-I had a good time. I was surprised at how good a time I had.
DS: Can you allow for such things more often while still doing what you feel you need to do to control your-your powers?
#4: I-I guess but I don't know how to create things like that. (Titans auxiliary member) set it all up. She's (Subject #7)'s friend.
DS: Well, I'm not here to tell you what to do. My job is just to see if your mental state is such that you present a danger to yourself or the general public. If in the course of talking to you I can serve as a sounding board and suggest a few things to you, all the better. Just consider breaking out of habits is all I suggest that you do. Now, if I could shift gears one more time, tell me about a typical day for you.
#4: Alright. Um, I probably stayed up till 2:30 a.m., meditating from midnight onward, especially if it's either a full or empty moon, seeking congruence with forces from different dimensions. After sleeping till 9 or so, I get up, go to the kitchen and have some tea and perhaps some other breakfast. I endure (Subject #3)'s terrible jokes and his inevitable fight with (Subject #2) about eating meat or being a vegetarian. There's about an even money chance that there will also be an argument between (Subject #1) and (Subject #6) about whether the Bats or the Flashes fight tougher villains or whose mentor is more important to the Justice League. You would not believe how often they've recycled the same damn argument. (Subject #5) will says something silly and perky and (Subject #7) will sort of roll her eyes at it but she and I won't quite make true eye contact because we each think the other still harbors serious ill will. I might spend the late morning with the team doing some sort of training. (Subject #1) is very big on training, though (Subject #3) and (Subject #6) always make him seem like one of the guys from the jerk pledge house in Animal House for his obsession about it. (Subject #1) always tries to keep (Subject #3) and (Subject #6) apart because they make fun of him whenever they're together. But he can never manage it for long. I have some more tea and a bit to eat for lunch. In the afternoon, I research spells or do pleasure reading. Of course, if at any time a call comes in, we all scramble to answer it. For dinner, usually (Subject #7) cooks. She's amazing. Sometimes (Subject #5) cooks and . . well . . her cooking is not amazing. Sometimes (Subject #6) is in charge. He doesn't ever really cook but he runs here and there around the planet and comes back with incredible takeout from Beijing or Bombay or Rome or Paris. He's pretty handy that way. At night, well, we try not to plan much for the evenings. There seem to be a lot more calls that come in after dark. I mostly read and check out things in old spell books.
DS: Is it an enjoyable life? Could you see yourself doing this for a long time?
#4: I-um-well-what I mean, I . . um . . yes. I-I could. But I would want things to move forward in my . . in my personal life.
DS: Perfectly understandable. Do you think you'll develop better control of your powers?
#4: Of course. I have much better control of my powers than I did when I first became a Titan even though they're much more developed now. But, um, I-I had made a mental not before coming in here. I wanted to ask youto confirm something, you have no record of my ever harming any innocent person, do you?
DS: No. I find no record of your ever harming any innocent person in the file. And you're how old?
#4: Approximately 18 earth years. Where I lived on Azarath, a circuit around our sun was about the equivalent of 12 years here. I think I'm 18. And I've been here since I was 13.
DS: And you've never harmed yourself, have you?
#4: I occasionally crack myself up and I've isolated myself, but no, I've never really harmed myself.
DS: (Sighs) Fine. Why don't we stop there.