Disclaimer: Twilight is the creation and property of Stephenie Meyer. This fanfiction is nothing more than an homage to her series of books, which most of us wish never had to end. Any references to plot devices/characters/etc. used in Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, or the draft of Midnight Sun belong exclusively to Stephenie Meyer. I don't own any poetry of Kahlil Gibran. The poem referenced has been cut for length's sake.
Author's Note: I apologize for the slighter longer delay in delivering this chapter. I was out of town for awhile. Hope this one was worth the wait. Thanks to aPPle-FrrEAk, AntiRebel, Mamylove210, sarcasticasalways, XOXOJordan, LizzieAliceCullen, T.C. Meade, and Bunch-o-Nuts for the great reviews. I've commented and answered questions at the bottom of the chapter.
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"To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully…"
-Kahlil Gibran
As they approached the classroom at the end of the hall, the hum and chatter of students grew. Renesmee felt the butterflies threatening to burst into flames.
"It's too bad Edward's not in the first class with us," Alice pouted. "It's way more fun when you know what everyone's thinking."
"What, seeing their future isn't enough?"
Alice shook her head, "Teenagers. Too directionless. I can't see people's choices unless they know what they're going to say or do, unless they know what they want. Which, in high school, is almost never. All those hormones."
The two girls walked through the door and the scattered chattering seemed to drop off unexpectedly. Renesmee suddenly felt the strangest desire to liquefy and drip down into the cracks between the floor tiles. The chattering was replaced by whispers that intensified as she followed her aunt through the room to the back row of desks.
Alice sat, her face firm, her eyes unworried. She patted the chair next to her and Renesmee sat automatically, afraid of the heat that seemed to be enveloping her face. Fortunately, there was no time for further reflection. A balding man of forty or so entered and slammed an stack of textbooks down on the desk at the front of the room.
"Alright, that's enough," the man said, thumping his desk for order. "I know it's the first day back and we're all excited but we've got a lot to cover so let's get down to business. First of all, as you may have noticed, we have some new students. Alice Cullen and Reeneesmeeh Hale. And you're…" he scanned an attendance sheet in front of him, "Both from Forks, Washington."
More whispers.
"Well, welcome to Astoria. I'm sure you'll feel right at home here."
The whispers and tittering grew louder. Renesmee made eye contact with a blonde sitting near her who rolled her eyes and turned away.
"So this is European History. We'll be starting at the end of the Crusades and go all the way through end of the 1800's. And since none of you were alive then," he gave two talkative students in the second row a meaningful look, "I highly suggest you pay attention."
Renesmee and Alice exchanged a look. Oh, if only he knew.
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The morning went quickly and to Renesmee's relief, her well-educated family had more than prepared her for high-school level work. Carlisle had insisted on overseeing her studies in mathematics, chemistry, biology, physics, and world history. Her father himself had instilled in her a love for the arts, particularly music. And Bella had read hundreds of novels to her in her first year. Even after she had discovered her own ability to read, she still insisted on having her mother do it. Renesmee believed firmly that her mother's voice was the most beautiful sound in the entire world.
As she walked through the hallway towards the lunchroom, she watched and listened to the numerous interactions swirling around her. Groups talking, laughing. A boy threw a football down the hall and another ran to catch it. Two girls stood against a locker re-applying lip gloss and gesticulating wildly about the innumerable qualities of some actor. She felt a shove as someone pushed by her to walk through the double doors. She looked around furtively, hoping to catch someone's eye or to be addressed somehow. This did not happen. Oh, another new feeling. What was it? Loneliness?
Renesmee spied Rosalie in the cafeteria line.
"Hi, Aunt Ro---I mean, hi, Rose."
Rosalie smiled, her teeth glinting as she did. Renesmee wondered silently if any humans around them knew how much danger they were all in. She had seen Rosalie hunt and for a moment, allowed herself to imagine her tearing through the cafeteria, snapping necks and feeding. The idea was absorbing.
"Nessie, aren't you gonna grab a plate?" Emmett asked, appearing on the other side of his wife.
Renesmee's nose wrinkled at the thought of human food but she held her tongue when she caught sight of the enormous heaping on her uncle's plate. She raised an eyebrow at him, "Hungry there, Emmett?"
"What can I say?" he grinned. "I'm a growing boy." He winked at her before loping across the room. Renesmee's gaze followed him to the table farthest from the windows and closest to the doors where her parents already sat. Edward and Bella sat still, almost too still, and their daughter watched their conscious efforts to shift in their seats, their concentrated breaths, their golden eyes flickering across the room, their words too soft for any human to hear.
Bella looked up to see her daughter approaching the table. "Renesmee, sit here. By me."
Renesmee sat and stared glumly at the pile of food on her plate. With distaste, she bit a potato chip in half. The salt reminded her of blood. How depressing to eat this crap everyday.
"How was your morning, Renesmee?" her father asked, his own food untouched. "Did you enjoy your classes?"
She shrugged, "They're easy."
Edward smiled gently, "Of course, they are." His eyes glowed with pride.
"Yeah, Gra---uh, Carlisle said they would be."
"Well, you and I have English together next period," Edward said, excitedly. "That will be more fun."
"Whatever." She pushed food around her plate miserably.
"Renesmee, attitude check," Bella spoke sharply.
"I promise," Edward assured her. "We'll make it interesting."
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Renesmee followed her father into the English classroom. She had grown used to the whispers after her first three classes. What she was not prepared for was the content of the whispers.
"Look at him. I wonder who he is."
"He was in Calculus with me last period. I think his name is Eric something. God, he's sexy."
"Where has he been hiding?"
"I don't know but look at that hamstring. Delicious."
Giggles.
Renesmee blushed. More for them than her father. They had no idea that their current topic of conversation could hear every word…and every thought.
None of this seemed to faze Edward, though. He strode through the room, selecting a seat along the side. Renesmee moved to sit next to him and the whispers started again.
"Okay, who is that?"
"Do you think they're together?"
"I hope not. We need some fresh meat around here."
"She doesn't seem that into him."
"How could she not be into him?"
"I saw them sitting together at lunch."
"Damn."
Renesmee felt hot embarrassment flush across her face. Would it never end?
The whispers were stopped by a large woman at the front of the classroom, "Alright, everybody, time to begin! Quiet down now!"
The noise ceased.
"Well, I'd like to get right into our discussion today but apparently, we have two new students in our class. Why don't you come up to the front of the classroom and introduce yourselves?" To Renesmee's surprise, the woman sounded put out, even angry.
Dread gripped the insides of her stomach. Relying solely on her feet to carry her there, Renesmee walked back through the classroom to the front. Edward moved effortlessly behind her.
"Now," the woman said in a cold voice, "Which one of you would like to go first?"
Edward spoke quickly, his musical voice strong in the silent room, "My name is Edward Cullen and I'm a junior this year. My family just moved here from Forks, Washington."
"Thank you, Edward," the teacher said tensely, her smile not reaching her eyes. A new emotion ran across her face. Dislike. "I'm sure it will be a pleasure to have you in this class." It didn't look like she thought it would be a pleasure, at all.
"I certainly hope so."
"And you? Tell us about you."
"Uh, my name is Renesmee Hale. We—I just moved from Forks, too."
"Oh? Both from Forks?"
"Renesmee and I were adopted by the Cullens. Dr. Cullen is going to be working at the hospital here," Edward interjected smoothly.
"Oh, I see. Very interesting. Well. So nice to have you both." The woman's face was anything but friendly as she motioned for them to return to their seats.
What's her problem? Renesmee thought in her father's direction.
"Her name is Margaret Grayson. Her husband is a doctor at the hospital. He was up for a promotion. Carlisle got the job instead," Edward said softly.
Renesmee felt herself growing angry, Of course, he did. Because this can't be easy for me, can it?
"Now, class, if you'll turn in your books to page 173, we'll begin with Kahlil Gibran's classic love poem…"
"Sometimes people get angry, Nessie. It's a defense mechanism. They take out their hurt and their fear on those who don't deserve it," Edward whispered.
That's right! Renesmee seethed. I don't deserve it! I don't deserve any of this! I shouldn't have to move and leave Forks and everything that's normal and easy! I don't want to be here! I want to go home! She felt her throat close and tears stung her eyes.
"I know, sweetheart. But this is our home now. You knew we'd have to leave Forks eventually. You grew too quickly for us to disguise it. People were beginning to grow curious."
So this is all because of me? I'm the one to blame for this? It's not my fault that I am what I am! I didn't ask to be born like this. I had no choice. You made this choice for me. And now you're choosing what's best for me without asking me what I want!
"What do you want, Renesmee?" Edward asked very quietly, his voice calm.
I want to be a human. Or a vampire. I'm sick of trying to be both! It's not fair!
"Renesmee, I'm sorry that this is so difficult. That's not our intention, at all, it's just that…"
It's just that what? You couldn't control yourself with Mom? You had to create a half-breed child who can't be normal anywhere? Renesmee saw the hurt in his eyes but her thoughts barreled on. It's your fault that she suffered and it's your fault I'm suffering now!
A wave of pain flooded over Edward, "Nessie, please…" His soft voice trailed off, hearing someone's thoughts focus on them. He glanced up to see Mrs. Grayson glowering from the front of the classroom.
"Mr. Cullen, since you apparently are so well-versed in 19th century poetry, perhaps you would be so kind as to recite the remainder of Gibran's poem for the class?" Her face was smug as she realized he didn't have a textbook.
There was smothered laughter from the back of the room.
The weariness and sorrow in Edward's eyes was masked only slightly, as he nodded, "Of course."
He stood and began in his lilting murmuring voice, "But, if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure… into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter."
There was a small gasp from someone, and some muted snickers. Mrs. Grayson stiffened.
"And weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; for love is sufficient unto love…" Edward looked down at his daughter and went on, "Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself…To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully."
An angry, drowning shame crept over Renesmee's face. Her father's eyes were sad and she wondered fleetingly if that's what vampires looked like when they couldn't cry.
"To wake at dawn with a winged---…"
"That's enough, Edward. Thank you," Mrs. Grayson stammered. "I will continue from there."
Edward nodded politely and sat down again.
Renesmee could not bring herself to look at him for the rest of the class period.
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Gym, her last class for the day. And her only class without a relative. Renesmee finally felt some semblance of confidence. As she pulled the practice jersey over her head, she heard two girls standing behind her in the locker room. She turned her head to look at them. They stared back, unabashed. One of them snapped her gum.
"Um, hi," Renesmee said, finally.
"So is that guy like your boyfriend?"
"What guy?"
"The guy who you were walking with after lunch."
In spite of herself, Renesmee suddenly bubbled up with laughter. "My boyfriend?" she choked out.
The two girls continued to stare.
Renesmee waited for them to understand the ridiculousness of that.
Silence.
"No! Of course not! He's my…adopted brother. Edward's like my brother."
"Oh," the girl with the gum seemed instantly friendlier.
"You have a really big family," the other girl blurted.
"We're all adopted."
"Oh, that's cool. I'm Jackie. This is Brittney."
Automatically, all her lessons in etiquette came back to her, "It's so nice to meet you. I'm Renesmee." She held out her hand.
Jackie and Brittney stared at her hand.
"So you're a junior, right?"
"Yes, I am."
"How old are you?"
Renesmee felt her mind freeze, "Uh…I'm 16."
"Oh, yeah? Me, too!" Jackie smiled for the first time.
"I'm 15," Brittney offered.
"Cool," Renesmee smiled shyly.
"Do you want to be on our team for dodgeball?"
"I'd like that," Renesmee said, following them into the gymnasium, a tiny part of her feeling the newest feeling of all. Hope.
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Author's note: Okay, what do you think?
Answers to Questions, etc.:
Sarcasticasalways: Jacob's around. I guess I thought the school plot line would get too crowded with Jacob in it, as well. But he's close by and he's definitely part of this story.
T.C. Meade: Actually, in the first book, Edward and Bella had one class together, Biology, which, is where they first interact and Bella thinks Edward hates her but really, he's just trying not to eat her. In the next two books (when Edward is still in Forks), he switches their classes so they have all of them together. ;) It always makes me sad that Stephenie Meyer didn't write about those situations more. I think it would have been pretty interesting.
Bunch-o-Nuts: I thought about sending him and some of the others to a nearby college. The only possibility, after researching it, was Clatsop Community College and I just couldn't picture Edward and Bella there. I mean, Edward already has several degrees and I think, if given the choice, he would rather be near his daughter than go to a mediocre junior college. Also, in terms of plot, it's much more interesting to have him near Renesmee. I thought about sending Rosalie and Emmett to college, as well, but decided to keep it simple, if I could.