Fic Title: For Better, For Worse
Author: I Love NASCAR
Fandom: NCIS (Jibbs, slight Tony/OC)
Feedback: please
Disclaimer: The only profit I receive from this story is the feedback you provide. All creative rights to the characters belong to DB, not me. (Except Shelby which I'll take full credit for. ;) )
Summary: Gibbs tries to help Jenny deal with her illness.
Author's Notes: Although I tried my best to do my research, I may have inadvertantly gotten a few things wrong. If I did, I do apologize. I still plan on finishing my other story and have at least one more coming out (plus the Jibbsfest), but I wrote this for a friend's birthday and wanted to get it out.
Jethro Gibbs kissed his girlfriend's cheek, getting up, trying not to wake her. She'd been throwing up when he got home last night and had continued until two in the morning; he knew she needed her rest. He moved to the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee, seeing the medicine in the cabinet. His vocabulary had widened a lot in the past few months with words like 'hyperfractionated radiation therapy', 'accelerated-fraction radiation', 'stereotactic radiosugery', 'radiosensitizers', 'interstitial brachytherapy', 'intraoperative radiation therapy', 'external-beam radiation therapy'…At one time, they, along with surgery, radiation therapy, and chemotherapy, had all been suggested to treat Jen's brain tumor. He still remembered the morning he'd found out Jenny had cancer, finally cornering Ducky until his best friend told him everything he didn't want to know, that she had something called 'anaplastic astrocytoma', the same thing that had killed her mother when she young and was still seen as having a low cure rate. So low, in fact, that he'd had to fight tooth and nail with Jenny to get her to try treatment at all. He felt like a heel at times, especially when she was sick, but he couldn't picture his life without her, didn't want even want to try. So they'd found a doctor Ducky recommended and followed instructions, played by the rules, done everything they could. It hadn't been just him and Ducky helping Jenny either. Her assistant, Cynthia, had covered for her when she was especially sick or tired. Tony arranged his days off, covering in the feld so that she wasn't alone at her appointments. Abby had talked to the nuns she bowled with and they'd all been praying non-stop. His sister took charge of Jenny whenever he couldn't get home. Even Ziva and McGee had brought their own special brand of support. He didn't care what the doctors said. The support had done as much or more for Jenny than the medicines themselves.
He shifted his thoughts from the ordeal to the results. He and Jenny were closer now; the fights becoming unimportant, concentrating their efforts on her survival. She was retiring from NCIS, deciding, as she said, to 'take the road not taken'. He always knew he had regrets, but never realized she did as well. He had a question he'd been thinking about since he'd first gotten the news and he'd decided that tonight was the perfect night to ask. He was through wasting time, precious chances that would never come again.
He walked back to the bedroom, getting dressed for work, checking on her one last time. She was sleeping like an angel and he had to smile. "I love you, Jen," he whispered, doubting she could hear him, not caring if she could. He brushed his lips against her cheek and kissed her again before leaving.
Jenny Shepherd woke up at nine o'clock, still exhausted, not surprised to find Gibbs' side of the bed already cold. She was quite used to him leaving without saying goodbye, partly because he didn't want to wake her, partly because he found the words so hard to say, especially now. She thought about the big retirement party with all the agents, politicians, directors from other agencies…the thought of all those people made her tired. The truth be told, she would rather just gather the few people in Washington she still did care about, who honestly cared about her, and simplify their plans. Most of all, she hated leaving the team. She knew, with Gibbs still working, she would hardly be saying goodbye to any of them, but it already felt so final. She sat up, reaching for her robe, her body temperature always cold, but more so lately than ever before. She looked back at her pillow and saw it, strands of red hair against the light-colored pillowcase. She started to cry and, once she started, she couldn't stop, holding the hair in her hands as they trembled.
Shelby Gibbs knew this day was coming; she'd talked it over with her brother many times before. Still, even she was unprepared to see Jenny. It was true, what she and Jethro had both said, it didn't matter whether Jenny had a headful of hair or any hair at all, but she knew how Jenny cared about her looks. Despite what others thought, Jen wasn't high maintenance, was just as much at home in the basement working with Gibbs on the boat or in a ballroom full of politicians. Clothes, looks, were a way that Jenny could feel like she was in control of the situation, especially now when the illness was taking all her control away.
She found Jenny in the bathroom, razor in hand, patches of her red hair missing, other parts thin. "Jen." Jenny turned around and looked at her friend, tears in her eyes, finally handing Shelby the razor. "Are you sure?"
She nodded, finally speaking. "I have to."
Shelby nodded quietly as Jenny sat down, closing her eyes, trying to block out the sound of the razor, trying to remember better days, when she wasn't constantly sick, when she still felt pretty, desireable.
"Jen." Shelby put her hands on Jen's shoulders, tears running from her eyes as well. "Are you okay?"
Jenny shook her head. "No." Shelby nodded, holding her friend, rocking Jenny like Jethro had rocked her when she was a little girl, after her mother's death. "No."
Shelby emerged from the room an hour later, finally getting Jenny settled enough that she felt she could leave her, reaching for the phone.
"Yes…." Gibbs said, drawing the word out, noticing the number, thinking it was Jenny.
"Jethro." Shelby's voice was soft, quiet, but somehow seemed so serious, so final.
His heart lodged in his throat. "What happened?"
"She lost her hair."
Tony, Ziva, and McGee all turned to watch their boss as he sat at his desk, his hand rubbing his forehead, trying to remain in control of his emotions. He nodded although he knew Shelby couldn't see him. "I'm coming home."
"She's stopped crying. She's not coming in today though and she doesn't want to go to the party."
"Okay." He paused. "I'll be home." He stopped for a good minute before speaking again. "Has she at least stopped being sick?" Gibbs hoped she was spared at least that.
Shelby sighed. "Yeah, but she's not eating."
He closed his eyes. "I'll be home."
Walking out, reaching for his phone, Gibbs didn't notice Tony following him until they were on the elevator. "What, DiNozzo?"
"Is Jenny okay?"
Gibbs looked at him, not knowing what to say, and finally just said, "No. No, she's not."
Tony nodded. "I'll handle everything, boss. Is…is there anything I can do for her?"
"Just…stay out of trouble. I don't know how long I'll be gone. I'm not coming back until she's okay." Tony nodded, watching his boss leave, wishing there was something they more they could do.
Gibbs made several stops on his way home, but still made it home within an hour, seeing his sister's Mustang in the drive as he tried to get everything inside. Shelby was waiting for him when he arrived, putting the food on plates, the flowers in a vase, and looking at the box. "Did you look at it?"
He nodded. "I hope she'll like it. Maybe she would have wanted to do it herself."
"She'll love it." She kissed his cheek. "It's a very sweet thing you did."
"Don't tell anyone," he tried to joke, failing. "Is she awake?"
"Yeah. She's reading…or trying to anyway." She studied him. "You need me to stay?"
"It wouldn't hurt for you to stick around." She nodded, going down to the basement where she could hear if he needed help but it would give them privacy.
Gibbs ran his hand through his hair, going to the bathroom, seeing the remains of Jenny's hair in the trash, becoming even more certain on what he needed to do.
Five minutes later, he headed for the bedroom, watching her for a few minutes. She had one of her scarves tied around her head, no makeup, with jeans and one of his old shirts he'd worn until the material was soft and thin. "Hey," he whispered. "Can I come in?"
She didn't look up from the book she was pretending to read, not able to focus. "Shelby called you."
He nodded, moving closer to her. "I brought takeout. Your favorite. And presents."
She looked up at him, seeing him for the first time since he'd come home, moving her hand to run through what was left of his hair, crying again. "Jethro, what did you do?"
"Haircut. Marine high and tight. You don't like it?"
Truth was that she'd always liked the longer look on him, but she saw the haircut for the reason behind it instead of for itself. "Jethro."
"I've told you before. What happens to you, happens to me. We go through this together." She hugged him, him reciprocating the action, but gently, like he was afraid she could still break. "Are you hungry?"
She looked at him, taking her towel down, letting him see her head for the first time. "Actually?" He nodded. "Starving."
"Good." He kissed her head gently before smiling.
The food was on the table, steak and asparagus, looking almost romantic with candles and the lilies he'd brought home. He brought two glasses of sweet iced tea to the table, sitting down beside her. "Tell me something."
She looked at his hair again, still in disbelief. "You're a great partner."
"Tell me something I don't know." He teased. "I have a present." He reached for the box. "I don't know…I hope you like it."
She looked at him strangely, slowly opening the box, and looking at the contents, holding them in her hands, feeling the strands. Everything about it looked natural, the hair itself, the color, the hairstyle, like it was really her hair. She bit her lip, a sign that she was trying not to cry. "It's perfect."
"I thought about getting you several different kinds, colors, like when we were undercover, but I thought you might like this best."
She nodded, biting her lower lip. "I love it."
"I've told you before and I'll say it again. I don't give a damn if you have red, blonde, brunette, tie-dyed streaks, or bald. That's not what's important to me." He picked up her hand that was unoccupied. "This is what's important to me. The whole Jenny. But I knew it was important to you." He paused, a lump in his throat. "You'll be the most beautiful woman in the room tonight." He was uncomfortable giving compliments, but thought she needed one. "But then again, you always are."
"I'll be the only woman in the room tonight." He looked at her as she took a sip of tea. "I'm not going."
"Jen…"
She shook her head. "Since this whole thing started, I've realized…most of the people there tonight…they wouldn't give a damn if I had cancer or killed someone or had an affair, as long as they could use it to better their careers. I'm through with NCIS, I'm through with politics, and I'm about to agree that you had the right idea of how to handle all of them."
"And that's the reason you don't want to go." He tried not to sound unsure as she nodded. "I'll see what I can do." He kissed her temple. "But I want you to think about it. Seriously. You've worked long and hard. You were the first female director of NCIS. Most people thought you wouldn't make it a month; you made it three years."
"Did you think I wouldn't make it month?" She knew his answer.
"Like that was any big surprise. First year, I kept thinking it would all be a joke and you'd come be my partner again." He realized he could have made things a lot easier on her the past three years. "And I thought I wouldn't make another year working for you, the way I kept ticking you off." He laughed as she started laughing, studying her face, finally seeing happy again for a few precious minutes.
"I'll go." He feigned surprise. "But I'm not staying long."
"Deal, because your escort hates those parties." He kissed her temple, beginning to clean up.
"Do you have to go back to work?" Jenny asked, watching him.
He turned to look at her. "I told Tony I'd stay as long as you needed me."
"I always need you." Only recently had she discovered how true those words really were. "But Shelby can keep me company." She knew he had been feeling guilty about his work schedule, although he never said anything in her hearing.
He kneeled to be eye-level with her chair. "You're sure?"
She nodded, kissing him gently. "I'll see you tonight."
He stroked her cheek, kissing her gently. "I'll see you tonight, baby. Get some rest."
Jenny looked at the ball gown she was about to put on, realizing that this part of her life was about to be over. Certain parts of it she would miss, but she knew, deep in her heart, that she was doing the right thing. She had chosen to wear a ball gown she'd already had rather than buy a new one and smiled as she remembered the only time Jethro had seen her in it. "You look gorgeous," Shelby said, knocking on the open door.
"So do you." Jen smiled, looking at her best friend in the light blue ball gown, one of the very few things Shelby wore in public that accentuated her figure rather than hiding it. "You're a knockout."
Shelby twirled slowly and grinned the Gibbs' family patented smile, her eyes dancing with silent laughter. "Can you help me with my makeup?" She asked, walking over to fasten the necklace Gibbs had given Jenny in Paris around her friend's neck.
"Sure." She let Shelby sit beside her, using just enough makeup to highlight Shelby's features without hiding them. "You look like a million bucks. Tony'll be speechless."
Shelby laughed. "That's always a good thing." She helped her friend with her wig, styling it for her. "Jen…are you sure you're ready to retire?"
"I made the wrong choice in Paris," Jenny admitted quietly. "I gave up the man I love more than anything else in the world…and a chance to have children. I can't change the choices I made, but I can correct them now. The only way to be with Jethro is to give up being director. And the fact that he's never asked me to means more than anything I can say. If I cared about the job anymore, I'd stay." She paused. "After the coma, you would have thought I'd learn my lesson. It took this to make me realize that we may have a day left, a year, or fifty years. But I want to spend them all with him." She studied Shelby. "Do you understand?"
Shelby paused, becoming very silent, and then nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."
Gibbs looked around the ballroom, having already changed into his tuxedo, feeling more than a little uncomfortable. He hated wearing the 'monkey suit', but the night was not about him. He wanted everything perfect for Jen, wanted her to feel like a princess, like the most precious thing in the world, which she was to him.
Tony stood between his boss and his partner, noticing appreciatively how many hot girls were in the room, including Ziva in a black slinky dress that made her look even more exotic than usual. Still, when Shelby and Jenny walked into the ball room together, his eyes automatically shifted to the girl who'd held his attention for seventeen years.
Gibbs watched Jenny greet several politicians and hug her assistant, Cynthia, who was crying and trying to hide it. "I'll be by the headquarters all the time," Jenny told her. "It's not like I'm leaving forever."
"I'll miss you. It won't be the same with him around."
Jenny laughed. "Gibbs isn't that bad. You just have to learn how to deal with him."
"Not Agent Gibbs. Director Vance." She made a face and Jenny laughed.
After talking to a few more people, Jenny finally made her way to Gibbs who kissed her cheek. "Hubba hubba," Gibbs whispered under his breath, just loud enough for her to hear and smile.
"You could just say you like my dress," she whispered back, slightly waving in acknowledgment at someone across the room, her attention totally on Gibbs.
"I'd like it better off…" This time, she laughed. "Come for a walk with me." She took his offered arm, sneaking out of her own party, content to be with him.
Tony finally met up with Shelby, his arms around her shoulders. "Where are they going?" He whispered, watching as Gibbs and Jenny left the party together.
Shelby shrugged. "I don't know. He didn't say anything to me." She watched Ducky's puzzled expression as well and thought about Jen's words to her only hours before. "I guess as long as the guest of honor is leaving the party…"
He smiled. "Great minds think alike." He reached in his tux, pulling out two matching hotel key cards, kissing her temple. He'd gotten a room on the off-chance that she would have a break, both of them having been as caught up with work and Jenny lately as Gibbs. "Race you up there."
"You're on."
Donald Mallard watched the two couples leave, first his two best friends, then the people he considered his children. He too was wondering what Gibbs and Jenny were up to and hoped that her illness had a bright side to it, something that could be used for good. It was far past time they figure out what they wanted from each other, because it had been impossible for either of them to move on.
Gibbs questioned again the idea of picking this night, of all nights. Maybe another day, another time, would be better. He had learned though, the hard way, that there was never the possibility of a tomorrow. Emotion, sentiment, never came easy to him, having been raised just another tough Marine in a family of tough Marines. The women in his family never lasted long, either because of divorces or death. Shelby was the only female born to the family in decades. He didn't know how to express himself, but Jenny had always understood. He could only hope she would now, hope she would say yes.
"I have something I want to ask."
She stopped walking, turning to face him, sitting on the bench nearby. "What?"
He sat beside her, not kneeling, but taking her hand. "I'm not good at this. I've never been…I've never been good at this."
"Jethro, just say it." She hoped it wasn't a proposal of marriage. She knew them well enough to know it would never work. He had been burned so many times he hated the very idea of marriage and she wasn't far behind him.
"I want to suggest…a partnership."
She smiled, her eyes sparkling. "A partnership?" She asked, truly interested in where he was going.
"I don't believe in forever." He hadn't since Shannon's death. "But I want to be with you for the rest of our lives." He paused. "Damn it, I've been trying to figure out a way to say this since Paris."
She smiled again. "Since Paris?"
He nodded. "I thought about flying to see you a thousand times in those six years. Sometimes I wish I had." He paused. "I wanted to ask you after our mission was over, but then you were gone." He paused again, knowing it didn't matter. "I don't want to get married. I know neither one of us wants that…" He paused. "You mean more than that to me." He wasn't sure she would understand. "I want you to be my partner again. I want you to come home, for good. Not because I'm hurt or you're sick or someone's trying to kill us, but because we want to be together." He was a little embarrassed, but knew he had to say the words circling in his brain.
"Okay."
He started to laugh. He'd been pouring his heart out and all she said was 'okay'. "Okay? Just okay?"
She kissed him. "Je t'aime, my love. Je t'aime." He leaned over, kissing her back, the way he hadn't dared to since she was sick, slow, gentle, and hot, full of passion and promise.