Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, it wouldn't be fit for cable T.V.

This chapter would have been up sooner but my Internet hasn't been working right. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I was eager to write it...but it also made me a little sad... but you'll find out soon enough. Oh, on a personal note, I'm having Gall Bladder surgery on the 30th of this month, so I will probable be unable to post for a little while, but I will try.

Chapter 16: Decisions and Heartbreak

Inner Sakura/Thoughts

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Kakashi sat in his armchair, a glass of sake in his right hand. On the end table to his left lay the latest copy of Ichi Ichi. It was opened to a steamy scene, but Kakashi was to preoccupied to notice. His eyes and thoughts were elsewhere.

Laid across the couch in front of him was a soft white kimono, with a cherry blossom print. His present to Sakura, and now his only memento from their time shared together. He wondered if Sakura would come looking for it when she noticed it missing.

He knew it was wrong when he took it, not that he felt bad about stealing it, just that it would make the pain that much worse. But, he couldn't help wanting a token to remember her by.

Kakashi allowed a small chuckle at his expense, when did he become a sentimental fool. He never thought he would think of any woman this way, least alone Sakura. She was his former student, and 14 years his junior. So much for being Konoha's eternal bachelor. Although now those words would be more true now than before. He could never give his heart to any woman ever again. No, he would stay single...forever.

He took another sip of his drink. He would put on a strong face for her. She would never know how much he suffered in private. That burden would be his alone.

He rose from the chair and with three steps was standing beside the kimono. His fingers lightly traced the outline of a falling petal. He picked up the silky garment, and his hand clenched into a fist around soft material.

I don't care how hard it is. I will let her go. A painful memory flashed through his mind, and he downed the last of his sake. I could kill him for touching her that way!...but...she deserves to be happy...even if it has to be him...

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Sakura walked down the unfamiliar street. She had only been there once, but she remembered the way to Kakashi's apartment. Her feet drug slowly across the pavement, trying to postpone the upcoming endeavor.

She didn't know what she was going to say to him, but she couldn't move on with her life without seeing him again.

I think you don't really want to move on

And what if I don't ?

Nothing...It's your heart. If you can live with the pain, so can I

I just don't know what to do...I want to be with Kakashi

Unfortunately, thats not an option.

I know...but...

But what?

I think I could be happy just knowing that he still wants me. If he would say that he still loves me...

You could be satisfied being alone forever?

Yes.

Sakura stopped in front of a large stone building. The setting sun cast shades of red and orange across the structure, as the outskirts of the village were shrouded in darkness.

Her heart was pounding painfully against her chest, feeling her ears with it's rhythm . She checked nervously over her shoulder, making sure no one was around to witness her visit, and took a deep breath. Then slowly she raised her shaky hand and knocked three times on his door.

Before she had a chance to release her held breath, the door flew open, revealing a sight that made her heart ache. Kakashi stood in the door way, one hand still on the door, the other supporting him on the frame. He wore only a pair of black pants, leaving his muscled chest exposed to Sakura's lust filled eyes.

She had to remind herself that she was standing on the street, to keep from jumping him.

"What are you doing here Sakura?" He didn't sound surprised by her unexpected visit.

Sakura swallowed the lump that had built in her throat. " I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?"

After a short moment of deliberation, Kakashi nodded and stepped aside. His eyes never left her as she walked past him and sat in the spot where her kimono once laid. Quickly, he shut the door went to sit in his chair facing her.

He knew this was going to be tough, but it would be for her own good. "Ok, so what did you need to talk about." His voice was cold, and hard as stone.

Sakura was taken back by his sudden hostility. "Well...I wanted to talk about us." She suddenly sounded very fragile.

Kakashi had do dig his nails into his palm to keep his composure. He wanted so badly to just rush to her side and confess his love. He imagined himself wrapping his arms around her, burring his face in her hair and inhaling her intoxicating scent. He wanted to lay kisses on her soft pink lips, trail his fingers down her body, and take her right there on his couch.

No, he couldn't do that. He had to be strong. For her sake. "There is no 'us' Sakura." His tone was colder than before.

"I know, we cant be together, because of the law, but..." Sakura's words began to tumble quickly from her lips. " I still love you Kakashi, and nothing is going to change that. Please, I need to know that you still love me too...then, I will happily be alone forever." Her cheeks began to burn with embarrassment. She had never told anyone that she loved them before. She left herself open, vulnerable, waiting for his response.

And then the worst thing she could have imagined happened, Kakashi laughed. Instantly her heart shattered into thousands of tiny pieces, leaving behind only the sound of his mocking laughter.

It was only a quick laugh, but the motion tore threw Kakashi like a kunai. He could see the pain it was causing her, but he had to do it. He would hurt her, to help her...even if it killed him.

"Sakura, what a truly foolish girl you are, to fall in love so quickly. I never loved you." He lied. " What happened between us was purely a satisfaction of carnal desires, something that was convenient at the time, but has served it's purpose." Luckily his mask hid his tormented expression. "To put it bluntly, you were just a piece of ass."

Kakashi's heart twisted painfully at the look on her beautiful face. He thought for sure she would see through his lies. Then what would he do? He couldn't keep this charade up much longer. But how could she believe such obvious blasphemy?

Then the tears began to fall, and he knew she had bought his words. It was time to seal the deal, and insure that her heart was thoroughly broken. She deserves better than me, and better than him.

"Now don't look so sad." He leaned over and tilted her chin up with his hand. Coming face to face with those sad green eyes was almost too much for him.

"We had fun didn't we?" He didn't wait for her response. "But, you would really be better off with someone your own age anyway." Silently, he cursed himself for what he was about to say. "I hear from the Hokage that Sasuke is looking for a bride. You've always had a thing for him. I think you should accept his offer."

Sakura's mouth hung open, her eyes wide with shock. "Yes, I know about that. But don't look so concerned, you don't owe me anything. There is no betrayal." Kakashi leaned back, turning his face away from her. "Now, I think it would be best if you left, you wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea about your being here."

Sakura nodded, tears still rolling down her delicate cheeks.

Kakashi reached down beside his chair and lifted a bottle of sake from the floor. He filled his glass and began to drown away his pain. He paid no attention as Sakura stood and let herself out of his apartment.

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Sakura walked slowly down the dark street. A strange numbness had taken the place of the searing pain. When she first left Kakashi's apartment it felt as if she had been stabbed in the chest with a knife. Now there was nothing, no feeling, no pain, no hope. She would have suspected that she had died from that wound, if it wasn't for the pathetic beating of her now mangled heart. It slowly flopped beneath her breast, keeping up the pretense of being alive.

But what did she care now if she was alive or not? Nothing was real anymore. There could be no more happiness for her.

She hadn't even realized she was going home till she stopped in front of her apartment. Still in a daze she climbed the short steps and entered the dark room. Without even bothering to find the light, she crossed the black abyss and fell noiselessly onto her bed.

Ignoring the fact that she was still fully dressed, she pulled the comforter over her head and closed her eyes.

She woke up early the next morning. She hadn't slept well, but she didn't expect too. All night her dreams were plagued by faces, and memories. Several times she woke with a start, sitting straight up in bed.

She stumbled to the bathroom and splashed cold water on her face. She gasped in horror as she caught her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her face was slightly swollen from crying.

"Just great. I can't go out today looking like this." She went into the living room and pulled out a pad of paper, and a pencil from the night stand. Quickly she wrote out a note to Tsunade.

Can't come in today. Sick.

Sorry,

Sakura

She folded the note in half and rolled it into a small scroll, slipping a band tightly over it to keep its shape. She crossed the room and pushed open the window. Carefully, she stuck her head partially outside, and cooed twice. Within seconds, a snow white pigeon landed softly on the window sill. Sakura quickly attached the scroll to the birds leg, and it set off towards Tsunade's office.

The two frequently used messenger birds to communicate privately. Sakura wondered what her Sensei's reaction would be to the message, she hadn't taken a sick day in over two years. Hopefully, she would just think Sakura needed a day to recuperate from her mission, and not come snooping around.

Sakura closed the window and walked into the kitchen for some breakfast. She picked up an orange from a small bowl of fruit sitting on the table, and began to slowly peel it. Before she was half way finished, their was a loud knock on the door.

"Sakura! Open up! I know your not sick. A medical ninja doesn't get sick." Tsunade's voice sounded loudly from the other side of the door.

Great. Just what I needed this morning. Sakura hurried to open up. The last time she took too long, she had to buy a new door. Tsunade was not a patient woman.

Tsunade was standing on the steps, arms crossed over her chest. When Sakura opened the door she pushed past her, and stomped into the apartment. Sakura closed the door and spun to face her Hokage.

Tsunade eyed her suspiciously, "Well, you don't look sick to me. So whats going on?"

Sakura let her hair fall in front of her eyes in an attempt to hide any evidence that she had been crying. "No, I'm not sick. I just needed a day to rest before going back to work at the hospital."

Tsunade shifted her weight and cocked and eyebrow at her apprentice's explanation. "Really? Then why have I received half a dozen reports that you were running through the streets crying yesterday?" She reached up and gently pushed back the hair from Sakura's eyes. Her expression softened at once.

"So its true. What happened? Was it that Uchiha? If he made you cry I swear I'll make him regret ever coming back." Everyone knew better than to mess with Sakura, unless they wanted to face Tsunade's wrath.

Sakura just hung her head, it was no use hiding it now. "No Sensei, it wasn't Sasuke. It was someone else."

"I didn't know you were seeing anyone. Why didn't you tell me?" The blond Godaime reached out and stroked Sakura's arm in an attempt to comfort her. "So who is he?"

"It doesn't matter. It's over now, and I have to accept that." Sakura couldn't tell her that she no longer cared for her own happiness. That the man she was in love with, Kakashi, had rejected her. No, that would not end well for him.

"I've decided to marry Sasuke. I want to do what's best for the village." Sakura was surprised at how easily the words passed over her lips. There wasn't even a reaction inside her numb core. She simply didn't feel anymore.

However, Tsunade was taken back by the turn of events. " What. Thats very sudden. Don't you think you should give it some time. He just returned to the village, you don't even know him anymore. Take some time, think about this first."

"No." Sakura's voice was as firm as she could manage. " I don't need time. I need to move on."

"I don't think thats a good idea. In fact, I'm sure that is a bad idea." Tsunade turned from sympathetic Sensei, to official Hokage. "So I will not allow the two of you to get married till you have taken some time to think clearly."

Sakura opened her mouth to protest, but Tsunade silenced her with a look. "I'm not budging on this Sakura. You will give things some time, understood."

Sakura's shoulders slumped in defeat. " Yes Sensei."

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Tsunade to the rescue. It was really hard to write Kakashi being mean to Sakura. But for the sake of the story line it had to be done. Don't hate me :) Well let me know what you think. Hopefully I won't be out too long after my surgery. I will try to post again before that, but, I can't make any promises. R&R