I don't know how long I was asleep, but it wasn't long enough because when my mother came into my room and woke me up, she could tell I'd been crying.
"Clyde?! What's the matter? What happened?" Wow she sounds shrill. I guess I don't blame her. She hasn't seen me cry in years, because I haven't. Craig and I have been friends for as long as I can remember, and now for all I knew things were over. Wasn't that at least a decent reason to cry? As long as no one finds out about it that is. We all need to cry sometimes, and now that I was awake I wanted to cry more. I couldn't do that in front of her, so I scrunched my face as hard as I could, but still couldn't stop my damned bottom lip from trembling.
I have to think of something to tell her. What's a good, manly reason to cry? There's not one, men aren't supposed to cry. The only thing that entered my mind from earlier that day was our bridge, so I used that.
"Our bridge is going to suck I think, and it's pissing me off!" No, what happened while we were building the bridge is what's pissing me off. I'm a loser who's not deserving of Craig's attention, and now more that ever he's going to realize that. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't convince myself otherwise. I couldn't find the silver lining on everything. There was none. The cloth has been butchered mercilessly, and I'm the one who gets stuck holding the shitty portion. These thoughts make my lip quiver harder, I barely have the will-power to focus on making it stop.
"Don't be ridiculous! Your bridge will be great as long as you work hard on it. Now stop this crying! It's pathetic." Son of a bitch, Mom! I know it's pathetic but the last thing I need is you deeming it so! So many times I've wanted to say things like this to her when she gets on my case. But I don't have the balls, and even if I did try to it wouldn't come out right and I'd mess it up horribly.
"Fine, I get it. Thanks." I was able to muster some sarcasm here through my sniffles, hoping that just maybe she'd understand she was being kind of a bitch. No such luck. At least she was stopping the thoughts of Craig for the moment.
"Good. So did Craig go home for the evening?"
Physically hearing the name was like a javelin in my heart, such nervous based, stabbing pains in my chest I'd never felt before. It all came back two-fold. More tears spilled out of my eyes like birds flying from a gun-shot. With all the strength of an infant, I attempted to stop my voice from quavering as I muttered: "Just leave me alone, Mom." I put my face in my pillow, hoping the blackness would swallow everything up.
"Honestly Clyde, what is wrong?!" The annoyance in her voice was cutting through my patience. I can not deal with her now.
"Nothing important! Just get out!"
"Don't take that tone with me, young man!" Usually her stern tone would get me to back down, but I didn't care about any part of her right now.
"OUT!" I thought my outburst deserved something more fitting than an angry gasp, followed by an exasperated sigh.
"We'll discuss this later. Don't you come out of here until you're ready to apologize!"
She stormed out. If I had any strength left just to spite her I would have left my room with my head held high. Actually I only felt that way because I didn't give a shit about her mood or what she thought of me. Craig was tearing all the hope I had in myself straight out, without even meaning to. Maybe he didn't know, or just didn't care. Either scenario brought no comfort to my troubled mind.
This time sleep brought no relief to my pain. I dreamt that Craig got married. It might have been Heidi, or more likely just some other girl, his affections brought on by the night he had had with Heidi, and he couldn't wait to spend his life with some girl, having sex every chance he got. I wasn't even in the dream. I might as well have been a ghost, watching his last chance at salvation fading away. That sure as hell was what it felt like. It would have been so much better if my mind created a scenario where Craig apologized to me and said how awful it was spending so much time with a girl. I really could have used it, but instead I was stuck with this sickening display of my darkest fear. Thanks a lot brain.
-----
I never thought I'd be a little happy to wake up for school. But after the dream I had, being awake was a lot sweeter than the warm, relaxing embrace of a bed on a freezing morning. I was able to focus on just getting ready for school, picking out one of my nicer shirts and tan, khaki pants. I spent a little more time than usual combing my hair, making sure all the strands went the same way. I noticed how dark and lifeless my eyes were. It made sense, I had nothing to be excited about. At least on other days there was always the prospect of doing something with Craig. But not today, he had his date. That thought was the only thing that caused any kind of sensation in my hollow chest, and it wasn't a pleasant one, it felt like acid was churning around in my innards.
Fortunately my parents weren't awake yet. I just had some toast and milk. When I got into my car I realized I had a dilemma: I picked up Craig at his house for school. Could I handle it? Did he even want me to pick him up? To make the decision easier I just said to myself that he doesn't care about me. This helped me to muster some weak anger and I drove to school, trying to put him out of my mind. It worked...until I saw the building come into view. Then I knew I'd see him eventually, and my heart started thumping in fear.
In second period English we sit next to each other. I was already sitting when he took his seat next to me. I did my best to pretend I was studying our assigned reading, praying he'd say something at all comforting to me. I cringed when I remembered I didn't pick him up from school. Was he pissed? I didn't know for certain, because the only thing he asked was: "What page are we supposed to be up to?"
His voice would have been so much sweeter if it wasn't so flat. He might as well have been asking an ATM what his remaining balance was. I swallowed as my eyes started stinging slightly. "90" I whispered back, not able to manage talking any louder. Maybe he was annoyed at me, for any number of reasons. I kept my head tilted to the right as to not look at him. Sure, I could take the effort to talk to him and maybe set things right, but again, I have no balls, and if he talked to me of his own free will then I'd have known that things were going to get better. He didn't say anything.
Simultaneously I screamed at him for being such a dick, while the more reasonable part of me deducted that he had no reason to talk to me, and in essence he hadn't done anything wrong. I'm always sabotaging myself like that. If I could have latched on to the "dick" scenario I could have buried my pain in anger. But no, all pain, all self-loathing. That period I couldn't have told you if we had a substitute teacher or not. I did my best to just focus on the words of my book, whatever I could do to stop my thoughts.
I cursed to myself at lunch when I saw that Craig was already sitting down with his food. The plan was I'd get my food first and then take the first seat, and Craig would sit across from me because he wanted to. I didn't have the nerve to make the move to sit across from him. I didn't know if he wanted me to or not. I sat a few seats down from him on the other side of the bench, immersing myself in my food so I wouldn't look at him. I relaxed slightly when Token sat down in front of him, until they started talking about the date. I hoped I'd hear something about it being called off, or at least postponed. The cafeteria was too noisy to hear them though, they weren't talking loud at all. I reasoned that the date wasn't called off, Craig had that glint in his eyes, and a great smile on his face. If only he'd smile like that because of me.
Tweek sat down across from me. "What are you doing sitting this far away?"
"Token and Craig are talking about a date they're going on today." I said this so quietly. I was surprised that Tweek even heard me, which was good because I didn't want to repeat it.
"Oh...uh, crazy." He didn't sound like he really thought it was crazy, but maybe he thought he should respond that way because of how I looked. I don't know how I appeared really, but I sure as hell didn't have any energy to seem chipper.
"Craig says he's going to have sex with Heidi tonight."
"Agh! Jesus, dude!" I grinned slightly at Tweek's reaction. I think it was the reason I told him, because he'd be just as visibly upset as I felt. After my grin subsided I realized it wasn't worth it, I put my head down on my hands so I could try to let the darkness take me again; whatever I could do to get away.
"What are you two talking about over there?" Craig asked, sort of accusingly.
I didn't want to look at him then, but I jerked my head up to tell him a lie before Tweek gave him the truth. I mustered up all the energy possible to respond normally. My heart felt like a battery that was about to die. It was a comforting thought.
"Just talking about the food." I glared at Tweek to tell him to keep his mouth shut.
"Whatever." Craig turned back to his conversation with Token, obviously eager to iron out the details. Hey, at least he took a little time out of his busy schedule to talk to me, right? But I didn't care, he probably thought we were gossiping about him, which we kind of were.
"What's wrong, man?" Tweek sounded genuinely upset. It was kind of sweet.
"Nothing, Tweek." Again, my voice was barely above a whisper. Maybe if I stop talking I can lapse into a coma.
"Errggh, nothing?! You're never like this!"
Ugh, Tweek's not a big fan of change, and seeing how I'm the most constant variable in his life, because I'm always able to spend time with Craig, I guess me acting like this is stressful for him. That's something I don't understand, though. I wouldn't care much if he was acting different, sometimes it'd be a refreshing change. It's a different story with Craig, but that's because he's...well...Craig. The forbidden fruit. Only forbidden because he's erected a fence around himself, and now he's going to give the key to the gate to some whore. I felt pissed again.
"Please stop bugging me Tweek, it's nothing!"
He yelped and looked at his food nervously, yanking on his hair. I felt bad, I shouldn't have snapped at him like that, but Craig was causing all of these new emotions within me and I couldn't handle them.
"Sorry, Tweek." I got up and left, doing my best to cut my losses.
I walked around the halls before next period started, staring blankly ahead. When my thoughts turned to Craig I decided to examine the other students and try to pick out their attractive qualities. Thin nose, shiny hair, great teeth, slim figure, toned figure, almost Craig-like figure. Aw shit. Nothing is working. I stared at the floor as I plodded ahead, focusing on the tiles and the random designs in them. It was the longest lunch I'd ever had.
Arriving at home from school was always such a joyous occasion. Now Craig and I could have a great time together, but of course nothing like that was going to happen today. Craig told me he was going to catch a ride with Token. I figured as much. I flopped down on the couch and watched some TV. My thoughts continued to swim around in my head while I stared at the screen. Not stimulating enough I decided. I went to my room and got on the computer to play whatever I could get my hands on. I did that for a while, but still it wasn't enough to calm my mind. I still thought about how much Craig was probably going to enjoy his new experience, how little he respected me, how much of a wuss I was. It was infuriating to say the least. Being on the computer usually helped me relax, but knowing I wasn't going to be using it with Craig made it all feel sour. I had nothing to look forward to, and it was miserable.
-----
But I still continued on in life, much to my surprise. Sure enough, Craig did have sex with Heidi. I heard about it when we actually got together to build our bridge. I was elated that he was coming back over to my house at first, especially after he was a ghost that whole weekend. Then he brought up Heidi, and how much she obviously liked what he had to offer. I could have sealed his mouth shut with the powerful smelling glue we used to hold our bridge together. It made things worse that I knew he was only over here for his grade. He never asked about me, how World of Warcraft or whatever we were involved with was going. He could be like that, he and I would be playing something hard core for a little while, then he'd stop as if we had never been playing it in the first place. I didn't get him, but seeing him so full of energy made me want him just as much, even though he was acting so callous and was crushing whatever soul he had revived by coming over. He couldn't have known, and that's how I reasoned on forgiving him.
After we had our bridge built, I didn't give a shit on how it performed, I never saw or talked to him outside of school. For weeks I had nothing going for me. No great times after school, no friends to hang out with. I only talked to Tweek during lunch, worried about what Craig would talk about if I sat with him. If he didn't go into details it was easier to believe he was lying.
"I'm surprised Heidi still has the energy to keep going after what I've been doing with her!" Craig would brag.
Hey, he's calling her by her first name now, how about that? He must respect her at least a little bit. He spoke about basketball too, but not about Kyle nearly as much as he used to. It seemed like he wanted to talk only himself up, like he was the King of the School or something, it made me sick seeing him so happy at my expense. A normal friend would be at least a little happy for him, but not me. Not if it meant throwing me in the garbage. It was this thought that made me break into a cold sweat: he probably only hung out with me as a place-holder until something better came along. That's all I was, a stepping stone. He really is a dick. A selfish bastard. Thinking of him this way eased the pain a little, then he'd smile at me, well, maybe not at me but near me and I'd cling onto that like a dog onto a meaty bone. It was his charisma that made my hopes still cling to him. It was pointless, really.
After a while I understood what people meant when they'd say their "hearts have hardened" or whatever the cliche is. But it really felt like that. It made things slightly easier to not feel joy, then you couldn't feel sorrow. I didn't want my parents to delve into my personal life any so I acted as normal as possible around them, and it worked. I even apologized for yelling at my mom, if only to shut her up.
Enough time passed that I got desperate for some sort of human interaction after school. Tweek was the only logical choice, he and I would hang out during lunch. Plus, he wasn't a prick who bragged all the time. I called him up, something I could never do with Craig, he always contacted me, which was the way I liked it, knowing he actually wanted to do something with me instead of just going along. This might have been the biggest reason I never talked to him after school, I couldn't call him up, and he had more important matters to attend to, like his constant erection. I'd better not dwell on that anymore.
After I dialed the number Tweek's dad answered. "Hello?"
"Hi...uh...is Tweek home?" It was actually a good thing that Tweek didn't answer first, I had no idea what I was going to say.
"Yes, just a moment I'll get him. Tweeeeeeek?"
That's not actually getting him if you're just yelling his name, but that's what I'd do. Waiting for Tweek to pick up the phone gave me time to prepare my question.
"Agh! H-hello??" Obviously Tweek doesn't get very many phone calls. The nervousness in his voice was borderline adorable. I guess...
"Hey, I'm pretty bored over here, would you like to come over or something?"
"Oh...uh...y-yeah. Sure. I'll come over when I can. Agh!" Wow, he sounded more upset than he should. I wonder why?
I found out after he came over. It was funny to hear my mom tell me Tweek was here, she hadn't seem in in who knows how long, and her tone was of bewilderment. She might as well have said, "Tweek's here?!" I told her I asked him to come over and we went up to my room.
I didn't have any plans for us, I didn't know what he liked. To break the silence I asked: "Anything you want to do?"
"I-I don't know, man. You asked me over..." He started twirling his hair nervously again, making his spikes droop slightly. You know, if he worked on it he could probably look like Cloud from Final Fantasy 7. I love that game.
He took a sip from his thermos full of coffee that I just noticed he had. Of course he'd bring coffee with him for an occasion like this, we never hang out. I still couldn't figure out why he was so nervous, it's only me after all.
"Well what do you do at your house?" I was interested in the answer.
"J-just...I don't know, homework or whatever."
The small mention of school made me sullen again, causing my shoulders to slouch until they almost touched my waist. The only place where Craig would give me the time of day. It was here where I found out what was probably making Tweek so nervous.
"O-okay. Please don't be mad at me, but why do you seem so morose lately, man? Ehhng, I mean, I-I'm just wondering if something's up."
He stared at me with fear in his eyes, taking another big swig from his coffee. I remembered how I'd snapped at him the last time he asked me. For him to have the courage to ask again must mean it's really bothering him. I kept silent, not showing any anger, as I thought of an answer. The longer I waited the more he started twitching, causing my mattress to squeak slightly.
Having my emotions buried under hopelessness for so long gave me the courage to give him a true response.
"Alright Tweek. You have to promise me not to tell anybody. I uh...like guys, and..."
"You what??"
The way Tweek said that confused the hell out of me, enough for me to forget about my embarrassing confession for the moment. He said it happily I think, I focused all my attention on his face which was staring at me in disbelief. He was waiting for me to speak.
"Don't make me repeat it Tweek...it's hard enough that-"
"You like guys?" He cut me off. I didn't have a chance to tell him the real reason I was so upset, but I was glad that he kept interuppting. Maybe I wouldn't have to tell him about Craig.
I turned away from him and nodded, looking dead ahead. In a way I almost didn't care if he told people about this. If anything, it would have been a better excuse to kill myself. I always wondered what would be the quickest, most painless way to pull it off, because being a pussy and all made me nauseous sometimes to picture some of the possibilities.
He took a few breaths in preparation for what was about to happen next. He put his hand on the middle of my back. My eyes widened at the unexpected contact, but I kept my gaze forward.
"Clyde...I l-like guys too..." my mouth fell open here, and he kept speaking, "...and I'm hoping that you called me over here...a-and told me that because...you hopefully...like me too?"
My head started spinning like a cyclone. "Too?" Does Tweek like me? Me?! I mustered the courage to look over at him, and sure enough my thoughts were correct. He had a hopeful look on his face, his eyebrows were arched downwards in fear of what my response would be, but the corners of his mouth were turned upwards slightly in excitement of my revelation. His eyes bored into mine, pleading for me to make him happy. I didn't know if I could do it, but if anything he had filled me with new found life. No one had ever liked me before. He gave me power over him, and I was feeling mixed emotions of pride in myself and feelings for Tweek. It was so great to know I wasn't nothing to everyone. So many thoughts were hitting me that I couldn't respond, and then I noticed his slight grin quavering, the light in his eyes started retreating. My heart went out to him, and I leaned into him and threw my arms around him. Embracing him tight in an attempt to melt the cold inside of me. It started working when he hugged back.
"Thank you, Tweek."
He sniffed joyfully.
-----
So our era had begun. Nothing could have prepared me for it. The fact that it was nervous little Tweek helped calm my fears though. He wouldn't judge me. He admitted he liked me, I was on top for once. It was easier to put the pangs of jealousy over Craig out of my mind when I thought about spending time with Tweek after school. I actually had something to look forward to. Before we left that night I laid down some rules for us. Mainly not to tell anyone and to not let on about it in school. I didn't feel guilty about wanting to hide it, I was sure Tweek felt the same way. We departed with one last hug that night. It was great to hug his slender frame, it made me feel like more of a man.
It was easier for me to see Tweek's good qualities once we were going out. How his skin might be pale, but almost silky, how much fire there can be in his eyes, how much personality there is in his hair. The rest of the world can be really fuzzy when you only look straight ahead.
As usual at lunch Tweek and I kept our distance from Craig and Token. Now that I was happier I guess Craig deemed me worthy of his attention. He'd say "Hi" to me more often and would chat with me more during class. When he did that it was impossible not to think about him in certain ways, but I was doing better in replacing him with Tweek. Tweek deserved my fantasies, not Craig.
We were both so new to this relationship thing that it took a long while to make a move on each other. Usually we would hold hands while watching TV until my parents came home. Sometimes he'd rest his hand on my chest or scratch my back. My stomach would lurch every time I'd be spontaneous and give him a strong embrace from behind. I wasn't used to anything like this. Fortunately he'd giggle whenever I did it, which helped me not feel like a retard.
We were at his house one night when he gently kissed my neck.
"U-um...is there anything you want to do?" He asked nervously.
Seeing him so frightened and boyish looking helped me take the initiative to kiss him lightly on the lips. His face became calmer as he got up and locked his door. He walked back over to where I was sitting on his bed. He grabbed my hands to pull me up so he could press his lips more firmly into mine. After a brief moment they slid together perfectly, with both of my lips sucking genlty on his top one, just like I'd seen it done so often in the movies.
It was fascinating that my lips had such a strong connection to my crotch, little jolts of pleasure shot their way down my body, pooling in my most sensitive area. When Tweek pressed his hips closer into me, my pants nearly erupted. He was wearing a T-shirt so I easily pulled it over his head. I needed to touch his thin body so I took him in my arms and laid him down on his bed. I caressed my fingers delicately over his chest and stomach, savoring the feel of his skin on my fingertips. At first I felt incredibly foolish doing this, until Tweek moaned in delight and arched his back, inviting my fingers to do as much work as they pleased. His response got me more fired up, and my reasoning brain shut down to make way for more carnal pleasures. I didn't act beastly in any way, don't get me wrong. But from what I started doing I sure felt like it. I got down on my knees as I continued to stroke his body, his eyes were closed which made it easier for me to make my decision. I unbuttoned his pants and took them off, laying a hand gently on top of the bulge through his underwear. He gasped in shock, then relaxed, waiting for whatever I had in store for him. He wanted this, didn't he? That was all I needed to know. It was a good thing that I had watched my share of gay porn, so I didn't see anything that shocked me. The stiff flesh I saw was inviting, daring me to continue. Better yet, I had an idea of how to make him climax. I used my mouth in the same way I'd seen it done on the screen. I couldn't tell how well I was doing at the time, I had to focus severely so I didn't orgasm myself. The feeling of him inside my mouth was making me go wild, but I didn't stop to serve myself. When I knew he was about to explode I grabbed his shirt and used it to catch the liquid as I finished with my hands.
When I was done I could only assume I had done a good job, his face was aglow with ecstasy. When I flopped down next to him on the bed he quickly composed himself and went to take my shirt off. I wasn't comfortable about being topless around him so I pushed his hands towards my pants. It was all I could do to not yell, "Please hurry!" at him. He worked quickly and excitedly. It was an entirely different experience to have someone else service me, and my body erupted into spasms of pleasure as he started, I gripped his blanket tightly until my knuckles went white.
When I was about to arrive I breathed, "Okay!" to him and he pulled away, I practically soared into the clouds as I released, and I almost missed catching it with his shirt.
We both laid next to each other on the bed, panting heavily. When the fog of lust passed, I said to him quietly: "Sorry about your shirt."
He shook his head from side-to-side in a ridiculous fashion, laughing weakly, "I don't care about the shirt."
"Good." I laid next to him, caressing his bare chest and stomach a few more minutes while I closed my eyes.
I waited until my breathing calmed and I knew my face wasn't so red before I left. When I opened the door, I whispered back to him, "You're the best, Tweek." At the time I meant it. He'd given me so much when for so long I had nothing. A tear of joy fell down his cheek as he waved goodbye.
It was on the way home when the magic of the moment was broken when I realized something: I had thought of Craig during most of that. That it was his skin I was touching and him that I had made orgasm. I wanted Craig to feel that pleasure from me so badly so he'd know I was worth his time. The guilt I felt was unbearable, and my best attempt to make it go away was to say to myself: "That was our first time, and I didn't see it coming. Next time it'll be all about Tweek."
-----
I usually don't deceive myself but this was an entirely different situation. In a way I had to in order to save my sanity. You know when you're eating more dessert than you know you should, but then you just tell yourself you'll exercise it off later? But deeper down you also know you're never going to exercise? Still, just saying that you'll do it helps you stifle the guilt and you chow down on the sweets? Yeah, that was me right now. The fantasies about Craig during Tweek's and my intimate time together were getting worse, but I kept telling myself they weren't. Most of the time I'd keep my eyes closed so I could picture him better. Tweek was attractive, yes, but my obsession with Craig had become too ingrained within me, and I couldn't stop them. Now every time I looked at Craig in school I'd blush, thinking about what it'd be like for him and me.
I guess it was the fact that Craig was so unobtainable that made me think about him so often. Tweek liking me was great and all...but I didn't feel like I had earned it. If Craig was interested in me, then that would really mean something. I suppose it's "the grass is always greener" syndrome I was experiencing. I can't explain it any other way. I had something great, but now I wanted more.
The guilt would reach it's peak when Tweek would sit across from me, smiling like he didn't have a care in the world. Lying to myself was the only way I could bring myself to smile back at him, believing that nothing was wrong.
"Hey, I need to tell you something." He said to me at lunch one day. This time we were sitting as far away from anyone else as possible, I was confused as to why Tweek picked a seat so far away from other people. But I soon knew why. It was the return of his nervous nature that got me worried.
"W-what is it?" My guilt was buried by fear now, wondering why Tweek was acting differently.
"I told my parents about us."
"HOLY SH-" I brought my hand down on the table, causing him to jump. I never thought something like this was going to happen. I stopped myself from further shouting and growled the "shit" part at him.
"P-please don't be mad, Clyde! They knew something was going on with me and I had to tell them! They wouldn't leave me alone!"
I shook my head in shock. My heart was pounding at what I was about to ask. "How did it go? What did they say?"
He chuckled nervously. "W-well...they didn't talk to me for about an hour after I told them. Then they sat down with me and said they were disappointed in me for not saying anything to them about it earlier. They said they understood that I have to make my own decisions...but they also hope I'll ch-change my mind soon." He swallowed fearfully.
"Change your mind?"
"About liking guys and not girls." He said solemnly.
I realized I didn't know how far their talk went. I was even more scared now when I asked, "Wait, what exactly did you tell them about us?" My voice came out in a venomous whisper. At the time I didn't care that I was making Tweek cringe, he went behind my back on this.
"J-just that we were going out is all. That we're boyfriends."
That was a weird thing to actually hear someone say. I don't know if it was the word "boyfriend" in general, or the fact that it referred to me and Tweek being together. That thought made me feel guilty again.
"S-so...they don't know about what we've been doing in private?" I ventured to ask.
"No. T-they did say that I'd better not do anything like that until I'm 18." He looked down dejectedly at the table.
That's only about a year and a half away, I thought. My eyes shot open in terror, "They didn't say anything about telling my parents, did they?!"
"N-no...not specifically."
I groaned angrily. "You'd better tell them not to as soon as possible, Tweek!"
"AGH! I-I will, I'm sorry!"
Now I had two conflicting emotions to deal with: guilt and paralyzing fear. Oh I hope to God that my parents don't know.
-----
I thanked my lucky stars when Tweek called me and said his parents hadn't, and promised they wouldn't tell my parents anything. They said that was my business. If they were in the room I could have hugged them for being so intelligent. To get over the shock I worked on a book report for my English class that was due in a few days. I told Tweek that we could do something tomorrow. He consented to that, probably worried that I was still mad at him. I wasn't so much anymore. I was angry at myself. Tweek really deserved all of my affections and it wasn't right for me to be dreaming about Craig so often. As of late he hadn't been talking about girls much at all, only basketball, and with that, more about Kyle.
Because of this I started examining Kyle more. He had long legs and fingers, probably great for holding the ball. He did have great eyes, almost as good as Craig's, but I got used to the darker look so they didn't interest me as much. Kyle seemed carefree, not really as interesting as Craig. I didn't like his red hair nearly as much either, it didn't reflect the light the same way Craig's did, and it was a tad too bouncy. It was weird, when I saw him and Craig together they almost seemed like brothers, grasping each others hand and patting each other on the back. Kyle seemed more alive when he was around Craig. Usually it was Stan that made him that way, but Stan, like Craig had been before, was involved seriously with Wendy. I assumed that, like me and Craig, they only hung out in school. More and more Kyle would give Stan sort of a passing glance, like "Hey, how's it going?" In an off-handed way. I could have been dead wrong, but that's what it seemed like to me. Girls really can come between two guys' friendship. I knew that. I didn't feel bad for Kyle though, he got a lot of Craig's attention, and I hated him for it. Just because he was good at basketball.
Over time Tweek and I started getting involved again. We only fooled around when his parents were gone, and I'd have to sneak over. Tweek didn't want to take any chances, and I didn't blame him. The problem was that our lack of constant contact made me yearn for Craig more, who wouldn't let his parents get in the way. Trying to put some of the blame on Tweek made me feel like a douche. I probably wouldn't risk anything if my parents knew about us. I'd probably distance myself from Tweek to stay as safe as possible. I'm really a wuss.
Our first night together after a few days had Tweek whispering in my ear, "I've missed you." I tried to moan in a way that told him I felt the same way. I couldn't bring myself to say the same thing, because I didn't know if I really missed Tweek, or just the sex.
I realized the more time I spent talking with Craig during school, the less attractive Tweek was becoming. Maybe not less attractive, just Craig was becoming more so. Craig's skin was such a healthier shade, his eyes never looked sunken in, his hair would shimmer, and from the small glances I got at his stomach when his shirts would ride up enough, he was much more cut. I was lucky to get Tweek's affection, being slightly flabby and all, but I couldn't help my physical attraction to Craig. I would still tell myself that eventually I'd get over it, and in a way I slightly believed it. Until I heard something that shattered everything that I had become accustomed to.
Token nearly ran into me and Tweek before school one day. We were always together because I started picking him up for school a while back.
"Guys! Guys! You won't believe it!! This is insane!" Token spouted to us out of breath from all the running.
"Good God, Token, what is it?" I asked. Token isn't one to get excited very often. What, did you get to trade in your Lexus for a Viper or something?
"I had heard rumors, but now he's confirmed them! Are you ready for this?!"
"I don't know Token, just spit it out!" It didn't sound like this was about cars. I was getting pretty anxious. Tweek just stood there wide-eyed at Token's excitement.
"Craig and Kyle are dating!"
Everything went black.
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A/N: I'm a bit nervous about the love scene I wrote between Clyde and Tweek. Reviews or comments, please??