Did I just wake up? I'm so cold...is my hair wet? Where am I?
"Clyde? Dude, what the hell happened?"
"AGH! Are you alright?!"
Voices? Yeah, Tweek. He sounds so worried. He can be so sweet...but Token's voice...there's something about it. What did he say? Craig, Kyle, dating...YES! That's why I...but no, no he didn't mean they were dating. Of course he meant they were doing double dates or something. I'm such a freak. Passing out from something like that. How am I going to explain it to them?
"C-come on, man, say something!"
I wished myself back into my bed so I could start the day over. This wasn't actually happening, right? Yeah, of course it was. The snow I was lying in was seeping into my pants pretty hard-core now. The shit I just put myself in is real. Maybe I'll tell them I didn't eat this morning. I opened my eyes slowly to have the face of Tweek staring at me as he knelt next to me. He let out a small sigh of relief. Wow, was he actually worried? I suppose he had a right to be; that was pretty sudden. I grinned weakly at him and sat up slowly, my head throbbing slightly. As I held my hand to my head I told them, "Uggghhh, sorry about that, guys. I didn't eat this morning and I guess it got to me." This was a pretty reasonable excuse, right? Tweek was still looking at me and I gave him a small nod of my head to tell him to take it easy. His eyes creased more with worry but he stood up straight and took a pace back.
"Really? I don't know, the look on your face when I told you that Craig and Kyle are dating was priceless. You went so pale!"
I froze momentarily, scowling at my pants in an attempt not to glare at Token. I kept my tone level as I responded: "Why would learning something like that matter? It's cool that they're going on double dates together."
"Holy Christ you can be naive. No Clyde, they are dating each other. No joke."
I got up from the snow-covered grass that I had fallen into, and almost passed out again at Token's words. I felt the sensations of blood loss from my head and I saw flashes of white in front of my eyes, I stumbled slightly and Tweek grabbed my arm to keep me steady. I was nauseous. This couldn't be right. Craig dating Kyle? How the fuck did that happen? Not only that, but he was telling people about it? God my stomach is in a tight knot. I can't go to school right now. Not with Craig dating another guy. No way can I go in there and face him. As I turned around to go back to my car, Tweek tugged slightly on my shirt sleeve.
"What's going on?" He sounded so nervous, as if I was about to keel over any second. For all I knew, he was correct.
"I uh...must have been something I ate." I walked cautiously forward, I was worried that any sudden jarring to my stomach would cause me to throw up.
"B-but you said you didn't eat breakfast this morning."
Token turned around towards the school and looked back at us with a confused eye. "I'm going to head to class. Take some Pepto or something, Clyde. You're almost green." He walked towards the building.
I ignored Token and focused my energy on Tweek, thinking of whatever lies I needed to calm him down so he would let me go home. "I meant I didn't have a good breakfast. I only had a piece of cake." My stomach lurched at the thought of eating something so heavy and sweet. The pain in my stomach was getting worse, and I let out a small groan in an attempt to relieve some of the pressure off of my insides.
"J-Jesus man! Let me come with you. I...I need to make sure you're alright."
I can be a prick when I'm so self-involved. I didn't think at all about the sweet gesture Tweek had just made. I only wanted to be alone.
"Please Tweek, just go to class. I'll be fine. It's not that far of a drive to my house." I gasped in an exasperated manner.
"Oh...okay." I didn't dare look at Tweek, but I could tell he was on the edge of tears. Why I didn't know. This made me want to leave faster, I'm not comfortable around tears. I thought of something to hopefully raise his spirits as I reached the parking lot.
"I'll call you when I'm feeling better." I didn't hear his response, and I didn't plan on calling him. Who knew when I would feel better after this?
I made it home safely, and I couldn't even remember the actual ride back. It was a good thing my parents weren't home. I didn't take the time to prepare an excuse as to why I came home so early. My thoughts were on my queasy stomach and on how the hell Craig could do this to me! He'd been my friend for years and after all that he decides to date his basketball buddy? What did you do to him, Kyle?! What kind of shit did you promise him? This only made my nausea worse. I rushed into my bedroom and flopped down on the bed to stop my stomach from heaving. It was my anger that stopped me from crying at this feeling of betrayal that I felt from Craig. This all must be Kyle's fault! He tricked him, or promised him some money or something! His parents are wealthy, right?
I got up and paced back and forth in a futile effort to relax my churning stomach, wondering how something like this could have happened to Craig. I decided I had to ask him. But how was the bigger question. Would he be defensive? Would I be able to sound casual enough so he wouldn't get an idea about how I felt? I took a deep breath and imagined what I would say. After a moment I pictured him and Kyle making out. I screamed in anger, causing sharp pangs in my stomach.
"Damn you Kyle..." I growled at my walls, wishing he'd step out from them so I could hit him with my heaviest text-book. Okay, I really need to work on what I'm going to say to Craig. I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked hideous. My eyes were sullen and I was as pasty as raw dough. The back of my hair was matted and poked out at all angles.
"No wonder he never considered going out with me." I shouldn't have said that. It was true...but I shouldn't have said it. Any warmth I felt in my chest melted away to cold despair. The sting in my eyes was unbearable as the tears quietly filtered out. I willed myself to say something, to think about what I would say to Craig when I would next talk to him. I had to know. I had to. When I first tried talking out loud my voice was quivering and broken. I felt like such a whiny shit. But this was why I was practicing so I wouldn't break down in front of him. If there was a hidden camera in here and someone was watching this I would have been incredibly humiliated.
Eventually my breathing became more regulated. I said my lines calmly, almost like a robot. I stopped crying. I stopped feeling. I went back into my room and sat on the bed. I didn't think of the outside world at all, my brain was in a mental rut and that's how I liked it. No other thoughts were allowed in. Only what I would say to Craig dominated. Nothing about myself, nothing about Kyle, or even Tweek. I couldn't deal with it. Only Craig...and what I would say.
What will he say? No! Don't worry about that. I'm going to ask him, and what happens, happens.
-----
School was going to get out soon. My mother had come home an hour before. To avoid her I got under the covers and pretended I was sleeping. She eventually opened the door and cried out, "Clyde?! What are you doing home so early?"
Ugh, that was nice of her, to yell at me when it was obvious that I was trying to sleep. I rolled over to face her in the doorway and croaked out in the best sick voice I could manage, "I have a stomach flu or something, I almost puked at school." I did almost throw up earlier, so I had that going for me.
She believed me but didn't act very worried. She hated it when I missed school. "Alright Clyde, you get plenty of rest because you're going to school tomorrow. I'll not have you falling behind in your classes."
I groaned in agreement and turned back to face the wall opposite of my door. I gave a silent "Thank you." when she closed the door.
About an hour after school had ended Tweek called me. When my mother brought the cordless phone into the room she said, "I told him you were sick, but he insisted on talking to you. Is that alright?" As usual she sounded annoyed, but at least she wasn't being a Nazi about screening my calls.
"Yeah, here." I said weakly, reaching my hand out from beneath the covers.
"Hello?" I said into the phone in a stronger voice.
"Clyde?? Jesus, you're not dying are you!? You didn't call!"
For some reason Tweek's voice was making me think about Craig. I'm nervous enough as it is thinking about talking to Craig today. I had to get rid of him fast before I was pulled out of my mental rut that I'd become so accustomed to.
"I'm going to be fine, Tweek. I don't know how sick I am so I'd better not come over today. I'll talk to you tomorrow, alright?"
"Erggh..o-okay."
"Thanks." I hung up, and grasped the phone in terror, wondering how I could get Craig to come over here. The butterflies in my chest were using leaf-blowers...how would they hold onto them? Bah! What's wrong with me? I leaned my head on the phone and concentrated. Okay, I'll tell my mom that Craig is bringing over the homework that I'd missed for the day. As for Craig...
I dialed. When the voice I heard wasn't Craig's a breathed a sigh of relief. It was his sister or something.
"Hello?"
"Hi, is Craig home?"
"No, he isn't home yet." Is she chewing gum?
"Do you know where he is?"
"No idea." You don't know or you don't care?
"Uh...okay I'll just call later then."
She hung up. Should I have told her to have him call me? No, then I'd be a wreck every time the phone rang. I need to catch him by surprise. I was annoyed that he wasn't home. I needed to get this over with. Now I had to work even harder to keep my calm. I went to my computer to take my mind off of things. Music, You-Tube, whatever I could think of I pulled it up. I was able to enjoy a few things I saw in short bursts...until I shamefully remembered what I needed to do. I was losing my cool more and more when I thought about talking to Craig, not that I had that much to begin with. Damn it. I need to call him again.
I crawled into bed in an attempt to sleep. My brain was worn out from worrying and I drifted in and out several times. I kept having have these mini-dreams of me calling Craig up. I can't remember what I said or what he said exactly, just that I had done it. It was maddening when I did wake up. Damn you, Craig. It had been over an hour since I called him last, and I nervously grabbed the phone again, fumbling with the buttons as I dialed his number.
This time his mother answered.
"Hello?"
"I-is Craig there?" I almost shouted this at her. I had a lot of pent up fear and frustration and I relieved some of it by doing this, it also made me feel like a jack-ass and I went red in the face.
"Um...I believe so, let me check."
I'm a little surprised she didn't just hang up on me. I held the phone against my head in a futile attempt to cool off my red face. I was staring at the receiver pleading for him to be there and not be there at the same time. If he wasn't there I could prep more. This was a lie. I hadn't done anything to prepare the first time he didn't answer. But this time I will! I need to relax more if he's there I'll-
"Yeah?" Oh shit it's him!
"H-hey...Craig. What's up?"
"Clyde? Shit dude what are you calling for? I thought you were sick with AIDS or something."
The hell was he...? "What?! AIDS??"
"Or something. I talked to Tweek at school and he was fucking psychotic." I wonder what that would have been like to see. Stop thinking about Tweek! You have a mission here, wuss!
"No I'm fine. L-listen...I...I was wondering..."
"If you're fine then why was Tweek so upset?"
"I'm better! Okay? Don't worry about it."
"Why was Tweek so upset, man? Christ you'd think his family was being killed or something. What's going on?" My heart started to beat faster. I had to think quick, which was something I'm not good at doing on the spot.
"C-could you come over? I want to ask you something."
There was a short silence. Hopefully he wasn't going to press his question further. If he did come over and brought it up again, I'd be ready.
"Okay, what the fuck is going on?"
"I can explain if you just come over!" I was probably sounding too desperate here.
"Jesus...okay, I will. I'll see you in a little bit."
"K-kay." I was about to hang up when I remembered what I told my mom earlier. "Oh, Craig! Tell my mom that you're bringing me some homework from school."
"Uh...why?"
"Because she's weird like that. It'll just make things easier."
"Whatever."
He hung up. Shit...now he really is coming over and he's on to me and Tweek. Why did he have to be such a drama queen? It was kind of nice but I don't need this right now! I sat down again and took a bunch of calming breaths. My chest felt like a well-played drum after the number my heart did on it during my pathetic performance back there. Is that what having a heart-attack feels like? As if your heart is about to explode? I almost wish it did to save me the embarrassment of what has and will happen today.
Why did I need to talk to Craig so badly? Kyle. Fuck you Kyle!! You're doing all of this to me! Wouldn't it be so sweet if I could steal your little prize away from you? What a prize Craig would be...the problem is I don't have any skills for doing such a thing. Fantasies can be fun though. I shook my head and staggered to my feet long enough to walk to my door and open it and yell: "Mooooom?! Craig is coming over soon to bring me my homework from today."
"Okay, good." Was what she shouted back.
That was easy enough. If only everything would be that easy. I collapsed on my bed again, dreading the inevitable and hoping I wouldn't fuck it up royally.
I'm going to, aren't I?
-----
In a way Craig couldn't arrive fast enough. In another way, he got here way too quickly. It all depends on how you look at it. Me being the spaz I am sometimes I wanted it both ways. Hurry up and get here! No, call me up and say you have something important to take care of. Ring the door-bell now! Shit just go to the movies and forget I ever called you!
When Craig did knock on the door I was briefly grateful to be pulled out of my see-saw of idiocy...but then realized I was going to have to talk to him any second now. I heard his footsteps coming nearer, every thump causing my heart to quiver in fear and my knees to buckle. He opened my door.
All of my previous thoughts were banished as I got my first look of him that day. He looked fantastic. I don't know if it's because I hadn't seen him in a while or what, but his clothes seemed to hug his frame perfectly, accentuating every sexy curve he owned. He was wearing his blue hat with the ear flaps. He hadn't worn that in so long, but it added an indispensable boyish charm to his face. Oh God his face...his eyes were dark and stern, and his mouth was pulled slightly downward in a tight frown. He's pissed. He shut the door none too gently and turned to face me while I was sitting on the bed.
"Okay, what the fuck is up?!" He looked even angrier now. Please smile a little, you look so much cuter when you smile.
"Uh..." That was the only sound I could muster at the time.
"I mean you call me up sounding like a God damn girl or something and ask me to come over so you can ask me something?! I don't even know why I bothered coming over..." He stopped talking and his face relaxed a little. He then got a small grin on his face. You came because you wanted to see me, right? My heart fluttered at the thought. "Oh yeah. What's going on between you and Tweek?"
Fuck. I'd forgotten about that. Think of something think of something think of something...
"Why are you and Kyle dating?" SHIT! I wasn't supposed to be so direct with all of this, but those were the only words I could manage to squeak out under such pressure. The question that had been burning in my mind the whole day, and now they were out there, no preface or cushioning or nothing. I've already fucked things up.
Whatever smirk Craig had was gone as he scowled at me and flipped me off. "Is that why you asked me over here?! To corner me like some douche-bag? I will kick your ass like I did Eric Cartman's if you bring this up again. It's none of your business ass-wipe!"
I could barely feel my limbs as he turned to leave. I barely managed to breathe out: "E-Eric Cartman?"
He turned back to me with a triumphant grin on his face. "Yeah. That fat-ass accosted Kyle and me in the lunch line, trying to call us out in front of everybody. Daring us to kiss each other like the queers we are. Kyle tried to talk him down but I was looking for a good excuse to beat the shit out of him. I only broke his nose before he ran off like a pussy. I'd hate to have to do the same to you but I will. I'm not a helpless fag just because I'm dating Kyle."
He turned back to the door while holding his left hand straight up in the air so I could see his prominent middle finger over his left shoulder. I panicked slightly.
"Craig please, I'm serious. Why are you guys dating?" I really sounded like a woman there. At least my tone defused his temper. It was obvious to him now I wasn't here to criticize him or anything.
"Damn it, Clyde. What's wrong with you? You wouldn't understand anyways." It sounded like he was trying to tell me to stop crying. My face flushed as I uttered the next words, hoping they would get him to trust me.
"I think I would. I'm dating Tweek." I couldn't look at him as I spoke. He was the only person I'd told about us. Maybe I was hoping he'd be a little jealous or something.
He chuckled. "Oooohhh...no wonder Tweek was acting like that. Holy shit dude, you and Tweek? Why?!" He sounded too amused at this. Was he insulting me?
"What do you mean?" I would have sounded angry if I hadn't been so weak from fear.
"I mean why Tweek? He's kind of a freak."
"He's not a freak!" I felt stupid trying to justify dating him. I wish I was dating someone else so Craig would have maybe a little respect for me. He wasn't jealous at all, I think he's pitying me.
"Wow...fuck." He shook his head in disbelief. Yeah I get it, Craig! I can't reel in the big catches! I had to change the subject.
"So come on, what made you decide to date Kyle?" Please...just let me know.
He looked at me seriously. "Christ, I don't know dude. Girls can be really annoying...especially when they get attached to you. After a while Heidi didn't give a shit about what I wanted, it was all about her. 'Why haven't you called?' 'Why are you being so selfish?' 'Stop being such a pervert!' Shit, I thought she was supposed to be the perverted one. Kyle and I kinda hooked up in the locker room. He seems feminine enough, but isn't an annoying bitch at all. I caught him a few times glancing at me when we were undressing. Figured I'd show him what I got."
So what did that all mean? It didn't sound like he really liked Kyle.
"What about you and Tweek? What have you two done?" He narrowed his eyes at me evilly.
My face burned bright red. "Wha...I...dude shut up!" I hadn't expected that kind of question, and as much as I tried to reassure myself I knew I gave away a lot by my reaction.
He grinned maliciously. "Fine, but you owe me this: why are you two dating?"
I froze. I hadn't thought about it before. Because he said he liked me? I couldn't tell Craig that.
"Well?" He stared at me impatiently, tapping his foot on the carpet.
"H-he's...not what you'd expect." I could have said something mushier to talk Tweek up more, but I didn't feel like it. I felt hollow. Besides, Craig would have thought of me as a pansy if I did.
"Really?" He arched an eyebrow, like he knew I wasn't telling him something. "Is this queer little gossip session over, then?" He said uninterestedly.
"Okay." I replied blandly, as if he was the one who had started all of this. As he left I pondered on what he had asked. Why were Tweek and I going out? Tweek seemed to like me, but why? Maybe I had started going out with Tweek to help me to forget about Craig, and that wasn't even working. I knew it wouldn't now more than ever due to Craig dating another guy. He had said girls were annoying. Would he go out with other guys? As I juggled the thought of Craig and Tweek in my mind, a sinking feeling of dread starting welling up in my stomach. Am I going to be able to keep dating Tweek?