Chapter Six

"You'll get over it...' It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particular ness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?"
-Anonymous

It was a cold afternoon; the grey skies were filled with darker storm clouds pregnant with rain that was on the verge of falling down to the earth. There was a slight wind that disturbed the grass on small hill and shook the petals off bouquets of flowers that were scattered across the hill. Near the top of the slop, cheep plastic white chairs were lined up in four rows facing where the sun would have been. People in black suits or dresses occupied those chairs all with tears on their face or wrinkles of sorrow. There were more people standing in the back of the chairs or besides them, being no more room to sit. In the front of the chairs there were large wreaths of flowers on a stand, many different sizes and colors were stretch on either side of a dark casket. On top of the long box was a blanket of red roses and white lilies.

Seated in the first row as a man, who sat in a sea of crying people did not have a tear of his own coming down his face. A face aged by sickness and lack of sleep. Clear blue eyes were now frames with red and clouded by thought. The pastor was speaking about life after death and all that spiritual stuff, yet that didn't help him with his pain of losing a love one in a quick yet at the same time, slow and painful death. No, not a death a murder. Murder for something he wasn't even involved with. His gut turned, he shouldn't be here, he should be the one in that coffin, and because of that he felt like the murderer. No one on the face of the earth could tell him different, he murdered his father.

Jesse Kilmartin sat unmoving. 'Damn you dad!' He shouted in his mind. 'You should have taken it! Not me, not me' His body had pulled itself into a light coma, trying to heal itself from the effects of the drug. When he woke up three days later he was greeted with the news that his father died twelve hours after the day at Taylor's office. So now he sat at his father's funeral. If the people around him how Noah died, they would probably throw him out the cemetery and their lives. The pastor started to read a eulogy that some family member had written and that's when it hit him. Memories from his childhood flew past his eyes of all the fun times they had together and his eyes burned that they were never going to happen again. But what struck him was the pain of never making amends with him for all the hurtful things Noah did to him. He never got the chance to forgive him; yet another guilt that would be with him the rest of his life.

Suddenly his cheek felt wet, he looked up to the sky as if it came from the clouds. Then he felt some thing running down his other cheek. He brought his hand up to feel a silent tear drop. They started to fall from his eyes with every blink. No he couldn't cry, he just couldn't. but his heart wasn't listing to his bran, it was broken-he was broken. Jesse stood up abruptly causing the pastor to stop momentarily as all eyes went to Jesse. But he didn't noticed, he just moved past the chairs and quickly started down the hill. Not knowing that his actions caused more tears to fall from the surrounding people as they felt sorry for the now fatherless child. They thought that they knew how he must felt, but they weren't even close.

Jesse stocked down the hill trying to wipe away the oncoming tears, but as each one was dried off with the back of his hand another tear replaced it. So many thoughts and emotions fought each other inside him that Jesse became numb to everything in and around him. He didn't even noticed four people standing around a car at the bottom of the hill until he was at the edge of the grass. Shalimar was the first to move, but remained silent as she walked up to Jesse and pulled him into a hug. He fought fro a moment until he finally gave into the warm embrace the held him and cried like a lost child. Emma moved to the two of them and wrapped her arms around Jesse as well, while Brennan and Adam put their hand on his back. The four other members all had misty eyes, for they have never seen one of their own in so much pain and sadness in such a short amount of time before.

As Jesse felt the other surround him, he cried even more. But this time it wasn't from lost or guilt, but from the love and support that the others were giving him. No words needed to be said, the hands on his back and the arms around him said it all. Jesse had a family and these four people were them, and they were never going to leave him.

It was five minutes later when the tears stopped flowing and everyone slowly separated. They walked to the car and just as they got in, the storm clouds gave birth to a blanket of rain that spilt down upon the ground. The panging sound of the rain drops hitting the car was the only sound as they drove away. Jesse looked out the back seat window just as they past by another group of people dressed in black, continuing with a funeral as if it was not raining. Jesse caught a glimpse of a portrait that stood next to the casket. The face stared at him as the drove away and even from a one dimension picture; the dark eyes of Taylor Gaumont would always haunt him.

"Pain is never permanent."
-St. Teresa of Avila

"While seeking revenge, dig two graves-one for yourself."

-Doug Horton

A/N: Thank you everyone who read and reviewed and like my story. I am finally happy with the story and I can finally put this one to rest and go back to my other older stories and re-amp them...and contunie with my new ones and not have to worry about this one....but yeah thanks again.