Lana sat silently observing everyone from the kitchen table while Martha prepared lunch. Johnathon was in his usual chair at the head of the table saying something to her, yet she hadn't heard a bit of it. She was too preoccupied with memories flooding her thoughts, of everything this house used to mean to her, of how she used to feel at complete ease. But she no longer felt it, instead she felt dread being here again, reminding her of all of her dreams. Dreams long forgotten…
Lois and Clark sat across from Lana and she noticed the way Lois's hand was lazily placed in his lap and the way she leaned into him. They seemed so comfortable with each other and their relationship. Lana had to wonder whether Lois knew. Whether she knew of Clark's extraordinary abilities…of his interesting origins.It had taken him years (literally) to open up to her and they had been close friends since she could remember. Catching Lois whispering something into Clark's ear, Lana diverted her attention. Of course she wished to know what they were saying but she figured they were sweet nothings, like Clark and her used to do…
Clark leaned toward Lana in his chair, nuzzling his nose in her hair, taking in her intoxicating scent. "I love you," he breathed, his heavy hot breath sending an electric jolt through her body.
Lana turned to face him, her nose rubbing against his. His lips were practically calling her name, and one to always listen, Lana saved them both by giving his succulent lips a gentle kiss. The kiss lasted only a matter of seconds, but to them it was a lifetime. It was that way every time they kissed, every time they touched, every time their eyes met. No one existed except for them in their blissful bubble. Slowly Lana pulled away, eyes closed, and whispered, "I love you more."
"Dinner is served," Martha announced watching the young happy couple as she set the food down, "Thanks for helping Lana, it would have taken so much longer…"
"Lana?" Johnathon asked, looking at her with an eyebrow raised. She looked like she was lost in space and she hadn't answered his question from five minutes ago.
Coming back from her trip down memory lane, Lana looked at Johnathon, "Oh, I'm sorry, what was it that you asked?" With her peripheral view, she noticed that now Lois's hand was squeezing Clark's thigh slightly. Lana used to do that, Clark would tell her she was the only one he'd ever let do that to him.
"I was asking where you've been living the past six years," he repeated, noticing where her line of sight had ended. Shaking his head he awaited Lana's answer.
"Um," Lana's voice came out soft, and she steadied her gaze on her hands in front of her, "I've been in California."
This time Lois spoke up, "California! Wow, you probably know some major surfer hunks!"
Clark chuckled softly, though he hoped this wouldn't continue because he really didn't want to hear Lana talk about hot guys. He didn't know why, she had every right to. But the image of some blonde surfer "catalog" model and Lana snuggling together on a beach burned his insides, twisting his gut.
Lana blushed and smiled slightly, "Uh, I know a few "surfer hunks" as you like to call them."
"Must have been pretty different going from farm boys to surfer dudes," Lois laughed at her own joke.
Looking at the couple, Lana's eyes caught Clark's for only a moment, replying, "Yeah, pretty different."
Clark cleared his throat after it had gone dry from the look Lana had just given him. What had he just seen in her eyes? It seemed almost as if it was a longing.
Oblivious to the flicker of a moment between Clark and Lana, Lois thought he was uncomfortable about her talking about guys, "Don't worry Clark," she ran a hand down one of his arms, "I'll always choose this farm boy over anyone else any day of the week."
He smiled at her, Lois always knew how to boost his ego.
"Now Lana, what ever possessed you to go there?" Johnathon inquired, veering away from the current conversation.
Glad to be off the subject, Lana answered, "Actually, Nell and Dean were moving there and Nell said she didn't want to leave me behind." But this again brought her back into her own thoughts, the thoughts of a certain farm boy that HAD left her behind.
"Lunch is almost ready," Martha called from the stove, "I just need to finish up a few things."
"Oh, I'll help you Martha," Lois stated, getting out of her seat and making her way towards Martha Kent in the kitchen.
Johnathon and Clark began conversing about a current happening in Metropolis, leaving Lana to once again sit silently observing. Watching as Martha and Lois made their way around each other in the kitchen joking about something, it hit her. Suddenly it all seemed too much. To be here, she shouldn't have come. It was a stupid mistake. She hoped it wouldn't have changed much, but it had. Lana always felt at home whenever she was here, but now it wasn't the home she remembered. She didn't belong there anymore.
She had been replaced by Lois Lane.
Biting her lip to suppress the forming frown, Lana felt like an outcast of the family she used to consider herself a part of. By the people she had looked up to as parents and by the one man she had loved more than anything in the world. But it was the truth. They had moved on without her, the Kents had found another 'daughter' and Clark had found another love. He had moved on. Boy did that ever hit her like a brick in the face. At first, she was angered thinking about it. What right did he have to move on? These thoughts quickly washed over her as new ones emerged. How could he have moved on? Had she been more devoted to their relationship than he?
Lana was bursting with emotions, she just needed to get away for a moment, to breathe deeply and take everything in. Standing up, she grabbed her purse and announced politely, "I'm going to go for a quick walk," she saw the looks on all of their faces, their eyes questioning 'Why?' "I want to get reacquainted with Smallville."
"Ok, lunch will be waiting for you," Martha informed her, knowing better than that.
Walking past Clark she felt his hand slightly grab a hold of her arm, "Would you like some company?"
Lana was tempted…but she needed this time to sort herself out, "No thanks Clark," without saying anything else she left him sitting there, staring after her.
Lana walked across the familiar fields leading to her former home. Pulling out the small Ipod from her purse as she walked, Lana placed the headphones in her ears. Music always helped, and it soothed her emotions. Turning the device on, a familiar song rang through her ears, sending shivers down spine.
I couldn't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watcher her make the same mistakes again.
What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs
She wants to go home, but nobody's home
It's where she lies, broken inside
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside.
She stared at her childhood home. It seemed to have no occupants living there, the once lively flower bed now trampled and dead. The blue paint on the house was severely chipping away and several shutters hung loosely from the windows. Inhaling deeply, then sighing, Lana sat on the steps of the old porch.
Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.
Be strong, be strong now.
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where she lies, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes.
Broken inside.
She came here hoping to move on and that was exactly what she intended to do. Get the closure she always wanted. She never intended to have this build up of emotion in the short span of an hour. The world she once had known was crumbled and no longer existed. Lana felt as if the song was talking about her. She did feel rejected, everything she used to know was different. A place that once brought her happiness now brought a deep feeling of loss.
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.
Yeah, oh
Emotions overtook her as tears began welling up in her eyes. Her body trembled and her lips quivered. Threatening to spill, Lana let the salty prisoners escape and freely fall onto her delicate cheeks. This would be the last time she let herself cry…
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah
She's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah