Title: Where Your Road Leads
Author: Sarafu
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Power Rangers do not belong to me.
Summary: After ten years of hard work, the Dino Thunder team has found success, but for two of them, happiness remains elusive. Can they find it in each other?
Dedication: Casey who makes cases for things that I can't deny and for kicking me in the head. Also because she stumped me enough with a drabble request that working on WYRL seemed like a better option.
Author's Note: This is the chapter where the PG-13 rating rears its ugly head, and I'm seriously considering switching to an R rating very soon.
Chapter 5: When All is Said and Done
January 2014
When Conner's phone rang at seven a.m., the interruption of deep sleep made his mind and his body seriously unhappy. He scrambled to find the answer button on the phone monitor, but he managed to miss the bright red button for at least two rings thanks to the sleep still blinding his eyes. He grumbled with annoyance even as he handled the admirable feat of answering his phone. "Yeah?" he muttered grumpily, blinking rapidly to focus his eyes.
"I don't think I'll ever understand how you can drag yourself out of bed nearly every morning at the crack of dawn to put a ball into a goal over and over again yet still not be a morning person on days off." Ethan's voice contained laughter.
"That's why they call them days off, dude," Conner answered before he realized that Ethan sounded awfully perky for someone in an earlier time zone. "Why are you up? It's like four in the morning there right now."
"That's because I'm actually in London where it's the afternoon. I'm trying to buy this music software –"
"Yeah, okay, but why are you calling me now?" Conner said. "It's practically still dark out."
"Actually, I was hoping you could tell me. Kira called and left a message, asking me to contact you and see if there was any way for you to stop by her hotel before she leaves for New York." Ethan looked at Conner with curiosity. "Why didn't she call you? Unless she wanted to avoid your sunny morning personality for which I can't blame her at all."
"I was just wondering that myself," Conner griped irritably as he stretched out his tired limbs.
"She did mention something about being worried that you were screening your calls, and you wouldn't pick up for her. Though that's obviously not the case when it comes to early morning."
The athlete muttered a few uncomplimentary words about their mutual best friend, but mostly he was just focused on putting his pants on without having to start over. Not going to see Kira never even crossed his mind.
"You really aren't a morning person, are you?" Ethan asked with amusement, chuckling when Conner just grunted. "What happened last night, Conner?"
"Nothing." Conner did not even look in his direction as he searched out socks from his dresser and shoes from his floor.
"There's no way I'd buy that. You're both acting way too strange," Ethan declared. "Does your bad mood have anything to do with this?" He displayed a newspaper, but Conner ignored it.
"What is it?" he asked, more interested in his Nikes.
"The lead headline of the New York Times Arts and Entertainment section." Ethan cleared his throat. "Female Rocker Woos Olympic Star."
"What?" Conner stood stock-still and glanced at the paper Ethan was holding. Below the fold, there were pictures of them in separate publicity shots.
"Yeah. Did Kira really hold your hand and dedicate a song to you? Because that doesn't really sound like Kira . . . unless you finally got around to telling her that you're in love with her. But I don't see that happening because just last week, you were spouting gibberish about keeping it a secret and ruining your friendship." Ethan started to laugh at the improbable possibility until he noticed Conner's pained expression. "Wait a minute."
Conner yanked on his shirt. "It didn't exactly happen like that. Gotta go, Ethan."
And Ethan was staring at an empty room. "Well, well, it looks like the secret's out," he murmured to himself. "Good luck, bro." Knowing his best friends well, he suspected that whatever had happened was messy and still unresolved.
Across the city in her hotel's finest suite, Kira paced from one end of the spacious living room to the other. Asking Ethan to call Conner had been downright cowardly, but what she wanted to tell him had to be private and in person. The rest of the night hadn't been much better for her – Conner might have slept better for revealing a secret that had been buried in his soul, but Kira had hardly slept, going over the pros and cons over and over again, always coming to the same decision. From a hundred different angles, it seemed like there was only one thing she could say.
She jumped when the phone in her suite rang and went to answer it with trepidation. It was the front desk asking if Conner McKnight was allowed to come up to her room. She released a sigh of relief. "Yes, send him up . . . and could you hold all my calls for awhile?"
The few minutes between the phone call and the knock on her door seemed interminable. Kira had plenty of time to duck into the bathroom and ensure that she looked almost normal. After the rap, she took a deep breath and turned the doorknob with a small smile. "Good morning," she greeted.
"Hey, Kira," he said with appraising eyes. "You look fantastic."
With a nervous laugh, she invited him into the room. "I look like crap. I didn't sleep much."
"Oh." He looked worriedly at her. "You had Ethan call me to ask me to come here."
He always was the person who cut to the heart of the matter and skipped the formalities. There were days when she appreciated that most of all, but today was not one of them. "Let's sit down, Conner." He sat in the middle of the long couch, and she smashed herself into the corner, curling her legs up as a defense. "I asked Ethan to call you because I wanted to talk to you in person about what happened last night."
Conner's eyes, full of hope and acceptance and fear, turned to stare at her. "What happened last night?" he said softly, trying out the impersonal words with his tongue.
"It was a mistake, Conner. I should have said no from the start. It's a bad idea for any number of reasons not in the least of which is that we're best friends and to go beyond means risking something that I don't want to risk." Her words tumbled out quickly as if she was trying to hurt him the fastest way possible so he would go away and she could cry again.
"I see," he answered, and from his wounded expression, she knew that he did see what she was saying. "What reasons?"
"What?" Flabbergasted, she looked away. His logical question startled her. She expected him to rave and rant, to be angry, to demand she reconsider. The resignation in his tone was wreaking havoc on her peace of mind.
"You said that there are a number of reasons why it's a bad idea. I'm just trying to figure out what reasons you're using to justify this rejection." Conner's voice was cool.
"Isn't it enough that we would be risking this friendship?"
"Kira, if it didn't work out, I wouldn't walk away from you. And even if you did walk away from me, I would still be here when you were ready to return. Plus, I think you're counting on us failing which considering all we've done is kissed seems to be thinking negatively."
"Why wouldn't we fail, Conner? We're nothing alike – we share none of the same interests. We have different viewpoints on so many things. All we ever did when we were younger was clash. And we haven't changed, Conner," she argued.
He laughed and shook his head, refuting her words easily. "I've changed a lot, Kira, and so have you. We both know how to compromise. If nothing else, being Rangers taught us that much. And for interests, let me list a few common interests for you: Ethan, Tommy and Kim, Hayley, your music, each other. Plus there are the common experiences that we went through together in the last ten years. I may not completely comprehend the artistic temperament, but I think I understand it a little after knowing you for ten years. And you certainly know a lot about my soccer career and love life up until now. People have built relationships on a lot less and usually without the foundation of friendship."
"And what happens when you break my heart to go chasing after other women?" Her own voice was soft as she asked the question that really weighed on her mind.
Conner gaped at her, unsure whether he ought to be offended or whether he should just kiss sense back into her head. "Didn't you hear anything that I said to you yesterday, Kira? You're the only one that I've wanted for a long time. Do you really think I'd drop you as soon as I had you?"
"I think you haven't had a real relationship and have no concept of the idea of commitment."
"Oh Christ, you were at me all day yesterday about getting a girlfriend and trying out commitment, but now you're using that excuse?" Conner stood with an angry expression.
"I don't want to be your guinea pig, Conner." She joined him, nearly boiling over with her own resentment.
"But you wanted some other girl to be that even though it would have all ended badly because she would have fallen for me and I would have been hung up on you. Nice, Kira."
"How do you know? You never even gave anyone that chance!" she yelled, shocked to find herself feeling better after the outburst.
"Because you were the only one I could see giving that chance to. But you don't want it, Kira, that's fine. I'm glad you're able to justify it to yourself though. That's the important thing."
With purpose, she stalked over to a table and picked up a ball of paper before tossing it in his direction. "Here, Conner, you want a list of reasons?"
Catching the ball, he unfolded the sheet and glanced it over. "A pros and cons list, Kira? I would have expected this from Ethan, not you."
It was strange that the comment actually had the power to hurt her, but she pushed aside the hurt and plunged forward. "It doesn't matter, Conner. What matters is what that list proves."
He crumpled up the list and threw it toward the trashcan. "It's crap, Kira. Lists don't tell you anything. It doesn't tell you the way your heart beats a little faster when you think about kissing someone. It doesn't tell you about the figure that haunts my dreams and here's a hint, she's not Cassidy. It doesn't tell you why you have such a keen interest in my dating habits. And it certainly doesn't reflect what's in your heart."
"How do you know?" she challenged.
"Because what you listed says nothing about your heart, Kira. It didn't even say anything about mine. All it said was all the potential problems you saw. Ethan said you had a self-destructive streak when it came to relationships, but I didn't believe him until now. You're so quick to make sure your relationships fail."
Kira glared at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You don't want to be happy, Kira, because happiness always means misery at the end to you. You expect misery so that's what you get. You never used to act like this, Kira. You used to want happiness and believe in everyone. Your optimism was refreshing – now all you can do is think about what can go wrong."
"I'm 27 years old, Conner. I've changed a lot just like you pointed out not five seconds ago."
"Why did you change though? You have the world at your feet, Kira. Platinum albums, number one songs, sold-out concerts. But you're still not happy, are you?"
"You know why I changed," she said defiantly, willing him to burst into flames on the spot.
"Yeah, Trent." His answer was joined by a mocking laugh. "Sometimes I think that killing him would be a kindness to all of us."
"Conner!"
"He took your faith and destroyed it, and the person you've been since then – it's not the same Kira. You are not the person who told me in high school that the love would outweigh the pain. Did you even think about you and I with your heart or did you let that flimsy list of reasons convince you?"
"My heart is not reliable," she said.
"Your heart is the only thing that matters, Kira. Don't you get that?" Conner stared at her with intense brown eyes. "Whether you like it or not, we have always been people who think with our hearts. To let your head overrule your heart is only doing wrong to both of us."
Her anger fled as his words sank in. She hated how sensible he could be. "There are other factors, Conner."
"Like this?" he said, pulling out the arts section of the newspaper and showing her the headline.
"Oh God, I hadn't even seen that."
"That explains why media attention wasn't even on your stupid little list. You didn't even mention the problems with having a long-distance relationship."
Her expression cleared. "See, you do understand, Conner. It would be difficult to pull off." She finally smiled, sure that he understood why it would never work.
"I'm afraid I still don't agree, Kira. The media attention is nothing new to either of us. We've both had our love lives picked over by the media. And the long-distance thing – it would just mean a lot of work, but neither of us has ever minded a little hard work. And for you, I would do anything even fly halfway across the country to meet you for lunch," he said directly.
Taken aback by his words, Kira tried to shake her head. "Think about how much effort it took for us to have lunch together, Conner. It would be worse to have a relationship. We are both on different schedules and in different zones."
"But you'll be done with your tour soon, and all I have are practices a few times a week from now until the World Cup tournament. It can be done, Kira." He sounded excited by the prospect.
But Kira was still completely against the idea of a relationship with Conner, and he was not going to be able to talk her out of that certainty. "I won't do it. I'm sorry, but the answer is still no, Conner. I don't have a reason that you'll listen to apparently, just no," she said softly, avoiding his eyes.
Conner was less concerned with her attempts to avoid his eyes as he walked right to Kira and placed his hands on her arms. "Then listen to this, Kira," he said and touched his lips to hers softly. The kiss was gentle compared to their previous one, but the passion of it seemed to make her head rush with sensation. His fingers tightened as if to stop her from moving away, but locked to his lips, Kira felt the impossibility of walking away. He expanded the kiss, his tongue wending its way into her unresisting mouth. The feelings that danced on the edge of her mind exploded into lust, and she was the one who turned hungry, almost predatory, matching his mouth and his tongue move for move and pushing the kiss a little farther. It was gloriously abandoned and wild and Kira tasted freedom in his kiss, freedom from expectation and self-defense, a chance to be who she really was. She moved her hand to his T-shirt, starting to tug at it eagerly.
Conner complied, pulling away to take off the shirt but pausing before he resumed the kiss. "What does your heart say now, Kira? Does it still say we shouldn't at least try? There's something huge between us, something that could have a lot of potential."
"But Conner . . ." she protested.
"No, forget the logistics of long-distance relationships and the media attention and how we might ruin our friendship. Just think about what you were thinking during that kiss. Did any of your previous objections apply? Because the attraction is there, and you do feel something – that much is clear," he answered dryly, glancing at his shirt on the floor.
Kira finally nodded. In the end, she wanted him badly enough that she was willing to try a relationship with him. His sincerity and conviction was far more compelling (as was his willingness to step back from something he clearly desired as much as she did) than any of her doubts, and in the end, she trusted him more than anyone else on the planet. Conner beamed at her, a smile that she did not think she had ever seen on his face, one so full of joy and optimism that it almost hurt to look at him. "I just don't know how we'll work this out, Conner."
"We will," he murmured quietly and started to kiss her again. Within moments, more clothes followed the T-shirt onto the floor and the pair headed into the plush bedroom for a little more privacy.
An hour later, Kira and Conner cuddled in bed, happily satisfied. "Conner, are you sure this can work?" she asked, watching his hands draw affectionate patterns on her skin.
"Sure it can. In fact, I was wondering what you might think about company in New York," he answered lazily.
"But you have practice."
"Nope, holiday week, remember? Everyone is still recovering from Christmas and New Year's. I thought you wouldn't mind me tagging along for the rest of the weekend."
"That's wonderful," she said with reluctant admiration. "But what happens next?"
"I guess we'll just have to take it day by day. You worry too much, Kira." He kissed her again, and whatever she was concerned with fled under his mouth and hands teaching her body new sensations.