R e d W a t e r
C h a p t e r IV
For the next two years, I was alone.
Unlike all the other kids, I was never excited to get home from school. And when rumors that I personally killed my father at the age 12, went around, everyone avoided me. All the guys at least. I didn't try and tell them otherwise, thinking it really was my fault. I wasn't anyone's best friend and I never liked anyone enough to try and be their friend.
Everyday, I did the same routine for two years straight. Woke up, went to school, went home, did my homework, ate, and slept. I did everything myself because Mom would rarely come out of her room and when she did, she'd take her anger out on me. Whether it was putting my hand on a hot burner of a stove, attacking me with knives, or throwing dishes at me, she always found a way to hurt me.
And I didn't mind.
By then, I had already convinced myself that everything was my fault. Everything. Dad's death. Itachi leaving. Mom trying to kill me. To me, it was my fault. I had brought these things upon myself and I didn't do a fucking thing to stop it.
I kept thinking, 'If only I got better grades, dad wouldn't have hit me. Itachi wouldn't have had to defend me. Mom wouldn't have kicked Itachi out.' Ever since then, I was a straight A student, trying to impress mom.
We moved into a small apartment after Dad died since mom didn't get enough money from where she worked to be able to stay in our old house. My bedroom was half the size of my old room, leaving me with barely enough space to put a bed with some walking space left.
One day, I sat at my desk at school, silently staring out the classroom window just before I was called down to the councilor's office. I had no idea what I could have possibly done wrong since I never did anything horrible in class.
So when I showed up, facing the school councilor, I immediately asked what I did wrong.
"Oh! Honey, you haven't done anything wrong! Your teacher, she's just concerned about your…behavior. Not that you're bad or anything! Please, lets talk in my office." the councilor lady said to me in a high annoying voice, strangely similar to a girl in my class, Sakura.
I glared, tempted to reject her offer to go to her office and return to my classroom, but followed her, deciding to figure what the hell this was all about.
" Now," she plopped her over weight body into her tall leather chair behind a large dark wood desk. I sat in a slightly less comfortable chair, facing her. There was a silence for a while as I waited for her to tell me what she wanted with me. "Er…so you've been a lot quieter for the past two years, according to your teacher."
"…so?" I said in response, my tone full of annoyance.
"Sasuke, I am worried about you. Your teacher has also told me that you've shown up to school with injuries often. If you're being bullied--"
"My dad is dead." I told the lady, my anger getting the best of me. "I think that gives me enough reason to behave this way. And plus, you're not worried about me!" I glared at her, standing up. "You are being paid to worry about kids' shitty problems. I don't need your help!" I was about to leave, glancing at her surprised expression, before she handed me a card.
"Fine. You don't have to have my help. But if you'd like to talk to someone, here." She handed me a card. "Here's someone you could see." The card had some information and numbers on it. "The school pays for your sessions so it won't have to inconvenience your mother or yourself."
I grabbed it from her and left right after.
2/8/02
I had to talk to some councilor lady today. She was
A complete idiot, I swear. She told me she was
'worried about me'. Bullshit. She was so full of crap.
Mom hurt me again this evening. This time, it was
With the new silver toaster we just got.
She got angry when it burnt the toast she was making
And I just happened to be in her way.
Then she started swearing about how I was an
'ungrateful fuck-up that has no right to live.'
My left arm is all red and hurts a lot. At least I'll
Be able to write at school tomorrow.
I don't know... maybe this guy the councilor lady was
Talking about could help me. I guess I'll go see him
Tomorrow.
Sasuke Uchiha
I waited patiently for the therapist to come and get me from the waiting room and watched fish in an aquarium for a while.
The door opened suddenly and a man in his early 20s walked out. Though he told me his name, more than once, I still never remembered what to call him.
He sat me down on the couch across from him in his office. He started to talk to me, beginning with, "I know it is weird for you to talk to a complete stranger about your problems, but in order to make any progress, I'll need to know the truth." I nodded silently and he talked again. "Good. Now how old are you, Sasuke?"
"Fourteen."
"Your grade?"
"Eighth." I responded in monotone.
"The councilor at your school has informed me of your father's death. How has your mother taken it since then?"
"…n…not very well." I forced the truth out.
"How has she changed?"
"…she…when she's not a work, she's either in her room or…"
"Yes?"
"Or she's…w-watching…television." I did it. I lied. Not even past the fourth question and already I've lied to him.
"How was your life before the…accident occurred?" the 'accident' meaning my father's death.
"Everything was fine." I said, leaving the 'Itachi killing that man in the alley' incident out. "Itachi…he was always there for me…no matter what."
"Itachi?"
"My brother."
"So you have a brother. How old is he?"
"Twenty."
"And where is he now?" My heart dropped at that question and I felt tears forming in my eyes.
"I-I don't know, sir." I let my hair fall into my face, hiding my crying eyes from the therapist. I knew he still noticed I was crying.
"How…how long has it been since your brother left?"
"…t-two years." I mumbled.
"Around when your father died?"
"…" I paused, trying to find something to say. Another lie. "He thought it would be best…if he left so mom wouldn't have to support us both…"
"I see." He wrote something down in a little book he carried. "Sasuke, sometimes when a relative…is killed, family members, like yourself, would blame themselves or others for what happened." He came closer, kneeling next to me now. "But it's not your fault, Sasuke. What happened to your father was an accident an-"
"But it is my fault! If I hadn't…Itachi wouldn't have…" My words were running together, making all my words just a bunch of random yelling to him. I couldn't speak with my crying. I tried to calm myself down, taking a deep breath. "They're all gone…"I muttered. Then it dawned on me that I hadn't really told anyone how I felt about all this before. It felt weird-- having someone else know all of this.
"It's not your fault," he told me again. "There's nothing you could have done to stop it."
I shook my head, standing up. "I-I'm sorry. I really need to be going now." I said quietly before letting myself out of his office. I heard him ask me to wait, but I didn't stop. I broke into a run, once I was out of the building. I didn't care about where I ended up, as long as I was away from everything else. My life in that apartment, that school, that whole city.
'That day two years ago… it was me. I massacred my whole family by causing one little problem. That day dad died and Itachi left was also the day my mother…my real mom died. She was never the same after that. And it was all because of me.'
I tried going as far as possible, taking a taxi out of the city with the little money I had, not thinking about whether I could get home or at least find a place to sleep for the night.
Getting out of the taxi, I suddenly froze, seeing a face.
Was it…?
"Itachi?!" I yelled out, stumbling out and running as fast as I could toward the figure. I dodged through the crowds of people walking past and I saw him stop completely, frowning as if trying to decide whether I was real or not. "I…Itachi…" I managed to say again while catching my breath. He was right in front of me.
"Sa…Sasuke…" I heard him whisper and I looked up at him.
"I…it's really you?" I muttered, looking into his eyes before throwing my arms around my waist. I felt his arms around my body as well and I relaxed against him. "I-I missed you…so…so much." I told him, tears streaming down my cheeks.
"Sasuke, what on earth are you doing around here?" Itachi released my body, now cupping my face with his hands.
"…I-I kinda…ran away from a therapist…" I laughed through the tears I realized were streaming down my face still.
"A therapist? Why-?"
"My teachers reported my…behavior since dad died." I explained.
Itachi's face looked at me with sad eyes and I could tell he felt bad for putting me through all that. "Sasuke…I'm s--"
"Could you show me where you live? I wanna see it!" I interrupted, brushing the tears from my face.
He knew I was avoiding all apologies at the moment and nodded. "Sure."
T o B e C o n t i n u e d…
P l e a s e R e v i e w.
Iluvitachi93