Title: Where Your Road Leads
Author: Sarafu
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Power Rangers do not belong to me.
Summary: After ten years of hard work, the Dino Thunder team has found success, but for two of them, happiness remains elusive. Can they find it in each other?
Dedication: This chapter could go out to one person – HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAREL! I only wish your birthday came around more than once a year.
Chapter 11: Reunions and Ruminations
May 2014
To Kira's great misery, the next days passed slowly and nothing she did made them move any faster than a snail's pace. She spent hours staring at blank pages in her notebook, willing herself to find inspiration in her heartbreak. If writing was difficult when she was happy with Conner, writing without him seemed impossible. Instead, she threw herself even more into social activities and running on her treadmill, trying to tire her body out so she could sleep without dreams.
Only a few people knew about the change in her relationship with Conner, people who would die before they admitted anything to the media. Kira wasn't quite ready to admit that she had failed publicly, knowing that the press would eat them alive. She had confided in Cassidy after she had sworn the reporter to secrecy but didn't even think that it was odd that Cassidy was the person she turned to for comfort. She was trusting Ethan's judgment in this matter. A few of Kira's staff knew because it was hard to miss the thorough way Kira ignored anything having to do with Conner, but they were the most discreet people in the business.
Tommy and Kim didn't know although Kim had pulled Kira aside to ask if she was feeling under the weather. Hayley clearly suspected something (and probably knew), but she never said anything to anyone about it. And Kira found herself asking Trent to lunch more than once because she needed someone to take her mind off of the pain. She never explicitly said anything, but he had correctly inferred that there was something going on between Conner and Kira. Trent welcomed the chance to reconnect with her and obliged frequently by changing his plans at the drop of a hat to spend the time with her.
But it was worse when Ethan found out from Conner. "What the hell are you doing?" he had demanded incredulously. Before Kira was able to say anything though, she was subjected to a lecture about Conner's feelings and reactions to the whole thing and how very stupid she was being. When she offered an explanation, he looked unimpressed and hung up on her. It became obvious that he picked a side when Conner called her using Ethan's phone and she had had to hang up immediately because just the sight of Conner made her want to cry again. Because Ethan seemed determined to put them back together again, Kira hardly ever answered his calls or emails. After all, she couldn't be sure that it wasn't Conner on the other end. Ethan's rejection of her decision hurt terribly especially since they had gotten so much closer being on the same coast.
Still, the hardest part was the end of the day when she finally checked her voicemail and her email and found whatever messages Conner had decided to give her. The first few days were full of angry messages that she forced herself to listen to every time, the next few days were sad messages that broke Kira's heart repeatedly, and then he changed tactics on her. He started leaving messages or sending emails every time he thought about her in the course of a day until there were too many to count. Every single message ended the same way: "I still love you, Kira Ford, and I will be here when you stop running and come back to me."
In the deepest part of Kira's brain, she knew she should change her phone number and email again since the stalker had tracked her down again. As numb as she felt when she wasn't crying, there was only a little surprise when she received a triumphant email, but the stalker seemed content with the current damage he had done. But Kira couldn't bring herself to tell Jorge about the email message because her heart didn't want to cut those last tenuous ties with Conner. If she changed them, she would have to keep them from Conner and Ethan because telling either would be construed as encouragement.
It was the seventh day when Kira's fax machine beeped at an ungodly hour and spit out a single page. For once, Kira didn't mind the interruption since her dream had been full of Conner and making up dreams that made her wake up sweating. Bleary-eyed, she stumbled over to the fax machine and pulled out the paper. Conner's messy handwriting was on the bottom of the sheet with one simple sentence: "If you don't say anything, it'll make it worse."
Kira swallowed and took a closer look at the article on the page. It was dated with the current date and was being run by Page Six which made it that much worse. The title of the article was "Trouble in Paradise?" and had a picture of Kira walking down the street with Trent. The caption read, "What's keeping Conner McKnight away? Could it be a reigniting of old love?"
"Damn," Kira said, sinking down onto her couch and trying to force herself to wake up fully. The article was a rehashing of her relationship with Trent mixed with conjecture about the current standing of her relationship with Conner. She silently thanked Conner for not adding to the speculation even if she kind of wished that his response had been more than a simple "no comment." In fact, she would have given up a Grammy or two if he had admitted they were done and laid the blame at her feet. Secrets were terrible, awful things that could hurt worse than anything else and this was a secret she would be a lot happier not having.
"Well?" Penelope demanded a few hours later.
"What's going on, Penny?" Kira asked cautiously.
It was the wrong thing to say because Penny practically exploded over the phone at her. "What do you mean what's going on? I thought we went over this in March. I'm your first call, Kira. Is what Page Six wrote true? Did you and Conner break-up or not? Are you dating Trent Fernandez? We need to get out and take control of the story again."
"Penny, I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm definitely not ready to make any kind of public statement about it. Please use all your talents to tell them that you don't comment on your clients's private lives. You're so good at it."
"It won't help, Kira. You know that."
Kira agreed, but she didn't want to put her heartbreak out there for everyone to see yet. As selfish as it was, she wanted to keep everything that had happened to herself. "I can't," she repeated. "Sometimes I hate being a celebrity and wish I could go back to playing tiny clubs."
"Well, that's not possible anymore," she said bluntly. "You better get used to having everything about your life public, Kira. High-profile romances are of a great deal of interest to the people who don't live inside the celebrity snow globe and whatever you have with Conner is a dream come true for them."
Oddly enough, Kira found herself thinking that it wasn't just the media's dream come true, but she tried to focus her attention on the situation. "Penny, please ask them to butt out for awhile."
"I'll talk to Rod," Penelope said at once. "We'll come up with something."
"No, don't do that," she protested.
That seemed to confirm the Page Six story for Penelope. "Fine, I'll come up with an evasive non-answer. Will Conner decide to say anything different?"
"I don't know." Kira sounded miserable. "I kind of hope he does so it'll be over, but I don't think he will."
"Hmph, I'll have a press release out within an hour. But you have to tell me if anything changes, Kira. I mean it this time. I will drop you from our firm so fast you won't have time to put out another single."
"I understand," Kira said anxiously. "Maybe we can do it next week before the Youth Center opening when we have good news to balance out the other part." Penelope hung up in such a huff that Kira heard the irritation in the click of the dial tone.
Kira assumed Cassidy had read the piece when she called to invite Kira out to lunch somewhere discreet. Recklessly, she wasn't in the mood to be discreet and suggested Hayley's because if nothing else, Hayley meant comfort food. Besides, she wanted to show the world that she didn't care about the rumors. Penelope's evasive non-answer had quieted the masses somewhat and a careless appearance in public would silent them even more.
"Kira!" Cassidy greeted with a small squeal. Kira noticed the conspicuous absence of her notebook, tape recorder, and video camera.
"Hi, Cassidy, hey, Hayley."
"Your table is free," Hayley said, nodding toward the small table that might as well have a sign that said Reserved for Kira Ford. She put her hand on Kira's shoulder and squeezed gently in support. "Let me know when you two are ready to order."
"Thanks, Hayley." Kira followed Cassidy to the table and sat down, leaving her sunglasses covering her eyes so the rest of the establishment wouldn't find any confirmation in her eyes.
Cassidy leaned forward and said in a hushed voice, "What's up with the statement your publicist put out? I thought you'd clear the air immediately and let everyone know the truth."
"I'm just not sure I'm ready to talk about it. It's hard enough to talk about it with people I love."
"Is Ethan still being a pain in the ass?"
"You know it." They shared a commiserating look that clearly indicated their frustration with males in general.
As Hayley walked over with their smoothies, Cassidy suddenly hit the table. "I know what you need, Kira."
"A spa day?" Kira guessed with amusement. Knowing Cassidy, it would involve getting something wrapped, peeled, or possibly bent. The reporter had been after her to join her in her low-stress yoga class and so far Kira had been able to avoid it by having other plans. For some reason, Cassidy wouldn't buy the idea that Kira's trainer refused to let her do yoga, probably because Kira didn't actually have a trainer.
"No, retail therapy! Although you could probably use a spa day, too," she said, studying Kira closely. "You look exhausted."
"Retail therapy? What do you think I should buy?"
"A house! You've been complaining that your apartment is really small and Jorge doesn't like having to live so far away." Cassidy practically sparkled with excitement. "You can totally afford to buy some place with a guest house or a pool house or something."
Hayley smiled at Cassidy and turned to Kira. "If you recall, I asked you about buying a house recently. It might be a good move to make if you're really planning on settling here, Kira. And then you can stop renting out my stage for practice with your band. I'm sure you could find a place with enough room for a music studio of some sort."
"With both of you agreeing and the world not ending, how can I say no?" Kira said dryly. She wasn't comfortable with the idea for some reason, but she couldn't say why she didn't like it. However, it might be a good way to occupy her time until she got past her writer's block.
Before she could say anything though, the TV in the corner interrupted with a breaking news story out of Boston. "While Kira Ford's publicist claimed no comment on the Page Six story, Conner McKnight reversed his previous no comment to make a personal statement." Conner appeared the on screen and Kira sucked in a breath. He looked tired but resolute and still as handsome as he appeared in her dreams. She both hated and loved him for that.
"I have only one thing to say about the story that appeared in Page Six this morning. Kira Ford and I love each other and I trust her to do what she thinks is best." The news program moved on to some other inane entertainment topic.
"Wow, succinct and he managed to sound disapproving of you and the press," Cassidy said, scribbling notes down on a napkin. "Would you care to respond, Kira?"
Kira was still reeling from the words which sounded more like a show of support than an actual repudiation of the story. "No, Cassidy, I have nothing to say at this time."
She paused and gave Kira a sympathetic look. "That's what I thought. Do you mind if I skip lunch today? I've got to get to the station and try and derail this train before it gets ugly."
"Yeah, no problem. Thanks for the help, Cassidy."
"Think about what I suggested, Kira."
"I will."
Hayley sat down at Kira's table and thrust a banana smoothie at Kira. "Here, have a drink." She looked up and grinned. "Maybe Trent will sit with you and have lunch instead."
The last thing Kira wanted to do was have lunch with Trent on the day where the press was sniffing around for the real story about her friendship with Trent. It seemed to her that an action like that would only confirm their suspicions. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"I think lunch with Trent in a public place is the only way to prove that you're not afraid of the press and that it's not connected with Conner in any way."
Kira knew that Hayley's suggestion was sensible and in line with what Penny would have told her to do. "Trent!" she called and waved him over. He looked pleased and strode over to greet her with a warm smile. "Do you have time for lunch?"
"I always have time for you, Kira," he said, removing his jacket and putting it on the back of Cassidy's recently-vacated chair.
Hayley bestowed a smile on both of them and took their orders personally, returning with their entrees almost immediately. "I'll be around if you need me."
Kira poked at her sandwich and then looked up at Trent expectantly. "Do you ever get the feeling we're in a rut? I'm fairly sure that I've had this sandwich a thousand times before."
"And I always get the meatloaf. Do you think Hayley even waits until we order before she has the kitchen start working on it?"
They looked at her with twin suspicious looks before they exchanged a glance. "It wouldn't surprise me. Hayley does like her information to be sound," Kira said quietly. "Do you usually come here for lunch?" Even though they had gone to lunch a few times since that fateful night when she had rejected La Vista, it had never been to Hayley's. Instead, he picked expensive restaurants and refused to let her pay for anything.
"Only on days where I'm visiting the Youth Center site. It's close enough that I can just walk over for lunch," he explained. "I was glad to see that you were here though. I thought maybe . . ."
"You thought I might be in hiding for a few days?" She laughed dismissively. "I can't afford to hide, not if the opening next week is going to go off without a hitch."
"I thought that maybe with the article . . ."
"Page Six is a bunch of gossipy soul-suckers. They would make a story out of what kind of mayo I'm eating on my sandwich if it would increase circulation. You and I both know the truth about it all and that's what matters."
"So is the other thing true?" Trent asked tentatively. "Are you done?"
"With that part, yes. We'll still be friends," she answered with more conviction than she felt. "And I was the one who dumped him."
Trent's expression was inscrutable. "Conner doesn't seem like the type to give up that easily."
Troubled, Kira nodded in agreement. "He hasn't given up so far. And he just went out on the news and dared me to tell the world that I don't love him."
"So why don't you do it?"
"Because I can't do that to him." Kira waited a beat and then said, "I hope you don't mind me asking you this, but I've been wondering what you usually do to get over your artistic blocks. I know you haven't been drawing much but anything might help."
"Actually, I've been drawing quite a bit more since March. Inspiration found me again."
"Really?"
He reached into his briefcase and pulled out a familiar drawing pad. "It's not much," he warned as she thumbed through the pages with care and attention.
"Oh, Trent, they're beautiful." The pages were filled with images of teenagers, all the kids that paraded through the Cyberspace for a drink, for advice, for the computers. "Are you going to hang these in the Youth Center?"
"I hadn't planned on it," he said, flushing shyly. For a moment, Kira saw the kid that had won her heart when they were only seventeen and still trying to figure out high school and saving the world on a regular basis.
"You should," she said firmly, handing back the pad and squeezing his hand. "Make them feel like the superheroes you draw them as, Trent."
He smiled at her with a buoyant grin, reminding her of Conner. The aching pang that she had kept at bay for a few minutes returned with a resounding thump in her heart. She tried to focus on Trent's moving mouth. "Only if you help me."
"Of course," she agreed immediately, hoping that it was enough to keep her mind off of the ultimatum Conner had laid out.
The following days passed swiftly as Kira kept her promise to Trent and spent as much time as she possibly could with the teenagers, encouraging them, teaching them, laughing at their antics. And if every once in a while, some kid in a letterman's jacket caught her attention with a swagger or a grin, she tried to pretend that everything was okay. With two days to the Youth Center opening, there was very little time to think about Conner. There was still much to do with regards to the music and the performance and even the decorating of the center. Trent had selected a painting committee and had set the day prior to the Center opening to let them loose to paint as many murals as they could.
Kira was fussing with the set list one more time when a slight knock on the door sounded. Kira called, "David, what's wrong? Did the driver not show for you?"
"Um, you have a visitor."
Kira walked to her front door and opened it, saying, "I'm not really in the mood for visitors." She paused long enough to see who it was and slammed the door shut, locking it with all the force in her tiny body.
"Kira!" Conner yelled, banging on the door.
"David, go get Jorge," she ordered. "Conner, I don't know why you're here, but go away."
"If you hadn't hung up on me, you would have known that I was flying in for the Youth Center opening. Now open the damn door!"
"Go away," she repeated angrily. She couldn't believe he had the nerve to do this now after so many days even if some small part of her correctly placed the blame on herself. Conner had tried to get her attention in a number of ways; surely coming out to visit her was the last resort.
"Open the door, Kira. Do you really think a flimsy lock is going to stop us from having this discussion?" He sounded just as mad as she did, and she was perversely glad that he felt a modicum of the same amount of emotion that she felt. On the other hand, she also knew he was right about avoiding the discussion and that he would follow through on his threat even if he was arrested for it.
She unlocked the door and crossed her living room, putting as much space as she could between them. He stalked into the room behind her and met her eyes. "It's nice to see you're not completely unreasonable," he said sarcastically.
Lifting her head, she carefully enunciated her words, "What do you want?"
"What do I want?" he repeated. "I want all the sleepless nights I just had back. I want all the terrible practices I just had back. I want to know why you think you can just decide that it's over with a lousy explanation and a lie."
"Why not?" She gave him a cold glance, suppressing the rage inside. This confrontation had been coming since that fateful night and it was only fair to give him a chance to say his share even if she had no intention of changing her mind.
"Because relationships don't work that way." His frustration was written in the furrow of his brow.
"Really? I didn't think you were an expert on relationships." He flinched as she blithely continued, "In fact, I wasn't aware that one night stands with the Barbies and Ambers of the world counted as relationships."
"Fine, our relationship shouldn't work that way."
"We never set that ground rule," Kira retorted.
He glared at her. "You're not an expert either. A single silly infatuation with Trent doesn't count. That wasn't a relationship, that was just puppy love."
"How would you know? You were so jealous of him that you couldn't see straight. And at least we loved each other! Besides, that relationship lasted far longer than this thing between us," she shouted, losing the slight control that she had over her temper.
Hurt filled his brown eyes, and Kira felt a twinge of regret . . . until he spat, "Love, was it? Is that why you've been spending so much time with him lately? You want him back?"
"At this very second, I'd have to say yes! At least he knew when to give me my space, and he was mature enough to let me go."
He moved across the room so fast that for a split second, she wondered if he had somehow retained his Ranger super-speed. He gripped her shoulders and forced her to look up at him. "Kira, he didn't care enough – that was the problem, remember? He was too immature to tell you about his own insecurities that you would use his past against him. He didn't know you as well as you think he did and he resented you for all of it. Fuck, he was cheating on you and managed to do it in a place where you would see him. That's not love."
"Are we done with the history lesson?" Her voice was icy as she wrenched herself from his hands.
He had crossed a line that he had a hard time believing he would ever cross. With a deep breath, he forced himself to calm down. "I'm so sorry, Kira. I didn't mean . . ."
"I know you didn't," she said softly, wondering how they had ever gotten to this point and wondering why he was the one apologizing to her when it should be the other way around. And it struck her that she loved him all the more for the passionate way he had defended her in that speech. She looked down at the worn carpet and tried to pull herself back together.
"What I came here to say before we started fighting was that our relationship has never been like that, and it might be easy to walk away from us, but it wouldn't be right. I don't know about you, but I still love you and I think we have something really special that I'm not ready to give up on. I want to work through this, Kira. We're worth it, but you have to tell me what I can do to change your mind."
She heard the absolute faith in his tone, and she started to believe that they might be able to make it work. After all, hadn't they already learned that right and easy never went hand-in-hand? But then she remembered the email and she looked up at him. "I can't tell you what I don't know, Conner. I don't want to do this anymore. You're my best friend, but some things I can't risk even for you."
There was still distance between them, but Conner latched onto the subtext of her words. "What things are you risking?"
"Never mind," she said abruptly. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to see you. It was a lot easier to be supportive a few weeks ago, but I don't back out of my commitments."
"Why now?"
"Trent's project. I was the one who talked you into performing," he reminded in an irritated tone.
"But you couldn't get the time off."
"Yeah, that was my great news when you so unceremoniously dumped me." She was startled by the bitter anger at the mention of the call. She had let herself be lulled into thinking that the lovely words on the voicemail and in the emails meant that he had forgiven her. "What things, Kira? I don't care what you say. Nothing is more important than us."
"Here," she replied, thrusting the email at him and putting her chin up defiantly.
"This is the reason you dumped me?" he said loudly after reading through it, crumpling up the email. "Some dumbass thinks that he knows our secret?"
"Conner, look at the words and at the picture. He knows everything and he would ruin everyone because we're together. Do you really think Dr. O wants to be named? How about Ethan and Trent? There's more than just the two of us involved now," she said almost hysterically.
"So what?" he asked.
She started pacing again. "It's not fair to the rest of them."
"So you think you can unilaterally make the decision to sacrifice us for this delusional psychopath? Did you even talk to the others?" She didn't say a single thing and he sighed in annoyance. "Fine. When I fix this, we're going to have a long talk about what it will take for you to trust me."
"I do trust you."
Conner loomed over her and gripped her shoulders. "No, you don't. Not the right way. With your life, maybe, although considering you didn't tell me about your crazy friend, that's debatable. But not with your heart."
"How are you going to fix this?" she demanded, changing the subject back to something more comfortable.
"Don't worry about it," he said, releasing her shoulders. "Just trust me for once if you can."