AN: No, I didn't fall off the planet. Yes, I am still writing this fic. I've had one heck of a busy summer and it doesn't look like it will slow down anytime soon. Even still, this chapter gave me problems. For those of you that are keeping track, I have reached the point where I am caught up with In the Shadow of my Father. This chapter happens right before chapter one of ItSoMF, hence the title, when Jason is just is just shy of 20 years old in one section and then shortly after his birthday in the second section. So I left it at age 20 because he's thinking about those two moments as he ponders asking Kate to marry him… which brings us up to the start of ItSoMF. Is everyone with me? LOL! As you finish this chapter, you should either read over chapters 1-9 of ItSoMF or at least check out chapter 9 to remind yourself where that stops. Then the next chapter of BJW will start just after chapter 9 of ItSoMF. Are you confused yet?

Thanks to htbthomas and hellish red devil for their support and beta reading abilities. I am a typo queen! And to van-el for spurring the plot bunnies and making my AU that much more insane.

Also, if you missed it, I wrote a one-shot of Clark and Lois getting married for the 12 Days Challenge. It's posted here at Check my user info to find it. It is rated M, but if you don't like that kind of thing, just stop reading when it gets to 9: 14 pm. HA!

And lastly, and I promise I'll be done now, if you enjoy Superman Movieverse Fics of all sizes and shapes, I encourage you to visit the Superman Movieverse Fan Fic awards over at LJ. The address is http :// community. livejournal. com/supes mv awards/ but take out all the spaces so it will work. won't allow us to post links within fics. Grrr… Go and vote!

Age 20: Before

I'd never really looked at a diamond before now. Of course I'd seen them – my grandmother wore far too many of them for me not to have seen them. But I'd never really had the chance to stare at one for such a long time. Mom didn't wear a diamond. Her ring was probably the most unusual wedding ring I'd ever seen, but that's very fitting considering how unconventional Mom usually is.

A diamond is the hardest of all known natural materials. Add to that the fact that it disperses light in the most brilliant of patterns and it's no wonder people use them as a symbol of their devotion. What better than a brilliant, illuminating, strong substance to serve as a constant reminder of the relationship you have with another person?

However, like all relationships, diamonds are not without flaws. I didn't know this, personally, until I started shopping for one, but it is the truth. It's nearly impossible to find a diamond without a flaw, and even if you do manage to find one, you'd have to be a millionaire to afford a decent-sized one. Most diamonds found in engagement rings have one or two minor flaws – little breaks or cracks that aren't really visible to the naked eye, but manage to bring the value of the gemstone down to a more manageable price. I was told by one jeweler that I would be better off with a diamond with two or three little flaws than a diamond with one large flaw. The larger the flaw, the weaker the gemstone.

The larger the flaw, the weaker the relationship. The deeper the lie, the harder to tell the truth. The longer you hold off mending the error, the less likely your chance at ever making things right. As I sat and looked at the diamond I'd bought for Kate with its two tiny, barely noticeable flaws, I started considering just how deep my own flaws went.

I was kidding myself by thinking I didn't have to tell her the truth – that it would be better if she didn't know. It would be more correct for me to say that it was better for me if she didn't know the truth, but I knew it was only a matter of time until I had to tell her. I wanted to marry her, and I couldn't really do that without telling her who my biological father was… or could I? It was the number one question weighing on my mind for the last five months or so. Ever since the whole showdown with Mom…

I hadn't meant for it to be a showdown. All I'd wanted was for Mom and Dad to meet the woman I was in love with. I had already met Kate's family, and they were wonderful. But then, I harbored no resentment toward anyone or anything in her family, while I knew that Kate was bound to disagree with my mother when it came to Superman. It was my fault for not warning Mom, I suppose. But what could I tell her? Oh yeah, by the way, my girlfriend hates the man you had a child with. Considering that my relationship with Mom had been a bit shaky ever since my confrontation with Superman, I didn't think it would be such a good idea to tell Mom anything negative like that right at the start. It was my hope that she would meet Kate, see how wonderful she was, and then I could drop the bomb about the Superman thing. Kind of like softening the blow. Again, I was kidding myself.

I introduced Kate to my family in late January. We'd planned on visiting for Christmas, but her siblings were so upset that she wouldn't be there for the holidays that Kate opted to go home for a few weeks. I didn't mind too much. It just delayed the inevitable. Mom did like Kate at first, though. She was all smiles, winking at me from time to time when Kate answered things in a way mom found agreeable. For example, her career.

"What are you studying?" Mom asked over dinner.

"Psychology," Kate answered. "I want to be a family psychologist."

Mom's eyebrows went up as she quickly glanced over at me. "That's an impressive career goal."

"Not impressive. It's just something that means a lot to me."

Mom nodded. "So you absolutely want a career. That's good. It seems to me that too many women today are giving up their ambitions in life to satisfy some old-fashioned status quo. I like that you are more career-focused than that."

I knew what Mom was getting at – she wanted to know if Kate was strong enough to chase her own dreams and not fall victim to the whole stay-at-home-mom idea my mother found so repulsive.

"I do want a career, yes," Kate replied. "But I want a family, too, if that's what you're asking."

Mom looked at her for a moment. "How do you plan to do both?"

I grimaced at how much like an interview the conversation was sounding.

"Same way you did it, Mrs. White." Kate flashed one of her charming smiles. "Very carefully." Ooh, good answer! Point one for Kate.

Mom smiled, her eyes darting over to meet mine, and I could tell that Kate was winning her over. It was what I had hoped for. I only hoped it would be enough.

After dinner, Mom pulled me into the kitchen for a quick chat. "She's lovely, Jason," she said, with that all-too-knowing voice of hers.

"Thanks, Mom. I'm really glad you like her."

"Really glad, huh?" she eyed me suspiciously.

"Yes," I smiled. "Really glad."

She knew what I was implying. "You're not even twenty yet, Jason."

"I know how old I am."

"You have your whole life ahead of you."

"I know that, too."

Mom sighed, and I half-expected her to scold me or tell me I was crazy, but to her credit, she didn't. What she did say, though, surprised me. "Did you tell her about your… background?"

I looked away. "I'd rather not talk about that tonight, Mom."

"Well, if you're really serious about her, then she should know."

"I thought no one was supposed to know," I said resentfully, and walked out of the room before Mom had the chance to counter my argument. I should have just stayed there and had it out with her, because if I had, she wouldn't have followed me into the living room where Kate was frowning at one of the many-framed articles in the house.

"How can you stand it, Jason?" she whispered to me. "You've had to look at this stuff every day of your life, I suppose."

I shrugged. "It kind of comes with the territory of being the son of two reporters in Metropolis."

The dreaded question came next.

"Are you a fan of Superman?" Mom asked as she joined us.

Kate exhaled. "Not really."

It was the moment I'd foolishly hopped to avoid.

The smile on Mom's face slowly disappeared. "No? That's… unusual." Her eyes darted to me and then back to Kate. "Can I ask why?"

"Well," Kate drawled, making a face as she thought about how best to word it. "I just don't think he's all that he's cracked up to be. I mean, who gave him the right to step in as the world's savior? Who gave him the right to decide who lives or dies? He's not even from our planet."

"I see," Mom hissed. I could feel the anger in her heated gaze. "And the fact that he has saved thousands of lives over the years – including my life and Jason's life – means nothing?"

"Of course it does. But what about the people that he doesn't save? I mean you no offence, Mrs. White," Kate offered. "I know you've built a career around Superman and that he's your friend, but I'm not going to lie to you. I think you're only seeing what you want to see."

"And what is that?" Mom seethed.

"You only see the big, grand, heroic things he does. You seem to miss the fact that there are people who die on this planet every day who don't have to, technically speaking, were Superman to offer his services more freely." Kate didn't hide the bitterness in her voice.

Mom glared at her. "He's only one man. He can't be everywhere at once."

"Maybe, but he's still an alien."

"And you're prejudiced?"

Kate frowned, "No, just protective of humanity. He is, in fact, an alien that has crashed onto our planet. It would be logical for us to fear him and his powers, but we don't. We welcome him because he's so handsome. If he were a green, slimy, one-eyed monster who did all the same heroic things, would we worship him as much as we do? I don't think so."

"He didn't choose to come here," Mom argued. "You said so yourself. He was sent here with the explicit purpose of helping us, which he has done without asking for anything in return. And I think that you fail to see just how much he has sacrificed for our planet."

"Like what?" Kate challenged.

"Like—" Mom's eyes darted to me. "Like… his family."

My heart skipped a beat.

"His family?" Kate said. "He didn't sacrifice them. They died when Krypton blew up. It's not like he had much choice in the matter."

With her focus still fixed on me, Mom's eyebrows shot up as if she expected me to admit that there was still one person alive who Superman could claim as "family." I gaped at her in response. "Don't look at me! I agree with Kate on this one."

The intensity in her eyes sharpened. "Oh, of course you do!"

"She makes a valid point, Mom. There are people – good people – who die every day because he turns the other cheek."

She shook her head at me. "I don't believe you, Jason. I can't even— how can you— how— she—" With a growl of frustration, Mom threw her hands up in the air and stormed into her office, slamming the French door behind her and nearly breaking the glass.

Kate stood still beside me, and to my surprise I didn't see any anger on her face at all. Only disappointment. "I'm sorry, Jason. I should have kept my mouth shut."

"No," I stated. "You have every right to your opinions the same way she has every right to hers."

"But I'm a guest, and I really wanted her to like me. I shouldn't have started something like that." The disappointment in her voice was clear. "Will you go… tell her…"

I could see her searching for the next word. Dad entered the room before she could come up with anything that sounded right.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Oh," I sighed, "Mom kind of got into it with Kate and stormed off."

Dad frowned. "Got into what?"

"Superman," Kate mumbled.

Dad's whole body tensed up and his eyes immediately darted to my face. "Superman?"

"Kate… doesn't much care for Superman, Dad," I stated very carefully.

Dad quirked an eyebrow at me. "Is that so? Wow." He shook his head.

"Dad—" I started.

But he stopped me. "No, Jason. Don't even try to explain."

Beside me, I felt Kate drop down to sit on the sofa. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"I'll go talk to her, okay?" I offered.

Kate nodded unenthusiastically.

I knocked lightly on the door to Mom's office before letting myself in. Mom was fuming, pacing in front of her desk with her arms folded in front of her. She was shaking her head at me, her eyes baleful and her cheeks tinted pink out of anger.

"I don't believe you, Jason. I just don't believe you."

"What? That I would fall in love with someone who hates the super jerk?"

"How can you—" She gaped at me before leaning close to me and whispering through clenched teeth, "He is your father!"

"Don't call him that," I demanded softly.

"And she hates him!" Mom said, ignoring me. "Your girlfriend hates him, Jason!"

"I know," I said without any trace of regret.

"She called him an alien and likened him to some green monster from Mars."

I chuckled. "Oh, come on, Mom. He's from another planet. Last time I checked that's what an alien is."

"Yes, fine," Mom snapped, keeping her voice quiet, but firm. "And the last time I checked he was still biologically your—"

"STOP!" I sneered. "Don't even—"

"I will not stop, Jason. How can you be with a girl who so openly hates someone that is close to you? "

"Because I hate him, too! Or have you somehow missed that fact over the last few years?"

Mom's lips formed a thin line and I could almost feel her anger. "I can't do this with you, Jason. I cannot do this anymore. I've reached my limit."

"Well, I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm not suddenly going to start liking him simply because you've 'reached your limit.'"

"I didn't raise you to be like this, and I certainly don't know what he did to you that makes you feel like you have to run out and grab up the first girl you can find who doesn't like Superman!"

I nearly came undone. "First of all, you did raise me like this. Second of all, you're right that you don't know what he's done… and that's item number one an a long list of things I hate about him. And lastly, I didn't just grab up the first girl who came along. I fell in love with her long before I knew her feelings on the blue Boy Scout. So don't even try to belittle my relationship with her like that."

"Oh, no," Mom laughed. "I wouldn't want to belittle your relationship – since you've been so forthcoming and honest with her. I can really tell your relationship is based on truth!"

"Which is something I learned from him… and from you!"

"That is enough!" Dad's voice bellowed behind me. "This is not the time to have this argument and you both know it."

"When would you like to have it?" I gave Mom a pointed look. "Are you free next Tuesday?"

Dad whipped me around to face him. "All right, young man, I've had enough of your smart mouth for one night, so I think you'd better just shut-up now before you say something that you'll regret." He turned to Mom. "And you need to cool off, too. Let's not forget that there is a young lady out in our living room who isn't aware that there is a fourth member in this family."

Mom and I stared at each other in raw silence for a few seconds. I could hear her heart racing in her chest. As angry as I was at some of her comments, she was still my mother and I still loved her. I wasn't about to apologize to her for what I'd said, but at least I could let her win this one.

"Fine," I conceded. "I'll stop."

"Good," Dad said. "Now, I'll go out and make excuses to Kate, because Lois, I really don't think you should talk to her right now."

"What will you tell her?" Mom asked.

Dad shrugged. "I don't know. That you're sick."

Mom rolled her eyes. "Oh, she'll never see through that one."

I mimicked my mother's eye roll and headed down the hall to the living room where Kate was stoically waiting for me to return. She stood up from her place on the couch as soon as I came around the corner.

Kate's face looked worried. "What did she say?"

Dad was right behind me and ready to cover for Mom. "I'm sorry, Kate. Lois isn't feeling very well."

Kate looked at me expectantly, as if I was supposed to call Dad out on his lie. When I didn't respond she said, "That's all right. I need to get back to my apartment, anyway. I have a huge test I should be studying for."

I followed her lead without missing a beat. "Yeah, I'll take you home then."

It wasn't until we were a mile or so down the road that Kate asked me to explain what really happened.

"What do you think? We argued," I admitted.

She slumped down into her seat. "I'm so sorry, Jason. So sorry."

"Hey, really, this isn't your fault." I chose my next words very carefully. "There is a… history there… with the whole Superman thing that you have nothing to do with, so don't feel like you're to blame here."

"But I really – I like your mom. I do. And I wanted her to like me, too." I could hear her heart rate increase. "You know? It was important to me." She looked away from me. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just… hoping…"

We hadn't officially talked about certain things yet, but I could guess from the hesitancy in her voice that Kate was thinking about how this might affect any potential future she and I might have as a couple. I needed to reassure her that there was still reason to hope.

"Kate," I said, taking her hand, "Mom did like you. In the kitchen she told me she thought you were great. And Dad liked you, too."

"Sure," she said skeptically. "It was all well and good right up until I told her what I thought of the man she'd built a career around."

Among other things… The thought came unbidden into my mind, but went unspoken.

Yet it was something that I would have to face sooner or later. I would have to tell her. Putting it off only drew it out and made the situation that much worse. Especially considering where my thoughts had been heading regarding our relationship; and now it seemed that her thoughts were heading there, too. On one hand, it was a relief to know that she was thinking along the same lines as I was – that what we had was something she hoped would last for a long, long time. On the other hand, it meant telling her something that would probably put an end to our relationship.

So, which was the lesser of the two evils? Did I tell her and lose her now, or did I lie and hope she wouldn't leave me later? It was that same old question that endlessly repeated in my mind. The situation with Mom brought it to the forefront. But it was an entirely different situation that made the matter seem that much more pressing.

Children.

Specifically my children. Mine and Kate's.

It really wasn't anything I had ever given much thought to, actually. I guess I'd always been too consumed by my own problems to consider what it would mean if I had children. But when Kate mentioned it, I couldn't help but dwell on the possibilities. How freakish would they be compared to me? Would they be sick like me? Did I really want to put a kid through something like that anyway?

It wasn't as if Kate sat me down and purposefully talked to me about it. The conversation kind of snuck up on me and took me by surprise. Given that we'd always been careful and used protection when we made love, we honestly had never talked about it. But we spent a weekend with her family for her brother's seventh birthday and the whole issue came out so quickly I didn't have much time to prepare.

I was playing ball with Ryan in the backyard. He told me how he wanted to sign up for Little League and I in turn told him how I had played ball when I was little. We tossed that ball back and forth, with me throwing it as lightly as I could and him chucking it back at me with such reckless abandon that I never knew quite where it was going to go. I sometimes pretended to drop the ball or miss it entirely, saying that he had tricked me and congratulating him on his amazing talents as a ball player.

I assumed that Kate was inside fixing dinner with her mother – or fussing with her sister, Anna, over hair or clothes, like her sister was prone to do. However, Kate was watching us from the deck. I only noticed her after Ryan threw the ball in her direction.

"Hey, you two," she said with a grin. "Time to clean up for dinner."

Ryan cheered and exclaimed that he was starving and darted off into the house. I picked up the baseball and slowly made my way over to Kate. She had an odd expression on her face.

"Thanks for playing with him."

"No problem." I tossed the ball to her and leaned against the railing of the deck. "Baseball's a favorite, even if the pitcher needs some work."

"You made him think he was a sport star."

I laughed and shrugged it off. "He's just a little kid. What did you think I'd do? Tell him he sucked?"

She made a face. "No, it's just that you were really good with him."

"Well, he's a nice kid."

She hummed thoughtfully.

Suddenly, for no reason, my insides squirmed. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't say 'nothing.' There's something. I can see it in your face." I could hear it in her heartbeat as well.

"Just…" She looked away from me, her cheeks turning pink. "I think you'd make… a good father."

The word hit me like a bolt of lightning. Father? Me? The guy who couldn't even admit to his own paternity? She thought I would be a good father? And did that mean that she was thinking of herself as a potential mother? As in… the two of us having children together? If it hadn't been for the railing holding me up, I would have probably fallen over.

She headed into the house without saying anything else, seemingly unaware of the bombshell she had just dropped on me. I was then expected to sit through an entire dinner and evening with her family without showing how distracted her comment had made me. Why had she even brought that up? Was there something she wasn't telling me? Was she…I couldn't even finish the thought. It wasn't until much later, after Ryan and Anna were asleep, that we had the chance to talk about it.

I had gone outside to think and take in the beautiful scenery of the area while Kate said good night to her siblings. When she joined me, she sat down on the patio bench with her legs across my lap and covered us both with a blanket. I hadn't even noticed it was chilly outside. We sat in silence for a moment, for I really didn't know what to say.

"I scared you, didn't I?" Soft as her voice was, it startled me a bit. I didn't answer her. "I didn't mean to scare you. I broke a big rule, huh? Do not randomly mention children to your boyfriend… well, unless you're pregnant."

My head snapped up to look at her. "Are you pregnant?"

"No," she stated. And then she realized what she had done. "I saw you playing with Ryan and you looked like a natural with him. Then you asked me what I was thinking, so I told you. That's why I mentioned children." She smiled, "Believe me, I'm not pregnant."

"Good," I sighed in relief.

The only thing I could think of right now that was worse than the fact that we were talking about children when she didn't know I wasn't fully human was the idea that she could be pregnant before I'd even had the chance to ask her to marry me. Of all the things I didn't want a child of mine to go through, having to face the fact that his parents weren't married was at the top of my list. Super powers aside, it hurts to think of yourself as an unwanted pregnancy.

Kate took my relief to mean something else though. "You don't want children?" she asked.

It took me a moment to catch up with her. "I didn't say that."

"Or you just don't want to have children with me?"

"Kate, that isn't what I said."

"You were relieved that I wasn't pregnant."

"Yeah! We're not done with school yet. We're not married. We're not even engaged yet! I don't know about you, but I am totally not ready to have a baby. So, you'll have to forgive me, but I am very relieved that you aren't pregnant."

She was quiet for a moment. "Does that mean that you want children? Eventually?"

I ran my fingers up and down her legs as I thought it over. "I don't know," was my honest reply. "I've never really considered having kids."

"Well, I have. I want at least two. I love Ryan and Anna, I just wish they closer to me in age. I think kids should have siblings."

"Something wrong with being an only child?" I said teasingly.

"Yes," she said matter-of-factly. "You don't have anyone like you to grow up with. All the burden falls on your shoulders."

Boy, did she get that one right!

"I suppose that's one thing most girls do that guys just don't understand. We plan out our weddings by age ten. A few more years and we're picking out possible baby names. Girls sometimes have their whole lives planned out - like a puzzle they work on their whole adolescence. The only missing piece is who will share that life with them."

I looked into her beautiful green eyes, wanting to know if I was understanding her correctly. "When you say most girls, are you lumping yourself in with them, or are you one of the few who go against the grain?"

She chuckled. "Oh, I'm totally lumping myself in with that group. But see, where I differ is that I'm pretty sure I've found my missing puzzle piece."

Our eyes were locked and the air was tense with emotion. Knowing that anything I would say right now would break the spell, I leaned forward and kissed her, simply, delicately.

"I love you," she said softly.

"I love you."

"And I'm sorry I scared you. I'm really not in any kind of a hurry for any of that stuff, okay? I just wanted you to know how I felt because I don't want to lose you."

"Well, I don't have any plans to go anywhere, so I think you're stuck with me."

"I know," she said to my surprise.

"You know?"

"Yup, from something you said just a moment ago."

I gave her a questioning look.

"You said that we weren't engaged." Her fingers laced through mine. "Yet."

I had been caught. She knew it and I knew it. "Okay," I said, giving in to defeat. "So you want two?"

"At least two. And no more than five."

"Five?" I nearly fell off my seat. "I'm not having five kids! Two… maybe, but certainly not five!"

She laughed at me, and then kissed me. And then kissed me again. And again.

"So, you're okay with having kids?"

My mind had gone fuzzy at the first kiss. She should know by now that once she started in on the kissing that I couldn't really think properly. Or maybe that was her plan after all – to catch me off guard.

She kissed me again and then said, "So long as we do all that other stuff first?"

I pulled away from her, feeling suddenly very serious. "Kate, listen. I know this will sound backwards and maybe even ultra conservative of me, but 'all that other stuff' as you call it is really important to me. I know what it's like when families do things out of order. If this is what you want – if you want me to be part of it – then we have to do things in order."

"Meaning you don't want to talk about kids until we're…" She hesitated slightly before saying, "…married."

"Right. There's a couple of other things we have to do first, okay?"

She smiled brightly. "I completely agree. I'm just glad I know how you feel."

"There's something else, though. And I'm totally serious about this. My… father…" I stumbled over the word because I hated referring to him that way, but I didn't have much of a choice right now. "He didn't know about me for a long time."

She frowned in confusion. Since she knew my dad – Richard – had been there when I was born, I could tell why she was confused. But I wasn't talking about Richard.

"Mom didn't tell him for a while," I clarified. "So… he missed out on some things." The understatement of the century. "I don't want that… to happen. You know? So, if you ever think that you… could be…even for a fraction of a second… I mean."

Her lips curved up in a gentle smile. "I think I understand."

"Yeah?"

"I wouldn't keep something like that from you, Jason. Ever. Okay?"

"Okay."

She kissed me a few more times, keeping them fairly chaste and innocent. I didn't press for more given the fact that I could hear her stepmother walking around in the kitchen. It wouldn't be good for her parents to find us making out.

"So are we engaged?" she asked bluntly.

I had to shake off the stunned feeling before I could reply. "No."

"Well, it seems like that's what we were talking about."

"Yeah, but…"

"Or did I misunderstand?"

"Kate!" I grabbed her face in my hands. "You over-think things!" I laughed. "Don't start analyzing my reasoning on this one. Just let me catch up and… give me some time to do this right."

Time. I had run out of time. I needed to tell her the truth. Soon. Not telling her was too big of a flaw in our relationship. A flaw that I hoped with all my heart wouldn't break us.