AN: Blame vanel for this one folks! LOL! He gave me the idea and requested the cliff hanger at the end, so it's all his fault! No… I'm kidding. But he did give me some tips along the way. Also, thanks to htbthomas, who was confused by the beginning of this but kept reading all the same. And to Hellish for being my biggest fan. You all rox! I seriously have the best beta team around.

And just as an FYI – if you love Supes and aren't in on the 12days of Clois live journal fic share, you really should check it out. Fics start being posted soon and you don't want to miss out on any of the holiday fun!

Age 26 Part One - Inferno

Rehearsals for the Christmas program the symphony gave every year began in September. The first performance of the extravaganza was generally given the day after Thanksgiving. Since the show was the largest they gave every year and involved every kind of performer, their dog, and the kitchen sink, they would never be able to have it up and running in time if they waited much longer. "A Metropolis Symphony Christmas" was one of the hottest tickets in town and played almost every night, with some matinee performances generally given for audiences of school children and other youth organizations.

This was to be my second year performing in the Christmas program. I had twice as many performances this year as I did previously, which was a blessing and a burden at the same time. It meant more money and recognition with the community, but it also meant more time away from my family. At two and a half years old, Eric would actually understand who Santa was this year. I didn't want to miss out on any of his important childhood moments, but I couldn't turn down the opportunity to perform. Kate agreed with me, with the understanding that we would plan all of our own family events around my unusual schedule.

The choir, made up of eighty of the best voices Metropolis had to offer, was scheduled to rehearse on their own for a few weeks, and then the musicians would be added in later. Still, an accompanist was always necessary, and since every pianist has their own quirks and needs time working with the choir, the three of us that would be playing during the holiday season took turns accompanying the choir from week to week. This week was my week. Plunking out notes for singers wasn't exactly my favorite thing to do, but they were talented enough that I knew they wouldn't be practicing parts for long.

After the first hour of rehearsal, the chorus master called for a break. I wasn't in any need for coffee, so I stayed and played through a few small sections that I tended to fumble over. The arrangement for "Jingle Bells" in particular this year was much more complicated than I had anticipated.

"'Jingle Bells', of all things," I grumbled.

The chorus master chucked at me. "I bet you never thought that such a simple song would give you that many headaches."

I nodded. "You got that right. And here I though Handel was going to be bad."

"Are you still prone to headaches?"

The voice that asked the question did not belong to the chorus master. It was female… light and musical… and oh-so-familiar. I turned around to find a pair of deep brown eyes staring back at me from a smiling face framed by curly, auburn-colored hair. She hardly looked any different from the last time I saw her when I was seventeen.

"Meredith?" I gaped.

Her smile widened. "You remember me."

I stood up, shaking my head in disbelief. "Of course I remember you!" I opened my arms to welcome her into a friendly hug. "Why wouldn't I remember you?"

She shrugged. "Maybe because it's been about ten years since we last saw each other."

I smiled. "Still, what kind of a jerk would I be if I forgot my first girlfriend?"

"A big one," she chuckled. "In fact, didn't I call you a jerk when we broke up?"

"Not to my face," I admitted, "but I deserved it, all the same. I'm surprised you are even being nice to me now."

She tutted at me. "Oh come on, that was about the most tame break-up I have ever experienced. You should have seen the war I raged with my college boyfriend."

I nodded and folded my arms in front of me. "So, what are you doing here?"

"I'm one of the sopranos in the chorus," she said in a way that made me feel badly for not having at least looked at the list of names when I was given the list of performers.

"Wow," I said stupidly. "That's – that's great!"

"Sort of," she sighed. "I'd rather be one of the featured vocalists, but this will at least pay my bills over Christmas."

The chorus master tapped his baton on the music stand in front of him as the choir members began returning to their seats.

"Guess that means the break is over," she said, looking over to where her seat was. "I should get going."

"Wait," I stopped her. "What are you doing for lunch?"

She blinked.

"We could go get lunch together and catch up. I'd love to hear about your career."

"Yeah?" she hesitated. "There's not much to tell. Not compared to yours."

"Oh, please," I groaned. "Just have lunch with me. My treat. I haven't seen anyone from high school since my wedding, and even then it was just Marcus and a few others I keep in contact with."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure."

With a nod and a smile, she agreed. "Okay, but I pay my own way. My fiancé won't take kindly to my old boyfriend buying me lunch."

I chuckled and regained my seat behind the piano. Through the remainder of the rehearsal I found myself to be surprisingly calm. I looked up every so often to catch Meredith's eye and simply smile at her, but it was always a calm smile. The once nervous energy that had always consumed me whenever I was in her presence was gone, as was the knot of teenage desire that had once upon a time twisted in my gut. She was just Meredith – another friend that I hadn't seen in years. And I couldn't wait to catch up with all her news.

When the lunch break came, she suggested we go to her favorite café that was within walking distance. I had eaten there once or twice, so I didn't mind. But as we stepped out of the building, a cold gale of wind wailed around us, chilling the air in an unseasonable fashion.

Meredith wrapped her lightweight jacket tightly around her. "Oh my goodness, it's cold! I didn't know it was going to be so cold today."

"Take this," I said, chivalrously tugging my own scarf off from around my neck and twisting it around hers. "At least you can keep your vocal chords warm."

She smiled. "I'm not so sure about the rest of me though!"

Casually, I draped an arm over her shoulder. "Here, we'll make a run for it."

A few chilly moments later, we bounded into the café laughing. "Remind me never to try to run a three-legged race with you," Meredith teased.

"Are you saying you aren't impressed with my athletic ability?" I said in mock horror.

"I was never impressed by your athletic ability! You think I go after guys because of sports?" She gaped at me. "Hello! Music major! Not interested in sports."

I couldn't help but laugh at her. "God, I've missed you. You were always fun."

She nudged my arm with her elbow. "So were you."

We ordered our food, or rather I ordered food while Meredith ordered a plate of greens that probably wouldn't satisfy a small rabbit, and found a table at the back of the café where we could talk. My meal was nearly gone when I noticed that Meredith had barely eaten half of her small portion.

"Do you want a roll to go with that? Or something of actual substance?" I teased.

With a smile, she shook her head. "You have no idea how tough this business and this town is on women. With the holidays coming up, I can not afford to eat a roll or anything of substance."

I leaned back. "You're kidding me, right? You're gorgeous."

"Thanks," she beamed, "but unfortunately you aren't a casting director."

Slightly confused I asked, "What do you need a casting director for? I thought you were in the choir."

"This is my first year in the choir. I've spent the last few years hopping from chorus to small chorus barely scratching out a living. I work at a school part time as a substitute to fill in the financial gaps. I refuse to wait tables, and as a sub, I don't have to meet a set schedule. If I don't want to work, then I don't have to."

I frowned. "You looked like you were doing so well. I just assumed…"

"Well, it's hard to complain about the not so good things when another part of my life is so hopelessly wonderful," she shrugged.

"And what part is that?"

"My fiancé." Her face went bright pink. "I'm completely in love with Allen."

"What does he do?"

"He's a doctor."

I gasped. "You're joking?"

"No. Why?"

"My wife is studying to be a doctor."

Brows raised, she said, "Really? Family practice?"

"No, um…" I chuckled. "Psychology."

Meredith snorted. "You're married to a shrink?"

"No," I slurred. "She wants to be a psychologist and help families in trouble."

Still slightly laughing, Meredith said, "Jason White – the guy I could never seem to understand what was going on inside his brain – is married to a headshrinker."

"Now that's not fair," I smiled. "I never knew what was going on in your head either."

"Oh, let's think for a minute. What could possibly be going on in the brain of a sixteen-year-old girl when she's kissing her very sexy boyfriend?"

I blushed and covered my face in embarrassment. "Probably the same things I was thinking."

"Like… let's break up?" she said suddenly.

I looked over at her in total surprise.

"I never understood what happened there," she admitted. "One minute things were great and the next… they weren't."

I wasn't sure how to respond. I couldn't explain to her now any better than I could then that the problem wasn't her at all. The problem was me and the fear I had of my own powers. Without being able to explain the full truth to her, all I could offer her was something only partially true. "It just wasn't right," I said after a long moment.

"I can agree with that," she nodded. "That doesn't mean that I understood it though. Nor does it mean that I regret it, because I am very happy where I ended up romantically. I assume you are, too."

"Very happy," I said without the slightest hesitation. "Kate is – Kate makes me–" I sighed deeply, trying to find the right words to describe what I felt for Kate and how far we'd come over the years. "Kate accepts everything – the good and the bad. She makes me want to be a better person. Sometimes I still can't believe that she chose me."

Meredith smiled affectionately at me. "How long have you been married?"

"Four years," I said.

Her eyes went wide. "Really? Wow."

My grin widened. "And we have a son."

Now her jaw dropped. "No!"

I pulled out my wallet and passed her a picture of my pride and joy. "This is Eric."

"Oh my gosh!" she gasped in the same girly way that she did back in high school. "He is adorable. He looks just like you!"

"Yeah, I get that a lot."

"How old is he?"

"Two and a half."

"Wow, Jason. You guys moved fast," she said, passing the photo back to me.

"Now, why do people say that?" I mused, taking a moment to look at the picture of my beautiful son. "Kate and I have known each other since we were nineteen. We dated for a year before I proposed, and we didn't get married for another few years. Eric didn't come along until after our second anniversary. I don't see how any of that is fast."

"Because in today's world, a lot of people wait until they are in their thirties to get married and start a family."

"But when it's right, what's the point in waiting?"

She smiled at me and placed her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands. "Okay, I can't resist. I have to ask you something."

"What?" I said hesitantly.

Her chuckle did little to ease my nerves. "I always wondered about this, and I wanted to ask you all those years ago, but I was too young and stupid and embarrassed to do it."

"Why am I suddenly worried?"

Leaning in slightly, Meredith fixed her eyes on mine. "Did you sleep with Tiffani Kaye?"

"What?" It took me a second to consider what she was talking about, but once it registered I nearly came out of my seat. "No! NO! No! No, no, no. Noooooo!" Just in case she didn't catch my sincerity, I shook my head and sliced my hand through the air as I hung on to the last no.

"You didn't?" she squinted at me. "Because everyone said you did."

"Well, I didn't. Believe me, I didn't. She offered, but I told her no thanks."

"Really?" Meredith smirked.

"Oh, come on, Mer. Tiffani Kaye? She was…" I could have finished the sentence with so many unpleasant adjectives.

"Skanky?" Meredith offered.

"Yes. She was nasty. I wouldn't sleep with her." I frowned. "I'm a little offended that you thought I did."

She shrugged. "I didn't know what to believe. I tried to stand up for you, but it was difficult, given the circumstances. I mean with you… and me… I was more than a little confused."

"Meredith, honestly," I wet my lips, "other than my wife, you're the only girl I ever felt that way about."

She looked like she was trying not to smile too brightly. "All right, now I feel much better."

"You do?"

She hummed. "Yup, because you're the only guy I ever really felt that way about… until I met Allen. In fact, I sometimes compared boyfriends with you. I know that sounds silly, but I did."

"I'm flattered," I blushed.

"Did you ever think about me?" she asked, and then quickly swatted at the air. "You fell in love with your wife not long after me, so forget I asked."

"I did think about you," I admitted to her anyway. "But I'm one hundred percent in love with my wife."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," she said warmly.

I waited a beat and then said, "Even though you thought I slept with Tiffani Kaye."

She groaned and covered her face with her hands. "Are you going to hold that against me forever?"

"Maybe just for the next week or so."

Realizing time was short, we cleaned up our table and dashed back to rehearsal through the cold. It had been a nice conversation with the appropriate amount of uncomfortable and awkward moments, but I didn't regret it. I felt so at peace with everything. I hadn't realized it before, but the Meredith book hadn't been really fully closed. Now I could honestly say that it was and I had no issues with it.

More than that, my ease at talking to her only validated for me the fact that it wouldn't have really lasted much longer between us had we not broken up when we did. I had never been able to reach a comfort zone when I dated Meredith where I could completely relax around her. There was always an edge to things. The comfort I found with Kate had been missing with Meredith. Now that I wasn't trying to impress her or romance her in any way, I felt so much more comfortable about Meredith. I was pretty certain that our remaining rehearsal time together, as well as performances, would be smooth sailing, and that our friendship would grow.

I headed home that evening with full intention of telling Kate about my day and the run-in I had with Meredith. I hadn't ever spent a great deal of time giving Kate the details on my history with Meredith. I couldn't recall ever having told her Meredith's name even. Kate knew I had dated a girl, but that was about it. Considering that nothing very important had ever happened between Meredith and me, I never felt it necessary to explain to Kate all about her. In fact, Kate and I never really spent much time talking about our past relationships. For me, there wasn't much to tell, and for her it was painful and only made my blood boil. Thus, we generally avoided the subject. Still, I figured I'd have to at least explain a few things for Kate to fully appreciate the realization I had come to regarding both her and Meredith.

I hadn't been in the house five minutes when I knew something was very wrong. I'd done my normal routine of kissing both Eric and Kate, yet Kate stiffened when I drew her close to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, concerned.

"Nothing," came her sharp reply. "I made pasta for dinner. Eric and I have already eaten. What's left is in the kitchen. I have my class in a half hour, and I need to finish reading my chapter before then. So, I'll see you later." Without even so much as a smile, she brushed past me and headed for her computer.

I didn't dare interrupt her while she was in the middle of her correspondence course, so I played with Eric and then put him to bed. Kate took a moment to give him a kiss before he ran off to his room, but once again, there was no smile for me. I used the time alone to work on some musical notation and caught the last quarter of a football game, all the while pondering just what had Kate so upset.

When I heard her laptop click shut, I expected her to join me on the sofa for a chat, but instead she headed directly into the bedroom and closed the door. Now I was getting a bit mad. If I'd done something wrong I at least deserved to know what it was I had done. It wasn't like Kate at all to just brush me off and not at least give me some reason for her attitude. With a hard frown set in place on my face, I snapped off the television and stomped my way into the bedroom. She merely scowled at me and continued washing her face in the bathroom sink.

Forcefully, I asked, "All right. What's going on? What are you so pissed off about?"

Slowly, her eyes met mine. "You really don't know?"

"No! I don't know! I come home tonight and all I get is the cold shoulder. I'd like an explanation."

Flicking her washcloth against the sink with a snap, she gave me a cool look and articulately said, "Meredith called for you."

Confusion flooded my head. "What?" Why would Meredith call here? And why would that upset Kate?

"She still has your scarf and wanted to let you know that she'll return it to you tomorrow." Kate paused dramatically, eyeing me with a venomous look. "She wanted to thank you for keeping her warm."

Now I understood. My eyes closed slowly. "Oh. I see. That makes it sound like I was doing something inappropriate when all I did was lend one of the singers a scarf because it was cold outside."

Kate popped a hip, her face turning red in anger. "Really? That was all? You didn't wrap your arms around her and flirt with her and take her to lunch? Because I think that's a bit more than just lending someone your scarf."

My brows pulled together in puzzlement. "How do you know that?"

Sadness covered Kate's face in a flash. "Because I saw you. Eric and I came to surprise you for lunch today, and I saw you laughing and flirting with some beautiful red-headed woman."

Now I was really angry. "You were spying on me?"

"I didn't know I had a reason to spy."

"There isn't a reason. It was nothing."

"It wasn't nothing," she bit out harshly. "You went on a date."

"I did not!" I fought back. "I went out to lunch with a friend."

Kate scoffed. "Yes, you two seemed very friendly."

"Oh, come on, Kate. You can't actually believe I'm dating Meredith."

"You both looked awfully comfortable with each other," she accused.

"That's because we're old friends."

"How do you know her, then?"

"From high school. She was my—" The explanation got stuck in my throat. If Kate was this upset over just seeing me with Meredith, she would be even angrier once she knew who Meredith really was.

"She was your what?"

I pursed my lips, knowing there was no way around it. "She was my girlfriend for a while."

Kate's mouth fell open. "Your… girlfriend?" She blinked and chuckled harshly. "That explains why you two looked so comfortable together."

I couldn't believe this. Being misunderstood is one thing, but the fact that Kate genuinely believed I had cheated on her was unfathomable. "It was lunch, Kate. Just lunch! I can't even understand how you could think I would do such a thing as what you are accusing me of! It's ridiculous!" I said bitterly.

"I know what I saw."

"What you saw was me with a – a—" I was so angry now I couldn't think straight.

"With your arms around an old girlfriend. Flirting."

"I wasn't flirting!" I shouted back.

"Well, you sure fooled me!"

That was it. I had had enough. Hot anger was quickly building up inside of me, begging to be released .. "All right, Kate. You caught me!" I mocked. "You found out my big secret. I'm having sex with the redhead in the choir."

Kate gasped. "She's in the choir?"

"Of course she is. How else would she get my number than from a contact list?"

"I figured you slipped it to her over your cozy little lunch."

"Kate," I fumed. "Stop being so stupid."

But Kate didn't seem to hear me. "So you're going to see her every day then? For the rest of the season?" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

I shook my head at her in disbelief. "Kate, this isn't at all what you think it is. The fact that you even think this…"

Ignoring me, she brushed past me to stand by the window with her back to me. "I can't believe this. I can not believe this."

"You can't believe it? What about me? I have done nothing wrong here."

She snapped around in a fury. "You didn't tell me about her. You never told me about her!"

"Yes, I did," I countered, just as angrily. "I told you I had a girlfriend in the past. You knew you weren't my first girlfriend."

"But you never told me her name. You never told me she was a singer or that she was going to perform with you. Why couldn't you tell me about her? Why did you keep her a secret?"

Now she was pushing it too far. "She wasn't a secret! I didn't tell you because I didn't think it was important. I didn't know until today that she would be in the Christmas show this year. That's why we had lunch today – to catch up."

"Then why didn't you tell me when you came home?"

"Because you were upset and giving me the cold shoulder. I didn't want to waltz in and just blurt out that I'd had lunch with an old girlfriend for fear that you would overreact, just like you are doing, and take it the wrong way!"

"Exactly!" she raged, pointing a finger at me. "If there wasn't anything going on with you two then there wouldn't be any reason for me to take it the wrong way! But you knew I would get angry so you opted not to tell me – to keep it a secret."

I rolled my eyes in complete frustration. "Oh, this is bullshit, Kate."

"You wouldn't keep something like this a secret if you didn't think there was anything wrong. You must have felt guilty for something or you would have told me."

"I didn't feel guilty about anything!" I bellowed at her. "I thought you were having a bad day and that it wasn't the best time to mention an old girlfriend."

She hummed. "Right, because you had a nice, flirty lunch with her."

"Do not accuse me of flirting with her again, Kate!" I warned, feeling my face grow hot with my anger. "I did nothing wrong! Do you understand me?" In a desperate cry of frustration, I looked up at the ceiling and raged, "I did nothing wrong!"

Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, the ceiling was engulfed in flames. I blinked, not quite understanding what I was seeing. Kate screamed my name, the sound of which pierced my heart like nothing I'd ever heard before. And then I realized what had happened – how the fire had started. It had been me. I had done it. In my rage, I had lost control and hadn't taken notice of the familiar heat behind my eyes.

Beside me, Kate wailed in terror. "JASON! DO SOMETHING!"

Instinct kicked in, and taking two steps back, I focused on the fire now spreading across the ceiling and inhaled sharply. When I exhaled, nothing but cool air rushed out of me, hitting the flames and instantly halting their progress. I wasn't sure how I was doing it, for I'd never done anything like that before, but somehow the air I expelled was ice cold. It must have been pure willpower that allowed me to manage to stop the fire. A mere thirty seconds later, the fire was completely out.

I stood still for a good long while, appalled and amazed at the same time. The room was silent except for Kate's sharp and panicked breathing. Turning to look at her, I wasn't surprised to find her terrified face white as a ghost. Her eyes, which held fast to mine, were filled with tears as well as pain. Slowly, as if she had lost all strength, she slid to the floor and covered her mouth to stop herself from screaming.

I was mortified at what I had done. I had unnecessarily brought my wife face-to-face with the one thing she feared the most in the whole world. More than that, I had put her life in danger. I had placed Eric in danger as well. What kind of a monster gets in an argument and ends up nearly killing his wife and child with fire bursting out of his eyes? Me. I did that. I was capable of that. No matter how many times I had sworn to never hurt her, I had just broken that vow in one fell swoop.

The argument was forgotten. I couldn't even remember what it was that we fought about. All I could focus on in that moment was the fact that I had lost control. My inability to control my powers had nearly cost me my family. It had been a mistake, yes, but one that was easily avoided… by my absence.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, looking down at Kate. "I'm so sorry."

Before she could respond, I turned and walked out of the bedroom. She called my name, but I didn't stop. I just kept walking through the house. Even with Kate's repeated cries for me to come back, I knew I couldn't. I didn't dare for fear that I would repeat the experience and cause more damage. I kept walking until I was out of the house with the door shut behind me. I kept walking until I knew I was a safe distance away from the house – away from the people I loved – away from anyone who might get hurt.

And then I ran.