AN: Believe it or not, I hadn't originally planned this whole section to be in the fic. Now that I've written it, I can't imagine the story without it. Vanel helped me brainstorm this section when I realized I had nothing for age 26, and here it ended up being a two parter! I hope everyone likes it as much as I do!

Lots of thanks to the beta readers who fixed my story in spite of it being the holidays. Htbthomas did it on Chirstmas Eve if you can believe it! Mithah sent it back yesterday, and if I hadn't been so sick, I would have posted it then. And vanel well… this section wouldn't be here without you!

Age 26 Part Two – Lessons

Normally when I enter the apartment building that stands at 344 Clinton Street, I take a moment to chat casually with the security guard. So it was no surprise that Frank greeted me with a bright smile and immediately started in on catching up on the small talk.

"Hello, Jason!" he said in his friendly and personable way. "Haven't seen you in a while. How are Kate and Eric?" His smile faded suddenly when I groaned. He took in the state of my appearance. "Are you all right?"

I had no idea what I really looked like at the moment, but I knew from his expression that it couldn't have been good. "I'm fine," I muttered. "Is he in?"

Frank automatically knew who I meant without needing to ask. There was only one person I visited here. His eyes flickered up to the ceiling and then back to me. "He should be. It's been a quiet evening."

I'd never actually asked Frank if he knew the truth about Clark Kent, but after all the years of hints that he had dropped, I'd come to assume that the overly observant man did know. Which also meant that he probably knew about me, too.

"Would you like me to ring him and see if he's there?"

"No. It's okay. I'll just head up there and wait for him if he isn't there."

"Are you sure? You don't look so good," he frowned.

"I don't feel so good," I said as I headed to the elevator and stepped inside.

Although it was only a few floors, the ride up felt as if it lasted hours. Or maybe it didn't last long enough. I was eager to talk to Clark about what had happened, but at the same time I was embarrassed by it. I felt like a child not wanting to admit that I'd done something terribly wrong, but knowing that if I didn't fess up my parent would find out about it sooner or later. My stomach churned at the prospect of facing him.

It had been years since I'd asked for his advice about my powers. It had been years since I'd asked for his advice on anything really. He had offered advice many times when I hadn't asked for it, but that was different. I couldn't really remember the last time I'd gone to him with the select purpose of talking to him because he was the only person who could help me. Because he was my father. He was the only one I had now that Dad was gone. Even still, I doubted I would have asked Dad about this. Heat vision was something only Clark could deal with or understand, so it had to be him.

The elevator arrived at his floor, and I walked down the narrow hall to stand in front of his door. My heart was racing, both from the events of the evening and from the anticipation of having to admit this horrible thing to him. My hands were shaking, as were my legs. In fact, my whole body twitched with nervous energy. Too afraid to us any of my powers, I breathed deeply and let my fist rap on the door in the hopes that Clark was at home.

He was. The door flew open to reveal his perplexed face. "Jason. What's wrong?"

"Can I come in?" I asked.

"Yes. Of course," he said, eyeing me in worry and opening the door so I could brush past. "Are you all right?"

"No," I answered honestly. Feeling my legs begin to shake, I sank down onto the sofa and covered my face with my hands. "I did… something… terrible." He wordlessly waited for me to continue. "My heat vision," I mumbled after several quick breaths. "I can't control it. I've never been able to control it. The first time it happened, it just spilled out of me, and since then I've felt it before it happens. I usually feel it behind my eyes, and so I know to close my eyes so it won't happen. But this time I didn't feel it. I got angry and the next thing I knew there were flames everywhere."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Clark said, sitting on the coffee table directly in front of me and resting a hand on my knee. "Slow down. What do you mean there were flames everywhere? Where were the flames?"

I wet my lips, so embarrassed to admit to him what I'd done but knowing I didn't have any other choice. "In the bedroom. At home"

His face paled. "Kate? Eric?"

"They're fine," I said, and then quickly edited the comment. "They aren't physically hurt at least. No one was really hurt, but fire… fire is Kate's biggest fear and I – I – oh god! I was so angry!" I covered my face with my hands again.

"Calm down, Jason," Clark said in a surprisingly steady voice. "Just calm down. Tell me everything from the beginning."

I sighed and met his eyes. I could see the genuine concern on his face and hoped he wouldn't judge me too harshly for my inability to control what came so naturally to him. "Do you remember Meredith Madison?" I asked.

Puzzlement flashed over his face. "Who?"

"My girlfriend in high school."

"Oh," he registered. "Red hair?"

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Well, she's singing in the choir for the Christmas show this year and I went out to lunch with her. Kate saw us and started accusing me of having an affair with her."

"What?" Clark said, startled.

"Nothing happened!" I insisted. "But Kate wouldn't believe me. I was so angry that she would think that. I would never – NEVER do that, but Kate just kept going with it until I lost it. And then… the ceiling was in flames and Kate was screaming and—"

"Jason, stop," he ordered gently. "I get the idea."

"I didn't know what to do – where to go. I couldn't stay there, and I can't go back – not until I know how to control it. I don't trust myself. You've got to help me," I begged. "You've got to show me how to stop it so I don't ever do this again. I can't – I can't!"

"Of course I will try to help you," Clark said in that same calm, steady voice. "But you have to calm down first. Why wouldn't I help you?"

I wet my lips, still shaking and jittery from the events of the day as well as the usual fear that always came over me when I had to own up to the fact that I was unable to control the powers I had inherited from my father. I hated admitting as much to him, and I hated that I had to beg him to help me, but I didn't have much of a choice. "I feel like such a failure," I murmured, keeping my eyes downcast. "I don't want you to think I'm incapable…"

"I don't think that," he stated. "I've never thought that. Asking for help doesn't make you weak; it makes you strong. Heat vision was one of the powers I had difficulty controlling, so why should it be any different for you?"

My head snapped up. "It was?"

"Sure," he smiled. "Do you think I just woke up one day and could do everything perfectly without ever having to learn how to do it first? I was taught, Jason. When I first used my heat vision, I would torch everything in sight. It wasn't so much that I couldn't make it happen or stop it from happening, but rather that I couldn't aim very well. It took a long time for me to pinpoint a single spot and not burn everything around it. There are times, even now, that I get a little nervous when using it if I'm distracted or can't focus well enough."

"Yeah?" I said, surprised that he felt nervous or had his own difficulties with his powers. "I'd always assumed that everything came easy to you."

His smile broadened. "I wasn't raised as a Kryptonian, Jason. I was raised by humans who didn't know any better than I did what was going to happen next. I've heard you say that you feel like a freak. Well, how do you think I felt when I couldn't figure out how to keep my feet on the ground and stop myself from flying? I had no idea how I was doing it, so I had no idea how to stop it. It's the same thing here, isn't it?"

I'd never considered that, and it made me feel infinitely better to know that these strange powers had been difficult for him once upon a time. "Why did you never tell me that?"

"You don't generally like talking about your powers. But I've always hoped that you'd come to me someday and ask me for help. I'm just sorry it had to happen like this."

"You and me both," I said. "So… you'll help me?"

"Absolutely, but we have to do this some place safe where you won't cause a lot of damage."

I shook my head. "And where would that be? A firing range?"

"I was thinking of somewhere more… arctic."

It took me all of two seconds to register his meaning. "No!" I said, standing up and pointing a finger at him. "I don't want to go there."

"Jason," he said gently, following my lead and standing up. "You can't do any damage up there. Where do you think I learned how to do what I can do?"

"But that place…"

"It's the only place where you can use your powers and not burn everything down. The Fortress is virtually indestructible."

I considered it a moment. "I don't have any fond memories of that place."

"I know, and for that I am truly sorry."

"I don't feel very welcome there – like an outsider trying to fit in."

"You're not an outsider," he stressed. "Please, trust me this once."

Reluctantly, I agreed with a small nod of my head. I didn't feel good about going there at all, but I knew he was right about it being a safe place to use my powers. Throughout the entire journey there, the nervous knot in my stomach grew and grew. By the time the temperature dropped significantly and the ground below was all white as far as the eye could see, my heart was racing in my chest. Then, on the horizon, I saw the spires of crystal and ice jutting up out of the snow.

My feet gently touched the ground a few moments later. He released me and gave me a concerned look. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and lied. "I'm fine." I caught sight of the power console and was suddenly chilled by the memory of what I had heard the last time I had been here.

"Are you cold?" he asked, noticing the slight shiver.

"No, just a little freaked out, I guess," I admitted honestly.

He sighed. "I wish you felt more comfortable here."

"It's not a very friendly place, you know." I glanced around at the palace that I had once thought was so impressive and only felt the emptiness. "Maybe if there was some color… or furniture."

Clark smiled. "I have some furniture, but I keep it stored away. It's really not necessary for just me. This isn't where I live, Jason. It's where I learn." Nice line.

"Right," I groaned, thinking about what I had learned here all those years ago.

"I had always hoped that you would want to learn here, too."

"Yeah, that didn't go over very well last time, did it?"

"No, it didn't," he agreed. "But I intend to make it up to you."

"How?"

"By helping you today. That's what we came here for, right?"

"Right."

"So, first things first." He clapped his hands together, causing an echo throughout the open fortress. "We need to figure out what triggers your heat vision."

"It happens when I get mad," I said quickly.

He squinted at me. "Not every time you get mad, though."

"Okay, when I'm really, really mad."

"Jason," he sighed, and then stood quietly and thought.

After several minutes I offered an idea. "You could just turn on Jor-El. That would piss me off real fast."

He gave me a pointed look.

"Seriously, if you want me to get really mad, just turn on the big, floating, know-it-all head. I promise you, I'll be angry in no time."

"That won't solve anything, though."

"It might trigger my heat vision, which is why we came here. And it would be the first really useful thing that Jor-El ever did for me."

Clark sighed heavily and shook his head. I could almost hear his thoughts, they were so plainly written on his face. He wasn't going to use his father as a means of making me angry. He probably still held out some hope that I would come to accept Jor-El instead of hate him as I did.

"When was the first time it happened?" he asked at long last.

I exhaled and slumped to sit down on one of the ledges. "Ironically, the first time was when Meredith and I broke up."

His frown deepened. "How old were you?"

I shrugged. "Sixteen. I burnt down the kitchen." From the look on his face I could tell this was news to him. "Didn't Mom tell you about it?"

"No. I knew there had been a fire, but she told me she left something cooking on the stove and fell asleep at her computer." He looked a bit hurt. "Why didn't she tell me that was you?"

"Because I asked her not to. I didn't want you to be disappointed with me again."

His shoulders slumped. "It's always going to come back to that, isn't it?"

We looked at each other for a long moment before he inhaled and stood up straight. "All right, so your heat vision was triggered because you got angry that she broke up with you."

"Sort of. I kind of… did it to myself."

"How so?"

"I said some really horrible things and… pushed her away until she broke up with me. But it was really all my fault."

"So you were angry at yourself?"

"I guess," I said, but in my mind I knew it was more than that. What I didn't want to tell him was my reason for pushing Meredith away. I really didn't want to get into a discussion about intimacy with him, nor did I want to go back to the topic of how much I didn't want to be Kryptonian. I'd sort of overcome that hurdle in the last few years and didn't think it wise to reopen an old wound.

"Did it ever happen again?" he asked.

"Yes, but I felt it coming on and just closed my eyes. So, I never did any damage."

"When did it happen?"

"Well," I rubbed my eyes, hating to admit it yet again, "before Kate and I were married… I kind of did the same thing. We got into a fight and we very nearly broke up. I went after her and apologized, but before I did, I felt the heat vision flare up."

"Hum." He crossed his arms and rubbed a hand over his mouth as he thought. "It couldn't be related to women, could it?"

"No," I answered quickly.

"First Meredith and then twice with Kate." He hesitated, but went on. "Love is a very passionate emotion. Especially romantic love. It could be that you…"

"No. It's not what you think," I said, deflecting his train of thought. "It happened once when I fought with you, so it can't be all about women."

He blinked in surprise. "When did it happen with me?"

I looked away from him, nervously shifting in my seat. "That time you came over to the house… as Clark… and I was really rude to you and Mom grounded me and you kind of scolded me and I said that you weren't… you know…" I sounded like an adolescent who had been sent to the principal's office.

"That I wasn't your father," he finished for me, obviously remembering it as perfectly as I did. He wet his lips, and after a brief pause he asked. "Did your heat vision ever happen in response to your mother?"

"No," I said quietly.

"Richard?"

"No," I said even more softly, guilt settling in my stomach. Needing to explain things and justify my reaction to Clark, I started speaking before I could really think things though. "Mom and Dad never expected me to be anyone but who I was, so when I would get angry with them it was totally different than when I would get angry with you."

"I can agree with that," he said solemnly. "But that doesn't explain your reaction to the girls."

"Well, I had to pretend with them. A lot of time I was pretending to be something that I wasn't, and I was always worried that if they knew the truth about me that they would leave."

He nodded. "Okay, but Kate knows everything and yet it still happened with her."

"She accused me of having an affair," I said sternly. "I was afraid I was going to lose her over a lie, and I don't want to lose her."

In my head, the pieces suddenly all snapped into place. The force of the realization hit me hard enough that it was like someone had physically pushed me backwards. I gasped, groaned, and then closed my eyes and slowly lay back against the cold ground.

"What is it?" Clark asked, stepping closer to me.

"Kate's right." I chuckled darkly. "She's right. As much as I hate to admit it, her psychobabble is completely, one hundred percent accurate."

"About what?"

"I have a fear of abandonment," I said in a monotone voice.

"All right," he said in a voice that was clearly still confused.

"Every time it's happened," I explained, sitting back up, "I've thought I lost someone. Meredith and I break up. Boom. The kitchen goes up in flames. Then I flat out tell you that you aren't my father, and you don't fight back. Boom. It happens again. Then I fell in love with Kate and upset her so much that she walked out on me. Boom. The fire's back. And then… this happens. It's all from the fear of people leaving me."

"But Kate isn't going to leave you."

My eyes went wide. "If I was really having an affair, there's no way she would stay with me. I wouldn't deserve her, anyway, if it were true."

"But it's not."

"No, it's not. But my anger came from the fact that she thought it was true, and if that's what she thought then she had every right to leave me." I rested my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands. "For years Kate has been telling me this is my main problem, and I would just roll my eyes at her and try not to think about it, but she's right. I don't want people to leave me. And it never happened with Mom and Dad because I never felt that way about them. I was never worried that they would ever leave me. Well… except when I was little."

"When?"

I looked up at him briefly. "Mom and Dad had a horrible fight just after they were married. I really thought Dad was going to leave. But see, I was too young then. I didn't have a lot of powers, just strength really. I remember I broke the plane."

"Oh, that fight—" Clark stopped and turned away as if he'd said something he shouldn't have.

"You know about it?"

He turned his head toward me, and even though he stood very straight I could tell he was very uncomfortable. "That was when Richard found out you were my son."

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just sat and waited for him to go on. To my surprise, he didn't. Instead he asked, "Did it happen when Richard died? Given your theory about what causes your heat vision to flare up – when people leave you -- it would make sense that it would happen then."

I shook my head. "But I had no control over that. He died. He didn't purposefully and intentionally walk away from me without a fight. I was angry about it, yeah, but it wasn't the same thing."

"So, it has to be a conscious decision."

"I think so."

"And it has to relate to you and your abilities… or inabilities."

I glared at him. "What does that mean?"

"Well, with the girls I'm assuming that it was because you aren't fully human, and that they wouldn't accept you. That they would think your powers made you some kind of a freak."

"Yes," I agreed, not liking the casual, almost flippant tone his voice had taken on.

"And with me, it was because you aren't strong enough."

I blinked and frowned. "Yes," I said slowly.

"And now with Kate, you have abilities that you obviously can't control."

"That's why I'm here," I snapped.

"You should have been here a lot sooner, you realize. We could have probably had this under control years ago."

"So, it's my fault?"

"Partially."

I hadn't been expecting that at all. "Excuse me?"

"I've been wanting to teach you how to use your powers for years, Jason. But like you said, you always pushed me away. There's only so many times someone can be told to go away before they actually do. If you had come to me for help years ago, then I wouldn't be so reluctant to help you now."

"Wait a minute," I said and stood up. "Are you saying what I think you are saying?"

"If you think that what I'm saying is that it's almost pointless to teach you now, then yes."

I gaped at him. "You said you would help me."

"I said I would try. You're a grown man now, Jason. I learned how to use my abilities when I was still a teenager. You're not as strong as I am, or as capable as I am, and you're older than I was when I learned."

"Wait! Wait just one damn minute," I lashed out at him. "I didn't come here so you could insult me. Why are you even saying this?"

"Because it's the truth. I had hoped that there might be some chance of helping you, but I don't think so now."

"You didn't even give me a chance. You know, I expected this kind of thing from Jor-El," I snarled, pointing a finger over at the console. "I didn't think you would back out on me now."

"He's my father, Jason. What you have never understood is that a lot of the things he said were right."

I felt as if all the blood had been drained from my body. "What?"

"You're not fully Kryptonian. To assume you would have the ability to control your powers as well as I can is just ridiculous. You can't. I shouldn't even expect it of you."

Now, I was angry. "Hey, I think I have done a pretty damn good job keeping my powers in check, especially since you never taught me how to do it."

"You never asked me to teach you," he said calmly. "And I don't think you've done a very good job at all."

"Like hell I haven't!"

"You broke Richard's airplane."

"I was a child!"

"It took you years to control your hearing, and I did try to teach you that one."

"Maybe if I hadn't been trying to deal with the fact that you were my father, things would have been different!"

"You set fire to the kitchen."

"That was the first time it happened! You said yourself that you didn't have any control the first time it happened."

"You set fire to your bedroom just a while ago."

I opened my mouth, but no retort came to mind. His cool, collected demeanor made my blood boil. "You're a real asshole, you know that?" I growled in frustration. "This is exactly why I avoided coming to you for help for all these years. Because I knew you would make me feel like crap."

"Then why are you here now?"

"Because I didn't have anyone else to turn to! Like it or not, you're my father."

"And you are my son." His eyes bore into mine. "So, prove it and do what is in your nature to do."

I scowled. "What do you mean?"

"You have the power, Jason." His voice was firm and intense. "You have the ability. You just deny it to yourself and then whine and complain when you can't contain it any longer."

"Because I don't know how!"

"Yes, you do! Stop making excuses and prove it to me."

"I don't have to prove anything to you!" I shouted.

"My son wouldn't back down from a challenge," he said in a voice so deep it sounded dangerous.

"Are you saying I'm not your son?"

"If you give up, yes."

I glared at him, angrier now than I think I'd ever been in my whole life. "I hate you."

"Good."

"You want me to hate you?" I sneered, stepping closer to him.

"It's not about what I want, Jason. It's about what you want."

"Well, what I want, I'm not gonna get, am I? I'm never gonna be free of this - free of these powers. I'm never gonna be good enough for you or capable enough for you!"

"If you say so," he said so smoothly I wanted to punch him as hard as I could.

My hand flew up as if I would hit him, yet he didn't even flinch. That only angered me even more. "How dare you!" I shouted into his face. "How dare you bring me here and say these things to me."

The hot anger within me stirred, and I felt the fire flare to life behind my eyes. I covered my eyes with my hands as quickly as I could and spun away from him.

"Damn it, Jason! Don't cover your eyes!" he yelled, spinning me back around to face him. After a moment, I heard him groan. "You weren't supposed to cover your eyes." His voice was back to its normal pitch and tone.

Slowly, cautiously, I blinked my eyes open to look at him. "I didn't want to hurt you." As soon as the words left my mouth I realized how stupid they were.

"You wouldn't hurt me," he said with a small smile. "Well, not physically at least. You can't hurt anything here."

I frowned at him, slightly confused. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"Yes," he said. "And it was working, too, until you went and closed your eyes. Now we're going to have to start all over and find some other way to make you angry at me."

I swallowed, hard. "You didn't mean any of those things you said. It was all a lie."

"Yes," he said again. "For the first time in my life, I have told a bold-faced lie all for the sake of making you really angry at me."

I sniffed. "It worked."

"I'm sorry." He walked up to me and put his hands on my shoulders. "I really am sorry. I don't blame you for any of this. I think you did a wonderful job adapting to your powers. You picked up X-ray vision in a snap. And I don't expect you to have to prove anything to me. It was all just a way to upset you enough to trigger your heat vision."

I met his gaze, feeling badly for not having caught on to what he was doing sooner. "I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have believed you so quickly. You were just really convincing."

"It hurt to do it. I want you to know that. It really did hurt to say those things to you."

"It hurt even more to hear them," I admitted.

"Because that's what you believe about yourself. But you know, Jason, I did say something that was true."

I frowned in wordless reply.

"You do have the power to do this within you. Everything that you have ever set your mind to, you have been able to accomplish."

"Except fly," I added under my breath.

He smiled sadly at me and dropped his hands to his sides. "Well, that's a little different. Still, if you wanted to fly, you could have learned from Richard."

"True."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because flying in a plane was the easy way out. I didn't learn just to spite you, I guess. You said I couldn't fly, so I wasn't going to fly."

"I think that's what called a self-fulfilling prophecy."

My eyes rolled. "Oh, no. Not more psychobabble."

Clark chuckled. "Believe it or not, it's something my father told me."

I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Not Jor-El. Geez," he groaned. "You really have a complex about him, don't you?"

"You just now figured that out?"

"I meant Jonathan Kent. I know you will be shocked to hear this, but I was a total misfit when I was in school."

I smirked. "I remember the pictures from Kansas."

"Exactly. I was probably one of the biggest nerds in my school. No matter what I did, no matter how cool I tried to be, I just came out looking more foolish. I complained about it to my dad one day, and I said that I didn't know why I even tried anymore. I couldn't be cool so why even try. He said that if I didn't believe it, then it never would happen. So… I… tried to believe in myself."

"And…" I slurred, waiting for the happy ending.

"And… I made a few friends. I stopped tripping over my feet all the time. I joined the school paper. I found the courage to ask out a really pretty girl. I wasn't Mr. Cool, but I wasn't the biggest dork either. And most importantly, if I didn't have any belief in myself, there would be no way I could ever feel confident about saving a life or averting a major crisis."

I shook my head. "But that's ridiculous. Not the beginning part, but the idea that you don't have confidence in your abilities."

"Why?"

"Because," I said in all obviousness, "you're Superman."

"So? You're Superman's son. Why don't you have confidence in your abilities?"

With a very pointed expression I said, "It's very different for me, and you know it."

"But it's not very different. It's only different in your mind."

Now I really did gape at him. "Are we channeling Yoda now?"

He shrugged. "Yoda had a good point. You can't just try. You either do it, or you don't."

"I can't believe you're quoting Yoda," I said.

"Hey, it was a good movie!"

I chuckled at him.

"So, are you going to do this or not?" he asked, looking me directly in the eyes. "You can do this, Jason. You have the power to do it. You have it within you to control it. It's there; you just have to find it."

"And what if I don't find it?"

Without even blinking, Clark said, "You will."

I wet my lips, nodded, and squared up my shoulders. "Then tell me what I need to do."

With a smile, he pointed across the empty space to the far wall of the fortress. "Pinpoint a spot to aim for. You probably won't hit it the first time, but that's all right. You still have to aim. You have to focus all the heat you feel inside you – all the energy you gain from the sun. Heat vision is possible from the way your body stores the energy from sunlight, so all you have to do is channel that energy up and out."

"Yeah, cause that's so easy."

"It is. It's just heat. Just the release of it."

I found the spot I was aiming for and I glared at it. Hard. And then harder.

"Focus, Jason."

"I am."

"Feel the energy build up inside."

"It's not working."

"Then you're not doing it right."

I squinted my eyes. "Maybe if you kept quiet I'd be able to do it."

"Then do it."

"I'm going to."

I focused harder, squinting and scowling and scrunching my face into a look that I was sure was ghastly. I felt the pressure growing as I channeled whatever aggression or anger… or fear I had bottled up inside of me. The heat tingled behind my eyes.

"Come on, Jason."

"Will you shut up and let me do it?" I said through gritted teeth.

"If you would do it."

"I am!"

"Then show me."

"Fine!"

The mounting pressure ruptured and broke past whatever barrier was holding it back. Fire shot across the fortress and collided with the opposite wall in a shower of flames and sparks. In the next moment, I closed my eyes out of partial surprise and partial fear or what I had just done.

Beside me, Clark clapped and shouted his praise. "You did it! See. I told you that you could do it!"

My heart was racing in my chest, and I was slightly breathless, but I couldn't help but feel impressed with myself. "I did it," I said. A smile broke out across my face. "I really did it."

He turned to look at me, still smiling brightly. "How do you feel?"

"I feel… good. Really good."

"Good," he nodded. Then looking back across the expanse of open air to the spot I had hit just a moment before, he said, "Now, do it again."

When I opened the door to my house, I expected to find Kate running towards me, rushing into my arms. I had been gone nearly twenty-four hours from what I could tell. Usually when I'm gone, she and Eric both can't wait to hug me and tell me all about what I missed that day. However, I found her instead sitting in the dark on the couch in the den with red, puffy eyes and a tear-streaked face. She sat up when I entered the room and looked at me with a sorry expression.

"Hi," I smiled.

"Hi," she echoed weakly.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded, her eyes never leaving my face. "Are you?"

It was my turn to nod.

"Where did you go?" she asked in a broken voice.

I took a seat in the chair opposite from her. "I went to Clark's for help. I'm sorry I just ran out like that, but I didn't trust myself to stay here. I couldn't stay here if I was going to maybe hurt you again or do more damage. I had to learn how to stop it – or control it – or whatever you want to call it."

"Did you?" she said with hopeful eyes.

"Yes," I said softly. "It took me a while, but I got it. And I mean – really – I got it."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I paused for a second. "It was amazing, Kate. I'd never gone to him before for instructions, really. When I was just a kid he taught me a little, but nothing like this. I never really gave him the chance. But this time…" I shook my head and let a small laugh spill out of me. "I didn't know it could be like this." 

"So," she breathed, "it went well?"

"Very well," I grinned. "In fact I… I wouldn't mind going back."

Her eyes went wide. "Was this at the Fortress?"

"Yes."

She pursed her lips and looked down at her hands. "You could have let me know where you went." Her voice was shaky and when she looked back up at me there were tears in her eyes. "I'd thought I'd lost you."

In the next moment my arms were around her, holding her to me and pressing kisses into her hair. "You could never lose me."

"I love you so much, Jason," she cried.

"And I love you. Don't you know that?" I leaned back slightly to look at her. "I would never cheat on you or leave you and Eric for any reason. I know what it's like to grow up without my real father and I'm not going to do that to my own family."

"I know, I know," she repeated.

"Why did you – how could you think that I would?"

She licked at her dry lips and sniffed. "She was so beautiful, Jason."

Taking her face in my hands I said, "You are beautiful, Kate."

"No, I'm not," she sighed. "I might be pretty, but I'm not beautiful. Not like that."

I stared at her. "Are you kidding me?"

She pulled away from me. "I'm just… such a frump these days. Ever since Eric was born, I haven't felt pretty. It's been how long and my old clothes still don't fit. You work all the time, and I have school, or my clients, or Eric. I hardly ever see you, and when I do it's certainly not romantic. I don't feel romantic at all. I'm too tired to even make love. So, why wouldn't you go looking elsewhere?"

"That's completely…" I didn't have the right words for what she was saying. "I knew things were stressful for you right now, but I had no idea you felt like this."

"I'm trying to do it all and I'm falling short in every area. Eric is being raised in day care. My grades are slipping. And now my marriage is in danger."

"You're marriage isn't in danger," I corrected. "I honestly didn't know you were having these problems. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because everything is going so well for you! I don't want to be the downer that spoils the fun."

"You're my wife, Kate. If you're hurting then I need to know."

She wiped the tears off her face. "I thought I could handle it. I really did. I want to be everything for you."

"You are everything," I said, scooting closer to her and running my hands up and down her arms affectionately.

"I just feel like I'm failing you."

"Kate, honey, if school or work isn't going well for you, then I need to know, but that wouldn't change how much I love you."

She hesitated for a moment, and then stunned me by saying. "You have no idea how attractive you are. You don't ever notice how women look at you, but I do. You are completely oblivious to how sexy you look playing the piano. Or how perfectly beautiful your smile is. Or the way your eyes force people to do a double take when they see the color."

I gave her a look. "Honey. Come on."

"It's true. On more than one occasion I been in the bathroom during an intermission at one of your concerts and heard women talking about you and how sexy you are. I have seen women look at you… and then they look at me… and I know what they are thinking."

"Kate," I said firmly. "I don't care about anyone else. You said it yourself. I don't notice other women because I am in love with you."

She sniffed again. "I know that, too."

I sat back a little. "You do? Then why…?"

"Meredith called here again… when you didn't show up for rehearsal today."

I waited, not wanting to say anything without hearing Kate's take on the situation.

"She asked if you were sick from catching cold yesterday. I was snippy with her, but she was still very nice to me. She said…" Kate wiped at the corner of her eyes. "She said that I was a very lucky woman and told me how much you raved about me at lunch. She said that you bragged about Eric… and said how much you loved me."

"That's the truth, Kate. Nothing else happened."

"I know." The tears were falling freely now. "I'm so sorry. I am so, so sorry."

I wrapped my arms around her and let her cry against my chest. "I'm sorry, too. I know I scared you to death."

"As frightened as I was of the fire, I was more afraid that I'd pushed you away forever."

"Never," I said, kissing the side of her face.

She tilted her face up and slid her mouth over mine, kissing me deeply and intensely. "I love you," she said into my mouth. "I will never accuse you of anything like this again." She clung to me in desperation as she kissed me harder, more fully. "Please, forgive me. Please."

I broke away from her then. "Forgive you? Kate, I didn't think you would ever forgive me for putting you in such danger."

"A house can be rebuilt," she said glancing round the room. "I know that from experience. But I can't lose you."

"I forgive you if you forgive me," I offered.

Without hesitation, she said, "Done."

My lips crushed against hers needfully as I pulled her to me. The desire to prove how much I wanted her – needed her-- sliced through me. I scooped her up into my arms and carried her upstairs, all the while kissing and nibbling at her neck and her mouth. She didn't resist me until we entered the bedroom.

"Maybe we shouldn't… not in here," she panted breathlessly.

One glance up at the damaged ceiling, and I had to agree with her. There wasn't too much damage, for I could see that structurally the house was still sound. I must have put out the fire moments after it erupted. The drywall would have to be repaired though, and until then the burn marks on the ceiling would serve as a reminder for what almost happened, both to the house and to our relationship. Kate was right, there had to be somewhere else to go.

"Spare bedroom?" I asked with a raise of my eyebrows.

"It's about time we use it for something."

We did very little talking after that.