I slammed the door shut and took off my shoes.

The first thing I noticed was the mouth-watering smell coming from the kitchen. I shrugged and thought that I'd at least have something to eat… That was probably the only good thing about this day from hell.

"So what do you think?" I heard Kakashi ask. We had guests?

ARGH!

I angrily made my way to the kitchen. I didn't want any visitors! Besides, doesn't he have our week old Chemistry tests to grade?

"Kakashi!" I shouted, "Who's-"

I didn't have to finish my question.

Over at the counter was Kakashi feeding what seemed like pasta sauce to his stupid pug Pakkun.

I cried out in exasperation and disgust. I can't believe I had to come home to this every single bloody day… Great I'm turning British.

"I think it needs more salt." he told his pug.

"Stop talking to the dog!" I snapped.

"Bad day?" He asked cheerfully as he turned to me. I looked away the moment he did.

I hate that apron. I hate how only two strawberries and an apple covered the woman's naked body printed on it. I don't think I have to tell you what each fruit covered respectively.

"Shut up." I answered as I started to make my way to my room.

"Sasuke come back here." Kakashi said. I sighed and pulled my hair. I then took a step back and faced him.

"What!?"

He smiled at me. A man's face with a woman's body…

ARGH!

"Giving me an attitude won't change whatever you're dealing with."

"Hmph." Think I don't know that? Suddenly his sorry excuse for a dog ran over to sit behind me. I stared at it and it stared back with its big shiny eyes.

I wonder how far it would fly if I kicked it?

"So what happened this time?" Kakashi asked. "A girl asked you out?"

"No." I muttered as I turned my attention back on him, my eyes focused on his face.

"A guy then?" he continued as he put the wooden spoon back in the pan to stir.

"NO!" I yelled. That's gross! He fed a dog with that!

"I was just messing with you Sasuke." Kakashi chuckled. I stared at him in disbelief. He seriously thought I was answering to that question? Didn't he know anything about hygiene!?

"I'm not eating that!" I spat as I pointed at the contaminated sauce. I then turned my heel and went straight to my room, closely followed by Pakkun. Once I arrived I closed the door on its face, ignoring its pained whimpers.

Dropping my bag on the floor, I walked to edge of my bed and slumped on it. Maybe, just maybe, being raised by Kakashi made me this way.

How else could have I turned out? Being brought up by some mask-wearing-porn-reading-dog-talking-cross-dressing freak? I sighed deeply. Yup, I was bound to grow into a social retard.

Regrettably, my door creaked open. "I thought I told you to knock first!" I snarled.

Kakashi then closed it.

I then heard knocking on my door.

"Can I come in now?"

"NO!"

"Too bad." He answered merrily as he opened the door for the second time and stepped in along with Pakkun. He was still wearing the apron.

I let out an aggravated sigh and covered my head with a pillow. "So I'm guessing you were informed about joining the paper?" Kakshi asked tentatively.

"Hn." I replied as I peeked at him. He walked over to my desk and sat on my swivel chair. I loved that chair… and now I had to burn it.

He pushed himself and swiftly rolled near my bed. Unfortunately he didn't run over Pakkun who jumped on my stomach just in time. "So why are you back so early?"

"I left." I replied as I took the suffocating pillow off my face and placed it under my head. I still felt suffocated.

"Why?"

"Because." I answered as I pushed Pakun off my stomach. Ah, relief. He was getting fat. Maybe he was Kakashi's food taster this whole time… I suddenly felt sick.

"Because what?"

I shrugged. Kakashi stared at me.

"What does -he shrugged- mean?"

I mimicked his exaggerated shrug. "Means," I finished with a shrug.

"Amazing." He replied in awe. I glared at him. What an idiot.

Really, I'm constantly surrounded by them. As if the image of stupid-ness wasn't complete his dog jumped on his lap and stared at me too.

Perfect.

"You know, you'll be in serious trouble tomorrow." Kakshi sighed. He rubbed the sides of his head. "And me too."

"Typical," I said. "You only think of yourself."

"Aww Sasuke wants attention." Kakashi told Pakun as he petted his head. I turned my back on the dim BFFs Forever and closed my eyes. I didn't want attention. I just want to be alone.

"Sasuke?"

I didn't answer.

"So you're refusing to talk to me huh?" he asked.

"…" Yes.

"He doesn't want to talk to me." He muttered to Pakkun.

I gripped my pillow tight. I could imagine it now in the Konoha Times: Crazed Teenager Murders Pug and Guardian with Pillow!

"Yes I wouldn't be surprised." Kakashi mumbled followed by a sigh.

If I was someone else I might have cried. I was embarrassed for him! Why couldn't he just see how dumb he looks when he talked to himself like that? Okay, so he was talking to the dog… but it's still as dumb.

I heard him stand up and push the chair back to my desk. I glanced at him over my shoulder and furrowed my brows. So he was just leaving now? What happened to staying in my room until I couldn't stand his presence anymore and spilled the beans?

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Going to call an ambulance." He replied.

"Why?" I asked incredulously. Was he finally admitting himself into a psych-ward?

He stopped at the doorframe and turned to me with an annoying smile on his face.

"Because you're having an emo-gency!"

I let out an angry scream and flew to my door and slammed the door shut. I could still hear his deafening laughter.

"I HATE YOU!" I yelled.

"Shut up and pull the stick out Sasuke!"

How rude.

I stirred and realized I was lying on my back.

I fell asleep?

I opened my eyes and saw it was still a bit bright outside. Was it dawn? I pushed myself up and rubbed my eyes. I can't believe I fell asleep. How could someone sleep when they were fuming?

My sight cleared and I noticed I was still in my uniform. I sighed and took off my shirt. I didn't feel like changing. I didn't even feel like going to school.

I glanced at my watch. It was only 7… PM!?

THIS FRICKIN DAY NEVER ENDS!! I SLEPT FOR ONLY TWO HOURS GOD DAMNIT!!

Oh great! GREAT! The doorbell just rang. Who could that be!?

"SASUKEEEEEEEEE!"

That screech.

"YOU BASTARD!"

The greatest love of my life was here.

I heard the angry stomping reach my chamber of love and my door burst open. Before I could I lie back down I was showered with papers.

"YOU FORGOT YOUR LETTERS!"

Can't you just hear the violins play? The heavens sing?

"YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME ASSHOLE! SAKURA WAS PISSED!"

No? Me neither.

"YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THAT!"

"I just did idiot." I mumbled.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN I-"

"Idiot and Bastard please keep it down! I'm grading tests!" Kakashi bellowed as he popped his head in my room.

"Hey!" Naruto and I exclaimed in unison.

"I didn't even say anything!" I defended as I stood up, causing the letters to fall off me.

"Don't make me fail you!" Kakashi said to the both of us before leaving once again.

"H-He can do that?" Naruto asked. He turned to me. "He can do that!?" he asked again. I winced at the high decibel level in which he spoke. How much did it take to make you deaf again?

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!" He continued.

"Yes I can!" Kakashi yelled from his working space. "Not that it would change your grade."

"YOU'RE SAYING THAT NOW KAKASHI! BUT JUST YOU WAIT! I'M GOING TO HOKAGE UNIVERSITY SOMEDAY!"

Good grief. How many times have I heard this speech already? And how many times must I remind him that it will never happen? Hokage University is probably the most prestigious one here in the Fire Country, and if that dweeb continues the way he is he can just kiss that dream goodbye.

As Naruto continued his one-sided argument I picked up one of the envelopes on my bed. It was pink. Enough said.

These envelopes were the reason I left. I couldn't take another moment of sitting there being the butt of all jokes and thinking about the crap job I had to do. I, and the rest of the staff, know that I'm the wrong person for it. Let's take into consideration that I don't talk much with the other faceless students, let alone know their names. I pay no attention to them in the hallways and the school grounds. I don't even go around and stick my nose in their business like most people do!

Who's dating who? I don't know. Who's drugging themselves in the second floor toilet? I don't know. Whose party is coming up this Saturday?

I. Do. Not. Know.

I ate lunch on the frickin roof-top until the teachers forced me back into the cafeteria and "live the high school experience" for god's sake! Was that the kind of person that would give advice? Help people solve their problems?

Uh…

No.

And let me add more emphasis to that statement by adding: "duh!"

"Earth to Sasuke!"

I shook my head and found Naruto waving his hand in front of my face. I seemed to have drifted off again.

"Man you really have to stop doing that. No wonder people are afraid of you."

I glared at him. People weren't afraid of me… much.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I went over to my desk and sat on my swivel chair. I know I said I'd burn it but I like it too much.

"They wanted me to give you the letters." He shrugged. "Sakura was going to come also, but she was afraid she'd kill you instead."

"How sweet of her." I said.

"It's about time she noticed you're a jerk." Naruto snorted.

I couldn't help but smirk at that. I was glad she got over her pitiful crush on me. She even claimed she loved me once upon a time. Which might have been true. I could safely say she was one of the few people I acknowledged since I was younger. I grew up with her and Naruto, along with the other people in the paper. But it's not like I wanted to! Konoha was a pretty small town back then.

"And finally notice you?" I taunted.

"Sakura wants me." Naruto smugly said. I almost laughed.

"I'd like to see you say that when she's around." I replied as I grabbed my bag on the floor and took out the many books in it.

"You're doing homework?" he asked as he quickly walked over to my desk. "Oh! Oh! Can you help me with Physics?"

"No."

"Why not?" he asked. "You're good in Physics!"

"I know that." I said as I switched my Physics book to my Spanish one. "Why don't you just listen in class instead of sleeping?"

"But it's so boring!"

I can't deny that one. I sighed. "Naruto, you came here and did what you had to do so just leave okay?"

"And let you throw the letters in the trash? No way!" he replied. Shit. I never thought of that…

"I'll answer them." I snapped as I stood from my desk and grabbed a handful of letters. "Now get out!"

"No you get out!" he replied as he roughly shoved me.

"This is my room stupid!" I yelled as I shoved him back.

"Oh yeah?" Naruto replied. "Well… uh… you don't pay rent!"

I stared at him. "What!?"

"You don't pay rent!" he repeated loudly.

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!"

"You're the stupidest thing I've ever seen!" Naruto answered.

Suddenly thunderous laughter was heard from somewhere in the apartment. Damn you Kakashi.

I crushed the letters in my hands and walked to where Naruto was standing. My sight had turned red.

"S-Sasuke?" Naruto asked fearfully followed by nervous laughs.

"You have until one." I said through my teeth.

"Let's not be too hasty."

"Ten."

"B-Buddy?"

"Nine."

"I didn't mean it!"

"Eight."

"Stop being such a dick!"

"One."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

He was lucky Kakashi was there to ground me before I could do any real harm.

Not that there was any harm done. A bleeding nose and twisted arm weren't incurable.

So now here I was, lounging on the couch and switching channels on the TV.

"Are you done with your homework?" Kakashi asked as he continued grading tests.

"Yes." I answered. I was so bored I did all of them. Then again, I was also avoiding something else I had to do.

"Liar." Kakashi replied.

"Whatever." I wasn't answering any letters. Not now, not ever.

"You can at least read one." he mumbled. "Isn't in anonymous?"

"Yes." I said as I randomly stopped on one channel. Agony Aunt and the people who need help remain anonymous. For that reason, I had to write different articles as not to blow my cover.

"So why all the drama?" Kakshi asked. "If you suck no one will know it's you."

"I don't help people." I said with a yawn.

"You're just scared"

I stopped at mid stretch. What did he just say?

"You're scared at sucking so you don't even want to try."

"I'm not scared." I spat. And I don't think I'd suck! I was just the wrong person for it, that simple.

"Right." Kakashi mocked. I glowered at his back. So he thought I couldn't do it huh? Just like the others?

I stood up from the couch and determinedly walked to my room. I'd show them! Me scared? Hah! Of what? Advice giving? That was nothing!

I grabbed the scattered letters from my floor and bed and placed them on my desk. I'd prove to everyone I could do this. I could do anything I set my mind on. I'd even give Hinata a run for her money. I'd make her regret leaving and making me do this job for her.

I took one of the opened letters and read. I recognized this as one I already saw back at school. The girl who had a problem regarding thongs and bikinis.

Dear Agony Aunt,

My mom won't let me wear a bikini or a thong. How can I convince her that there is nothing wrong with them?

-Hime's Secret

What's the big deal? Don't all girls wear bikinis nowadays? And no one would see her thong! Unless she wore those ultra low rise jeans and pulled the straps up. Are they even called straps? What the hell are those things called?

Why am I thinking of this?

I turned the paper over and stared at the blank page for a moment. I picked up my pen and placed it on the page. The solution was so simple! Why did she even bother asking me for advice?

Dear Hime's Secret,

Have you ever heard of lying?

I stared at what I wrote. It was true… Her mother wouldn't go around checking what underwear she was wearing right? As for the bikini, she just had to hide in her bag or something.

Ugh, whatever.

Next letter. Crap, it was long.

Dear Agony Aunt,

I was going out with someone for a few weeks and we were getting along really well until I got insecure and accused him of cheating. I apologized and asked if we could go out again but he said he needed to sleep on it! We're still texting each other but he still has not given me an answer! I really like him but how can I get him back? Is there still a chance for us?

-Hoping and Wishing

Was this girl stupid?

Dear Hoping and Wishing,

No.

I stared at the word. I sighed. Maybe I should add something.

If the guy was really into you he would've answered by now.

I think that's enough. On to the next one.

Dear Agony Aunt,

I can't seem to stop sweating. (Wow this person went straight to the point.) I apply multiple cans of deodorant, wash every day; all to no avail. I actually can't wear short-sleeved tops because of the level of sweat. Have you got any hints on how I could stop my over-perspiring problem?

-Sweating for Da Ladiez

…

…

I bent over my chair and tried to hold back the laughter in my throat. What a loser!

Dear Sweating for Da Ladiez,

Tape Always Ultra pads under your arms. Have a happy sweat.

HAHAHAHA!

Only Sasuke can take advice giving and twist it into something else...

So this was the second chapter to My Agony as the Agony Uncle, or what I like to call MATAAU! Don't you just love saying it?

Mataau! Mataau! It almost sounds like some kind of bird shriek. MATAAU!

Anyways, LostInspiration312 hopes you enjoyed this chapter just as much as you enjoyed the previous one. From what Forehead told me, the author was pretty nervous to update due to the great response this story received. She wasn't expecting it and found all the attention rather intimidating for something she thought of on a whim. But she's still beaming from all your feedback and she wishes that it showed in this chapter.

With that said, see you in the next chapter! Hopefully Sasuke would come around by then. But knowing him, he probably won't. :cries:

LostInspiration312 told me to say something.

Something.