Such Is the Life of a Slut

Chapter Two: Priorities (Maes Hughes x Frank Archer)

Thank you for the kind reviews! Anyway, this next chapter is a pairing I've only seen once before, and I've never roleplayed it. So you'll just have to see how I manage to pull this off, right?

Side note: I never really liked Hughes anyway.

-+-

"Major!"

"Sir?"

"Look at my daughter! Isn't she the most amazing, beautiful, wonderful little girl you've ever seen!?"

A sigh. "Yes, sir."

"Here! Have some pictures!"

Frank Archer waited until the rather loud Lieutenant Colonel waltzed out of the room before slamming his head repeatedly against the desk, now covered in Elysia pictures. He was willing to bet there was one hidden in between every page of the file Hughes had delivered him. He held it up and shook it, revealing another hundred or so Elysia pictures. No, two per page. "Why me?" What had he done to deserve this, anyway? He was just a normal pencil pusher, why was he subjected to this torture? But that wasn't something to ponder, he had to busy himself somehow.

"Major!"

"Sir?"

"Look, I found more pictures!"

You're damn lucky I don't have my gun on me.

Hughes once again waltzed back into his office and could be heard conversing on the phone with Mustang, or so Archer assumed. He didn't know much about Colonel Mustang, except that the man worked in East Headquarters. Lovely. But Hughes was absolutely obsessed with him. It was interesting, to see a man so obsessed with another man. Sort of like…

Well, Archer himself. But that was to be expected, how could he stop obsessing over Hughes? That man was always in the office and always making a fool of himself, and… and…!

Okay, rationalizing everything made it right, right? Archer sighed and returned to reading through the papers, trying to shove the Elysia pictures into the drawer. It was overflowing already, causing an eye twitch. Ugh.

"Major!"

"Sir?"

Hughes stopped at Archer's desk thoughtfully, and then smiled brightly. "Come with me, Major."

"Sir?"

"Please, Hughes is fine." Without waiting any longer, Hughes grabbed the pale man's wrist and dragged him into the office. "Major, take a seat." He gestured to the single chair in front of his desk and closed the door, and locked it behind him.

The lock was what unnerved Archer, though of course he refused to change expressions. "Sir? What is it?" Of course he was immediately worried that it might be something wrong with his paycheck. After all, Archer was a penny-pinching Major, he didn't get paid all that much to begin with. Subtract the fact that he wasn't an alchemist… and it was barely enough to live off of. Good thing he could work holidays and get extra money. The insurance money on his dead parents was rather nice too…

"Major, I have a problem." Hughes admitted with a sigh, absently moving several of the Elysia pictures on his desk. "Gracia and I are going through a rough patch in our relationship…"

Archer nodded along, not really listening, after all, he wasn't interested in hearing about Hughes' sex life. That was rather disturbing. Hot, but disturbing. After all, he was straight, right? Yes! Of course! Okay, no he wasn't. Or maybe… No, no he really needed to stop being so fickle.

"…So you see, I'm interested in having a little, eh, help, shall we say."

"What?" Archer snapped back into reality with that, ice eyes widening to Elric-sized on that. "Sir, I don't think I understa—"

"Oh, I think you do, Frank."

-+-

The office was dark by the time Archer departed, a little warily. After all, no one could exactly catch him like this. It would be rather damning to his career. But that was alright, he was sure all would turn out for the best, somehow. It didn't take long to find that phone booth not all that far from Central…

-+-

"Hey, it's Envy. Look, there's something really weird here. I was shipped out to kill Maes Hughes, right? Well… someone got to him before me."

"Are you serious?" Lust asked, incredulous, on the other end of the line. "How is that possible?"

"I'm not sure, but that's the way I found him. Gunshot wound in the side, it's really weird."

"Huh… go ahead and leave him then. I suppose that takes care of that…"

"Yeah…"