Such Is the Life of a Slut

Chapter Four: Fickle (Alex Louis Armstrong x Frank Archer)

Could not resist. I really couldn't. This, however, is more humorous than anything else. And it's not really ArmstrongArcher. D; Sorry, guys, but this pairing still scars me for life. XD This stems from a roleplay where I was messing around with how fickle I could make Archer. Turns out, he's so easy to mess with. XD

Rated PG for implications. Some implied KimbleyArcher/ArcherKimbley. Sorry, you know I couldn't resist. XD And yeah, this is more humor than anything, but still not very ArmstrongArcher-esque. Sorry.

Without further ado, I give you your weird pairing.

-+-

Frank Archer was a man who knew exactly what he wanted in life. He wanted to become Fuhrer and he wouldn't compromise on that position. He wanted to take over he world and wage wars and kill people, but that wasn't something that should be said in public. After all, the man was already considered crazy, adding to the image wouldn't be very good at all.

So here he was in Dublith, searching for the Elrics to question them about Laboratory Five. But of course he got sidetracked. Archer was one to chase after his desires, no matter how often they changed.

"Major Armstrong, I want a chimera."

"Sir?"

And that was the conversation that started this wild goose chase. Archer demanded for the larger, stronger, and unimaginably scary man to go ahead and capture a living, breathing, working chimera. Armstrong didn't question about the 'working' part. He didn't have to. Archer spent his time bossing around everyone in South Headquarters like he owned the place. Well, he was a Lieutenant Colonel from Central, so of course he was better.

"I'm sorry sir, it's a no-go. The chimeras are apparently hiding out in a bar called the Devil's Nest." Armstrong stated with a rather sharp salute as he returned.

"Hmm," Archer paused, thinking about it. "Well, obviously we'll have to go in there and apprehend them all for treason against the government!"

"…What?"

"Well they evaded arrest, therefore they committed treason." Archer stated with a deceivingly decisive nod and folded his arms.

"…" Armstrong stared, silent, unsure what to make of the situation. Archer was just plain weird. And did he honestly think anyone would believe that?

"Make it happen!"

And so Armstrong was off in a hurry.

-+-

"Y-you're… Zolf J. Kimbley! You were supposed to have been killed!"

"Kimbley?" Archer repeated, staring over at the spiky-long-haired, rather tackily-dressed man. "You're the Crimson Alchemist?"

"Heh heh, guess you military people sure do know your history!" The alchemist chimed happily, but with that, it was time to flee. They hadn't managed to apprehend the Homunculus boy, shame. Greed wouldn't be pleased and he'd probably beat Kimbley with a shoe again. And then they'd have sex. Yay, sex!

"Major! I want Kimbley!"

"Excuse me?"

Archer paused and evaluated the statement. "I want Kimbley, now."

Oh lord. Armstrong nodded and went off after the alchemist, managing to catch him by the ponytail and drag him back. Why was he always doing Archer's dirty work anyway? Just because he was one ranking lower…

"Ow ow oww!"

"Hah, excellent!" And then Archer and Kimbley left to talk 'negotiations'.

Armstrong decided that he really didn't want to know what those were.

-+-

"Major! We have to find the Elrics before we leave!"

Dammit, what time was it!? Armstrong glanced over at the clock and let out a small sigh. What the hell was Archer doing up at two A.M. anyway?! "Yes, sir." And where were they supposed to find the Elrics this late at night, huh?

"…Actually…"

Not again.

"…I was wondering if you could do me something a little more personal."

"…What, sir?" Why did he get the feeling that he wasn't going to like this at all?

Archer was silent for what felt like forever. And then he finally stated in a bizarrely out of character happy voice, "Go and fetch me a condom."

"…" He was right.