Disclaimer: No I do not own Gunslinger Girl. Raphael and his other aliases yes but the rest of them no.
I want to be with her. She's driving me nuts. My head is swimming in the sky now that I know her. Whenever I think about her I feel sick in the stomach. When I realized that I haven't been thinking about her I get sick too. I need a remedy for I am lovesick. Triela, what a name, it is music to my ears I could just say it all day long Triela, Triela, Triela. Sigh such a pretty name complimented by such a beautiful girl. Her blond hair just flowing of her head, her hands I held them they were so soft yet so firm. Her body, which I have embraced, it's amazing how such a tough girl could be so soft. Those sapphire eyes my mind threatens to get lost in then, the way she laughs the way she smiles she drives me crazy. Those lips, such luscious lips, I long to touch them with my own it's going to be an addiction. As soon as I kiss them I am bound to get hooked.
What does she think of me? Am I the hard and cold assassin I project my self to be when on a mission. Or does she see the soft side of me, the side that is just crazy for her. Claes said that she does like me but what if that is not true. Claes could be wrong, right? How should I go with it? Should I just walk up to her and say 'I like you Triela and you like me let's kiss and be together forever.' that's just stupid. I could run through fire and brave bullets but I can't take her… I am actually afraid. Sigh Triela I am in love with you. I am a bottle packing all this emotion up and soon I am going to explode. I need to let this out but how. Should I? Aaah! why is this feeling so confusing? Is it a good sensation or is it a sad one, I don't know! Things are not going my way; I need to do something. But what?
Chapter 10 Domande, Risposte
Questions, Answers
"Is there something on my face?"
"Aah! no! No! I am sorry!" I was day dreaming again?
"Heehee, you've been staring at me for quite awhile, is something wrong?" Triela looks at a mirror to check on her self.
"Don't worry Triela it's not you, it's him." Claes said.
"Claes is right, there's nothing wrong with you there can't be anything wrong with you, it's me."
"Really? Well what is wrong with you?"
"…My stomach hurts."
"Well that's what you get for having too many lemons. I'm going, Henrietta wanna come?"
"Ok Triela, bye Claes bye Raphael."
With that I slammed my head on the table. I was stupid, stupid, stupid, and stupid!
"Smooth move Raph." Claes said as she looked back at me.
"I'm an idiot!" I yelled.
"What were you day dreaming about anyway?"
"Her." I replied.
"Well that's what you get for not telling the truth. How long are you going keep this up Raphael?"
"I don't know anymore. Maybe I should just die on the next mission." I said.
"Yah great idea, break her heart." Said Claes sarcastically.
"Why would she like a guy like me in the first place any way?"
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"You really think so?"
"Yah, I really think he was staring at me."
"I don't know Triela, maybe he really felt sick."
"It can't be that, Henrietta I am telling you he got lost just staring at me."
"You think he's in love with you?"
"Well… I hope he is."
"Claes was right, you 2 are falling for each other."
"Henrietta shush. People will hear you."
Triela entered her room and she let me in as well.
"Henrietta, what is it like to love?"
"What? Why are you asking me?"
"Well you have Joze, do you love Joze?"
Eeek, why is she talking about these things? Why with me? Triela please keep Joze out of this. Keep Joze out of everything!
"I don't know, I guess it's warm." I said.
"Warm? I am burning here, I don't know if its passion or desire, I am on fire when he's there."
"Were you on fire when he held you yesterday with the guitar?"
"Especially then."
She started pacing around the room. She looked around and approached her teddy bears; she grabbed one and held it in her arms. She went back in her seat and sat down.
"You did not answer my question awhile ago. Do you love Joze?"
There she goes again! Why does she keep talking about me? Why does she keep taunting me like this?
"Triela I don't know what I feel. But Raphael is a nice boy; I don't see anything wrong with you liking him."
"That's the point. I like him but it would make me so cliché. I don't want to just fall into his arms. I want him to go up to me and say 'Triela I love.' Then I'd jump into his arms. He does not do that; he never does that. I know Claes said that he likes me and he continues to show me that he does but I still don't know when I should confess my own feelings."
"Then you have to wait. You placed your self in a tight situation Triela it's all up to you."
"What would you do if Joze told you the he loves you?"
Triela! You're so… so… Those things are private stop talking about them!
"Well, you're starting to blush Henrietta, is something wrong."
"Triela… please stop talking about Joze…"
I really meant that. I could feel the tears in my eyes but they haven't poured out yet.
"What wrong with Joze. Don't you like him? It's only normal that you talk about him."
But…but…
"I don't know what to do if Joze says that he likes me. I'd probably cry."
"Well I can't do that, you're small you can but I can't."
"Then just be happy about it. It is what you want."
"Sigh I hope you're right Henrietta."
Triela has Raphael. Who do I have! Is Joze like Raphael? Are those actions of his a sign of love? Or is he just being a big brother like what the girls said. Joze will you ever return my feelings or would I forever be lost in mine?
Triela was looking at her teddy bear. She just stared at it eventually she embraced it and when she did I saw the tears in her eyes.
"What? Were you looking?"
I gave her a nod. She rubbed the tears out of her eyes but they won't stop coming down. Then she finally broke down.
"Henrietta I can't take this anymore? I just realized why this was my favorite bear. Raphael hugged it once and for a while I it smelled like a hint of lemon just like how Raphael would smell. Not anymore, I've been hugging it whenever I sleep night after night and now I realized that the scent was gone. Now I am crying over the fact that the scent is gone, Henrietta help me I am going mad!"
She said as she ran towards me and held my hand as if to beg. I did not know what to say, I couldn't help her I would still steal some of Joze's clothes and embrace them before I sleep so I can't say anything.
"Why don't you try rubbing a lemon against it?" I suggested.
"Henrietta you crazy? Raphael's scent is from one of those perfume things he is using not actual lemons."
"Why don't you try—" but before I was able to suggest again I was interrupted by Triela.
"Henrietta, I am not trying to appease my problem I am trying to solve it. And making my bear smell like Raphael will just make it worst."
"I am sorry."
Does that make me worst? If Triela is right then I am actually obsessing over Joze? Come to think of it what am I to Joze am I just a tool like what Jean says or worst am I just a nuisance. Joze I need you, it's so hard.
"Henrietta are you alright?"
"…Yeah I am fine."
"Did I hurt you, you're crying."
"It's nothing. It's not your fault."
But then Triela approached me and gave me a hug. We stayed like that for a while as we cried on each other's shoulder.
"Triela, you're the bestest big sister a girl could have."
"Thank you."
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I don't know what to do. I don't know what else I can do. I am paralyzed I am here sitting in a field doing absolutely nothing. I can't play the guitar because I don't feel like it. I can't practice my shooting because I don't feel like it. I can't splurge on the market because I don't feel like it either. So what do I feel like doing? Well I feel like doing absolutely nothing. Or is that an excuse to cover up my real want. I want to be with Triela of course.
"You're thinking out loud again Raph."
Aah, who's that! It better not be Triela. It better not be Triela. It better not be Triela!
"O it's you Claes. How long have you been here?"
"Long enough to know that you can't do anything now but think of Triela."
"You could have just said 'for a long time' you know."
"Again with the sarcasm, why don't you just confess it to her and live happily ever after?"
"How many times will I tell you that I can't because… I…love you Claes."
I never saw Claes' eyes grow that big. She just stood there and stared back at me. I knew I had to get ready since I got the strong feeling that she is going to pass out.
"I…I…I…"
Damn she's red all over. I got to snap her out of the trance she's in.
"That's what I was talking about. I can't have a conversation with Triela if Triela is just saying 'I…I…I…' so now you know why I can't just confess just like that."
She snapped out of it. Her face returned to its original color and she managed to sit down. However she got up again and started yelling:
"What? That wasn't real? Raph that's a bad joke! a very bad joke!"
"Well I am sorry Claes but you won't understand if I just told you. I had to show you that love is not the same as those in your romance novels."
"I did not know what to do Raphael! I was thinking over telling you to forget about me and love Triela or actually run into your arms and kiss you. You scared me!"
"Well now you know."
And with that I got up from the spot I was sitting on and made my way to my room. Before I could get far Claes turned around and called to me.
"Raph wait. So everything you said was a lie?"
I smiled at her and approached her again. I embraced her and kissed her head.
"Not exactly, you're a nice girl but you deserve someone whom you could relate more. It's like comparing sugar and salt. They are a possible pair but they aren't really used together as much as salt and pepper. You look pretty with you're glasses though."
And without further putting me at risk of getting into a love triangle I let go of Claes and left.
So a whole day wasted away. All did was eat, sit, talk and walk around. I am going to get fat if I keep this up. Now I am in my room just lying on my bed at 8:30 pm just waiting for time to waste away.
knock knock knock
Now who could that be? "Who's there?"
"Raph it's me, Triela can I come in?"
Hwat! How? Why? What does she want? I got up to open the door and when I did there she was, Triela at my door. I let her in and I signaled her to have a seat on my bed, anyway the chairs were hard and I was sitting on the bed too.
"Is something wrong?" I asked her.
"Yeah, I have a little problem." She replied softly.
"So why are you asking me?"
"Well, you were going around helping people out two days ago (Chap 8) I thought maybe you could help me out, if that's ok."
"Is it about the girls?'
"Nope."
"A handler?"
"…Hillshire."
If she had said no at that question I don't know what I'll do.
"Well go ahead, ask away."
"I think Hillshire likes me. What do guys do when they like a girl."
"…We… do… things… differently… from the usual."
"Like?"
"Well Hillshire would—"
"What would you do Raph?"
Gulp, it's like a grip on my neck, I can't breathe!
"I don't know."
"Don't you like someone?"
"Well I like Henrietta…"
At that moment I could see a frown form on her face.
"I like Henrietta she's a cute girl. I like Claes she's bright and pretty. I like Rico she's sweet and positive with everything…"
"O I see." She said, as she looked down.
At that moment I felt it all little voice in me 'If you've been finding the time to tell her, now is the time go ahead before you lose her. Go! Go! Go!'
"Sigh I like you… you're smart, you're beautiful I can't stop thinking about you Triela… I…I…"
I am starting to sound like Claes! Before I could say what I wanted to say Triela looked at me and smiled.
"That's all I needed to hear from you Raph."
And with that she jumped into my arms. I lost balance and we both lay on the bed. No we did not go any farther than the embrace. We just stayed there in each other's arms feeling the warmth of one another. We just held on wishing this moment would last forever.