Okay, just to make double-sure you know what this fic is about.
While this is a fic that is mostly revolving around Jack and Sam's UNresolved relationship (therefore the SJ UST in the summary and pairing), it still ends with Jack and Kerry being together (thus the Jack/Kerry in the summary and pairing line), and not with SJ.
I thought that was clear, but after a couple of responses I realized there's some confusion over this and for that I apologize.
Anyway, to translate how I state pairings, for future knowledge. If there's UST next to the pairing that means that there will be strong hints of that pairing and tension between two characters, but it will only ever stay at unresolved.
But if the pairing stands with nothing next to it, for example Jack/Kerry that means that the fic will end with that pairing.
Heck, I could even call this canon. Why? Because we never received any solid, undeniable proof Jack and Sam got together after Mobius, Jack is in DC, Sam was at first at Area 51 (a long way away from DC), then at SGC and is now on Atlantis (if they are in a relationship, then she'd chosen her career over 'them' yet again, which just spells bad things for that relationship - what man would want to be with the woman what always has, is and always will put him second to her career? Simple: no-one, except perhaps for someone really desperate); while Kerry disappeared from the SGC immediately after Threads, and is quite possibly back at Langley. We know nothing of Jack's canon personal life.
For all we know he went back to Kerry, they got married and have a couple of kids by now...
And personally I can't see anything wrong with that. After all, WHY should he put a hold on his life for so much longer for the woman who'd clearly shown him there is no place for him in her heart anymore, nor any desire and wish for a future with him? Why should he again wait for years for her, while she AGAIN puts her career before him?
While there is a woman who clearly said she loves him (even though the admission was a slip) and wanted a life with him... A woman with whom he was serious enough that she was perfectly comfortable in his house, knew her way around it and they had a relationship serious and advanceds enough for him to let her stay there while he went to work and expected her to still be there when he returned...
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And now it had all turned out a sham, he had realized at the worst time possible that he hadn't moved on from Sam yet.
And, worst of all, he had hurt Kerry.
And now he was sitting here in this observation room with his arm around the cause of all his pain and confusion and didn't know what to think.
Just hours ago Sam had dropped by his house, ruining his quiet BBQ with his girlfriend, for reasons she had failed to completely reveal.
She had not said everything of what she'd obviously meant to say, but had only stuttered about second thoughts, yet ever since then she had acted as if he knew what was going on in her mind.
Like he was supposed to be able to read her mind...
As if he had ever been able to do that...
She had obviously been surprised and uncomfortable at seeing a woman at his house, by finding out like that, but hell, he had no reason to feel guilty for, her way of letting him know hadn't been any better. She had glared at him for being with someone and he remembered that there had also been jealousy in her eyes and her tone of voice, while her behaviour had been that of a jealous wife, even though she by her own decision had no claim on his whatsoever, that time in his office before she'd confronted him about a memorial for Daniel, when she'd interrogated him who he'd been talking to. And the thing was, back then she hadn't even known about his relationship with Kerry.
Before Kerry had come onto the scene during that uncomfortable and weird talk in his backyard Carter had mentioned something about having second thoughts about her marriage to Pete, but what did that have to do with Jack?
Her getting together with someone else and then getting engaged had given Jack to know that all deals were off. She had moved on, had gotten engaged, so why was she still behaving as if nothing had changed, as if there was no third person between them for the past 9 months, as if there was no ring on her finger? Why was she still acting as if she still had some claim on Jack, the claim that she had given up by moving on?
And if by some weird coincidence she really believed her having doubts affected Jack, then she was gonna be unpleasantly surprised.
He knew the saying 'pride comes before a fall', but his pride was all he had left in this wreck of a relationship. He had no leg to stand on anymore and he had no claim on her, so his pride was all that was left.
If Sam expected he would come running to her just because she'd finally decided she wanted him, only 2 weeks before her wedding, that he would forget that she had been the one to decide they'd shove those feelings into that room, having ordered him to do so, and then handle her relationship with Pete around Jack that insensitively, she was gonna be disappointed.
Because there was no way Jack O'Neill would come running just because Sam Carter, or any other woman in fact, had finally decided to stop playing the field and finally wanted him.
Not to mention there was still the fact that he was her CO and this state of affairs would remain that way until he retired, which he didn't plan on doing anytime soon. He'd decided to stick around as long as possible, cover SGC's back and see just how far he could get with his approach.
2 years ago he would've said that for him Leavenworth was more probable than a promotion, but now he was a Brigadier and in a matter of weeks he'd be a Major General, after only a year in rank of Brigadier. Almost a record for the books.
Wonder if he could get up to Air Force's Chief of Staff...
For the first time in his life Jack was finding gratifaction in his career and wasn't about to destroy it for a nebulous chance of something with Carter. If past experience held true he would just end up alone and with nothing.
And if by some weird chance Carter this time really wanted something with him, then she would get to experience on her own skin how it feels to be less important to someone than their career, the knowledge Jack had been living with for the past 3 years, ever since that dam Za'tarc testing, when it came to his relationship with her.
Jack O'Neill would finally do what Jack O'Neill should've done years ago and what he had tried to do with Kerry: move on.
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And the course in which direction he would set sail was made up for him just two days later.
No wonder, it was Daniel who suggested it.
The recently-buffed-up geek actually had good ideas sometimes.
At about 1000 Jack's office door was opened without knocking, to Jack's annoyance, and in came his long-time friend, the newly descended archeologist, plopping down in the seat before Jack's desk.
"Jack."
Jack sighed mentally, it was obvious Daniel wanted to talk, which Jack didn't want to, and therefore responded in the way he knew would annoy the visitor and throw him off his trail.
"Daniel."
Daniel frowned.
"Jack."
"Daniel."
"Jaaackk." it was meant to be a warning, but came across as whining as it did most of the time with Daniel.
Jack matched it perfectly with his own copy. "Danielllll."
Seeing no way to bugger Jack into admitting to anything, not that it ever worked nor had he ever learned, the man could be as closed up as Teal'c, Daniel decided to go for the jugular.
"How are things between you and Sam?"
He had the satisfaction of stunning Jack O'Neill speechless. The topic of Jack and Sam had always had the label of the silent agreement not to mention it stuck to it. They had all been aware of the tension between the military part of the team for years, but had silently agreed not to talk about it. Out of mind, out of heart, or other such crap. Now Daniel had just torn off that label and trampled on it. He was determined to get them to resolve this once and for all, no matter what the conclusion.
It was long since time for this dance to end, even if it meant Jack and Sam would end up on different sides, with different people, never together, for the rest of their lives. The cost of this forced status-quo, of this destructive gravity that obliterated other people and even the duo themselves, was just too high.
"Oh, you know." Jack waved vaguely. "We're still working. Together. On this base. She's still SG-1 CO." he added with a sad note. He missed being in the field and it was a sore spot that the woman he'd loved had pushed him out of his beloved field into that of a bureaucrat, even though he'd recommended her for the position. Then he squinted at his friend. "You sure you have all your memories this time? Perhaps they erased some still?"
"No, Jack, I remember everything." assured the younger man. "Even this time with the Ancients. It was nothing fun, we just sat around a 50's diner all the time, talking."
"Yeah, you like to do that." smirked Jack and Daniel glared at him.
Then the archeologist frowned, pushed up his glasses and frowned again. Yet again Jack had managed to redirect the conversation without Daniel even being aware of it. But this time he wouldn't let go.
"Sooo... You and Sam?" he prodded hopefully.
Jack grunted. "Daniel, she's engaged, for crying out loud! And her dad died just yesterday. And, please remember, I'm still her CO! What do you want me to do, grab her and break every reg in the UCMJ and of the Codex?"
Daniel was quite surprised he'd gotten so much out of Jack and attributed it to emotions running very high during the last few days. Or even months. Everyone has a breaking point, it seemed Jack had reached his and subconsciously wanted to talk about his problem. Daniel would do his best to help his best friend through this and to help him find happiness.
"I came to visit you 4 days ago, Jack, when I was still Ascended. At night."
That was when Jack saw the other shoe drop.
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