Disclaimer: No I do not own Gunslinger Girl. Raphael and his other aliases yes but the rest of them no.
I don't get it. Why does life have to be like this? I have done everything to keep us together. I killed the bad guy and nearly lost my own life in the process. However, I was still condemned. 3 days, I have 3 days before the DNA results come out. Damn it, what can someone do with 3 days? Are you happy now Judas? Are you happy now that even though you are rotting in hell they will still find out. 3 days Judas! Damn it 3 days! People on death row get a month. O sh#t actually I have only today left. Yesterday was day 1; I can't wait for tomorrow it's too risky. I need to be gone by today! Why is life so unfair! Why! I don't have time anymore. No time to rest, no time to spend time with them… no time to say goodbye.
I only have enough time to… enough time to just pack.
Chapter 19 Confession, Rivelazione
Confession, Revelation
I don't have much to pack though. I am leaving my guitar and the MP3 player that I never used behind and I am only bringing one gun, which is the USP .45 ACP Tactical that will always help me remember this place. I am only going to bring the map of Rome, some clothes, my latest paycheck and the orange backpack I got from Mr. Benoit's escape in the apartment complex [Chap 13]. All of that I dropped into my duffle bag. As I took the bag I forgot I had something beneath the bag itself. It was a picture…
Flashback"So you took a picture of us on the Spanish steps?" I told Henrietta.
"Yup, it's a picture of the two of you kissing up a storm." Henrietta replied.
"Really, let me see."
"Ok Raphael, her you go."
"Hehehe. It looks like you were a little late. This is just a picture of us with our faces inches from each other the space between us forming a heart shape."
"What? No! I was sure it was the 2 of you kissing."
"I guess you're shutter was too slow."
"Sigh do you want the picture?"
"Hey it's still a sweet picture I'll take it…"
Triela I can't look at this picture without tears flowing from my eyes. I hope it's going to stay that way for the rest of my life. Whenever I look at this picture I want to feel the pain of not being able to be with you anymore. That's how much I love you. Sigh As soon as I put this picture in my bag the packing is over. Now I approach my desk. There lies a piece of paper, my necklace and a 7.62 mm caliber round that I have painted black... I guess I need to start writing a goodbye letter.
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"Have you seen Raphael?"
That's what I have been asking everyone I came across today. It was just weird, he was discharged from the clinic yesterday night and when he got into his room he asked to be alone and locked up. Today he missed breakfast and lunch and he is still nowhere in sight. Raphael where are you?
"Triela have you tried his room?" Henrietta said as she passed by.
"I tried knocking on it but there was no answer." I replied.
"Well I heard movement in it so I guess he's inside."
With that I went back to his front door. I knocked on it but there was still no answer. Henrietta was right; the lights were on so he had to be inside. I knocked on it again and said:
"Raph, it's Triela are you there?"
I did not get an answer. I couldn't take it anymore what if something bad has happened to him so I forced my way in. I was glad that Raphael was not lying on the floor but what I saw was worst. Raphael was standing by his table with his duffle bag in his hand. He looked at me and it was obvious that he has been crying for a while. He managed to say:
"You shouldn't be seeing this."
But I did not care the next thing I said was, "You're leaving?"
He looked at his hands and his bag around his shoulder than he looked at me as if saying yes. I blocked his way to the door and I started yelling him.
"You said you wouldn't leave us! You said you wouldn't leave my side!"
"Sigh I am leaving for you're sake." He said.
"And what do you mean by that?" I shouted back.
"I can't elaborate. You will know eventually. When you do, this will clear things up further, open it when and only when you begin to know the truth and need my explanation."
And with that he gave me a small package wrapped in paper. He made a move to leave but I jumped into his arms. I kissed him and he kissed me back but he pushed me away and said.
"I am sorry but I have to go Triela."
I held on to him with tears in my eyes and said, "Raph, don't go please don't go."
But he just held on to my shoulders and moved me away from him he looked at me in the eyes and said, "I am sorry my love. This is for the best."
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If only she knew. If only she knew that when she clambered on the doorpost and cried for my name I continued to walk away with tears also in my eyes. I had to be strong I had to keep my emotions on check. I had to be the one to walk away or else it will never happen. I left the hallways of the dormitory and as I walked through the other halls of the agency my heart kept pulling at me and I just kept feeling worst. This is where Triela and I played the guitar, we held each other under that tree, we all had our meals on that desk in the canteen and… I couldn't take it anymore. A part of me wanted to take the scenic route and savor the memories but the other part of me wanted to close my eyes and storm out of the place. I don't know anymore. Suddenly Hillshire stopped me:
"Raphael, you need to come with me."
"What's wrong Hillshire?" I said as I reached for the gun in my bag's side pocket.
"There was trouble with the release papers." Hillshire led me to a door.
We went through several offices and finally into this large room which turned out to be Lorenzo's office. Lorenzo was on his seat with a laptop in front of him. He looked at me sternly and said:
"Raphael, it's nice to see you again… or should I say, it's nice to see you again…"
Before he finished the sentence he turned the laptop around and revealed some sort of bio-data it had my face on it and soon I realized what he was referring to, it was part of the top 10 most wanted of the MI6, o sh%t! I turned to run but Hillshire and Jean were behind me blocking the door and pointing rifles at me.
"… Lance Kane!"
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Joze gathered us up; he said that there was an intruder in Lorenzo's office. It was definitely a serious problem since even Joze was carrying a gun. He even had Claes take one of her old guns and go with us as well. I was distraught by Raphael leaving me but I had the presence of mind to get my gun and help the rest of the girls with their stuff. Raphael was not here anymore I guess I have to be the big sister again. We ran up the steps of the SWA's main office and when we reached the door of Lorenzo's room Joze told us:
"We don't plan to kill him but as soon as we see him point all weapons at him and prepare to shoot to kill if orders are given. Remember the intruder is the person who is in the room who is not Lorenzo, Hillshire or Jean. I repeat he is the person who is not among the three. Point you're guns at the person who is not either Lorenzo, Hillshire or Jean."
I did not get why Joze needed to be repetitive at first but when we got in, I realized why. It turned out the only person who was not Lorenzo, Hillshire or Jean in the room was Raphael! Rico pointed her gun at him, Henrietta did so after Rico but Claes and I hesitated at first. Eventually Claes lifted her gun at Raphael and with a sigh and I followed suit. We all occupied a corner of the room while Jean and Hillshire continued guarding the door; we waited for an explanation from Lorenzo for all this.
"Gentlemen, girls it turns out that we had a double agent all this time! I personally did Raphael's DNA testing yesterday since I thought it would be nice for Raphael to know his true identity as a reward for slaying Mr. Benoit. However, when I went through the databases of all the hospitals in Rome I did not find him, I went through every single database in Europe and did not find him; it was like he does not exist in Europe. I had the computer continue searching over night and this morning I realized why he was not in Europe. First of all Raphael is an American citizen with Asian and Spanish descent, he has no business in Rome but dirty business. And that brings us to my second realization, the computer finally found his DNA, it matched with one of MI6's most dangerous fugitives."
He pushed a button on his remote and the projector turned on revealing the contents of his laptop.
"Everyone, Raphael in reality is not named Raphael his true name is Lance Kane known by the world of espionage as the DarkShot!"
The laptop showed it all. It was definitely Raphael's face on the data there but the name was "Lance 'DarkShot' Kane" I couldn't believe it but Lorenzo continued.
"Lance here is an intercontinental assassin for the agency Dorado Espada, he was probably sent here to spy on us and get data. I am actually surprised we did not know sooner, he is wanted all around the globe we should have seen it coming."
I couldn't take this. All of this can't be true. Raphael… he loves me, all of that… couldn't be true. I had to know:
"That can't be true! Raphael, tell them this is some mistake!"
Raphael turned his head and looked at me. He had his sheepish grin on his face as he looked on:
"I am sorry Triela but I am afraid Lorenzo can't be any farther from the truth." He held that same smile as when he was about to kill those prisoners in the old factory [chap 16]
Lorenzo also smiled, probably in triumph of his capture while I continued to relay in my mind. I fell in love with a double agent… I fell in love with a traitor. All of it was a lie?
"I knew his memory loss act was fake!" Jean said as he made to shoot Raphael… I mean Lance.
"Jean stop! We are a legitimate agency we need to give this agent a choice. Lance what is it going to be? Option A: You don't comply and I have everyone here shoot you. Or Option B: You comply, be interrogated and go to prison." Lorenzo said.
Lance just smiled at Lorenzo and said, "Option C…: I escape!"
Suddenly he grabbed the tip of Jean's gun and held it down. At the same time he stepped on Hillshire's knee and kicked him in the head knocking him out instantly. He yanked the rifle from Jean and elbowed him in the temple also knocking him out and getting his rifle from him. The entire time none of us were able to fire since we risk hitting Jean or Hillshire. He took Hilshire's rifle before leaving the room and stuck it from the outside locking us in. Rico and Henrietta grabbed a bench and tried to ram the door open as the rest of us prepared to pursue Lance. We managed to wake both Jean and Hillshire up before the door was finally opened and we dashed into the building hallway.
"He's not getting far; I had all exits locked down." Joze said.
"Joze, we must remember he is not the teenager he wanted us to believe anymore, he's a professional assassin. He must have had planned an escape incase something like this happens." Jean said.
"But still, he has to be in the outer grounds. There is no other way out but over the walls."
I wanted to follow them but suddenly the Raphael's voice echoed through my head. It was from the night we had dinner on the rooftop.
The height of this building. It's a great hang gliding spot.
No, I was just looking, maybe next time.
The rooftop! I thought. Instead of going down with the rest of them I raced up the stairs and kicked the door to the rooftop open. I was right… Lance was right there. He was walking towards the edge of the building with the orange backpack on his back, the black duffle bag on his left hand and Jean's rifle on the other.
"Ra… Lance stop!" I screamed at I pulled a handgun out and pointed it at him.
Lance did not stop; he smiled at me and continued walking.
"I will not hesitate to shoot you Lance!" I said.
"That would be very ironic Triela. Do you remember what happened here?" with that he pointed at a table and two chairs standing close by.
I felt my heart skip a beat. This was the place we had our dinner… O no I am breaking apart. I had to be strong. This is not Raphael, I loved Raphael, this is Lance Kane.
"It does not matter anymore, I will still shoot you down… Raph." I said, trying very hard to hold back the pain.
He sighed and stood on the edge of the building, "I don't think so, and we both know that you can't shoot me and in turn I can't shoot you." With that he dropped the rifle he took from Jean on the floor.
"Lance… don't you dare move!"
"Triela… don't make this harder that it already is. I mean look, you still have the safety on."
I did? Sh&t it was! Lance looked at me and finally said, "See, this is going no where. Let me make this easier for you." And with that he jumped of the building.
"Raphael no!" I ran towards the edge of the building but stumbled halfway through. I did not want to get up. I did not want to look down the building and find a dead and mangled body at the bottom. Luckily did not have to. All of a sudden a green triangle rose into the air and when I looked up I saw it. It was Lance on a jet-propelled hang glider. I stood up and walked to the edge, Lance and I saw eye to eye. He blew me a kiss and was gone. The rest of the people got back also empty-handed they saw the hang glider but did not know that I was there when he flew off. They know though that Raphael did escape. We were sent back to our rooms. I dressed up for bed but when I flipped my coat over something fell out of my pocket. It was Raphael's package. When I unwrapped it a high caliber bullet that was painted black fell out. It was followed by Raphael's gold necklace. The paper that wrapped them was actually a letter:
To my beloved Triela,
If you are reading this letter then chances are you have found out about my true identity. I am sorry to tell you this but it is the truth, my real name is Lance Kane and I work for the global spy agency Dorado Espada (golden sword in other languages), I was tasked to spy on the SWA. My signature has always been a black bullet in-between the eyes of my victim that is why they have called me the DarkShot. The black bullet that came with this letter symbolizes that. I am sorry but it is the truth, a lot of what I told you were a lie. I never had memory loss; I was faking it I really knew who I was since day one. The whole thing with the Japanese terrorist was a set-up placed by me agency I was not suppose to get shot but… you got in the way. However, through all the deception I would like to let you know something that was not a lie. What I feel for you is not a lie Triela; I am truly in love with you. To prove it to you I would like to let you know that my pullout date was 2 weeks ago; I only decided to stay because of you. Triela you have made me the happiest man on earth and whenever I remember us I still regret walking/running/flying out of you're life. As for Mr. Benoit the truth is he was a traitor to Dorado Espada but before he was killed he escaped and had caused trouble to the agency ever since then. When we defused the bomb in the old factory (which was my 1st successful bomb diffusal) Benoit left me a letter threatening to give away my true identity. That's why I was over my head when I interrogated those men afterwards. After killing him I thought that my nightmare was over but it turned out my DNA was processed, once more my identity was threatened. You saw me crying after Bianchi left, you know why Triela? I realized that I had to leave you. I can honestly say that I never cry, or say that no amount of pain could drive me to tears but you saw it. I cried because I was afraid I would never see you again. And if you are reading this letter I was right. This leads me to the 2nd thing in my package, my necklace. I told you that it means protection and I was not lying. It's for you to keep now since now I won't be there to protect yout. Goodbye my love, I am sure that I am missing you right now as you read this.
Will be thinking about you now and forever: Raphael or Lance (Which ever you want to call me)
"You're an idiot Lance Kane, I told you before, I am not a vase, I don't need protection… I need your love…"