Disclaimer: No I do not own Gunslinger Girl. Lance and his other aliases yes but the rest of them no.

"I think it will be the best if we have Triela conditioned."

"I will not allow it!" was my reply to Jean whom with Lorenzo and even Joze continues to urge me to give Triela conditioning to make her forget about this whole meeting with Lance Kane.

"Hillshire, I know that it is against how you work but listen. Triela fell in love with that agent; we all saw it. Now she's definitely heart broken. We can't work with a heart broken girl." Joze told me.

"All of us have gone through heart break Joze but unlike these girls we deal with them, we don't just condition it away." I replied.

"But Triela does not have that kind of time. You have an assignment tonight." Lorenzo said.

"It's perfect, the assignment will let her know that through love and heart break everything else must go on, I am sorry Lorenzo but I think that this assignment will actually be perfect for her to deal with it." I added.

"You are treating her like a real girl Hillshire!" shouted Jean.

"She is a real girl!" I shouted back.

Before anything between us could spark, Joze and Lorenzo stopped us. We both took our seats again as Lorenzo sat back down and said:

"Conditioning is still the choice of the handler so it is still up to Hilshire if he will have her conditioned or not."

Jean got up and grumbled. "You are starting to sound like Lance you know that? At least he was just faking it."

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Chapter 20 Dimentichisi, Perdoni

Forget, Forgive

I am confused. Everybody is telling me to forget about Raphael yet here I am with his necklace around my neck hidden in my clothing. His letter just felt so real, I read it several more times before going to bed last night. Somehow I believe that he was telling the truth and somewhere out there he is longing for me I could feel it.

"Triela what is attached to that black string around you're neck?" Claes suddenly said, pointing at my neck. We were both in our room.

"What? Nothing it is just string, Claes." I said, as I hid the string around the rim of my blouse.

"No it's not. I have seen it from somewhere. It was something that belonged to Raphael," she said, as she jumped of the top of her bed.

"First of all it's Lance, it is just string, Claes. Claes no!" but I was too late Claes tackled me and pulled Lance's necklace out of my blouse. I felt violated but now it's Claes standing in front of me with Lance's necklace visibly dangling around my neck.

"You have a lot to explain Triela. She said as she stood there with arms crossed."

I had no choice I pulled out the letter Lance gave me and showed it too her. She read it and when she reached the bottom she gave it back to me and said:

"You know that he could just be messing with you Triela."

"I feel that he's telling the truth, it's just there I could feel it."

"What's that lover's intuition? I don't think so Triela. Triela you need help."

"What? No! Don't tell anyone Claes. Don't tell anyone!"

"And what? let you die of heart break I don't think so!"

"Something will happen, Claes and somehow it will work out." I reasoned.

"What the hell? You are no love expert Triela." Claes said in a louder tone.

"Well you don't know better, the only love you've felt are in you're stupid books." I said as I stood.

Suddenly Claes blushed and pushed me back on the bed. She wiped her eyes and told me in between her sobs:

"I liked him too you know." she sat by my bed.

Claes? Claes fell for Raphael? How? How could someone like Claes who has always found it enjoyable to argue with Raphael now claim that she liked him? It's like Henrietta falling for Jean. It's unbelievable.

"Since when?" I said as I approached her sobbing figure.

"Since I saw him. Triela if you found it hard to show you're feelings for him, try keeping it and making it look like that they don't exist. It was so hard Triela." She said as she pressed her face on my lap.

"I am sorry Claes… I never knew the same person charmed us. Did he know?" I said as she continued to sob.

"I don't think so. He nearly did when he joked about loving me. I was seriously contemplating over telling him to pursue you or take me [Chap 10]."

Then she added; "Now I just wish that he really is gone so that I does not hurt so much."

Suddenly Hillshire entered the room. He asked if he could talk with me in private so I left Claes in the room and walked with him down the hall.

"How are you feeling now Triela?" he asked.

"A lot better, I think I am getting over it." I said.

"I could see that, was that Claes crying?"

"Yes, she has secret love issues."

"Well if you don't have issues of that tone maybe we could take an assignment Lorenzo has posted."

An assignment right after all that has happened, why? "Hilshire, it's too soon."

"I don't think so, I am hopping this assignment will actually clear you're head."

"Sigh ok Hillshire. Is it tonight?"

"Tonight at 9:00, I'll speak to you about it when we get there."

Lance I am getting over this. How about you? Where are you Lance? I am afraid you're letter was not that clear. I need to see you again I want you… Raph—I mean Lance, why did you have to have two names in the first place? I am having trouble thinking emotional when I have to pick between those two names!

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Flashback

"What have you done!" screamed a young boy as I checked on the bodies of his parents.

"Nothing personal kid, it's just business." I replied in a dead pan tone.

"You killed my father?"

"Ricardo was my main target. I had to kill him."

"And my mom?"

"She got in the way and she was a witness."

"What should I do now?" questioned Raphael Tiago.

"Live with you're relatives I guess. It's all up to you."

"Kill me!" he shouted.

The moment jolted me, but only for a while, I faced him and said. "Sorry kid but I have principles; I don't kill people younger than me. Besides, the world isn't over for you yet."

"There is no purpose left for me. Only my mother loved me, the rest of the people in this wretched family hate me. Just kill me and save me the pain." He said kneeling in front of me as to beg.

"No thanks; I am out of here. Good luck with the rest of you're life." I said turning to make my exit.

"Don't you dare turn you're back on me! I am…"

"… the kid I am going to leave behind."

"Come back here you…." A quick series of foot steps and I felt a hand reach for my gun.

"Hey! Give that back." I shouted but before I could bang the boy was on the ground with a bullet in his skull.

I checked for vital signs, finding none I picked up my phone. "Paul get the clean up team, you'll find the bodies of our target Ricardo Tiago and two casualties Catherine Tiago, Ricardo's wife and their son Raphael Tiago. Did you get that?"

"Of course Lance. Heard you loud and clear."

And that's how I thought of using Raphael as a name. I have resided in a hotel in Rome ever since escaping the SWA. Even with the 5 star services I still can't take the pain away. All the alcohol in the world can't stop me from missing her. I can't take it anymore, I have downed 5 sleeping pills and I still can't sleep. Aside from the fact that my blood stream gives me great resistance over these things, when ever I close my eyes Triela won't let me sleep. Aah nothing is helping; I miss her so much. I knew that it would be hard but not this hard. Triela I need to see you again. I need you. I need you so much.

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Hillshire said it was just a simple mission, he said it is just a mission to kill a guy. I had to agree nothing could be simpler than this. I am practically waltzing through this empty warehouse looking for this Franklin Taylor so that I could blow his brains out. It is pretty strange, for a mission that I have to approach with caution everything seems so quiet. Where are the guards, the gunfire, and the booby traps? The only things here are crates and chains lying all over the floor. What is this hide and seek? I continued walking all over the place in search for my target when suddenly a machine sound resounded in the building. All of a sudden the chains started moving and one of the loops on the chains caught my leg! I struggled to get free but before I knew it I was suspended upside down! I pulled on the chain but I realized that there was no way of removing the chain, not without hurting my own leg.

"Don't struggle. I just want a talk." Said an all too familiar voice.

I looked up and I saw him. His figure walked away from the darkness. His outfit was a lot different from the one I could identify him in. He had a green fatigue shirt, black Kevlar vest, silver buckled holster, dark denim pants and a FAMAS assault rifle, yet I knew that it was him: "Lance!" I shouted.

"I am sorry about all this but I am not sure how to see you without risking a gun fight." He said when he was just inches from me.

He caught sight of his necklace which now hung out of my blouse since I was flipped upside down. He smiled and said:

"So you read my letter. I put a lot of effort in that; did you see the tear drops?"

I thought hard, if I said that I believe him it would mean I have not gotten over him but I am trying to get over him so I said.

"Lance everything you said was a lie? You saving my life was a lie, you being friends with all of us was a lie." I let my tongue slip and said, "You're love for me was a lie!" at that moment his face changed. At first he as just happy to see me but rage over whelmed him at that moment and he shouted:

"WE WERE NOT A LIE TRIELA!"

I was taken a back, Lance never shouted at me. This is the 2nd time Lance lost control over his emotions:

"Triela, I love you. I have always loved you. Triela didn't you believe my letter? Triela, I really love you." He said.

He was breaking down; he sat on a crate and covered his eyes. I don't know what to say so I told him.

"I don't know what to believe anymore Lance…" with all my strength I said, "You should have left 2 weeks ago!"

He was shocked and looked at me scandalously, he knew as well as I did that that was not true. How could I say that?

"I don't think it is so." He said, "These two weeks were to die for, I would get stabbed by Judas as many times as I wish if I had the choice of repeating these 2 weeks. How about you Triela, did you think life was worth living before this?"

It all came back to me; these 2 weeks are the ones that I have always wished lasted forever. No doubt he was right yet life must go on, as Hilshire would have said. We both made mistakes and those two weeks can't come back anymore, it is time to look forward it is time to move on.

"…No… but things have changed Lance. We are two sides of a coin we can't be together."

"It does not have to be this way." Lance said as he tried to walk towards me. He held my cheek in his hand and added:

"It does not have to be, we are here and as long as we are together there is always a chance… I am such an idiot, I thought that suspending you will keep things in control but I just realized that now I can't embrace you, I can't kiss you… you're such a tease and I can't do anything about it." He said with a little laughter in his tone.

"Then why don't you just let me down?" I said as I tried to struggle out of the chains.

"Don't struggle, if you do get free you will have a bad fall. I'll let you go I just need you to answer this question." With tears in his eyes he said, "Raphael has left a gash in you're heart, will you let Lance fill that hole?"

I thought long and hard before saying "I don't know Lance." I managed, and with that I turned away from him. I heard movement and when I looked back at him he was handing me a bolt cutter.

"Get yourself out, but not before I pull this cushion beneath you." As I placed the link of the chain in between the prongs of the bolt cutter I heard some dragging beneath me, then a fading voice.

"I already killed you're target for you. It's up to you if you're going to take the credit or if you're going to tell them that it was my doing. Seriously I won't mind either."

I snapped the link and I fell on to a mattress. However, when I got up Lance was nowhere in sight. Suddenly I heard footsteps from behind me. Hillshire caught up with me:

"Triela you were taking too long what happened?"

I told him that I was caught in some sort of trap and I just got free. We both went forward and found the body of Mr. Taylor. I did not need to give Hillshire an explanation; it was obvious Mr. Taylor was killed by a semi-automatic rifle and not a shotgun so he concluded that someone killed him before I did. We went back to the agency. I did not mention anything about Lance.

Hotel room, on the phone

"Paul, get my plane ready I'll be there in 3 days."

"Lance, the pick up point is in Milan, which is just a 9-hour trip by train."

"I know, but I am still going to stay here in Rome for 2 days".

"Lance! You have been delaying things for too long you better give me an explanation."

"Relax Paul; it's just that I am promising you more than just information. It's going to be harder to deliver this."

"What are you promising me then?"

"A new agent."

"Interesting, tell me about it…"