RANT: I'm sad. Why? Well, school is just getting more and more boring, yes, but also because I can't add myself to my favorite authors list. By the way, I'm only adding my real life friends to fave authors, so don't feel bad if you're not there.
THANKS: Um, I'd like to thank everyone who still read this collection, I am so proud of you! I love y'all like family!
This is a long fanfic.
AAML (I love this ship!)
You'd think that spending my night in jail would be the worst part of my night, especially because of the male grunts and groans I can hear coming from the cell next door, and I really don't think I want to know what's happening there. But it wasn't, it was the best. That's right, me, Ash Ketchum, a one night bad boy. Okay, so I wasn't exactly a bad boy enough to get thrown in jail, but I was a bit of a bad boy. Sort of. Not really. I got set up by the sadistic b with an itch who pops up out of nowhere, but that's not important right now!
I went because of the girl sleeping next to me. I'm sure you know her name, Misty Waterflower, that red headed anger management needed witch who's clean up more bumps and bruises than she gives, even though she gives an awful lot, and I would know.
All I'm waiting for now is too call May with the quarter they said they'd give us. But they lost it. I am so, so horribly ashamed of my hometown. Our basketball team is pretty bad too. I think I only feel that way because Misty told me too. You know what, I'm going to tell the story, I've got nothing better to do, except pretend there's someone in my head to tell me story too. But that's not crazy, I mean, people with first person stories do that, right? Okay, I'm crazy. Here's a story for you, Sam. Yes, invisible person, I've named you Sam. You may be a boy or a girl. I don't know.
"I've got to have broken every rule at my school. Every single one. You know why? It's addicting, the adrenaline. Not like you guys'll ever know what that feels like. Once a prick, always a prick, like Gary here," Chad sniggered. Chad is Gary's peer mentor in college. Gary's been going to school to learn how to be a professor, he's smart enough to go to college. This is all done on a scholarship. Do you know understand why Gary's a good guy? I did. I'm not a moron.
"Really, why's that? Because you're a little baby torchic!" I snickered. Misty leaned forward, balancing a tray of pokémon snacks in one hand, and whispered in my ear. She's currently wear a miniskirt and pink blouse. She wore jeans under the miniskirt though, she's on roller blades too. She took a job with Brock deliver pokémon snacks. It was pretty funny watching her learn to use them, actually. "So, what's a scholarship got to do with it?" Okay. I lied. I didn't understand. I can't even lie to my own head.
"If he's not perfect they might take it away, and then bye-bye degree, hello flipping burgers. Or more pokémon training, but probably burger flipping. She pulled back and the smell of hotel soap was replaced with the strange smell of Pikachu snacks. "Here, Brock said that these cookies are for you."
"Pikapika Pikachupi!" Pikachu shouted delightfully, snatching the bag from my hands and running into a corner.
"Don't thank me, Brock made them. I'm just the delivery girl. And don't eat them all at once. You'll get fat! Gary, mind asking your grandfather if he's got any job openings for some air headed teenage girls, who are really pretty and sometimes wear sports bras so they can walk around without shirts on? Lily could really use a job, especially since they all want to take turns running the gym since I got fame and glory. Now there's more money leaving the gym than coming."
"Why'd you get fame and glory?"
"It put Cerulean City on the map. We're actually the sixth best gym in the country, and there's a lot of gyms here. Of course, that means a lot more challenges, a lot more losses, and a lot more idiot sisters who can't battle."
"I can ask Gramps," Gary shrugged.
"Thank you. If you don't I'm telling people you wear that necklace to try and show your feminine side, again." She tossed him a bag of pokesnacks and sat down. "For Umbreon. No more than one a day because they're medicated."
"Thank you delivery girl, are you working for tips?"
"Sure," she grinned, holding out her hands.
"Don't blackmail a person who might pay you," he laughed. Misty quickly flipped him off, then turned to her feet. She yanked off the the rollerblade and threw them behind the sofa and rubbed her feet with a moan.
"Gary! You should be nice to me since Brock's made me a miniskirt wearing pokémon waitress. And my feet hurt, bad. At least I get to wear jeans under this thing so I can pick up the stuff I drop without everyone looking at my butt. Thank goodness for brotherly instincts." She laughed lightly. "Wanna rub my feet?"
"I don't like you that much," I responded.
"I know, I wouldn't want to rub yours either." She frowned down at her clothes. "Damn dresscode."
"I wouldn't mind nothing but a miniskirt," Chad smiled cheekily, looking her up and down I didn't like that. I did not like that. Sure, women's rights and stuff equal to men, but she belonged to me, and I belonged to her and he was not allowed to attempt to steal her from me. I clenched my fists ad teeth tight, making my jaws creak. I started to get up when a sharp tug pulled me back down to the sofa. Misty tugged the book from his hands and flipped through it, shaking her head.
"There's nothing about crossdressing being illegal. Is that a pass time of yous then, or do you just like it when girls start to scream when you bend over in one of these tiny things?" She smiled sweetly Chad flushed.
"That's not what I meant?"
"Then maybe you should be more specific," Misty glared at me. "I can handle myself around pervs, Ash. You don't need to get so mad. I'm not a princess, and you're not my knight in shining armor."
Ow, that had hurt. 'you're not my knight in shining armor'. She was right. I wasn't her knight, her hero. I was one of those lucky guys who do the work, save the world (repeatedly) and never get recognition. Never get the girl. That really sucks. And, sorry to get sappy here, but what do you care, Sam? You love sappy emotional stuff. She was wrong about her not being a princess. She is. It sounds like I'm being romantic but I'm not. People have told me she's a princess, so I'm just repeating what I've heard. Some have told me I don't deserve her. I think they may be right. I don't want them to be. I used to tell myself that it was because that would mean a girl was better than me. Then the testosterone kicked in. It only took a few PG-13 moment to figure out Misty was more than a friend to me. Not to get of the topic, but I have a lot of PG-13 incidents, it's not my fault that the girls strip sown to bathing suits under their clothes right in freaking front of me!
"Sorry," I flushed.
"Don't be so hard on him Misty, he's just been hit by Cupid's Arrow, and he just so happened to be glancing your way."
"Shut up!" I snapped. "Work on your relationship, not mine!"
"I'll break these," Misty suddenly remarked. "Sure, the worst that could happen is I get booted off campus, but it's really the same as you. After all, I'm sure from your attitude that you're a snobby rich only child that can't get thrown out because Daddy's a big donator. Not that all rich kids or snobby," she amended. …That's a big word, yeah! I knew I wasn't an idiot. "I'll break a bunch of these or at least say I did. You know, act like a tough kid? Besides, Ash and I have done most of these in day to day life."
"Ash and I?" I asked in surprise.
She continued, "No harassment, sexual or otherwise."
"You're sticking up for no harassment?"
"Shut up, Ash. But I'll do the rest of these, within my moral range." She tossed me the booklet and grabbed a piece of sour green apple gum out of her pocket and slid it into her mouth. I glanced back at the book so she wouldn't see more blush and sweat at my thoughts, or get a nosebleed. I just really wanted to steal that gum…with my tongue. I swore to myself I would, one day, when other people weren't around and I had some more courage. "Ash, will you do it?"
"Sh-sure," I stuttered. I swallowed and tried again. "I mean, yeah, I'll do it. It's not like I have anything to loose." Uh-huh, nothing, except for my mother's respect and love. And who need s that, right?
"Okay, this should be easy enough. I'm already in a miniskirt, there goes dresscode. Maybe we should swing by some clothing store and buy you some sexy lingerie just so you can waltz in and show all the girl what you're made of."
"I find briefs too restricting, why would I even consider wearing something as tight and uncomfortable as a thong. I'll let you cover that." We sat in the care for a minute, then both set off in a fit of laughter. "Man-thong."
"Man-thong and a push up bra stuffed with tissue," she giggled back. She opened the door and walked towards the school. She shakles her butt when she walks, a lot of girls do that. How do they do that? Not that I was looking at her butt or anything. "Ash, my face is up here! Come on!"
'Right," I reddened. "Sorry, I wasn't looking. I was staring off into space and your butt was in the way."
"Sure it was, because my butt is just so big it takes up the entire universe. Very nice Ash, that makes me feel good about myself."
"That's not what I meant, Misty!"
"Ah-ah, my name's Clara. We're using aliases. I can't believe we're doing this, I feel like I'm on an adventure again. I haven't had fun in forever."
"I'm glad you're excited. You're Taylor. If it's a girl only name I'll keep turning to see who called me. All Natty ever calls me are girls names and I've started responding to them. It sucks."
"Really, Susan?"
"Yeah, I have and I'm trying to stop. Augh! I did it again!" I stomped my foot and opened the door for her. "After you."
"How gentlemanly," she smirked. I watched her walk in. Not her butt, just her. She's pretty. Not supermodel pretty but pretty. "Would you stop looking at me like that? You're giving me shivers!"
"Good shivers, or bad shivers?" I whispered. She kept walking, didn't hear me. I thought it was better she didn't.
"Okay, Ash, well, let's call you Simon. Get me mad." She stared at me. I shrugged. I am pretty good at that. I punched her in the shoulder. "Ow! You little mothertrucker! Damn, that hurt! You didn't have to hit so hard."
"Oops."
"That's all you have to say?"
"Uh, I'm sorry for doing what you told me too?" I said. She hissed at me. "Sorry, Mist, I didn't mean to hurt you." He face soften for a second, then replaced by a glared. "Oh! I'm supposed to make you mad, Sorry, forgot."
"Dumbass," She scoffed. "We're in this together, Ash. Don't chicken out on me. Don't do it to me. We're doing this to show that knocking off a few misdemeanors doesn't make you tough. We're showing that that son of a gun Chad that we're right and he's wrong. That even good kids can be bad and we can stop at anytime."
"You just want to have fun, don't you?"
"Yeah, but that's not dramatic."
"Okay then, let's have fun." I nodded at her. She slid another piece of gum into her mouth. I guess the old one lost its flavor, she must've tossed it out somewhere. Part of me dared myself to just lean forward (straight forward) and let myself find out what her favorite flavor of gum tasted like. The other part of me said she'd hate me for it. I was still slightly leaning towards the dare side when the chicken side told me I don't like sour things. It won. Dammit. "Could I have a piece of gum, Taylor?" I asked, holding out my shaking hand.
"Sure Simon," she giggled, pressing a piece into my hand and tossing out the now empty package into a conveniently placed garbage can. Have you ever had one of those moments where your body takes over? This was one of mine. I popped the wrapped piece of candy into my mouth and grinned.
"Triangle or square?"
"Huh?" She asked.
"When you were little did you like you're sandwiches in triangles or squares, it's the same concept for this. So, triangles or squares?"
"Uh, I like squares." She said uncertainly.
"Good, I'm bad at triangles," I replied. I unwrapped the paper easily enough, doing this with a Now or Later is really hard. (A/N: Now or Laters are impossible to open with fingers, let alone tongue and teeth.) Then, I folder it in my mouth, once to make a rectangle, trice to make a square. I pulled the wrapper out of my mouth with a smug smile which grew at her surprised shapes. "I'm really good at squares, though."
"You know that means you're good at," she stopped and blushed. "I can't do that, Violet's really good though. Let's go in." She slammed open the door and strode in, my puppy like self right behind her. "What class?"
"Excuse me" the professor blinked. It was a skinny nerdy man with glasses, eyes wide behind them. Kids turned in their chairs to gawk at the newcomers.
"What class did we walk into?" Misty snapped her gum, then blew a bubble. She popped it. Misty looked at one of the boys and gave a cute seductive wink. My temperature flared along with my anger. "Like what you see, cutie?"
"Is this science?" I growled. I could've sworn I saw Misty give a proud smirk. At what, making me jealous?
"No, this is English, but we have a dress code and-"
"Woah, dude, sorry. It's just science class is always taught by nerdy white guys from Texas and you totally fit the bill, man?" I'd switched from ticked of street kid to idiotic surfer dude, and Misty was an overly affectionate gangsta girl. Freaky…
"That was a highly offensive comment you made, young man. And we have a dress code here that neither of you are matching!"
"S'no big," Misty snapped the gum again. "I can take off the pants if you want." She shrugged. "Simon's kind stuck in his clothes though, I don't think boxers fix that dress code you were talking about."
"Dude, dude…dude…" I trailed off, seemingly forgetting what I wanted to say. "Oh! Should I take off my boxers then?"
"No!" Came the immediate response from the entire class.
"Aw, I wouldn't mind!" Okay, not every one of the schoolgirls were so innocent.
"'Kay then, majority rules dude." I shrugged. "So, anyway, dudes and dudettes, 'specially that pretty lady down in front, all right," I winked at her flirtatiously. Misty taught me that one. I could've sworn I heard a growl come from her at that. "We've been looking everywhere for a science class. We went to the teacher's lounge but that totally wasn't the science class."
"Yeah, and then this bitch started telling us to leave, which we didn't. There wasn't nothing there that said students couldn't come into the teacher's lounge. Nothing. Then Simon beat up some guy that was looking at me funny," Misty smiled at me. She stepped close and put her arm around my shoulders protectively.
"Yeah, then me and Taylor made out in the hallway cuz she was so thankful that I saved her. It was awesome, chya." (A/N: Yes, my surfer lingo and Misty's strange voice suck. I can't do it. Back off.)
"Don't make me sound like a slut Simon," She wrinkled her nose at me. I thought that was cute. "I'm a perfect lady, ma said so." She smoothed her skirt and popped a bubble that never saw the light of day.
"I don't know who you are, but you've broken every misdemeanor on this detention slip! My dears, I wouldn't be surprised if you were expelled."
"Eh, fine. We don't go her. I just wanted to break some rules. Have a good day, and sorry for the disturbance for your class. Unintentional, but unavoidable," Misty shrugged, back to her normal self.
"Ow, big words," I whimpered, holding my head. She giggled and led me back out of the class to the car.
"That was a nice five second adrenaline rush." Misty smiled at me. At. Not up, not down. Yes, NOT down. You have no idea how delighted I was when that happened. Gary keeps saying I squealed like a schoolgirl. I did not. It was a manly squeal! Oh, forget it. Buying that one? I'm not even putting it on the shelf!
"Are you hooked now? DO you want to do it again?" I inquired. She rolled her eyes.
"Yes, Ash. It's like a drug. I just can't get enough of baking rules for no good reason. Sorry, but I'm a bit more partial to adventures, and saving the world, and people…did you see their faces though? The kids? That was funny!"
"They looked like they had just seen a ghost." I slid into the car and turned the key, the engine purring.
"Ha! You gots to goes to jails now!" I winced. I knew that horribly high pitched worse grammar than mine voice. I also knew that the one who owned the voice had signed up for junior cops, which is a Pallet Town program to get kids interesting in police work. It's not working. "Hey, Kiara, where are you and Kavu heading off to with that open beer can in your car?"
"Natty, did you put an open beer in my care and then wait for me for Suicune only knows how long for me to start the car?"
"You don't have to drink it, you don't have to be drivin', if you've started the car jail walls you'll be climbing!"
"You're a worse poet than Pikachu! It barely rhymes!" I barked.
"Close enough is good enough unless it's life or death! Get out of your care and into mine or I'll taser you!" She ordered. Misty and I groaned and transferred cards.
"Ash, your police force sucks."
"I know."
"So does your basketball team."
"We're short, haven't you noticed?"
"I thought it was just you."
"You should get one phone call," Natty sighed. "Unfortunately, someone, TOMMY, has lost the quarters and nobody has any spare change. Who's great idea was it to give the video game addict a roll of quarters? Actually, I have a quarter, but it's a state quarter, and it's too cool to give away," She took it out of her pocket and grinned. "It's Canadian."
Misty said slowly, "That's not a state. That's a country."
"Nobody cares. It's a quarter and it looks cool so there. Well, you're spening the night here unless you have seventy bucks, you got that? No. So we're leaving and you can make out or something. Or play tag or something. I don't care. Have fun!" She skipped and away and hit the lights on the way out. I couldn't see a thing. "I changed the sheets for you guys!"
"Ash?" I heard. Soft footsteps, a hand on my back. "Can you see anything? Is there a light around here?"
"Mist, I can see just fine, you're gone blind." I said, holding back giggles. She stiffened behind me. "Just kidding, there's not lights here, no lamps, no candles, just beds and toilets."
"That wasn't funny, and I'm not using that toilet. I will hold it all night. I'm not sitting on that. The bed, however, I'll use." She said, loosening, relaxing, shaking a bit. She pulled me back so we could sit down, then her hand slid off my back down my arm until she found my hand. She gripped it, breathing out a sigh of relief. "I feel like I'm going to get shot in here. I've never liked getting thrown in jail, no matter how much it happens."
"Kinda funny how even though we're supposed to be good kids we've been in jail more than most people" I said most on my mind on her hand in mine. My hands were bigger even though we're the same size. So I did what we always do when we're nervous, joke. "Misty, I'm scared, will you hold me?"
Giggles, "You want me to hold you?" I felt arms wrap around me, making me flush. Our sides pressed together an I could tell she was facing me from a breeze blowing down from my neck to my chest. I shivered. "How close?" She said, giggling nervously.
"Gee, Mist, you're acting like you know I wasn't joking," I said, my voice leaping up high. I was like May's long lost sister.
"Were you?" She asked quietly. Trick question, I knew it. I'm screwed either way. Why am I screwed either way? After all, I have to win if I choose the right one. Well, that's easy, that's because I'm never right. If I say that I was joking, she'll pull away, be heartbroken, and if I try and tell her after she'll say I'm just trying to cheer her up and clear my conscience. So, I'm screwed there. If I say I like her, you know what'll happen. The whole 'sorry, just friends' speech. So I'm screwed there too. So I might as well stay silent. "Ash, you can't just not say anything, it's really important." Fudge! That sucks! My eyes had adjusted to the dark by now, she wasn't even looking at me. She was looking anywhere but me. And her mouth was still moving, she still had that gum.
"Honestly? I was joking, but…" I trailed off as she looked at me hopefully. Hope, hope for a…a…
-contradictory statement, Jennifer.-
A contradictory statement and, wait! Who said that?
-You're narrating out loud, moron. I've been listening to your little story for the past five minutes. Very nice, by the way. Can't you grow some-
Anyway, hopeing for a contradictory statement. I swallowed. "But I wouldn't mind if you took it seriously. As, more than friends. Like…dating more than friends. Which we've been acting like pretty much except we don't kiss. So the only difference would be admitting we like each other and maybe later on we could kiss but not if you don't want to and you probably don't even like me and-"
"Ash, do you want a piece of gum." She stopped my never-ending babbling.
"I thought you were out. You threw the package away. I saw you." I said, getting a little nervous as to where this was going.
"I do have one piece left. It's just not in the wrapper." And the words me feel confident, not what she said, but how she said them. Her voice cracked. She was just as nervous as I was. You always hear how one person feels about romance, their view, and when you confess you feel so…alone. But I wasn't alone, that's why we did this. So we'd never be alone again. I wasn't the only one trying to figure out what to do, she was clueless too. And that made it all feel safe.
"Do you really want to do this, this fast?"
"Six years of friendship and three of fake dating isn't all that fast," She pulled back and held my hand. "Why, do you think it's too fast?"
"No, I just…you shouldn't feel pressured to do anything."
"You think you're pressuring me?"
"I dunno. Maybe. It's not like I've done this before." (A/N: Heheh, who's getting annoyed? Will they kiss, will they? For goodness sakes, when? I feel wicked.) I sighed. "Do you want to just do it fast? You know, like when you, uh…"
"First get into cold water to get something you dropped in the pool. Just jump in and get it over with, then run back out?" She suggested. I nodded. "Okay then. Well, you do it then!" She snapped.
"Why me?"
"Because you're the guy! It's some unwritten law about relationships. The guy is supposed to kiss the girl first, that's how it's supposed to happen!"
"That's not true!"
"well, I'm not Sadie Hawkins, Ash!" I blinked and grunted with confusion. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "A Sadie Hawkins dance is girls ask guys, not the other way around like most dances.
"So I should just lean forward and kiss you." I stated. She nodded. "On the lips." She nodded again. "How do you know I can see you?" She swung at my head, I ducked out of habit. "I was just trying to hear your beautiful voice and you try and hit me. What kind of romantic are you?" She grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me close, an inch away form her face, frowning, glaring, her nose wrinkled. So I thought this was the perfect opportunity. I just tapped my lips to hers, easy, simple action, one hell of a rush. Misty's hand dropped from my shirt and I pulled back. Her eyes wide, mouth slightly open.
"You…" she gaped. "You actually did it." I grinned and nodded proudly. "But you…Ash, you never do anything like that!" I cocked an eyebrow at her. "I don't either, yeah, and sure I told you to but since when have you ever done anything I tell you to."
"Since I wanted to do the stuff the stuff you told me to do," I shrugged. I grabbed her shirt and slowly pulled her close. "Okay, now it's your turn. And make it a good one. Make it a real kiss, it's only fair since I started us off."
"I'm not so sure about this. I'm fine if you do it though." She shifted backwards but I pulled her close again. "C'mon, Ash, what if I'm a bad kisser or something? You do it."
"Like I'll be better," I scoffed.
"Probably. You're unbelievably lucky," I sighed. Then I stared. She'd crack. She had no patience, less than me, lots less than me. Just because we've both got the same violent temper doesn't mean a thing. You can have the strongest anger in the world but as long as you're patient it doesn't mean a thing. I've got the scars to prove she's not. "Let me go! I want you to do it!" she shined. Now, if she had said 'I don't want to do this at all, I don't even want you kissing me' heck yeah, I'd let her go. But she's just being insecure and I want her to get over her insecurities.
All right, you've got me, I'm lying. I just want to win for once.
"Please? I thought you liked me." Great, now she was trying to guilt me out of it. I smirked. Not gonna work this time. "Ash," she growled, "Let go! This is manhandling! Sexual harassment!" She huffed. Misty gulped and nodded. "Fine, Ash. You better not laugh at me."
"Great, now I'm practically guaranteed to laugh. Nice job, Misty." I was getting bored of waiting. So, why not just cut the time in half? "Besides, I've already guessed that a scrawny runt like you wouldn't be a good kisser anyway. You won't disappoint me." She frowned and barely gave me a second to smile a smug smile before kissing me hard.
I won't go into detail here-
-Aw, come on, I want to hear all the kinky details!-
I'm talking out loud again?
-Yes, and I'm shocked to learn that Ash Ketchum is a very naughty boy.-
Ugh, gross. You're like an annoying sister or something, that's just plain sick. Anyway, I'm continuing with my face in a pillow. I did get that piece of gum, and a bruise of two, but so does Misty. She fell asleep afterward, but I'm still waiting for a fucking quarter!
"Uh, Caroline, I've got one. I've been trying to tell you for a while now but you just kept going on and on. Do you talk to yourself a lot?" Natty asks. I shrug.
"I guess when I'm bored with no one to talk to. I'm just never bored." She holds out her cell phone with a sigh.
"Talk fast, it's dying. I got a quarter but the phone's broken. Have someone pick you up," she shrugs. I nod and dial. Three rings.
"Huh0hello?" A shaky breathless voice came. "This is the Maple residence, summer vacation home, May speaking. My parents are out at the moment and Max is -quit it, I'm talking! Mac is at a competition. I'm fine to take a message."
"May, have you been running or something? You sound like you've been doing some heavy exercise."
"Heavy exercise? I haven't, oh, uh, yeah. You could say that, I guess. What? Ash…it's Ash! Ketchum! NO I'm not hanging up, it could be important…I don't really want a good friend to die and it comes up pretty often with him. Hey, that tickles, cut it out!"
"I'm in jail, wanna pick me up?" I interrupt. I hear a gasp and a fast OMG filled sentence that was an awfully long run-on. "Hey, how are you getting home?" I ask Natty.
"Me? I'm sure I'll find a way. If not I'll just bunk here, with Tommy," she frowned. "Who broke the phone trying to make a PSP out of it."
"May, I have to go. Pallet Town jail, make room for three. Bring Seventy dollars, I'll pay you later." I hung up.
"You know, Ash. There's a saying that goes pretty well with your situation here. I've seen it on a bunch of profiles and quote websites which I visit avidly, because, y'know, I get bored. A good friend will be there to bail you out of jail, great friends will be sitting next to you saying 'Damn, that was fun'."
"Good quote," I agree. I glanced back at Misty. Damn, I think,
Haha! Impossibly long! Beware, that took forever! Ugh. You'd better love it. I don't. Don't like the next one (which I have written, and one after that) either. I enjoy Mary Sue parodies. Natty is on NO accounts a Mary Sue. She's my inner be-atch.
Have a fabulous day, and ideas are great. If you think of one after revieweing (or not) send me a message saying so! I need ideas other than throwing the cast into a Stephen King novel. Misty would not be happy to be like Carrie.
Misty (reading internet summaries): Entei, don't make me be her!
Me: We'll see…