okay omg im sooo sorry that it has taken me this long to update! ive been super busy with college and today is the first chance ive had to sit down and write for a long time. thanks so much to everyone who reviewed, i probably wouldn't have gotten this far if it hadn't been for ya'll! well heres the next chapter, i hope ya'll like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this sadly.

I walked inside the house. It took everything I had not to fall to the floor and curl up into a little ball. I had been so close to him... We almost.. I touched my lips. My heart was torn in half. One side of me wanted Edward, wanted to pull him into an embrace and be with him for the rest of eternity. While the other side screamed at the top of its lungs warning me not to get involved again. My head hurt, I needed some time to think. I needed to absorb everything that had happened today. Hopefully Alice hadn't chosen my room. I glanced to the stairs and rubbed my temples in frustration. There had been too much information for just one day.

I headed for the stairs and out of the corner of my eye saw Emmett and Jasper in the living room practically drooling over my plasma t.v. I smiled. If only things were always that simple. Why did everything have to be so hard? I climbed the stairs slowly to the fourth floor. It only consisted of one very large bedroom. Alice hadn't claimed it. Good, I needed some space for awhile. Living pretty much by yourself for seventy years you got used to being alone.

The room was decorated with blues and greens. The bed was covered with yards of satin sheets, accompanied by various pillows of all shapes and sizes. Even though I didn't need a bed, it seemed incomplete without one. This room was the highest point in the entire house, with an angled ceiling that went down to the floor creating a steeple effect. The only window in the room overlooked the front lawn. I walked to it to watch the sunset, and what I saw melted my heart. Edward was sitting alone, doing the same as me, watching the sunset. I sighed. I wanted nothing more than to run down and take him into my arms and tell him that everything would be okay. But I never could. This is what my life consisted of now, watching him from afar but never touching.

As though feeling my stare he looked up to me. Startled I took a sharp intake of breath. He noticed and his gaze became intense. Oh how I missed those eyes, they were absolutely flawless and they had me hypnotized. They were exactly the thing that could make me go weak at the knees. I could see perfectly his deep amber pools, which were speckled with gold flakes that sparkled in the setting sun. There was a powerful emotion in them. They were smoldering, but what was it? I couldn't place it. Pity? Hate? Anger for having gotten his family into this mess? Or maybe it was.. No it couldn't...but.. it felt real. I put it out of mind, thinking only got me into trouble. So I settled on the last few moments of loosing myself in his eyes. Electricity was flowing between us, pulling me towards him.

We stared like this for another moment. Calm started to flood my body, I had one guess why. I would have to thank Jasper for that later. Everything in this moment seemed perfect. There were no boundaries, it felt like things were back to how they used to be. Slowly every muscle in my body was in a state of euphoria. But unexpectidly rushing thoughts slammed into my mind. My barrier was broken, I heard Edwards thoughts above all.

"God, I love her so much. I can't believe shes really here, that I'm really staring into her eyes. Its more than I deserve to see her again. I don't deserve to look at her as I am, especially after all I have done. I am the lowest upon low."

I broke our connection and looked away. All of this was too much. Any more and I might have a mental breakdown. But his thoughts...and those eyes... I dared a glance back to him and he was gone. Listening closely I heard him enter the house and go into the living room with the others. Sadness started to pick at my heart. Great, this is exactly what I didn't need.

I walked towards my bed and fell backwards onto it letting out a sigh. I listened to the others downstairs

"Awesome she has an old school Nintendo! Hey Jasper bet I can beat you at Super Mario!" Emmett boomed.

"Oh God." Said Alice. "I wonder where Bella went, should I go look for her?"

"No." Edward replied very stiffly.

Ugh. My heart twisted. I grabbed a pillow and pulled it on top of my head. You're not good enough for him Bella, you never were, and you never will be! That couldn't have really been what he was thinking. Maybe I was delusional. Shut up, shut up, shut up! I mentally yelled at myself. I just need to stop thinking about Edward. But my mind kept retreating back to how beautiful he had been just a few seconds ago.

This was my problem. All my stupid emotions that get in the way. If I could just control them I could save us all...maybe. Anthony was just so strong, I don't know if I could ever compare. Anthony's words from earlier repeated through my head.

"I'm sorry dear Bella, you are just so very fascinating. You have so much built up inside you. I don't know how you stand it, all the sadness. I pity you. If you could only control those emotions, you would be even more powerful than you are now, more powerful than me even. I ask you, join the Volturi, together we could be unstoppable."

I hissed at the thought. I knew that he would stop at nothing to have me, either that or he would kill me. It was just the way he said together that had me frightened. He wanted me. He didn't just want me to join the Volturi with him, he wanted me as a mate. I had to learn control. I pulled the pillow off of my head and sat up. Maybe if I meditate it might help.

Closing my eyes I blocked out everything around me. The darkness surrounded me, I tried forgetting where I was. I pushed at my emotions, tried locking them away somewhere safe. If I could just hide them away. If I could just fill myself with nothingness...

I almost had my emotions pushed away when I was broken from my meditation by a knock on the door. I opened my eyes.

Frustrated I said, "Come in."

Alice's head poked around the door. "Hey.." She was holding back, something was bothering her.

"Hi."

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" She had a mixture of sadness and nervousness in her eyes.

"Sure.."

She crossed the room and sat down next to me. We were both quiet for a moment, and Alice played with the hem of her shirt.

"Yes?" I pushed.

"I don't really know where to start, but I guess I should say I'm sorry."

"You guess?" I said a little icily. I didn't want to be mean to Alice, but for crying out loud I think I deserved an apology.

"No, I know I should." She said sadly not looking at me. My heart tugged, I hurt her feelings. I wanted to reach out and hug her, but before I could she yelled, "I'm sorry!" I jumped, I wasn't expecting her sudden outburst.

"I'm sorry for leaving you all those years ago, with not even so much as a goodbye! I'm sorry that I never came back! I'm sorry that you felt like you had to go to the Volturi for help! And most of all I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this alone!" Her face was filled with sadness. I could feel the tears swelling in my eyes.

"I of all people know what it's like to be left in the dark, I should never have put that burden on you. I am...or was your bestfriend, how could I do that to you Bella?! I feel terrible, please forgive me."

The tears were flowing freely from my eyes now, and the barrier I had built around me slowly started to crumble. I could hear Edward contemplating whether or not to come upstairs, and Jasper and Emmett were wondering what all the commotion was about.

Alice was dry sobbing into her hands now. I could feel my heart wrenching apart. I hated seeing my bestfriend like this. How could I not forgive her? My emotions overwhelmed me and this time I let them take over. For now I wasn't going to hold back.

"Oh Alice! You still are and always will be my bestfriend!" I sobbed and pulled her into a hug that would have crushed a normal human.

"Oh Bella, really!? So you forgive me then?" She looked up at me with hope.

"Of course I do! I forgave you the second you popped your little spikey head into my room!" I said wiping the tears off my face.

She squeeled. "Oh Bella! You don't realize how much I've missed you over the years! We all have! And I've had absolutely no one to give makeovers to! It's been terrible without you!"

I rolled my eyes. Only Alice would say something like that in a moment like this. I giggled, it felt good. Alice just stared at me with a wide grin, and I couldn't help but return one just as big.

"So what were you doing up here before I came in?" She said so casually as if our little episode had never occured.

"Meditating."

"Really? What for?"

My face fell, all the happyness of the last minute faded.

"Anthony is so strong Alice, you have no idea. What you saw today wasn't even close to his capabilities. I can't compete with him. So.. I was trying to focus on my weaknesses and get rid of them."

She stared at me with a worried expression."What are your weakness? You never told us in the car."

I bit my lower lip. Should I tell her? I was still very vunerable, even with our reconciliation. I could trust Alice right? Yes, there was no doubt about that. It was just so hard to open up after so long.

"Bella." She pushed.

I sighed. "Okay..well..it's you."

She looked taken aback. "Me?"

"Well not just you, the entire Cullen family, more specifically... Edward."

Confusion spread across her face and I heard Edward's thoughts downstairs.

"Me.. But.."

"Please explain." Alice continued.

I sighed again. This was the hard part, explaining all the details, especially when I knew Edward was listening in too. I took a deep breath that I didn't need, and continued.

"Well you see after all of you left I was completely heartbroken..." Alice cringed. "All I felt was pain. I didn't talk for a week. Charlie and Renee worried constantly, and I never talked to any of my other friends from school. I didn't eat, I just layed in bed. I was miserable. I thought that something must be wrong with me, and that that is why none of you loved me anymore and why all of you left me."

Alice interrupted me, sobbing and distressed. "Oh Bella.. no, that wasn't it at all!"

"Wait Alice, let me finish." I paused and she nodded. "As I was saying, I was pitiful. After I changed all those feelings magnified by ten. Sorrow was my only companion. Whenever the sadness took over I would loose control of my powers. Thoughts of thousands of people rush into my head, I teleport to random places, and when it gets really bad objects start to fly around and crash into things. It was so hard on me in the beginning, I couldn't even leave your old house for a year. I was terrified of loosing control out in public. I didn't want to hurt anyone...but when I was in that state it was like a different Bella was in charge, it scared me. Very slowly over seventy years I gained almost complete control."

She interrupted me again. "Almost..."

"What have I done..." Were Edward's thoughts. I thought my heart might shatter.

I gulped and sat up straight. "On the anniversary that all of you left is still hard on me."

"Oh.."

"So it's my vunerability and sadness thats my weakness. If I had met Anthony on any other day I might have been a match for him. However, seeing all of you today resurfaced all my insecurities, I have basically reverted back to where I started." Frustrated now I said, "I can't save any of you because I'm a big baby! And it's all my fault if any of you get hurt. I don't know if I could live with myself if anything happened like that."

Anger shot across Alice's features. "Don't ever say that Bella. It's our fault, we should never have left you. Don't you dare blame yourself."

"Then why did you leave Alice." I was shocked by how codly my words came out, all of my pent up emotions were resurfacing.

Alice was not expecting my harsh tone either. She didn't say anything, but her thoughts told me all I needed to know loud and clear. Only one name went through her head. Edward.

I saw everything. Anger started to fill me, I stood up. Edward noticed our turn in conversation also and was headed upstairs to explain. I didn't need an explanation though, she had just given me everything.

"Don't worry, you don't have to answer that." I replied to my own question, and with that I got up and walked to the window. I was in no mood at the moment to talk to Edward. I had to get out of the house.

"Bella what are you.."

I could hear Edward at the top of the stairs. Before Alice had a chance to finish her sentence I jumped out the window and started running. I wasn't so foolish this time, I blocked everyone from my trace. Edward would just have to wait until I was ready to talk.

I didn't know where I was running to, I just needed to be alone. I was furious. That was why they left?! And Victoria got to me anyway after all that, I didn't even need protecting anymore! All these years I could have been with the Cullens happy and immortal with no worries, and they thought I had been dead. Obviously not! I took a deep breath. There was also something else.. Edward still loved me? I saw it clearly in Alice's head, it was just so hard to believe, especially after all these years..

I smiled, I loved him so much. The anger slowly started to fade. If I wasn't annoyed with his stupid reasoning I would be running into his arms right this second. My head really was filled to capacity now. I would just take an hour to be by myself, and then me and Edward needed to have a long talk.

I continued running, and spread my arms feeling the rush of air over them. My hair blew out behind me. I closed my eyes, not worried of hitting anything. This was the closest to flying I would ever get. I could run like this forever and leave reality behind, but now I didn't need to leave it behind. Me and Edward could be happy. Joy washed away the anger completely, and I screamed with joy. It felt so good to finally be happy again. When I went back the first thing I would do would be to yell at Edward for his stupid choice. Then I would pull him into the biggest kiss of his immortal life. I sighed again.

I took a deep breath letting the scent of pine fill my nose. There was a slight breeze, if I had been human I would have shivered, but because I wasn't the breeze felt refreshing. Almost like the feeling of getting out of a fresh shower. I began to hum my lullaby. The melody always soothed me, putting me into a trance like state. The smile on my face grew wider as I remembered that I no longer had to block out thoughts of my Edward. I could let my mind roam free. I felt the best I had in seventy years.

The sound of water broke me from my trance. I slowed my run to a walk, and when I opened my eyes I gasped. Before me sat the most tranquil lake I had ever seen. It was about eleven acres in total. Around the edges of the water the grass grew tall from neglect. Wildflowers of orange and yellow dotted through the over grown grass. And a small family of geese were sleeping on the lakes northern edge. The moon having just come above the mountains shone bright on the surface of the water. There was no end between the sky and the water. There were two worlds before me, one above and one below.

I walked to the edge of the water and dipped my feet in, careful not to disturb the perfect smoothness. Soft ripples cascaded out. I layed back into the grass and let my thoughts wander. Edward's perfect features this evening, the meaningful look we had between us, his protectiveness, that I didn't notice until now, around Anthony. I sighed peacefully.

My thoughts roamed farther and something I hadn't thought of before crept into my mind. Worry for the Cullens. I had completely forgotten that I was hiding them from the Volturi. Anxiety came over me now. How could I be so dense as to forget about that?! Why did I leave them alone in that house like sitting ducks?! They would have no way to know if someone was approaching. I sat up now and unblocked my thoughts (another dumb move, how could I watch and protect them if I blocked them off?).

I heard nothing. Not good. Had I run out of my range? I didn't think that was possible... For the second time today I felt powerless. My nerves were on edge. How long had I been gone? Did they decide to leave? Alice wouldn't do that...would she..no not after our talk. Also I had forgotten that Edward didn't know that I wanted him just as much as I saw he wanted me, and that I was ready to forgive him. I needed to get back to the house as fast as possible.

I stood up and ran for the house. Would Edward leave? I didn't think so, but... I hadn't been very friendly to him the past day.

I was almost back to the house and I still couldn't hear anything. I picked up the pace, my nerves even more strained.

I could see the house now..still nothing.. Entering the side door I looked around and saw no one. All was quiet. I could not loose them again, I might physically die of a broken heart. Twice would be too much, I would give anything to hear Emmett's booming laugh coming from the living room.

"Hello? Where is everybody?" I yelled. No reply. I tried again.

"Alice! Edward!" nothing...

I walked into the kitchen. My eyes caught something sitting on the table, it was a note. Frantic I ran over to it and snatched it up. All it had on it was a large V written in cursive. If I had a heart it would have stopped in that moment. The Volturi had them...they had Edward...

yay! thats all for this chapter! hope ya'll liked it. very suspenseful i know. please review and tell me how you like it!