I groan as the foggy haze around us just seems to thicken with each and every step we take into the dark forest

Disclaimer: She turns the dials excitedly. With a click, the box in front of her unlocks and she opens it excitedly. The small text reads: Bittersweet Romanticide does not own Pokémon, Peter Pan, or the songs "Good Morning Baltimore", "Free as the Wind Blows", "Liar (Takes One to Know One)" which is a fantastic song she recommends to any reviewers who like alternative music.
She glares at the paper and throws it in the fire. First, because it was a major disappointment, and second because she has just noticed the story is written in present tense…
BTW, not as long as it might look. There's a lot of snappy dialogue in here. I love writing Drew! I don't mind writing May, but honestly, who doesn't love writing a god-complex-ed male counterpart of their favorite character?
Idea Suggested By: Yoshi's kun
DAML

I groan as the foggy haze around us just seems to thicken with each and every step we take into the dark forest. I wave it, but I can't see my hand in front of my face, let alone where the hell my favorite contest-reject has disappeared to. Again. Where in heck is that girl? A second ago she had been going on and on about girl things that I really didn't care about. I mean, I really didn't care this time. In fact, I cared so little, I wanted to kill myself rather than listen to her talk for one more second. It was torturous. Unfortunately, I didn't (and still don't) have any way to do this, so I just hope I might trip over a rock and crack my head open, break my head, some kind of happy death like that. Maybe she'll stop talking then. Somehow I doubt she will. She never stops.

I'm just irritated because I can't see her. Just hear her. I have no idea where Max ran off too. He never talks to me and now he is probably dead in a well or something and it is really a horrible day to be me.

"Drew, are you listening?" May accuses.

I guess she has her hands on her hips now, glaring through the fog and somehow managing to see me even though I can't see her. Maybe she will throw something at me and I can pretend to be unconscious. Then again, she isn't all that violent. She would never hit me. "I'm trying not to." I say coolly.

"Very funny," She says highly. I am really rooting for a rock to come out of nowhere and trip me. I can't commit suicide, no, that's the coward's way out. I just really want to die right now. "…But I've asked you the same question a million zillion times already!"

"And that question is?"

"Where are we?" She shouts. I think I see a waving arm. Maybe it will hit me. Oh. No, it didn't. She stopped waving them. I didn't even feel the wind. How disappointing. "I almost fainted early because I thought Mac went missing! Thank goodness I was able to find him in this fog, right?"

Don't tell May, but Max is actually attempting to leave her. I mean, he's trying to get away from her, but she's convinced he's just getting lost. He tries so hard; it's almost sad to watch him get dragged back every time to his 'loving sister's' arms. If the boy doesn't get away soon, I think he will snap like dry twigs. He looks at me so desperately every time another escape plan fails. You can't blame him. I would want to get my first pokémon by now too. I swear, next time he makes a break for it that kid is just going to run. He's going to run like Forest Gump until he gets away from everyone but a Pokémon lab and his new starter. Poor kid…

"Free…free as the wind blows. Free as the grass grows…" Speaking of the little guy, there he is now. That would be him. Singing that lovely little song. It's heart wrenching, but do you see what I mean by snapped? Everyone cross your fingers and hope his next escape plan works. Why? Well, what happens when a psycho snaps? They kill others and themselves. I need to get him out of here.

"Why are you singing, Max?" May asks obliviously. "Drew, I think Max is tired or something. I can't tell what time it is through this fog. It's so thick! Do you even know what time it is? It feels like we've been walking all day! There has to be a center or something around here! When do you think we'll run into one? Doesn't 'Jenny' or whatever the heck her name is tell you that?"

She means my electronic map. Her name is Jen, not Jenny, and she's one of the greatest people ever. She shouldn't talk that way about Jen. But Jen is sleeping right now. By sleeping, I mean her batteries are dead. No, I wasn't just going to tell May that our map had broken. She'll kill me. Maybe she'll cry. I think that one's worse, because I'm still okay with the idea of being dead right now. Crying usually means ruined shirts and awkward situations, neither one I'm very fond of. I don't have a watch and my cell phone doesn't get service out here. It's like a cheesey B rated horror movie, but worse because I'm not getting paid to act in it. Horrifying, isn't it?

So, I do what any respectable person does in a situation like this. I lie. "I think there's a place to stay up ahead. We can just walk for a little bit and I'm sure we'll be right there. You and I can check in while Max tries to run away." I laugh. I cross my fingers hopefully. Will she? Oh, thank Ho-Oh, she laughs too. Mac may be able to get away this time. I guess I'll cross my fingers for him. I hope he gets everything he wants in life…and I hope he gives me the cheat codes for Haylow45.

"Run…away…?" Max repeats slowly. He gives a loud, obnoxious obviously fake laugh. "Why would I ever do that? I love it here. I never want to leave. Who wants a starter pokémon anyway? I love it here. And I love you, May."

…Way to be subtle, Max. We're all proud of the little spaz. I tried to help him, but if he keeps acting like this there's nothing I can do. He's going to be completely and totally screwed if he doesn't get his act together. I mean, short of knocking May out and locking her in a closest, I don't think I can go much further to save him.

"Could you either go away entirely or get a little closer?" I snap irritably. Maybe I can distract her from Max's weirdness. That little guy is more trouble than he's worth. Even it he does have some of the best cheat codes that even the websites don't seem to know about and he can reprogram any video game to make your character be a Snorlax. "I can't see anything and I don't want you to show up out of nowhere and scare the crap out of me," I narrowed my eyes. "Again."

"Sorry about that other time. I swear, I didn't do it on purpose and I don't know where all that face makeup came from," May blushes, finally coming up beside me with Max's hand laced with hers. "So, are you going to pull out that cool map you have or are we just going to keep wandering? We could use Jenny right now."

"Jen," I am accenting the name in hopes that she will finally figure out Jen's true name, "has already told me where to go. I talked to her earlier. We're heading in the right direction. Just straight on 'til morning!" I lie, then I laugh at my own cheesey joke. She buys my story, but has a confused face as if she didn't get my joke. Apparently, she has never seen Peter Pan before. She hasn't seen a lot of movies, actually. I've been slipping movie lines on her all week. Maybe there are a few upsides to liking an oblivious girl.

Liiiaaarrrr…

I blink. "Did…May, did you just call me a liar?"

"No, why would I do that?" May asked.

Liiiaaarrrr, if we're keeping score, we're all choir boys at best…"Are you positive you're not calling me a liar?" I ask. I'm starting to panic now. This couldn't possibly be a…conscience?

"Not a word from me," She shrugs.

Intrusive and arrogant…

"May, have you ever heard of a band called "Taking Back Sunday" or their song "Liar (It Takes One to Know One)?" I moan, suddenly realizing that May is not that voice I had been hearing and that May, in fact, is unable to hear it at all. The voice is just as high pitched and just as annoying, but it isn't exactly 'out loud'. This means psychic which probably means pokémon which probably means legendary which means that all the fun in my life is going to be sucked away by some stupid legend that I'm going to have to kill people over. And this is a new shirt too…

Why, hello new best friend. Myyyyyy name is Mesprit and I'm the being of emotions! Woo! The cheery voice is driven into my head like a mallet and chisel. It was as bad as a nail on a blackboard, and you can't cover your ears when it is inside your head. The ugly thing is the being of knowledge. We are very displeased with your many lies. Not only that, we're very bored. Since we're bored and, well, you're here so we're going to screw with you. It laughed nervously. Er, I meant teach you a lesson. You'll learn to be honest and kind and an all around good person! Doesn't that sound like fun?

"May, do you hear anything?" I asked the oblivious girl. She shrugged and shook her head no. "I guess I'm going crazy or something. I could almost swear I'm hearing voices in my head, but what are the odds of that?"

Oh, you're just doing that to spite me you jerk. You know, I'm the being of emotion! I can make you cry if I really want to! I can make you kiss that little boy. I pwn you. If you don't listen now and tell her the truth, I'll do something bad. You'll hate me forever but I won't care because I am above mortals! Ha. Beat that, be-atch.

"May, about that electronic map?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't believe it survived being dropped in the river. It's practically indestructible. I love that thing. It showed us where the town was. By the way, have I ever mentioned that I'm into incest, I'm seven feet tall, the sky I orange, and my name isn't actually Drew, it's Jesús Garcia." Okay, so I might be going a little overboard on the lying thing, I admit it, but how could I help it? If someone tells you not to do something you just have to do it! Like the doors marked 'Do Not Enter'. Everyone wants to enter them, but you can't. Because they're usually locked. I know. I've tried.

Okay, you know what? Now I'm mad. One more lie out of you and consider you life a play thing. I'll screw with your emotions and my friend will mess with your thoughts. Oh, she looks like she's sleeping, but she's not. If she opens her eyes, your mind will get wiped! That's why they're always closed! You can't touch me either. You know what'll happen? Three days after you touch me you'll loose all emotion. Yeah, sucks, doesn't it? (A/N: All this is true and it comes from wikipedia)

At this point I decide to let it go. It is always better to play it safe and not invoke the wrath of a Legendary (if it is a Legendary and not some weird psychic thing) than to have a few minutes of fun and end up making out with Max. Poor kid barely had his sanity left. I didn't want to scar him. I was curious as to what he was thinking about though…

Max's POV
The opposite of b plus or minus the square root of b squared minus four a-c all over two a. A square plus B squared equals C squared. PEMDAS. Charmander, Charmeleon, Charizard. An eevee can evolve into…hey, the fog's getting thicker and no one can see me. Bet I can get away. What do you think Bobby?
(Run for it Mac! Taste the sweet freedom!)
My name's Max, not Mac, but I'll take your advice, Bobby. Tell Shelly not to talk to me for a while, I'm still mad at her for breaking up with me…
Drew's POV

Maybe I don't want to know.

"May, is it just me or is the fog getting thicker?" I ask cautiously. It does seem to be swirling ominously thicker and thicker around us. I hear footsteps, running away. They're small. I think their Max's. I wouldn't be too surprised. He finally took his chance to runaway. "Get closer, I can't see you."

"Why do you want me to get close? Is it because you like me?"

"No. It's because I can't freaking see you and if I lose you your dad is going to kill me. Ash, Brock, everyone is going to kill me if you die and I rather like living." I mentally add 'as long as you're not talking'. Better safe than sorry.

"Do you love me?"

"You are getting really annoying."

"Am I annoying because you love me?"

"Would you shut up?"

"Do you want me to shut up because you love me?"

"No! In fact, I hate you! I hate you with a burning passion, you got that? Would you stop freaking talking! Arceus!" I snap. Then, I realize with utter horror what I've done. Lied again. Because I don't actually hate her with a burning passion. I like her. Motherfudge.

Ha! You lied! Mespirit declares with joy. Now, revenge shall be extracted upon you. What will I do? The little boy ran so I can't make you do anything with him. You like that girl. I don't know if I want to screw with the girl though, she seems nice and not a total jerk off like you, you know? Why should I screw her life up just because you're a horrible lying man? No, I don't think I'll do that to her. Nyeh, then again, I do like screwing with people. How about I play the sticky game?

Well, I think slowly, that just sounds inappropriate, don't you think?

Only a little. I can feel it shrug in my head. It feels weird. But, that's not what I mean. See, the sticky game is something us legendaries play all the time. (Ah, so it is a legendary) We use our powers to stick people together. You can either be touching or a few feet away or even a mile away but you always have to keep that distance or get closer, you get it? It's like magnets, sort of, except their magical. So, I guess what I'll do is I'll take you and her and magnetize your hands together. Here's the catch. You not only have to tell that girl that you have a crush on her, but you have to get her to fall for you. When you get a kiss, a kiss that she willingly gives you, the spell will release. Now, Prince Charming, that doesn't mean that while she's sleeping and thinks you're someone else, if she's hypnotized or if you tackle her to the pavement and kiss her you get to let go of her hand. She has to willingly kiss your lips of her own free will. Once that happens, you're free to go. Now, thank me for being so kind to you.

Thank you? What the fuck? You just put a curse on me! How does that invoke a 'thank you'? No! I'm not thanking you for smiting me!

Hey, I told you how to break the M-F-ing curse! Most people don't get that! Most people just get a curse and have to figure out how to make it better on their own. You should be kissing my feet for being so kind and letting you know what's happening.

Do you even have feet?

I don't know, but that's not important. What's important is: We're going to be watching you like cable TV. You're our entertainment for a while, so try to keep the curse going for a while, alright? We could use some fun.

I hate you so very, very much. You are never getting anything from me. Not one little gift on your statues, nothing. I hope you're happy.

In a way…I sorta am. I like messing up people's days. It really makes my life worth living. I did teach you humans pain and sadness and all that kind of stuff, so I guess it comes naturally. But, on a way brighter side, I also taught you guys joy and happiness and all those other fluffy emotions you've got bubbling up inside you! See, I'm not all bad! I'm the reason you can hate me! Okay, that part came out wrong but you know what I mean! There was an awkward pause. Remember, willing kiss! Then I am brought down to earth by the girl I am stuck traveling with.

"Drew, why are you holding my hand?"

"Because, May, we're being screwed with."

"…Alrighty then…can you let go?"

"Can you?"

"Er…no. That's weird."

"I lied too much and now a legendary has invoked its wrath upon us."

"Drew!" A high pitched scream tears at my ear.

It's going to be a loooooooong curse.

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

"Hey, look, there really was a pokémon center down the road!" I say cheerfully. And so it was that Drew was one helluva lucky bastard. There is one thing. We're going to get bombarded with people telling us what a cute couple we make. May's going to blush. If she faints, I'm getting pulled down with her, and that really sucks.

"You lied about this?"

"I lied about a lot," I say with a bit of a laugh. She doesn't seem as amused.

"What else did you lie about?"

"Max ran away because you were smothering him," I shrug. "I was trying to cover for the crazy kid. I wasn't being sarcastic when I said he could try and run away. He's going to be a fluffer nutter soon. He wanted a pokémon. I'm sorry May, but your brother is not missing in the woods and we can't send a search party after him. You're going to have to tell your parents your little brother ran away."

"How am I going to break this to my parents?" She asks, crestfallen.

"They'll live. It's not like he's dead. He just went to a lab," I shrug again. Apparently, she doesn't like this answer and she glares at me. This is where I realize that my people skills are lacking. Huh. Weird. "Sorry. You can lie. Just say that you took him to the lab and he's getting his starter."

"Lying is what got us into this mess!" She shouts.

"Lying didn't make Max run away, your oppression did," I explain. "But lying is what makes the world work. Without lies society would fall to shreds and organized religion would be no more. Besides, it's not a total lie. It's just a little lie. You're saying you escorted him when he actually ran like the houndooms of hell were chasing him. I'm sure he's fine. Nothing could catch a kid that fast."

"Do you have a soul?" She snaps, yanking my arm (which is sadly attached to hers) nearly out of its socket. "This isn't about Max, anyway. It's about me! I'm the one who's going to get in trouble for ditching my little brother! He's going to get congratulated."

"Self centered," I comment.

"Go. Kill. Yourself," She growls. "I'll cut off your arm to get away from you."

"I'd be intimidated," I began, but there really is no way to finish that sentence. She's just not intimidating. There's no way to describe it. Her anger seems…I don't know, it's cute, like in a little kid way. She's not scary.

"I don't handle pressure well."

"I can see that."

"I hope you die alone."

"You still have to tell your parents." I glance at her, then think of her comment of cutting off my arm. So I place my wrist in my mouth and start to bite down. I'm not sure how strong my jaws are, but I think I'll be able to bite through bone. One can only hope. I think Max's craziness wore off a bit. That, and my therapist says that my lone wolf personality is actually not healthy and beginning to affect my mental state.

"Are you attempting to gnaw your wrist off?"

"Saving you the trouble."

"That's gross."

"And it's starting to hurt."

"Do you think that'll work?"

"Pokémon do it, why can't I?"

"Because you don't have the jaw power of a Fraligator," May rolls her eyes.

I spit out the wrist in defeat, rub it on her shirt, and let our arms drop and swing with our steps. "Touché."

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

Nothing much happened that day. Nothing at all. Now we're in bed, and I'm pretending to be asleep. I know I'm not asleep, and I'm pretty sure she knows too. Normally, I don't snore and normally, I don't knee her repeatedly in the back then growling in an unearthly voice "the spirits of Satin command you to get out!"

"Will you shut up?"

"…zzzZZZzzzZZZzzz…"

"I know you're awake, Drew. I'm not sleeping on the floor, so stop trying to get me out of the freaking bed!" May growls. She kicks me. "Why don't the powers of Satin command you to get out? I hate you so much, you don't even know."

"Lying is what got us into this mess, May. You shouldn't lie," I mock coolly. "So, Maple, we're alone…in a bed…in a motel…there are condoms…some rope…spray cheese…" I say slowly, getting a little closer with a smirk. She shivers and tries to back away. "What do you say we…wrestle that rat in the corner?"

"Oh, Arceus! You pervert!" She snaps, trying to cross her arms but failing because I control one. I bet she's blushing. "There's no rat in the corner!"

"Yes there is."

"No there's not!"

I tug her out of bed and pull her to the corner where, indeed, there is a rat and a slew of babies nursing off the mother rat. I think it's a cute scene of parental and offspring bonding. She apparently doesn't. She screams so loud the people next door (who were being awfully loud themselves a few minutes ago, if you know what I mean) yell at her to shut up and that green haired boy she's with can't be that good.

She faints, and I'm ashamed to admit that the first words out of my mouth were, jokingly, "Hey, date rape."

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

"Good morning sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know, dear, how much I-sweet Lugia! That hurts like a mother-oh! Stop doing that you good for nothing bit-Mew! I got it! No swearing. Dear mother…" I moan as I'm repeatedly jabbed in the gut by a rough elbow. May wants to sleep. Too bad I wake early. Too bad I like annoying people. "Wake up."

"I'm sleeping," She mumbles.

"I noticed. However, you're wide awake now. All that's left is for you to stand up and walk out of the room! Now, get up, my lover, there's plenty of people to do and things to see!" I demand cheerfully, pinching her arm roughly.

"Don't you mean 'people to see and things to do'?" She asks. Her eyes open, then immediately close as the white sunlight streaks through the windows. I wonder if she can see a couple across the street, looking like they're being quite noisy. That would explain why she gave a little gasp.

"No, I meant what I said. I'm a pervert, remember?" I grin. "What do you want to do now? Hey, I know what we can do, you could kiss me because I'm madly in love with you. You know, just a peck. You're a kind and generous person. Please, May? I bet our hands will come unstuck if you do! Let's give it a try!"

"You're just upset because no girl has kissed you in a month."

"That's not true."

"You're desperate."

"More lies!"

"You need a woman."

"Alright, I do, but that's besides the point. I still love you. My need to kiss you is just…increased exponentially because I haven't gotten any make out lovin' in a while. But, see, that doesn't mean I don't love you. I love you May. Please kiss me and break the spell. I'll become a handsome prince!"

"You're green like a frog," She responds coolly. "Maybe you're right. But I don't care. I'm not kissing you, and that's final."

Silence, but for a slightly wet noise.

"Are you gnawing your wrist again?"

"Maybe we should buy something to cut my hand off. Better yet, your hand off."

"We're not cutting my hand off."

"If you stop eating for a few weeks it would be a lot easier to slice through…"

"No."

"But you're kind of chubby anyway!"

"No."

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

"Good morning Baltimore! Every day's like an-Sweet mother!" I am cut off once more by pain, this time where the sun don't shine. Out of the goodness of my heart, I decide to let May sleep in a little longer.

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

"I'm up," May sighs finally, rolling out of our shared bed and dragging me with her. "Come on. Let's go get breakfast."

"It's lunch."

"I feel like pancakes."

"Do you know any place that will serve pancakes this late?"

"A pancake house."

"There's no pancake house around here. I asked Jen."

"Then make me pancakes."

"Excuse me?"

"It's your fault I'm stuck to you. Make me pancakes."

"I hate pancakes."

"I hate you."

"Well, now I just feel unloved."

Then I made pancakes.

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

"Alright," I say as May eats the pancakes I have just made. It's a bit disappointing that she has covered them in maple syrup. They're sweet, fluffy, and are absolutely delicious and she covers up the flavor with maple syrup. I put cranberries and lemon freaking zest in those pancakes. They are the pancakes of a god and she defiles them, evil witch. "You want to get free, right?"

"Yup."

"You know how to get free?"

"Nope."

"I do."

"Then get us free."

"You have to kiss me."

"Not this sh…stuff again," She catches herself, but I can tell she was about to swear. "I'm not going to kiss you Drew. You'll have to live without a girl for a while.

"The Legendary was screwing with us. She wants us to kiss. Then we're free. I swear, no lie. Just kiss me of your own free will and we'll be done."

"Well, I am already sick of you."

"Exactly. So make out with me of your own free will."

"It sounds sneaky."

"But it's not!"

"It's completely sneaky."

"But it's not my sneakiness. It's a Legendary's sneakiness. So pucker up."

"I don't feel like it. Maybe later."

"But you'll do it?"

"Maybe."

"You have no idea how much I hate you."

"More pancakes," Her fork clangs loudly against the plate as she repeatedly slams it against the glass plate.

Ah, my love…

((((((((((PAGE BREAK))))))))))

"I've given you five hundred dollars worth of work, clothes, make up, and pancakes. Will you please kiss me now?" I suppose this conversation must sound weird to any passerby. It sounds weird to my own ears. Well, mostly because of the pancake part, but still. It is an awfully random conversation if you ask me. We're in the mall, a public place, on a bench, but I'm sure she doesn't care where we kiss, if it's just a peck. She seems like the type who would blush no matter where it happens.

She looks awfully pretty now, in her powder blue blouse and skirt set. She has high heels on, though I'm not sure exactly when we bought them (I was probably mourning my bulimic wallet (it was throwing up money faster than it could get it in (bad joke, sorry))) and a powder blue bandana. She has a light dusting of make up from the make over we took her to, not to mention the French manicure and pedicure on her nails. She would've kept spending, I'm sure, but I ran out of cash.

"Are you completely out of money?" She asks reflectively. She really doesn't handle stress well. It turns her into a horrible person.

"Want to check my wallet?"

"No, I believe you."

"You believe everyone."

"True."

"Will you kiss me now?"

"Promise it's not a lie?"

"Yes, Miss Gullible, it's really not a lie this time. Do you see me in a cacturne costume? Twenty seconds at least, on the lips." So the last part wasn't part of the condition. I'm a liar, sue me. I can't help myself.

And her answer is to lean over and give me a brief peck on the lips, slow and sweeter than any other girl I've ever gotten. One hand is on my cheek, and it takes a second before I realize if her eyes are closed, mine should be too. My eyes flutter closed, and I do my best to stop myself from tackling her and kissing her deeply. I know that will break all the trust she's finally gained in me and I'll never get to second base. I really want to get to second base because, pardon my language, she has a lovely large set of massive melons, huge hooters, humongous headlights, big boobs, whatever you want to call them, she's got them. I'm a horny guy, I notice.

It is long after twenty seconds when she finally pulls away, bright red.

"You're not bad."

"Not bad yourself."

"Don't think I'll be doing that again." She walks away, hips swaying as she gathers her bags and storms back to our rat filled hotel room.

I lay back on the bench and grin up at the sky.

You'd figure she'd know better than to lie by now.