AN: I have been typing this pretty much all night, and I'm sure there must be zillions of typos and repeated words and what not in this chapter right now, but after YenGirl's wonderful reviews I just cannot wait to post it. So - if you absolutely need to know what happens next - read it now, and if you hate typos and want to read it when it is all nice and polished wait for a day, because I promise to read it through later in the day and correct what I can.
Edit: Well, I have done what I could, if you notice something else, please point it out, and I will try to correct it.
Edit 2: Many thanks for YenGirl who beta-read my story once again. And besides, I adore your reviews, dear!
If anyone would wonder about the female appearing midway in the chapter, she's the remnant of 'Solitaire' plotline, and will appear later in that story.
Yay, it is my first completed multipart story, and - on the topic of reviews - you know, I like them actually, though I want to thank everyone who favourited and story-alerted as well.
Takuma only managed to doze in the late afternoon, the alarm gnawing at his guts as he lay listening for the slightest sound to come from the neighboring room – but there was none, not even the familiar outburst of Kaname's aura, just a dark sense of foreboding lingering in the tense silence.
His grandfather – as expected – had only informed him about the event when it was time to dress up for it and chose to do so through his secretary, which was only for the best, since Takuma wasn't sure he could pretend previous ignorance face to face with the head of the Ichijou clan.
The drive was thankfully short and Kaname throughout it kept a somber yet superficially relaxed pose, but Ichijou – practiced by now to read the almost imperceptible signs - was uneasily aware of how close to the surface the pureblood's aura swirled, closer than ever he'd allowed in public, to the point that the younger vampire wondered if his grandfather who seemed to watch the pureblood as avidly, could also see the silent struggle that Kaname fought behind the nonchalant face.
The function turned out as bad as it sounded if not worse - Takuma had only been to a couple of soirees before, and even then he had been struck by how entirely false everybody's smiles were - now he struggled valiantly not to cringe at each new bout of insincere condolences that Kaname had to accept with forced grace, and his hand fairly twitched with the need to touch the pureblood as if he could thus transmit a part of his strength towards his strained looking friend. Only he couldn't – not with his grandfather watching them like a hawk, while skillfully guiding his charges through the whirling and chattering throng.
After about half an hour, Takuma claimed he needed to go to the restroom, and though it was a truth it still seemed as a betrayal – leaving Kaname alone with only Asato as his... jailer rather than guardian... and when Takuma looked at his own face in the bathroom mirror, it looked almost as pale and drawn as the young pureblood's as if by merely standing beside him, he bore a part of the same strain.
Coming out of the restroom, Takuma stopped at the first story balustrade to find where his grandfather and Kaname had wandered to by now. Not that they were hard to locate – from above especially, it looked like the whole ballroom rotated around the axis formed by a tall blonde noble and the slender black-clad pre-adolescent by his side. And it certainly looked just as Kaname predicted - as if he was a piece of merchandise, a precious possession showcased for others to envy, the ultimate show of power that the Council had over the last representative of the clan that had once been kings for the whole vampire race.
"Poor Kana-chan," a female voice said not far behind Takuma's back, "you must find it especially distasteful to have to go through that".
He whirled around immediately to see a lonely female leaning gracefully on the balustrade, as her eyes followed Kaname in his slow walk through the crowd, a faint smile playing upon her full lips. She seemed pretty young – no more than twice Takuma's age, but all his senses cried out that she was a pureblood (his grandfather had mentioned gleefully that a few other pureblood families were expected to attend the party) and with their regenerative abilities – once grown up to full height, they could look exactly as young or mature as was their wish.
The words she said just before sounded as if she commiserated for Kaname's plight, but once again – as usually with his grandfather – Takuma seemed to perceive a double meaning behind the on the surface concern – a hidden malicious sarcasm and almost unconcealed gloating, as if the pureblood damsel was thoroughly enjoying herself. The younger vampire blushed angrily when her eyes turned suddenly in his direction, catching him with all the distaste clearly readable on his way too honest face. Nor could he suppress the shiver of sharp recoil when the pureblood suddenly appeared much closer and her hand cupped his head from behind with the strength he couldn't (and dared not) fight.
"And who do we have here?" The damsel chirped, something predatory clearly showing behind the amused smile. "You would be Ichio-kun's grandson, would you not? I can smell your bloodline… umm… so many purebloods in it… delectable… Such a cute child!.. And already fallen to Kana-chan's charm… Well, in this case…"
***
The present day Takuma slipped momentarily out of his memories, rubbing his right temple where it seemed a mild headache was brewing, and wondered why that encounter never before had come back when he thought of that night – it seemed an important thing to remember, didn't it? But even now the pureblood woman's face escaped his memory – he only seemed vaguely aware that it looked familiar, as if he had met her on more occasions than one – only he couldn't be sure exactly where and when…
Ah, he wished that Shiki was there so that he could tell him about it… Somehow he didn't think that Aidou would understand or even have the patience to hear him out now…
***
Whenever Takuma previously recalled the events of that night, his memory skipped altogether over the whole getting down from the restroom period, as if he just magically appeared by his grandfather's side once again, with Kaname gone now – maybe using the same pretense he'd used earlier to step aside from the limelight for a much needed reprieve, and Takuma couldn't even remember if he returned before or after the pureblood left.
What he did remember though, was his grandfather conversing quietly with a pair of other Council officials, one word – 'sacrifice' – catching Takuma's attention and making him stiffen in incredulous anger – couldn't they leave Kaname alone with those sacrifices – at least for tonight?
His anger burned so bright that for the first time in all his life he tried to confront the Ichijou patriarch as soon as the Council nobles disappeared into the crowd.
"Grandfather," he pleaded urgently, "the sacrifices do not help Kaname-sama! He only feels worse for them!"
He knew that he had lost, when Ichio's hand pressed heavily onto his shoulder and the old vampire bent low towards his ear, hissing with a venom that Takuma had never before been subjected to from his side, "Don't you dare attract attention to yourself, Takuma! I feel I have made a mistake by bringing you here tonight - you are way too young for an occasion like this... That's why - you will leave back to home. Immediately! As to the question you asked – the sacrifice is a great honor for Kaname-sama, the one he has to accept… and anyway – accepting it is better for him than to be considered fallen into dangerously uncontrollable grief…"
Thus, Takuma found himself driven home; alone, harshly dismissed (though he was thankful at least that no one could actually hear what the two Ichijous' exchange was all about), and feeling as if by speaking out unthinkingly he had only betrayed Kaname again.
Upon arrival he tried to shut himself in his own room, but felt too restless for it and settled to wait on the top step of the staircase, straining his ears for the sound of the returning car.
Was his grandfather right? Was his friend slowly sliding into uncontrollable grief? And if so – how could he help Kaname to switch out of this dangerous state? Still, Takuma was sure that the sacrifices were not the option, they only deepened the desperation instead of relieving it, pushing the pureblood further and further towards the point of no return…
Takuma must have dozed off a little despite the uncomfortable pose, because he almost missed the arrival, woken up only by the sound of footsteps – not two flights below from him. Glancing down through the railing he was shocked by the sight of listless, vacant eyed pureblood being veritably dragged by his grandfather up the steps. He would've expected to be engulfed by Kaname's desolate aura by now, but there was not a sign of it – just his grandfather's one, pulsing wickedly with anger mixed with gleeful disdain, and Takuma had barely time to sneak back into his room... or what he thought to be his room, realizing too late that in stepping hastily backwards – his eyes trained on the staircase all the time - he had misjudged the distance and barged into Kaname's chamber instead...
Anyway, it was too late to change this now, and he stood back and tried to conceal his presence as best he could just in time to hear Asato address the pureblood outside the door, his voice harsh and commanding and lacking even a token submissiveness or respect, "Go in and clean yourself up now," followed by the sound of his retreating steps.
The door creaked softly as the other boy entered his room. He walked slowly to the bed and sat at the very edge without acknowledging Takuma's presence in any way to the point that Takuma was unsure if Kaname had seen or sensed him at all. He should've, shouldn't he? Standing as he was in the far corner by the window, the younger vampire was clearly visible from where the pureblood sat, and even if not - he knew from experience that Kaname was capable to sense him through doors and walls, and yet – the other boy was so very concentrated on something within himself that Takuma wasn't certain anything of the outside did register in his senses.
Well, at least he seemed calm and contemplative, albeit it was a strange kind of calm – much like a primed-up mine waits harmlessly for someone to step on it, much like a hydrogen filled balloon waits harmlessly for a lighted match – something in the very nature of that calm spoke of destruction and catastrophe, and Takuma hesitated to approach his friend, fearing to be the last straw to send him over the precipice whereon the pureblood seemed to be precariously balancing.
The moments ticked off with the young noble standing still as a statue half-shrouded in shadows, and Kaname sitting as immobile on the edge of his bed, his gaze fixed on his own hands lying limply palms up on his knees.
From where Takuma stood he could see that the hands, as well as the cuffs that the slender wrists protruded from, as well as the shirtfront of the fancy dress shirt (so blazingly white only the previous evening...) were covered with ugly brown spots of already dried blood. Some of it seemed even smeared around his lips and chin, but the pureblood was either unaware of it or didn't bother to try and wipe it away.
Slowly, slowly as if it was moving through water, Kaname raised his right hand, and Takuma held his breath in horror as he saw the index finger elongate into a sharp pointed claw and draw a crimson line along the vein in the pureblood's own left wrist. A sweet, tender and spicy, infinitely alluring aroma drifted towards the window where the noble stood, its draw so strong that if he wasn't so worried for his friend right now, even he might've fallen under the spell of a lustful thirst for this precious blood. As it was, Takuma watched with silent mortification as Kaname raised the wounded wrist over his head, letting the blood drip softly into his own mouth, then brought it down impatiently to bit down hard, his fangs burying deeply and cruelly into his own flesh.
A vampire cannot feed on his own blood – that much even Takuma knew, and he felt his body unfreeze from the shock that had held him stuck to the spot, and – not caring anymore on whether he'd make the situation worse or not - Ichijou rushed to his friend, gently freeing his arm from the bloodied fangs, getting a clean tissue from the nightstand to put over the ragged wound and clamping his own hand tightly over it to staunch the bleeding.
Kaname didn't seem to oppose him in any way. No, he sat just as listlessly as before, and though Takuma noticed that his eyes were completely red – not the deep mahogany red of their usual color, but the crimson that the vampire eyes only turned to when one was suffering from an extreme thirst or was prepared to unleash one's powers – the pureblood didn't show any other outward signs of either, he seemed… yes, again – he seemed calm,even though the young noble's hands could sense the urgent vibrations of his aura beating darkly and powerfully against its body confines. And his eyes – blood-red that they were - looked soft and a little lost into Takuma's face, the confusion and sadness in them reaching out into the young vampire's heart to bring on a surge of protectiveness like nothing he'd ever felt.
"It's bland…" came out of half-opened blood-smeared lips with such amazement as if it was a god knows what revelation that a vampire's blood had no taste for himself, "blander than the human one… blander than the blood tablets… Isn't it strange that something that drives some people towards such lustful craving… that can be a salvation for others… cannot even save myself… such a stupid useless thing…"
He wiped his mouth as if he couldn't stand whatever of his own blood was left on his lips, only succeeding in smearing it over the dried remains of his previous feeding, and Takuma almost stood up from his kneeling position before Kaname to bring a wet towel from the bathroom and clean his face, but stopped as the pureblood continued in the same even, matter-of-fact tone as if he was relating something completely and utterly insignificant - a boring piece of information, no more:
"They would gather around to watch me feed, and all the time I knew they were imagining themselves burying their fangs in my neck – to get at my blood…"
"Kaname!" Takuma cried out as his mind – running in futile circles in search of a possible reason for the state that his friend was in – had finally stumbled onto a horrible possibility, "They didn't… did they?"
"Bite me?.." The pureblood shook his head lightly. "They wouldn't dare… There is a law against it, did you know? Against spilling a pureblood's blood…" He chuckled with what was meant to sound as dry amusement, but it came out more like a little gasp as the tremors of aura inside his body seemed to amp up another notch. "I wish they did though…" He added simply. "I wish they'd drunk my blood and be done with it… Would be so much better than have innocents suffer on my behalf…"
The relief that Takuma felt upon Kaname's initial words turned into so much more confusion. He knew he was missing something, some important thing that would explain everything... all those questions that had plagued him for so long.... and he couldn't help his friend unless he understood what was wrong.
"Kaname," he pleaded urgently, "I know you're speaking about sacrifices, but I must be stupid, because I do not see your problem with them. Surely their minds are wiped afterwards, and all they suffer is a little anemia and a set of curious cuts on their necks?.." His words ran out to a whisper as his eyes settled on the front of Kaname's shirt – there was quite a lot of blood splattered on it, could a person live after losing that much? – and his eyes when he raised them questioningly to Kaname's own held something akin to fear as he waited for the pureblood to reply.
"Just how many lessons have you passed when your grandfather was not at home, Ichijou-kun?" The question held a note of tender teasing, as if the very ignorance that Takuma had apparently shown just now was something that Kaname both cherished and couldn't afford himself. "I am a pureblood. Do you know what happens to humans who are bitten by one?"
"They… they turn to vampires!" Takuma remembered. But for the life of him he still couldn't understand what could be so bad about it that Kaname would seriously prefer to be bitten himself.
"Two thirds of them die, actually, so the statistic says… their bodies turning allergic to their own vampire blood… a quick death, though painful… the percentage seemed to be better before… our species are growing further apart as the time goes…"
The voice sounded cold, scientific almost... but Takuma's hands still holding onto Kaname's wrists felt how the vibrations – having slackened partially but a moment ago – were now slowly and surely gathering momentum, as if they were nearing a point of terrible resonance where nothing and nobody could control them anymore.
"The other third… those who live through the change… regardless of how kind… and good… and wonderful people they were... would gradually and inevitably turn into nothing more but bloodthirsty monsters… insane with thirst… not the vampires as you know them… but level E… nothing better than slaughtering animals… hunted by their own kind and our kind alike…
"Unless… unless they are given the blood of their original master… the one who created them…
"But they wouldn't let me!.. Those Council fools… they say they cannot allow me to spill my precious blood recklessly while I'm still underage and in their charge… Indeed... how could they… how could they allow me to share a drop of my blood with a mere ex-human… when it is something they crave so bitterly… and cannot have?"
Kaname paused for a moment, his breath coming in short, urgent gasps, but continued almost immediately, rushing the words as if he wanted, needed to get it all out while he still had the minimum control over himself.
"They wouldn't even tell me which ones of them had died… and which haven't… It only takes a few minutes to know if the toxic reaction had set in… but they wouldn't let me wait for it… they would drag them off immediately as soon as I stop…
"They say – it's for my own good… so that I do not face the temptation of draining them completely… And the worst of it…" He was shuddering now, his eyes alternately closing, then opening again to scan the room feverishly, to slide unseeingly over Takuma's face… "The worst is – that they are right!.. I would've probably drained them… The more I grieve for them…the more I see their faces throughout the day… every time I close my eyes… the more I abhor what I'm forced to do… the less control I have over myself when they put them before me… bound and drugged… with their necks… oh so conveniently… already pricked open…
"Tonight… the first person they brought in… I almost ripped his throat out… I ripped his throat out and I drained him… I know… I… my conscious mind tells me that it doesn't matter… his life was forfeit… anyway… as soon as I touched my fangs to it… but what does it tell me about myself?!... What am I becoming, Takuma?!... A bloodthirsty monster… no better than level Es that I'm creating!.. worse than level E, since I cannot even claim complete insanity as my saving grace!..
"I stood there… I stood there after they dragged the corpse away… and all I could think… was that I wanted to kill them... everybody… all those smirking Elders… to sate both my hunger… and my rage… And I could too… It was so hard to stop myself… to remind myself that they will only proclaim me mad… lock me up as they locked the Hiou princess… even though… if I have indeed become that bloodthirsty beast… it wouldn't matter anymore… if I've become that uncontrollable monster… then all I hold dear is already lost for me… and safer that way…"
His voice ran off in a hopeless whisper, but the shudders continued to convulse through his body, stronger and stronger, until they stopped suddenly… and then – it seemed to Takuma that the entire house shuddered instead - everything that was glass or breakable inside the room turning into a whirlwind of shards, everything that was movable – including himself – flung forcibly into the walls. And only Takuma's vampire speed allowed him to put his hands over eyes to avoid the flying debris (Well, he thought remotely, he supposed that the eyes would heal eventually as would any other wound, but he'd rather not have to prove it personally…)
The commotion died as suddenly as it began, and almost immediately Takuma felt a press of trembling fingers upon his shoulder. He lowered his own hands to see Kaname bent over him, his face reflecting genuine concern.
"Takuma!.. Ichijou-kun!.. I'm sorry for this… Are you…"
…alright?.. Miraculously, he was, as the young noble knew as soon as he tried to raise himself from his half-sitting, half-lying position beside the wall. Granted, he sported a large assortment of bruises and minor cuts, but those would heal in no time.
"Sure, I'm fine..." He stopped abruptly, when he noticed that Kaname was backing away from him, eyes blazingly red and horrified, and both hands clutching at the collar of his shirt as if it was strangling him.
"Ichijou-kun… Get out of here… Now!.. Please…" The pureblood doubled over, holding onto the bedpost, and Takuma saw his nails leave scratches in the hard oak. "Please…"
Later it seemed to Takuma that everything happened in an instant. Though he'd never felt more than just the mildest pangs of the bloodlust himself, he somehow immediately understood the state that his own blood, drying in drops and rivulets over the already closing cuts, had plunged the pureblood into. And even before his mind had consciously acknowledged the decision, his legs were already carrying him to the other boy and his hands were ripping his own collar aside, exposing the collarbone.
"Drink!"
"No…" Kaname's nails dug deeper into the wood, but Takuma would have no refusing.
"Drink from me, Kaname!" He kneeled before the pureblood, bringing his neck tantalizingly close to his down-turned face. "You need not feel guilty about it – you won't turn me, I am a vampire. And you won't drain me either, my blood is too thick, it will satisfy your thirst better than human one ever can. Drink from me, so that you need not drink from them!"
He raised his finger, ready to slice the skin himself if he had to, but found his hand being taken gently away, Kaname kneeling beside him in one fluid movement, and then the fangs pierced quickly and painfully through his flesh.
The pain subsided quickly, leaving just a slightly tender and raw feeling of something foreign present inside his neck, and the sensation of his own blood being sucked urgently was even strangely exciting. Takuma put his arms around Kaname as much to support the other as himself, and felt the soft shudders of the other's back against his hands – but they were different from before… They were, as he thought vaguely - the world swirling dizzyingly before his eyes - the sign of tension finally sipping out of his friend's body even as Takuma's blood was gulped in…
"You are a fool, Ichijou-kun. I could've drained you!"
The lids felt heavy over his eyes, and when he finally gathered enough resolution to lift them, he found himself lying over the covers on Kaname's bed, the familiar dark reddish-brown eyes looking at him with angry concern. Takuma didn't mind anger, in fact he felt quite happy, because it was definitely the most relaxed Kaname than he had seen since their childhood, who was currently glaring at him.
"You didn't." Takuma stated matter-of-factly.
"I didn't, but still it was a foolish thing to do."
"I trusted you."
Kaname looked at him seriously, a little troubled frown creasing his brow.
"Then you trusted me more than I trust myself."
"It was easy," Takuma chuckled despite his best intentions to sound serious as well. "You have more freaking control than anyone I've ever met… I mean it!.." he protested urgently when he saw another frown.
"I wish the humans that I murdered could testify as much…"
"Kaname," Ichijou knew that whatever the efforts – he shouldn't allow Kaname to slip back into the evil circle of bloodlust and guilt. "Don't think of them! Please! Think of the bright side – think of those you can spare now, or better still," the little imp inside Takuma made him smile broadly before continuing, "better still – think of the faces of my grandfather and all those Elders, when you tell them that you do not need the sacrifices anymore and prove it too!.. Eh?"
Kaname looked at him thoughtfully, and then an answering smile spread upon his face: "Yes… I'm terribly sorry, Sirs, but it seems that my uncontrollable grief has dissipated miraculously overnight."
A little giggle escaped first one boy and then the other, and quite suddenly they were both laughing their heads off, squirming in bed and clutching their aching sides until both were completely breathless.
"Do you think I can do it?" Kaname asked seriously out of the blue, and Takuma knew he was thinking again about the evening and the sacrifices that he would be faced with and have to refuse.
"Of course, you can!" He, personally, didn't have any doubts, but - spoken like this - the answer seemed too quick, too easy, he knew that the pureblood wouldn't be able to accept it readily. "Look, if any time during the day – you feel like you are not sure, you only need to drink from me again."
"No," Kaname shook his head vigorously, "that's not an option! I drained you too much!"
"I will be alright. Really, I will be alright as soon as I go down to the kitchen. The household staff has always been there for me whenever I needed feeding. They won't even think twice about it, and as soon as I've fed I will be as good as new. Kaname," he implored, "you do not have to bear it alone. Promise me that you will ask for my help if you need me."
The pureblood was silent for a long time, gazing up on the canopy over the bed.
"I will try to remember that," he finally answered solemnly.
Both boys lay silently for some time after that and Takuma started drifting off to sleep, when he heard Kaname speak up again.
"You know, any normal pureblood… the kind that they are trying to make me into… would have erased all your memories of this night… because a pureblood must not allow anyone to see his weakness…"
"I will never betray you," Takuma meant the words, not because he was afraid of the prospect of brainwashing (somehow he never believed Kaname would talk about it if he intended to go through with this plan), he just meant them. He only wondered if the promise coming like this – slurry with sleepiness, Kaname would believe him… But he was wrong…
"I know," Kaname turned away and after a longish pause and something that sounded suspiciously as a resigned sigh added in an almost inaudible whisper, "I guess I trust you too…"
***
The present day Takuma let his fingers slip from the shoulder of his sleeping friend… Such solemn words they exchanged back then…
And then, of course, Kaname still tried to shoulder all the responsibility alone and take the burden first and foremost upon himself. It was just against his nature to do otherwise, and with time Takuma had grown to accept it without questioning, and almost forgot that his friend was not almighty – until now that is…
Much worse was that he himself was forced to betray Kaname – in actions if not in heart – or else leave Shiki to perish by Rido's unpredictable whim. It was a difficult choice, and even if its result was inevitable – Kaname back then could better care for himself, than Shiki helplessly trapped inside his own body – Ichijou couldn't but feel bitter about the necessity of this betrayal at all.
The fight with his grandfather – for both his present deeds and past was Takuma's way to atone for it. And even though he remembered the fight itself and especially its aftermath as if through a haze, one thing that kept him stolid as a beacon at the end of the deep dark void were Kaname's words: "The only Ichijou in my eyes are you, anyway". And the hope that their friendship wasn't forfeit for good.
"Rest safely, Kaname," Takuma whispered so softly that neither the sleeping pureblood nor Aidou, waiting for him in the brightly lit kitchen, could hear his words. "I will watch over you, just like in old times. You'd probably laughed me off, if you heard it - but there is no shame – even for a pureblood- to be weak once in a while before your friends."