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What was that about? Neela thought. He couldn't seem to get out of here fast enough just now when the future came up she worried.
He had said that they needed to talk but why not now? Why later? What about? What was Ray hiding?
Neela got up off the bed and decided to get dressed in her running gear while she waited for Ray to finish up in the shower. She thought to herself that she
would respect Ray's wishes, just for today and leave it be. She was not going to push the issues of the future or where their relationship may be headed.
Not today anyways. Although she knew thoughts of it and Ray's reluctance to discuss things just now with her would plague her throughout the day, she
was just going to have to push it out of her mind for now. Maybe she was just being paranoid, jumping to the conclusion that Ray was hiding something.
Okay, so today we keep it light and simple, enjoy this time together.
Neela thought to herself but more so tried to embed this philosophy in her head as she got dressed. Obviously he cared deeply for her or he wouldn't have
gone through all of the effort to plan this special visit. However, Neela couldn't help a nagging feeling that was coming from deep down within her, that
something... not quite sure what but something was just too good to be true right now. It seemed as though all of the cards were finally falling into place
but things between Ray and Neela were never this easy or simple. Neela had been down this road before. She had let go of her inhibitions and done
something absolutely crazy on a whim. She had married Michael. She knew people around her must have thought she was absolutely nuts but she
believed that Michael truly loved her and was dedicated to a future with her in Chicago. Then Michael dropped the bombshell on her that he wanted or
more so needed to go back to Iraq. She was devastated that after all she had invested in her new marriage her husband was willing to leave her to fight in
a war she did not even understand. Ray isn't Michael and Michael wasn't Ray... at all, Neela reminded herself frowning and slipping on her running shoes
still deep in thought.
"Hey, looks like you're all set to go" Ray said warmly as he re-entered the room his hair still wet from the shower, he was also dressed for a jog.
"So, uhh I guess we'll take my car, my running prosthetics are in the trunk" he said as he smiled at her.
"Umm okay, ready whenever you are" Neela looked up at Ray and feigned a smile, hoping to hide some of the distress and confusion swirling around in her mind at the moment.
Snap out of it Neela. Enjoy this time.
She reminded herself as she continued to smile at Ray. She turned and headed for the front door.
"Right behind you" Ray stated. He took a deep breath as soon as Neela turned her back to him and allowed the breath the escape his mouth in a steady exhale as his shoulders shrunk.
She's upset, way to go Barnett.
He thought to himself as he followed her out. He knew a fake smile from Neela when he saw one, and by all accounts she had just given him one.
"Here" Ray extended his arm out towards Neela and shook his water bottle at her.
"Thanks, I'm all out" Neela took a drink of water from his bottle.
"Phew, that was great eh?" Ray cocked his head to the side and looked at Neela as he opened his trunk to switch his prosthetics.
"Yes. Refreshing" Neela struggled for words as she diverted her eyes from Ray out towards Lake Michigan.
It had been a fairly quiet run. Not much talking, just their two bodies moving in unison together. Neela's mind was miles away as she ran beside Ray. Ray's
mind was on the tiny body running in unison next to his. He noticed on the drive over to the trail Neela had been very quiet and shifty. Whenever he would
look over at her and make eye contact she would offer a weak smile and then gaze out the window. Now that they had finished their exercise the silence
between them was even more awkward. Normally they would be chatting and there would be some flirtatious banter between the two of them about
who had really kept up with who and who had lagged behind. Instead there was nothing. The wonderful events of the previous night seemed a distant
memory as they allowed a bridge of tension to build between them.
"Umm I'm gonna jump in" Neela pointed to the front of the car and didn't wait for Ray to respond as she took off to jump into the passenger seat.
"Okay" Ray said softly, confused as she walked away abruptly. He finished and closed up the trunk of the car and slid into the driver's seat and turned his
key to start the ignition. He cleared his throat. Neela pretended to be occupied having another drink of water from Ray's water flask.
"Thirsty?" Ray asked in a feeble attempt to make conversation.
"Mmm yah." Neela murmured while still sipping on the bottle.
"Okay so where to boss?" Ray said, thinking all of this tension was just silly and trying to break the ice.
"Oh, I dunno... I mean you want to just enjoy the day right... I don't want to suggest anything that may put any pressure on you or make you uncomfortable" Neela shot back unexpectedly, it seemed she'd finally reached a breaking point,
So much for keeping things light today she cursed herself.
"What? Where did that come from?" Ray asked perplexed.
"Well, I mean you wanna just have fun right? nothing too serious? So you tell me what do you want to do?" Neela shot back again her voice dripping with sarcasm.
Why am I doing this? She asked herself after the hurtful words had left her mouth.
"Neela..." Ray pleaded looking at her with sadness in his eyes. He reached out to rub her arm and she quickly ripped her arm away from his touch.
"You know what, I think I would just like to go back to my place if you don't mind" she said coldly turning to once again look out the window.
"I don't understand... what did-, what's changed since this morning?" Ray asked genuinely concerned.
"You really have no idea...? You are unbelievable" Neela spat out angrily turning to face him.
Now there's no turning back.
"But-"Ray began only to be cut off by Neela,
"Home, I'd like to go home NOW".
Ray sighed and began to drive. It was a long, uncomfortable and very quiet drive home. As Ray pulled up in front of Neela's apartment and parked his car,
she quickly began to undo her seatbelt and opened the door to exit.
"Can I come up?" Ray asked apprehensively.
"Ray, where else are you going to go? Your stuff is upstairs in my place" Neela retorted back very matter of factly.
"Right" Ray replied dejectedly.
He followed her up to her apartment and had to catch the front door as she almost slammed it in his face. She whipped off her jacket and headed to the
kitchen without a word.
"Okay. That's it, what exactly did I do? Cause' obviously I've done something to upset you, Neela... Please?"
Ray questioned as he still stood frozen by the front door.
"Oh, you still have no idea? what could have possibly upset me?" Neela prodded glaring at him with raised eyebrows.
Why couldn't I just let it go, for one day, one day! Neela scolded herself in her mind.
It seemed the jogging and fresh air had only fuelled the fire in her with regard to her confusion and insecurities and had provided her with ample time to
sort through all of the doubts and fears that were suddenly swimming around in her mind regarding her relationship with Ray. And now, she was simply
lashing out at Ray. She was doing exactly what she had promised herself she wouldn't do today, reacting hastily to Ray's comments from that morning.
Her face was frozen in anger; she glared at him with flaming eyes.
"No, Neela. Actually I don't, why don't you just cut the crap and tell me" Ray retorted now getting irritated himself.
"Oh sorry to be such a pain in the ass, excuse me for wanting to know there is a future for us" Neela opened the fridge and momentarily turned her back to Ray. She wasn't even looking for anything in there. She slammed the door shut and whipped back around and almost spun right into Ray. He had crossed the apartment and minimized the space between them. He braced her arms to steady her. She refused to look up at him.
"You know, if you don't want to be with me, I'd appreciate it if you would just tell me now" Neela said very quietly staring at Ray's chest.
"What?" Ray said sincerely shocked, ducking his head down to look into her eyes. She averted his eye contact.
"Well you said earlier that you didn't want to discuss things right now, didn't want to talk about us... I can just assume that's because you don't want to be with me." Neela mumbled the words too hard to speak.
"Last night, was beautiful. But you don't see a future for us... be honest Ray" Neela finally looked up into his eyes.
Ray leaned in and kissed her, his kiss was full of passion and frustration.
How can she not know that I love her and want to be with her.
"Ray... Stop it! I'm being serious, I've been through this before. One day you say you love me and the next thing I know you're gone" Neela spat out as she pushed him away and broke the kiss.
"What! Neela you can't punish me for what other people have done to you, don't do this" He exclaimed, knowing that she was referring to her past with Michael Gallant.
"Neela, I love you, and you love me it's as simple as that... all I asked for was one day Neela, just one day and you couldn't even give me that!" Ray's voice was raised now as he smashed his fists down on the kitchen counter.
"All I ask is that you don't waste my time Ray... I sacrificed a lot for you" Neela said out of anger.
"YOU have sacrificed a lot for ME?!" Ray retorted he was now furious, and pacing.
"I can't do this right now, I just can't" Ray raised his hands in surrender and frowned at Neela while shaking his head side to side. He turned and headed towards the front door.
"I think we both need some space right now... I'll leave you to reflect on what you just said" Ray said upset and hurt both feelings conveyed in his voice as he started to head for the front door of the apartment turning once more to look back at Neela as he shook his head in disbelief before disappearing and slamming the front door behind him.
What have I done? Neela paused for a moment and then ran to the front door, looked down the hall and shouted
"Ray, wait". But he was gone. He was gone and it all her fault.