Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any of its characters, but the ones I make up are mine. :P:P

A/n: Hope you guys like this chapter.

For Aussie: Have fun on your vacation!! I hope this starts it off with a bang!

Chapter 12

Thump, thump, thump…Sara reached over and grabbed the extra pillow, pulling it over her head. It muffled the sound coming from the room next door, but the rhythmic banging continued, accompanied by the occasional moan. Sara groaned and burrowed further under the covers.

She'd been awakened by a particularly loud bang some fifteen minutes before and a look at the clock had informed her that it was barely past five in the morning. This wake up call was particularly unwelcome due to the fact that she hadn't fallen asleep until after two. For the last ten minutes she'd debated whether or not she should just get up, but she figured that this couldn't go on much longer and she'd be able to go back to sleep.

Thirty minutes later Sara hurriedly stepped into a pair of sneakers and grabbed her jacket. She made her way down the stairs and away from the high-pitched squeals coming from room five. She had just stepped into the hall when the smell of freshly brewed coffee reached her nose.

She hesitated, but the lure of caffeine overruled her misgivings and she headed back to the kitchen. The first difference she noticed was the swinging door between it and the hall. It had always been a standard door when she'd lived there. That was nothing, however, compared to what the inside was like. The room was ultra modern. The metal cabinets that used to wrap around two walls had been torn out and in their place were glass fronted black lacquered cabinets on only one wall. The chipped linoleum floor had been replaced with black and white tiles, and all the appliances had been removed and replaced with state of the art, stainless steel ones. Even the counters had undergone changes. The single sink had been replaced with duel sinks, and the counter tops had been replaced with black, white veined marble.

Sara's eyes went to the spot where her father had died, she was afraid she'd still see him lying there in her mind, but all she saw was the new dishwasher. She was thankful that she'd truly moved past her father's death.

A door on the other side of the room swung open and Sara jumped. Rona walked in and smiled at her. "Up and about early this morning?"

"Well, it's not what I had planned, but the jungle noises coming from the room next to mine made it impossible for me to sleep any longer." Sara gave a rueful smile and gestured toward the door behind her.

Rona shrugged apologetically. "Sorry about that, but it couldn't be helped. I'd originally put the Whites in room two, but around three this morning I was awoken by a knock on my door. Seems the newlyweds got a little boisterous and their bed collapsed on them." She shrugged and walked over to the coffeepot. "I didn't have another room that was ready for guests, I'm sorry your sleep was interrupted."

Sara laughed. "Well, it doesn't seem to have thrown them off."

"I guess I'm just used to it. I've come upon my share of amorous couples around the place. In my line of business it's to be expected." She took a coffee cup out of the cabinet and lifted it in question.

Sara nodded, and then accepted the steaming cup of coffee. She inhaled the nutty aroma and sipped it. "Mmm, hazelnut," she murmured.

Rona smiled. "This is my personal stash. I'm afraid it'll be a couple of hours before breakfast is ready."

"That's okay; I'll just walk around for a bit-after my coffee." Sara pulled a stool out from the island in the center of the room and sat down.

Rona watched her. "Did you have any luck in town yesterday? Finding your mother?"

Sara sighed and shook her head. "Not yet."

"Listen, I was giving this some thought and I think it might be a good idea if you tried to find her through the Internet. It's amazing what you can Google these days." Rona hopped up on a stool next to Sara.

Sara laughed. "Oh, I thought of that. I've just been putting it off." Sara's eyes wandered to the corner of the kitchen.

"Well, Darlin, if you don't want to see her, why are you looking?" Rona asked.

"See, Rona, there's the rub. It's not something I WANT to do; it's something I HAVE to do." Sara looked at her. "See, my mother pretty much ruined my childhood and… well, I've let her actions dictate most of my decisions in my adult life. Oh, I'm not saying that I hate my life, actually it's pretty damn good, but… but something happened a few months ago, something that made me realize that I've been hiding. I tried to ignore it, tried to get on with my life as if everything were normal, but with each day the pressure built." Sara stared earnestly into Rona's eyes. "See, my mother killed my father. In fact, she killed him in this very kitchen, and before that, she… she would hit him, and generally be abusive to him, but he stayed with her. In… in the last few months I've found myself alternately getting angry and wanting to lash out, and feeling like I was in a fog, feeling nothing. In my job it's easy to burnout…"

Rona watched as the young woman began to cry, the tears slipping silently down her cheeks. Not knowing what to do, she lifted her hand and patted her on the shoulder. Sara dried her cheeks with her hands and sniffed. "I-I think I could have made it. My counselor told me I was suffering from PTSD, and that it would just take time. But something happened during my last case… I-I let my fiancé think it was the case itself that broke me, but- but it was something that happened during the investigation that really put me over the edge.

Sara banged the locker room door closed and sat down on the bench. Ronnie was fooling herself if she thought that offering that woman help would do anything. Sara had seen the look in her eyes. She wouldn't be going anywhere. She'd end up on Doc. Robbins' table one day, and her husband would be in jail, if he didn't kill himself and end up next to her.

She sighed and opened her locker, jumping when the door opened and Greg came in.

"Hey Sara, how's it going?

Sara shrugged. "Fine, I guess."

Greg looked askance at her, but decided to let it go. "So, where's the new girl?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "Probably out trying to save the world."

Greg laughed. "What?"

Sara shook her head. "Nothing, just if she keeps empathizing with the victims she's not going to make it in this line of work."

Greg looked at her, confused. "Sara, you're the master at empathizing with the victim, and you're doing fine."

Sara looked at Greg and all she could see was his goofy grin. She was suddenly gripped with the urge to wipe it off his face, to just pound his face with her fists. Her heart pounding she grabbed her coat and pushed past him.

"Sara, Sara, where are you going?" Greg called.

Sara ignored him and rushed down the hall. She didn't know where she was going but she found herself standing in front of Grissom's office. He looked up and motioned for her to come in, but the image of Greg's battered face, left over from when he'd been beaten up by a gang of kids, but done by her in her mind, swam before her, and she turned and left.

"Things only got worse from there. I took charge of a case concerning a couple of suspects I'd investigated a couple of years before. A brother and sister. The brother had been accused of murder, but the sister said she did it. It caused so much confusion that the brother got off and the sister confessed to me that he had been the killer." Sara sighed and stood.. "This time around he was accused of killing his ex-girlfriend. The sister is a genius, only fifteen and already finished with college, and tremendously jealous of her brothers life without her. She murdered the girl and framed her brother. Her brother, unable to escape his sister, hanged himself. When I told the sister, she broke down… and I didn't feel anything. Nothing." She looked up at Rona, tears streaming down her face once again. "What-what if I'm like my mother?" Sara's heart pounded as she spoke of her worse fear. "What if I get married, to the man I love deeply, and one day I snap and hurt him? I would NEVER want to hurt my friend Greg, but in that moment I just wanted to hit him, over and over. And it scares me. I don't know when my mother began to abuse my father, or why. I never knew my maternal grandmother, what if there's some kind of gene, something that kicks in and makes the women in my family hurt the people they love?"

Rona shook her head. "I don't believe that. And I don't believe you should put this off. You obviously have questions, and your mother is the only one who can answer them. I have a computer in my study, I had the basement converted into an apartment, and you can use it. Maybe you'll find nothing, but you have to try."

Sara nodded, knowing she was right.

TBC…