Okay, so this part is a tad bit angsty, but I felt it was needed - given the situation!

Chapter 5

Where the touch of the lover ends
And the soul of the friend begins
There's a need to be separate and a need to be one
And a struggle neither wins

Time passes so slowly when bad news looms… Jack mused silently, feeling strangely fatalistic, his tears long since dried on his face as he leant an elbow on the bed next to Ianto and rest his head in his hand so he could watch the unmoving form with ease.

The doctors had come to check his brain function about a half hour earlier and they'd told him that, whilst there was still meaningful activity there – whilst he was still recognising sound and touch – there wasn't much else happening.

Jack sighed heavily at the memory of their faces and had decided then that as long as there was hope, there was a way to bring Ianto back to him. If only you'd open your eyes… If you'd just open your eyes, Ianto… Jack thought wistfully, running his fingers over the pale cheek again. Once more, he let his hand drop and clutched Ianto's in his, pressing his lips desperately to the now warm skin for reassurance.

That was when something changed.

This time, as Jack brought his hand back to Ianto's and squeezed it lightly, it squeezed back, gripping him with desperation.

"Ianto?" Jack spoke in a harsh, shocked voice. "Ianto?"

His yell brought Owen running and the medic ripped the curtains back and took in the sight of Ianto's white knuckles, his expression of pain and his racing heart rate. Owen quickly injected a new dose of morphine and his heart rate settled at a normal rhythm and his face smoothed out a little. His hand remained tight around Jack's.

*

A tide of warmth soothed away the majority of the pain in his stomach, but he kept his vice like grip on the familiar hands, knowing somehow that it was keeping him there, keeping him in the darkness. I don't want to be here anymore, he growled at the blackness, I want to be awake, I want to be with Jack, let me GO!

But no matter how hard he pushed at the confines, he couldn't get all the way through, he could partly reach himself, he could feel the cold air on his skin and the warmth of Jack's fingers under his and he could hear them talking, though it still sounded as if it was through water.

"Owen, what's going on?" Jack asked seriously, Ianto smiling inwardly at the authoritative tone in his voice. Somehow, that must've come through, his lips or cheek must've twitched because he heard the grin in Jack's voice as he carried on. "What do you mean 'he's conscious'? He clearly isn't."

"I don't know, these readings keep flickering between what he was an hour ago and what he would be like conscious, almost getting to the right level but slipping back away." Owen was frowning, Ianto could hear it. Owen only frowned when he was truly confused or something terrible was happening.

With renewed effort, he tried to pushed through the barrier and reach out to laugh at Owen, to make some snide remark, to tease him about him incompetence, anything. Come on, please… Just let me go back to them, just let me tell them I'm okay, please! Ianto begged, desperately trying to push through the blackness, to shake himself free.

With a snarl of annoyance, he pushed at it with all the energy he could muster and he found himself in a bright hospital room, surround by his team – all four of them were there, standing over him as he blinked a couple of times before his lids became too heavy.

"Finally…" He murmured with a smile, hearing Jack's laugh of triumph and Gwen's gasp. He could almost hear Tosh's supportive smile and Owen's glower. All too soon though, only seconds later, his energy started to sap away, dragging him back into the darkness, back to the Doctor and the TARDIS.

With everything he could muster, he squeezed Jack's hand once more before he lost all awareness of his body and the hospital room.

*

"Finally…" Ianto murmured, his voice slurring a little on the word as if he had no energy left. Jack couldn't help but laugh in relief as he heard his voice and glimpsed the blue eyes as his eyelids fluttered a couple of times.

But with one more squeeze to his hand, Ianto slipped away, back into the state he'd been for the past twelve hours. Jack felt his heart squeeze once more, painfully reminding him that Ianto was still not there, still gone, still somewhere else. I want you back here, Ianto… please, just come back to me… he begged silently, taking a deep breath and turning back to Owen.

"He's still there, Owen." Jack said with a determined glint in his eye. "He's still there somewhere and we have to work out how to get him back."

*

"Send me back!" Ianto snarled at the Doctor as he woke up in the TARDIS with a spike of pain through his head. "You have to send me back, now!"

"Ianto, calm down. I can't." The Doctor was in front of him as soon as he saw Ianto's eyes glaze over slightly, catching him as he slumped forwards.

"What do you mean?" Ianto asked weakly, desperately trying to keep his eyes open.

"The amount of energy I used was huge and it still didn't quite get you there, correct?" The Doctor looked him closely over, making sure he was all in one piece. Ianto nodded slightly and he sighed. "Well, I'm estimating that it'll need at least double the amount to get you all the way back permanently. I need to try and source it before we try again - and you need to rest."

"No, I don't…" Ianto muttered as he pushed the Doctor away and pulled himself to his feet. He took one step before his knees buckled and the Doctor grabbed him under the arms and supported him through the TARDIS main console room to one of the corridors.

"Come with me… You need to sleep, and I can't think of anywhere better for you that Jack's old bedroom." The Doctor murmured kindly, aware of how much security being remotely closer to Jack would bring him.

They walked slowly to a small bedroom filled with a large double bed, a chest of drawers and a large armchair with a small table next to it, stacked up with books and devices that Ianto didn't recognise. The Doctor eased him onto the bed and smiled at him once more.

"Get some rest, heal the connection and we'll try again when you're fully better." Ianto nodded quietly and took a deep breath. "Try to sleep… I don't know whether it'll happen, but it might help strengthen the bond between your two parts. At this stage, we can't discount anything."

Ianto nodded and thanked him before watching the Doctor leave the room and close the door. It was then that he curled up in the duvet that smelt so like Jack and cried, wishing with his entire being that he could be back at home, that he could stop struggling, for once, to hold his life together.