Yaay, this chapter's a good'un I think... It really links back to the first installment of the series (Just Like a Man) - I hope youy enjoy it :D Thanks for all the supportive comments, guys!

Chapter 6

Where you gave me the world I was in
And a place I could make a stand
I could never see how you doubted me
When I let go of your hand

"Ianto, you could have died! What the hell were you thinking?" Jack snarled at him, his hands gripping the front of the young man's jacket as he slammed him back against his office door. Ianto just looked Jack coolly in the eye and carefully uncurled Jack's fists.

"I was doing my job." He said curtly. "Don't you dare tell me to stop it."

"Why not, why can't I tell you to stop it?" Jack spat angrily, but Ianto just glared at him.

"Because this is my job!" Ianto yelled, his endless calm snapping. Jack flinched away from it in shock. "Because this is my job, Jack. You know exactly what it entails and if you don't like that, then you need to retcon the last three years of my life and leave me in the middle of Mongolia. As long as we're together, you're going to be dealing with this day after day. I'm a grown man and I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions and evaluations in a situation like today."

"Well then maybe we shouldn't be together." Jack snapped. Ianto froze in place and bit on his lip for a moment before nodding slowly.

"If that's what you want, Jack, I won't waste your time any longer." Ianto said politely, leaving the office and Jack behind, waiting until he was out of the Tourist Office and heading across the plass before he let himself start crying …

Ianto woke with a jerk and a gasp, the tears he was dreaming of on his cheeks and soaked into the pillow. His heart was in his throat and his stomach was throbbing, right where the bullet would've entered him.

It had been several days after Christmas, after John's death and Diane's disappearance. Jack had felt the losses deeply, having identified with the three people stuck out of their own time. His temperamental emotional state had snapped once and for all on a complicated recon mission and their already precarious relationship had snapped in two under the strain.

He swallowed hard and hugged one of the pillows closer to him, breathing in the scent and concentrating on pushing the memory of Jack's pained expression away.

Within minutes, he was drifting back into the state where his mind was free. It seemed that without the confines of his real body, he could relive memories, not just remember vague flickers of them. These weren't dreams, they were reality. Or at least, they had been reality.

He'd already relived losing Jack and crying into his coat, then flashing straight to the day where he emerged from the Vaults and kissed him. It had healed the shattered pieces of his heart and given him hope to go on. Even when Jack had disappeared, he thought he'd be okay, despite all the cheating and the heartache.

He didn't like those memories – they were too strong, too painful and too hard to forget. Instead, he concentrated on others, ones where Jack had shown genuine affection and even love. Those rare occasions before he'd disappeared with the Doctor…

"Ianto, you're a mess." Jack stated harshly, frowning at him with his hands on his hips, surveying the scene.

"Sorry, Jack. I just needed to rest for a moment, I was going to clean it up in a minute." Ianto glanced guiltily around his flat, at the dirty plates and the newspapers, the dirty clothes strewn across the floor as he'd dug through the dirty linen to find his keys. He hadn't had the energy to clean up afterwards.

"Ianto, you're a mess. You. Yourself, as a human being." Jack sighed in exasperation and went over to where Ianto was attempting to stuff the washing back in the basket. He eased him up with little resistance from the young man and guided him through to his bedroom, sighing again at the sight of the barely neat bedclothes. The fact that the duvet wasn't smoothed down showed how much pain Ianto was in.

"Jack, please. I need to clean up…" Jack cut him off and wrapped his arms around the young man, kissing him gently, quieting his protest as he lay them down on the covers and the young man let out a shuddering breath and a sigh, curling into Jack's body instinctively.

"You're on leave so you can heal, Ianto." Jack chastised, stroking the back of his neck soothingly. "You were amazing in the Beacons, you stood up to that guy and you saved Tosh… I'm so proud of you, Ianto."

Ianto smiled to himself and closed his eyes, gripping onto the front of Jack's shirt as the other man started to hum something to him. He realised he'd finally done it, he'd finally become a member of the team – an independent, useful member of Torchwood Three, and Jack had helped him do it, even if he'd had reservations about taking him on the trip.

He slowly felt his muscles relax and he was sleeping in a world filled with what he seemed to remember was Glen Miller…

This time, the stabbing pain in his stomach woke him, shooting through his abdomen from the front to the back, though only a small portion of the strength of the pain the original bullet caused. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes as the pain started to fade into the background as a new memory rose unbidden in his mind's eye…

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Ianto's heart was in his throat as he turned slowly to look at Jack, unable to quite believe what he was hearing. It was so unlike the Jack he knew… but then again, it was painfully obvious that the man had changed significantly whilst he'd been away.

"Sure…" Jack said, folding his arms in the way he did when he wanted to feign confidence. Ianto suspected it was when his heart rate accelerated and he had some notion that folding his arms would slow it back down, press it back into a normal rhythm. "You interested?"

Ianto stared at the coffee machine in front of him, his ears ringing with the words. He was frowning, he could tell, and his hands had stopped working. Had Jack really just asked him out on a date? And after everything they'd been through, why was he still screaming 'yes!' in his head? He had Tom after all…

Yes, he had safe, careful Tom who wouldn't hurt him in the way Jack had so callously done in the past. But maybe, when Tom had gone back to London, maybe he could give Jack another chance… Maybe he would've healed enough by then to let him prove himself as he so obviously wanted to do. Ianto mentally shook himself and reminded himself that it would never work. This was Jack they were talking about.

"Not at the moment, Jack." He said quietly, his hands kick-starting back into life. He realised then that he hadn't said a definite 'no'. Maybe his subconscious was trying to tell him something. He looked away from Jack guiltily, but not in time to avoid seeing the pain and sadness on the other man's face.

"I've got to go get an update on the Rift side of my absence from Tosh. Then I'll make a start on my paperwork… I'll call you in if I need you." Jack said quickly, forcing a smile that Ianto saw through in an instant as he hurried away. You fool, Ianto scolded himself before pushing the thought away and starting the process of blocking Jack out of his memories once more.

Somehow, he knew then that it wasn't going to happen. Jack was never going to be a separate person to him again, they'd always have that connection and he wouldn't be able to deny it for long – and a surprising amount of his heart and head was willing him to strengthen that bond…

"Jack!" He woke up with a jolt, the pain in his stomach almost as intense as it had been the night it happened. There were tears on his face and an aching in his bones as he clung to the pillow, a poor replacement for his lover, with his teeth gritted in frustrated agony.