Author's Note: Beware, this is a really long chapter, mind you, the reason it's so long is that I haven't actually been in the mood to write, so i've been writing bits and pieces here and there not really paying attention to how long this was getting. This chapter has been killing me, as has school, but that's beside the point. Anyway, I reread this chapter over and over again and i think it's ok, but i am getting myself a Beta, i just haven't had time to get to really hunt for one, if you want to be my Beta then cool, give me a reveiw, saying you want the job and i'll think on it, you probably get anyway.
I've actually started to write a side story to this, that is set before all this happen, it's about Bella's change and what she did afterwards, so yeah, but I'm not posting that until this it done, groan, which could take forever. So I'm complaining to myself, don't mind me.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy and will review, since your reviews are pretty much what keeps me going on this story and stopping me from starting to write new ones. So yeah, enjoy!
Chapter 15
Scars
Bella's Point of View
I stretched out over the back seat of Alice's bright yellow Porsche, mildly listening to Alice's and Esme's chatter.
Every couple of hours, there was a switch between cars, for those who wanted to talk to others or to get away from others.
Being cramped altogether in one house at one time can be bad enough, but at least you can go out and walk (or run) around and stuff. But when you're stuck in a car, it's kinda hard, considering if you want to keep that car in one piece.
"Bella, are you still alive back there?" Alice asked suddenly, breaking threw my thoughts. She turned around in the drives sit and looked back at me.
"Stop looking at me and watch the road." I command and she laughed, but did as I asked.
I stared out my passenger window at the darkness of night. We'd have to stop when the sun was high in the sky then started going again when the sun set. Ah, the vampire life. Urgh!
"Jasper getting frustrated with Emmett." Alice sighed. Now, that I found confusing. Couldn't Jasper use his gift to make himself not feel frustrated with Emmett or make Emmett less frustrating. Esme sighed.
"And I think Edwards getting bored with them arguing. Why do we have so few cars?" Alice wailed suddenly. I jumped at her wail, unsettling Isis's basket. Isis went a little berserk at waking up suddenly and finding herself in such a strange place and at such a speed. How the police never caught us with the speeds that we go, I have no idea.
"I think we should save the boys from killing each by splitting them up again." Esme sighed, Alice let out a laugh, handing her the phone.
She spoke on the phone for little under a second before hanging up and turning her indicator on (there was no one about, but she still put it on. I don't get that, they don't give a damn about the speed limits anywhere, but they'll do little things, like switching the indicator on when it's not even necessary. Unbelievable.)
We pulled over as before Edward and Carlisle did. Between them all the Cullens' had five cars. They brought three. Apparently they were all going through 'we-want-a-new-vehicle' stage as Esme put it. All her adopted children are car maniacs. Jasper not so much of one, but goes along with it, just because he can, while the others, Edward and Rosalie fighting for first place on who likes cars more. Edward likes to collect cars, while Rosalie likes to tinker around with them.
Me, I couldn't care less.
"Bella, you're going with Edward." Alice said as she prodded me in the shoulder. Esme was already sliding out of the car while Jasper stood patiently beside her door, waiting to get in.
"Huh?"
"Just get out." Alice rolled her eyes. Grumbling, I straighten myself in the seat, gently wrapped my arms around Isis cage and got out of the car.
Esme sent me a sympathetic look as she climbed into Carlisle car along with Emmett.
I stuck my tongue out at Alice, who was beaming at me from her Porsche and stomped to Edward's Volvo. What was it with him and this type of car and its silver too! I frown at this, where had that come from?
"Don't get upset with me, I had nothing do with this." Edward voice suddenly came from my side. I jumped a little and he chuckled.
"Do you want to sit in the back?" he asked me as we walked together to his car. I stared at him blankly.
"For all the stops and switches, you've sat in the back." He explained.
"Only to keep Isis from freaking out! Your family ludicrous speeds is terrifying my cat." I grumbled. To my surprise he laughed. To my even greater surprise, he bent a little so that he could see into Isis basket.
"I humbly apologize for my and my family ludicrous driving and that it freaks you out." He said to the cat within the basket. He was trying very hard to keep a straight face as said this. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"Come on, let's hit the road." I open the back seat door and placed Isis basket safely on the floor, before walking around to the front and climbing into the passenger side and buckled up. Edward got in, chuckling. He was still chuckling as he sped after the other at some illegal speed.
"What?"
"Even as a vampire, you still hate speed." He chuckled.
"Are you making fun of me?" I accused him with narrow eyes. He stared out onto the dark road, trying, unsuccessfully, not to laugh.
"You are." I concluded crankily, pressing myself into the comfy leather seat, crossing my arms firmly across my chest. His mouth switch and some of the laughter he had been trying to hold back came out. Despite the fact that I was trying to be mad at him, I couldn't stay mad at him for long. Even though he was laughing and smiling, his eyes were sad.
We drove in silence, only breaking it when I complained that he was going to fast, which he'd laugh and then would deliberately go faster just to annoy me. We did this so often that in the end, Alice let us over take her so that we could continue the "game" without annoying everyone else.
"So, um…" I started and he started to sped up again. I scowled at him.
"The speed isn't what I'm trying to talk about." I complained. He put on a mocking shocked expression.
"What!? You're not going to complain?"
"Oh, I am, but not right now, now I want to ask you something." I started to feel nervous. It was fun mucking around with Edward, but it was still very hard for me to talk to him one on one about personal matters, maybe because I couldn't remember any of the personal things between us.
He looked away from the road and stared at me; worry his main emotion on his face, though there was curiosity and wariness too.
"When you left… me, what did you do? I mean, actually I don't know what I mean. I guess I'm just curious to know what you did while you were away." I really wanted to backtrack my question, if you could really call it a question, to me it was a jumble up of words trying to form a question but not quite there.
Edward looked away from my face and back at the road. He suddenly chucked without humour.
"Trying to survive is what I did mainly." He said his voice grimmer then I had ever heard it. I frown at him, what did he mean by that?
"I didn't survive very well after I left you. Even after all these years I still struggled to survive without you." He closed his eyes, which in my mind was the most dangerous of things he had done all night, though knowing him, I bet he could drive with his eyes closed, going at top speeds.
We where silent for a moment, before his eyes flared open and fire glowed in his golden eyes. His jaw tighten and he scowled at the road.
"What?" I asked him nervously.
"I wish I had listened to my instincts, to my heart and come back when I knew something must be wrong." He growled.
I looked away from his perfect face and stared out at the road, blaming it for the troubles that had been.
"What happened to me wasn't your fault." I said calmly, though my tone even to me sounded cold.
"In a way it was, if I had thought things through a little more, maybe…" he trailed off.
"Sometimes these things happen." I sighed, looking out my side window. The sun would be soon.
"I know." He whispered and we fell silent.
"This is so BORING!" Alice wailed, bouncing around the woody clearing that we had stopped at, happily in the middle of nowhere.
"Couldn't we have stopped near a shopping centre?" She asked no one in particular.
"And let you spend all the money we brought with us, no thanks." Edward teased. Edward, I was happy to see, was back to his old self. I had been a bit worried that out conversation that morning was going to make him broody, but it hadn't, well not outwardly anyway.
A sniggered went around the clearing, I smiled to myself, I still wasn't totally comfortable being around so many vamps for such a long period of time, but I was getting there.
"Hey Bells, Alice was right, you don't glow in sunlight." Emmett said suddenly, looking thoroughly amused by this discovery. I had been pacing around the clearing and I had just walked into a patch of sunlight. I stopped there and shrugged, feeling shyness creep threw me as all golden eyes focus on me.
"Well, well, that's a talent." Esme smiled at me, I smiled shyly back.
"Not really, but it's convenient because I like the sun, so when I'm in it no one can tell I'm any different from them." I shrugged.
After a while I went over to sit with Esme and she told me what she had been doing threw out her Vampire life. Her life story was quite different from the others in her family, but no less interesting. Being the adoptive mother to four teenaged vampires had its ups and downs, but Esme told me that she wouldn't trade it for the world.
The boys had a wrestling competition around mid day. It was fun to watch, but they needed to be a bit careful of the trees and the amount of noise they made. They got quite noisy at one point. Emmett felt that Jasper had won their fight unfairly and demanded a rematch, which Jasper refused to comply to. It ended up with them fighting anyway, but loudly arguing as they did so. I couldn't help but wonder why Jasper didn't just use his gift to calm Emmett down, then a thought occurred to me, maybe Jasper actually enjoyed winding Emmett up and then bring him crashing down. I grinned at the two, they were going at it again, and Edward was refereeing this match, to keep it "fair". Alice came to sit on one side of me while Esme on the other. I stretched my arms above my head, feeling stiff but completely relaxed. But when I lowed my arms again, my neck started to prickle.
Alice was staring at my left wrist with deep concentration.
"What?" I asked her, she looked up at my face, still frowning and monition for me to hand my wrist over. I surrender my wrist over to her without much thought, I found it was best to just let Alice do what she wanted or she'd make you pay later on.
Alice pushed up the sleeve of my jumper and inspected the leather bracelet on my wrist. The leather band was so old it had faded and I had needed to buy new strings to keep it tied to my wrist. Alice inspected the bracelet with a critical expression on her face.
"Where did you get this?" she asked me, frowning slightly.
I shrugged.
"I've had it since before my change. It was a graduation present." I explained. Alice raised an eyebrow at me.
"You actually accepted a graduation present?" she asked me dryly. I stuck my tongue out at her. Esme chuckled, before getting up to talk to Carlisle about something or other.
I glanced back at the wrestling match; Emmett had won, just, and was boasting loudly. Jasper just let him go; he knew that it would only a matter of time before he won again.
I heard a sharp indrawn breath beside me and my head whipped around, startled, staring at Alice in alarm.
Then I groaned inwardly. Alice had pushed my jumper sleeve up to my elbow and was staring wide eyed at the scars that dragged down my arm.
"Where did you get these?" she hissed at me quietly so that no one else could hear. I chewed my lip unhappily.
Alice Point of View
I was bored, really bored. The boys where being idiots. Rosalie wasn't interested in anything besides listening to her music. Carlisle was absorbed in his book and Esme was talking to Bella. Out of the groups I had a choice to be with, I chose the one that would actually talk back to me with some enthusiasm.
I sat down beside Bella, who grinned at me. She was still shy around us, but she was getting better at being more social. She was very interested in what Esme was telling her about our lives. So interested in fact, that, though not for the first time, I wonder what sort of vampire life Bella had actually lived. She had told me that she hadn't really liked hanging around with other vampires and that other vampires hadn't really wanted to hang around her, but still what had she done with herself over the years, just walked around?... Knowing Bella, probably. This girl really was unbelievable at times, funny, but unbelievable.
Bella stretch her arms above her head absent minded, her thin jumper sliding a little down her arm. I notice something made out of brown leather attached to her left wrist. As she brought her arms down again I stared at her wrist, trying to make out what the brown thing was. Was Bella wearing a bracelet? It seemed hard to believe to me, but you never really knew what was exactly going threw Bella's head at times.
After a moment she seemed to sense my eyes staring at her wrist and looked at me.
"What?" she asked looking confused.
I continued to frown at her and motion for her to surrender her arm to me. She gave it up without much struggle. I pushed her sleeve of her jumper up a little so that I could clearly see the brown leather band wrapped around her wrist. I had never notice it before albeit that I had never seen her wearing anything but long sleeves once I had met her again as a Vampires. I finger the leather bracelet fine design. The bracelet was very worn and had fade much from what I guess everyday wear, but the design that had been in carved into the old leather was still very clear. The design on the leather was of moons and suns. Running wolves ran threw forests and over meadows one was even climbing up a mountain. The detail that was still showing after many years of wear was amazing. But why wolves? I wondered. I couldn't really remember Bella being a wolf fan back when she was human. Maybe she had gotten the bracelet after she became a vampire.
"Where did you get this?" I asked her, still frowning. She shifted uncomfortable where she sat, her eyes conflicted. But she just shrugged.
"I've had it since before my change. It was a graduation present." She explain casually, but the confliction in her eyes made me wonder if it meant more to her then just being a graduation present, but I decided to let it slide, for now anyway. Instead I decided to complain in my own sense of humour about something she couldn't remember about herself.
"You actually accepted a graduation present?" I asked her dryly, pouting a little. To my surprise it almost seemed as if she got my joke because she stuck her tongue out at me. Esme chucked from the other side of Bella, before getting up to talk with Carlisle, about getting a move on.
Bella watched her go, her eyes wandering over to the wrestling match, I could vaguely hear Emmett gloating, it was only a matter of time before Jasper won, I thought to myself smugly. I continued to finger the bracelet, tracing its detail, when I notice whiteness against Bella's already pale skin. I knew that sort of whiteness I had seen it often enough with Jasper. My stomach gave a turn as I gently pushed Bella's jumper sleeve up her arm. My eyes widening in horror as more of Bella's arm was exposed to the light. Her left arm had been shredded, like someone grabbed a knife and had torn relentlessly threw her arm numerous times. I couldn't help but let out a sharp gasp.
Bella swung around to face me, her face alarmed to have me staring at her bare, scarred arm.
"Where did you get these?" I hissed at her softly, so softly that the other couldn't have possible heard even if they had been trying to listen.
She shifted uncomfortable, trying to get away from me. I suddenly felt as if something invisible was pulling me away from her, but I refused to go. I grabbed her arm more firmly, glaring at her.
"Bella, where did you get these?" I snarled my voice a little louder. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jasper's head whipping around in our direction, but I paid no attention to him, my full attention on Bella. Her face was sad and lost as she stared down at her arm.
"I don't know, I can't remember." She whispered, her voice was small and filled with pain.
"My right arm isn't as bad." She added and gingerly pulled her left arm out of my hand and pushed back the sleeve of her right arm. Yeah, it wasn't as bad as her left arm, which the scars where more ragged and desperate, but really it wasn't that much better.
"What were you in the middle of a vampire tug-a-war?" I asked her, a little harshly. She laughed a hollow, empty sound that I cringed at.
"My left side I have scars all the way from the shoulder to my wrist. From the shoulder to my elbow the scars look like there done by teeth, while below my elbow to my wrist it looks like scratch marks." She told me, she pulled off her jumper to show. Half of me wished she hadn't, for it showed me what torture she had clearly been put threw during her change. All vampires are tortured during the change over, but this… this was beyond anything that I had ever seen.
Bella rolled up the sleeves of her shirt to her shoulders and held out her arms for me to see. I could also now see her bare neck; she had been bitten there too. Someone had been pretty desperate to make sure Bella became a vamp. I was sickened by the sight; she must have been in so much pain.
The bit marks, were like the scratch marks of her lower arms, ragged and desperate. Her right arm wasn't as bad her left, her right arm bit marks were neater and less aggressive, but still had a ragged edge to them. But her left upper arm was a complete mess, the person who had been bitting her at that moment had been beyond desperation, biting into whatever soft flesh of Bella's it could.
"I'm so, so sorry." I whispered, Bella just shrugged and started to pull her sleeves down again, but I held up a hand to stop her. She stared at me confused. I nodded towards Carlisle and the rest. She shook her head vigorously, her eyes pleading.
"They don't need to know, it no big deal." She whispered begging me to keep my silence.
"If they know about this we might be able to figure out who bit you." I told her, trying to give her a reason to hope that was logical enough to just show my family. She didn't buy it however.
"Oh yeah, how?" she demanded, looking away from me and my family. I suddenly became afraid that she was going to bolt.
This thought must have caught Edward's attention, for the second after I thought, his head had whipped away from Emmett's and Jasper's wrestling match, his eyes burning in our direction, taking in the fact that Bella had removed her jumper and had her arms still slightly held up in my direction, the sleeves still rolled up partially.
His eye flicking between us, his filled with suspicion and fear as to what he might find if he tried to figure out what was going on between us. I tried to shut him out of my head, but I was a second to late. He saw everything that I had seen over the last couple of minutes. His face went even paler then it already was.
Bella seem to understand what was going on, Edward knew now about one of the many things she had been trying to hide, and she didn't like that, not one bit. She scowled at me, before once again looking out into the trees, glaring at them for what was happening. I wish I had managed to close my mind sooner.
Edward stalked up to us, demanding with his silence to know what the hell was going on. I smiled up at him, trying to portray a picture of innocence, which he didn't buy and Bella… well Bella was ignoring the both of us, strumming her fingers against her leather bracelet and staring out into the woods as if nothing existed except her and the trees. But she was going to have to come back to reality and soon, I didn't think I could take Edward's glaring, demanding for an explanation for much longer.
"I don't remember ok, so can we just leave it at that." Bella grumbled unhappily and unexpectedly.
"Bella?" I pleaded, but she ignored me. She swung herself up off the ground and stalked off to where Carlisle and Esme stood, both looking somewhat startled to find her looking so angry and distant. Jasper was looking from me, to Bella, to Edward then back again, his eyes widen at the tense that was emanating from us all.
"Um, I think we should get started again." Carlisle said, he was frowning slightly as he glance at us all, his eyes lingering for a second, on me, Edward and Bella. Oh Bella. Bella was standing off to the side, an invisible, impenetrable barrier all around her being. She wasn't going to let anyone in or anywhere near her for quite a while Her face had lost it anger, but the distant look was still in place, but there was also a lost look and fear on her face too.
It didn't surprise either me or Edward that Bella decided to travel with Carlisle and Esme over us.
Everyone seemed to realise something was up with the three of us, so the thought of separation worked for the first part of the day, before we had to pull over for random breath test and Edward and I were thrown together to sort things out between ourselves before we tried to do the same with Bella. I think they must have felt it was a bit dangerous for the Volve if they made all three of us go in it.
"Are you going to continue giving me silent treatment or are you going to talk to me, cause to tell you the truth I can only put up with one of you not talking to me, not both." I complained to Edward after an hour of silence. Edward face was still blank, but he rolled his eyes, ever so slightly,
"Ha, I saw that, I'm off the hook with you at least, though I don't really know why you're so mad at me in the first place when I haven't actually done anything to you." I grumbled. Edward sighed heavily.
"I'm… I'm not mad at you; I'm more made at myself, then anything else." He muttered his eyes focus firmly on the road or more like on Carlisle blue Mitsubishi, where Bella currently was, thinking about bolting I might add. Every couple of minutes I'd get a new vision of Bella sneaking away from us or just out right running away from us, or jumping out of the car and running. My god she can reckless when she wants to be, I thought crankily. Edward let out a snarl beside me. Him doing that, right after seeing my visions inside my head of Bella's many reckless escapes from us, immediately reminded me of a question that had been quietly tossed around the family, quite a number of times.
"Edward?" his eyes didn't leave the back of the Mitsubishi, I mean road, but his hands twitched on the wheel letting me know I had his full attention.
"If Bella, did do a run would you go after her?" I asked him. A look of surprise came over his face. Clearly after seeing a number of Bella's escape acts had turned him off looking anymore into my head and in so I had surprised him with my question. Which, I my opinion, is a good thing cause it put him on the spot and got a more truthful answer out of him rather then let him think the question over.
"Yes." he croaked, he voice was truthful and sincere, just as I hoped. His eyes finally flickered to my face.
"Why?"
I rolled my eyes at him in exasperation.
"Come on, I know you've been reading my mind and seeing Bella's numerous thoughts on how to escape us." He pulled a face and looked quickly back at the road (Mitsubishi).
"Why did she get so scared?" He whispered.
"Um, Edward, how many Vampires do you know with their arms covered with ragged bit marks all up them, and Jasper doesn't count." I added noticing Edward glancing pointedly at the rich purple BMW behind us.
"Why not?" Edward argued.
"Cause, he got his in a battle with Newborns, Bella didn't. Bella got hers before and during her change." I muttered angrily.
Why hadn't I seen any of this, this so big and life changing! I shoulder have seen something!
And then, what? What could I have done then? Could I have stopped the change from coming to pass?
I placed my hands over my eyes, as if to give into the tears I so wanted to fall at this moment.
"Alice, this wasn't your fault." Edward muttered gruffly. That coming from him, at this moment, actually made me feel better. For him not to blame me for what had happen to Bella, helped me pull myself out of the hole of misery that I had dug myself.
"Thanks, but it doesn't solve anything." I leant back in my seat, closing my eyes. "I just wish that I could see who changed Bella and find out what they did to her." I growled.
"Alice, you can't see the past." Edward sighed sounding helpless and depressed.
I open my eyes and turned my head to stare at him. If I felt terrible what on earth did Edward feel? He had Bella back which had made him happy, but Bella didn't remember a thing about him, which had been a huge blow to him, though he muttered something about that was what he rightful deserved on some levels, though he wished she could remember her human life.
I knew it was really hard for him not to go up to Bella and hug her and tell that he loved her more than life itself. And to now have Bella to the road of bolting and disappearing for another fifty odd years was more then he could bear, though he was trying really, really hard not to show it.
My respect for him went up another couple of notches. He really was trying very hard. As was Bella, she was trying so hard to be open and comfortable around us.
"Just give her time, she'll come around again, I think we just caught her off guard that's all." I reassured him while I tried to reassure myself. He glance sides ways at me, a small hopeful smile playing on the corners of his mouth.
"Anyway, this is Bella! How long have you known her to stay mad at you?" I added grinning. Edward sighed and focused on the road (Mitsubishi).
I closed my eyes, focusing on Bella. Now that she was calming down, vision of her running became less and less until there where few and far between. That reassured me greatly. I started to relax when a something that completely confused me came to me in a vision.
I suddenly saw a human Bella walking through a forest all by herself, calling out for someone. She looked bloody awful, her eyes were dark and lonely and she looked half dead. But her face was alight with fear. She swung around as a sudden flash of flaming red appeared behind.
"Victoria." I sat bolt up right, sickness and fear gripped me as I continued to watch Bella trying to run away from the evil bitch. She even swung a branch at her, something the bitch had said had clearly upset Bella, but I couldn't hear though I could see their mouths moving. I wince as I watch Victoria break Bella's right arm and then bit it dragging her teeth threw Bella's flesh. The fear and pain on Bella's face was almost more then I could bear; she was crying and her mouth moving to form a word I knew, Edward. She had been calling for Edward and he hadn't even known.
I rocked backwards and forwards in my seat. I had never seen the past before and it was a nerve racking experience.
"Alice?" Edward voice pulled me out my despair with force.
I put a hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs. I ignored Edward voice for suddenly someone had entered my vision, a man dressed like a gentleman, I was curious. What part did this man play in Bella's change? The words I said to Bella earlier came back to haunt me. "What were you in the middle of a vampire tug-a-war?" I flinched at my words now. They had been so harsh and uncaring.
My vision ended as soon as the strange gentleman came on to the seen. I felt sick to m core. Bella had gone threw that all by herself, with no one coming to help her.
I came aware of heavy breathing beside me. Should have shut my mind, should have shut my mind, my brain screamed.
"Edward, calm down." I told him, though I was hardly one to talk, I was shaking from what I had seen and wanted to go out destroy something.
"Please don't destroy the car, that's my job." Edward barely whispered. His eyes were dark with fury. He took one hand off the wheel and pinched the bridge of his nose to try and calm himself down.
"Are you ok?" I asked him gently. He shot me a withering look.
"Do you think I'm ok?" he demanded.
"No, but I don't want you going out and hunting down Victoria! That's the last thing we, Bella needs right now." I told him firmly. He opened his mouth to argue but I held up a hand to stop him.
"Edward, you can't leave her, not yet at least, she needs you more then she needs us." I let him stew over that for a while. I wondered silently if Bella really didn't remember this, or maybe her brain had shut out that particular memory to protect itself, maybe that's why she has no memory of us, I thought. But somehow that still didn't hit well with me, there was more to the picture then what we were seeing. I guessed it was only a matter of time before we found out the full story about Bella.
Author Note: And so that's chapter 15, I'm going camping now, so i'm taking the laptop so that i can type up chapter 16, which should be interesting. Thanks for reading. please reveiw