Chapter 6: I suppose you do deserve some kind of ... reward

I'm not sure how long I'd been sitting in my quarters in the darkness lessened somewhat by the purplish glow of our travel through hyperspace. When I heard my door chime beep I got up to let John in before returning to my seat on the bed.

"Bit dark in here," John commented, turning toward the light controls.

"Don't," I spoke in a quiet but firm voice before he could turn on the light.

"O-kay," John walked towards me, stopping to squat in front of me. "Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"I'm sorry," I kept my eyes fixed firmly on my hands as I spoke. "I should never have spoken to you while you were up in the 302. It was too personal and unprofessional and ..."

"It doesn't matter," John dismissed my apology as unnecessary. "Is that why you're sitting here in the dark?"

"I'm not used to it," I admitted softly, finally looking at him directly.

"Not used to what?" John frowned in confusion.

"Caring about someone ... having someone care about me," I said. "It's more difficult than I would have expected."

"I ... ah," John clearly had no idea what to say to me.

"You don't have to say anything," I reassured him. "I always knew that what you do is dangerous ... this is just the first time I was actually present right in the middle of it."

"I'm sor-," John began to apologise.

"Don't," I interrupted him. "Don't say sorry when we both know you're not and that you'll be putting yourself right back in the middle of it the next time some crisis occurs." I smiled to take the sharp edge off my words. "I'll be okay – I just need time to accustom myself to feeling ... concerned for you from time to time."

"So we're still good?" John rose from his crouched position and sat next to me on the bed.

"Yeah, we're still good." I bumped shoulders with him before resting my head against him.

"Have you changed your min-" John started to ask with a hopeful tone.

"Don't even think about it," I interrupted him again. "Our agreement stands."

"Fine," John grumbled. "But the minute we're back on Atlantis ..." he left the sentence unfinished.

"You'd better get back to work," I stood up and escorted him to the door.

"Colonel?" John was a few steps down the corridor before I called out to him. John turned back to me with a raised eyebrow. "Nice sunburn!" I said, laughing at his pained expression. It was probably petty to take delight in teasing him – since I knew the sunburn wasn't exactly painful and John had only gotten burnt doing something on the edge of crazy, I decided he deserved a little ribbing about it.

I felt like a child in the back seat forever asking "Are we there yet" for the remainder of the journey until finally we broke out of hyperspace and returned to Atlantis. I beamed down with John's group but stayed near the gate to assist with organising the new arrivals and supplies. I was vaguely aware that he had accompanied Doctor Weir and Rodney up the stairs to the Control Room to meet with Teyla. John came bounding back down the stairs a few minutes later with one of those computerised files in his hands.

"Ready" he said.

"Doctor Beckett still needs a hand with these medical supplies," I replied, gesturing to the large number of storage containers being beamed down from the Daedalus.

"That wasn't a question," John said intently. Then before I knew what was happening I'd been whisked away from the Gateroom, down familiar corridors until we arrived at John's quarters.

"Aren't you on duty?" I asked breathlessly, as he urged me inside.

"Nah," John replied. "I've got stuff to catch up on but I'm not gonna be able to concentrate on anything until we've blown that stupid agreement out of the water." He drew me against his body and kissed his way up my neck towards my lips.

"It wasn't stupid," I denied, turning my head away before he could completely distract me.

"Yeah it was," John insisted, almost dancing me across the room towards his bed. "I only agreed because you said it was important to you."

"That's big of you. I suppose you deserve some kind of ... reward," I ran a hand down his chest, toying with his belt. "What do you want?"

"You," John captured my gaze with the strength of his regard.

You would think that after almost two months of being together I would be used to his impact on me but I wasn't. Having John Sheppard look at me with those fascinating hazel eyes sent a jolt of awareness straight down the centre of my body. I was hardly aware of our passage from standing fully dressed beside the bed to being naked and tangled together on top of it. The feelings and sensations were at once unfamiliar and yet well known. My heart lightened as we reconnected with each other on the most basic level ... with intimacy came the feeling of being home again.

"I still think it was a good idea," I said sleepily some time later.

"You know what they say about abstinence," John replied. "Neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy."

I was too sleepy to do anything more than wonder idly how a Colonel in the US Air Force was able to quote Voltaire with such familiarity. There was more to John Sheppard than met the eye and I was determined to learn him much as he had begun to learn me.

It only took a week to settle in and start feeling like I'd never left Atlantis. I had a recognised job on Atlantis now – research and translation of Ancient artefacts - and there was plenty to do to keep my brain occupied. Since I'd been made an official member of the Atlantis expedition I even had my own lab to work in – mostly because we had to have somewhere to put all the gadgets Rodney wanted tested but I still thought of that little room as mine.

I happily spent hours there, searching the Ancient database for references to interesting planets or research. I'd been at it for a few hours a couple of days after we'd returned to Atlantis when John turned up at my door.

"You ready for a break?" he asked casually. I nodded eagerly, shutting down my computer before jumping up to join him.

We got a few looks from the new staff when we walked in to the commissary together. John, ever contrary, decided to hammer home any doubts the gossips might have had about our relationship by putting his arm around my shoulders and escorting me to a table. He even went so far as to get drinks and such for the both of us, making a big show of 'looking after me' when he returned to our table.

"Was that necessary?" I raised an eyebrow when John took a seat next to me, sitting much closer than he needed to.

"Was what necessary?" John quizzed me with an innocent expression, appearing unusually interested in his coffee.

"John," I said in a warning tone.

"All right," he turned his body towards me so he could look at me directly. "I just wanted to make it clear to all the newbie's that you're with me – to avoid any ... misunderstandings that might crop up."

"What kind of misunderstandings?" I wondered what he thought could possibly happen to me.

"A few of the younger marines were talking about which of the civilian women they'd like to ... get to know better," John's expression made me realise that he'd probably toned down what had actually been said. "Your name came up which made me realise that thanks to your 'be discrete' policy on the Daedalus they didn't know you were off limits. I just made sure they'll know it now." John seemed quite satisfied with himself.

"So you thought you'd stake your claim, put your ...mark on me, that sort of thing?" I asked in a dangerous tone.

"Huh?" John suddenly realised that perhaps I wasn't as happy with his actions as he clearly was. "I didn't think of it like that," he admitted with a puzzled look. "I thought you'd appreciate not being bothered with any unwanted advances!"

"I'm quite capable of taking care of myself Colonel," I made to rise from the table but was pulled back into my seat as John grabbed my arm to keep me there.

"Stay where you are," John did the whole 'I'm in command' voice I could never resist obeying. "You can't run away every time a conversation gets a little heated." When I slumped back in my chair with my arms crossed stubbornly over my chest and said nothing, John sighed before looking away with a frown. "I don't understand why you're angry," he admitted.

"Do you think I need you to look after me?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"No," John answered immediately. "I thought you might appreciate me doing it though. Don't you get tired of taking care of everything yourself all the time?"

"Oh," I looked at him in surprise. "I, ah ... I'm actually a little touched by that!" I admitted, nudging his shoulder with a shy smile.

"Yeah, well, it didn't go according to plan so maybe next time I won't bother," John grumbled. From the twinkle I spotted in his eyes I knew he was just teasing me.

"I'm not used to someone else looking out for me," I admitted reluctantly. "I guess that's something else I have to get used to huh?"

"You will," John put his arm around me again and I leaned into his chest with a sigh.

"I can't believe I'm gonna admit this but you were partly right when you said I was staking my claim," John said after a few minutes silence. "I like people knowing you're mine – and before you protest I know you don't belong to me. And it's a two way street - I'm happy for you to feel the same way about me. If you've got a problem with that you better speak now because I'm pretty sure I'm just gonna keep doing the same sort of stuff given half the chance."

"As long as we're talking mutual ownership here I don't have a problem with it," I looked at him in complete seriousness. We did the whole staring into each other's eyes thing for a few moments before we each seemed to find what we needed there.

"Just so you know," I gave a semi serious warning; "if you ever go out looking to ... purchase ... from someone else I will hurt you ... badly. You've sparred with me so you know I'm capable."

Rather than be offended by my comment John grinned in delight, squeezing my shoulders tightly. "Back at you," he said still with a slight laugh in his voice. That laugh disappeared when he added "except I'll hurt the other guy and then find some more ... creative ways to make you regret it."

It all sounded macho and aggressive but it wasn't – it was just our way of making our relationship an exclusive one. Even though we'd each admitted our feelings to the other we'd never discussed what that actually meant for our relationship.

John had given me the right to feel possessive of his time, to expect that he'd consider me when making decisions, to expect some accounting for his actions – within the boundaries of his role as military commander of the base. And I had given him the same rights in return.

Authors Note:

The quote about astinence that I really wanted to use just didn't fit into the story as well as the one I ended up using. It was "Abstinence sows sand all over the ruddy limbs & flaming hair, but desire gratified plants fruits of life & beauty there." William Blake. Thanks for reading.