Chapter 11: Do you think Sheppard will forgive me?

The next day, John spoke with Doctor Weir and obviously convinced her that Rodney knew what he was doing. He was in the Jumper bay preparing to head back to Doranda when I caught up with him.

"You're going back to Doranda?" I asked from the open Jumper door.

"Don't do that!" John protested, pretending to be startled at my abrupt arrival.

"You're going back," I commented again, ignoring his antics.

"Yeah," John admitted. "Doctor Weir agreed but only on the condition that someone go to protect Rodney from himself."

"And that someone has to be you?" I questioned seriously.

"It'll be fine," John glossed over the seriousness of the mission.

"Do you have some deep seated need to put yourself in harm's way?" I asked somewhat angrily.

"My job requires -" John began.

"Don't put this down to the job!" I cut him off before he could excuse his choice as duty. "Your job is to be in command of the military here - you should be the last person risking your life on a mission anyone could do."

"Stop right there," the dangerous edge in John's voice cut through my righteous indignation. We stood staring at each other for a few seconds before John looked away, running an agitated hand through his hair.

"Look,' he turned back to me and said in a more reasonable time. "I know where this is coming from ... you'll just have to trust that I wouldn't let anyone go back to that planet if I thought it was too risky. If it's safe for anyone to go then it's safe for me to go."

"You're right," I nodded, understanding the logic behind that. Even though I knew he wasn't above sacrificing himself for the greater good I realised that he wouldn't put Rodney in danger like that. "I'm sorry ... it's just that you always seem to volunteer yourself for these crazy missions ... I had no right to question your decision ..."

"No," John broke in. "I gave you the right to question me when we made this an exclusive deal, ' he gestured a hand to indicate the bond between us. "I don't wanna put restrictions on what is or isn't included in that." He closed the distance between us and pulled me into his side. "Are we good?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're good," I agreed, leaning in to him. To be honest I was a bit startled at the power he was giving me - if I'd thought about it for more than a second when I first heard he was going back to Doranda I never would have brought it up in the first place.

"Good, then you can help me with my pre flight checks," John pulled me to the front of the Jumper.

"Just promise me you'll pull the plug if the weapon begins to overload again," I asked quietly.

"Could have been Mensa, remember?" John quipped. I didn't need the reminder that he was smarter than he presented himself to be. We continued to prepare the Jumper for his mission in silence, and before I was ready John and Rodney were off through the gate to Doranda.

Knowing I needed something to take my mind off John and Rodney, I headed down to my lab to begin working through the data I'd copied from the Dorandan database. I knew that I could have headed up to the Control Room to wait it out until John and Rodney returned. I was seriously tempted to do just that but I didn't for two reasons. My temperament was not suited to sitting around doing nothing, especially if things started to go downhill. If I had to sit there listening to John getting himself into trouble it would drive me nuts to be powerless to help him. The second reason was that I knew everyone else would be in the Control Room during the mission - of course they all knew John and me were a couple but that didn't mean I wanted them to witness the depth of my feelings for him. I'd discovered on the Daedalus that it was hard to contain intense emotions during a crisis situation - I'd rather sit it out in my lab with my radio linked in to the Control Room so I could suffer in private!

I was glad to be by myself when I heard the entire conversation between Doctor Zelenka and Rodney. The fact that Doctor Zelenka believed the weapon had killed the Ancients who designed it filled me with dread, especially when Rodney just completely discounted the seriousness of what that meant. Did he really believe that he could solve a problem the Ancients had been unable to?

"Come on John," I whispered to myself. "Pull the plug!"

"I'll call you back after the test," John told Doctor Weir instead. "How does that sound?"

"How does that sound? How about idiotic!" I said aloud, glad that no one else could hear me. I could only assume that Rodney had said something to convince John he really did know what he was doing.

Pretending I was fully engaged with my research, despite no one being there to witness my diligence, I waited out the next hour in tense anticipation. When I heard the Jumper was returning I couldn't resist running down to the Jumper bay to check they were all right. The Jumper had been parked in its usual spot by the time I got there. I stood at the door watching as first John and then Rodney exited the Jumper, apparently unharmed. I raised an eyebrow when John turned without acknowledging Rodney and headed at a brisk pace towards the door.

"Colonel," Rodney called out in an almost pleading voice, hurrying after him.

John kept walking, ignoring Rodney completely. I looked at John questioningly when he reached me but he just shook his head, putting a hand under my elbow to draw me along with him. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw Rodney standing there, looking dejected. Although both were physically unhurt, something had been broken on that planet and I feared it would be some time before it could be mended.

The gossip doing the rounds by evening was that Doctor Weir had chewed Rodney out but good over destroying five sixths of a solar system and putting people's lives at risk. Doctor Weir believed that Rodney had known there was a question about what he was doing, even though Rodney had denied it.

"You've got to talk to Sheppard for me," Rodney cornered me in my lab early the next day.

"Why would I do that?" I asked Rodney. John had filled me in on what had happened on Doranda the previous day and I was feeling a fair bit of anger towards Rodney on my own account.

"Because I've been looking all over for him and I can't find him," Rodney said in agitation. "I've already apologised to Elizabeth and Radek and I just ..."

"If John's avoiding you it's because he's not ready to talk Rodney," I tried to put myself in his shoes and knew I'd be pretty desperate to mend things if I thought I'd damaged John's trust in me.

"Couldn't you just ... you know, put in a good word for me?" Rodney begged.

"I'd like to help you," I began before stopping myself. "You know what? That's a lie. I don't want to help you Rodney - you risked John's life yesterday as well as your own because you wouldn't listen to anyone else ... a habit you really need to break."

"You weren't there," Rodney began to protest. "You don't have the right to criticise my-"

"No," I agreed, cutting him off. "I wasn't there - but I did hear your conversation with Doctor Zelenka. You asked me to help - as far as I'm concerned that gives me the right to comment." I looked at him, noticing that he was looking down at the floor miserably. It was a saddening site to see the great Doctor Rodney McKay reduced to the indecisive person I saw before me and I felt my heart soften despite my anger.

"Look Rodney," I said more gently. "No one doubts your brilliance, nor your ability to come up with solutions in the midst of a crisis." Rodney looked up with a pleased smile at my words. "But you really suck at dealing with people," I added. "You need to allow for the possibility that someone else can be equally brilliant and that a solution can be made better by considering everyone's input." I smiled as Rodney looked away with a grimace.

"Do you think Sheppard will forgive me?" he asked hesitantly.

"I don't know why sometimes, but John likes you Rodney," I said in a teasing tone, pleased when Rodney laughed instead of taking offense. "You used the trust between you to do something that deep down you couldn't have been that sure of," my expression turned serious. "John knows that and it'll take a while for him to forget it. You'll need to earn his trust back."

"Are you sure you can't ...?" Rodney broke off with a hopeful look.

"Nice try, but no," I said firmly. "I'll tell him you're looking for him though."

Rodney did eventually catch up with John - John gave him an opening to eventually gaining back the trust he'd damaged. On the surface it seemed that everything was back to normal between them ... speaking to John privately I knew that wasn't quite the case but that in time it would be.

Authors Note:

Conversion is coming up in the next three chapters ... I'm doing some final editing and will post them tomorrow.