Chapter 16: Hardly noticed you were gone

"No!" I argued with Doctor Zelenka. "We need to put that control module there," I pointed to the left of where he wanted to put it, "to compensate for the overload we introduced by using inadequate cabling for the main board."

We'd been working on the Ancient hard drive for a couple of days and were so close to getting it working. It turned out that I had 'butchered' as Rodney put it a couple of connections that were pretty crucial to the hard drive being powered at an appropriate level. The control modules helped, but because we were using our own fibre optic cable as a replacement for Ancient cabling, there was a danger the power would overload the drive if we didn't get it exactly right.

"Yes, yes, I see what you are saying," Doctor Zelenka squinted into the hard drive, muttering a few more words in Czech under his breath – I'd worked with him many times and wasn't bothered because he did that a lot.

Zelenka made a few more adjustments and then sat back with a satisfied grin. "I think we're ready for a controlled test," he said.

"Okay," I agreed apprehensively. "You do the honours ... I'm too nervous."

"Powering up ... now," Zelenka pushed a couple of buttons on his laptop and we both leant forward in anticipation. The drive lit up for a few seconds before fading out.

"Perhaps if we ..." Zelenka made an adjustment to one of the connections. The drive lit up again but this time it held steady.

"You did it!" I exclaimed, clapping him on the shoulder in thanks.

"No," Doctor Zelenka denied, pushing his glasses back up on his face. "We did it."

"Okay," I agreed. "We did it ... let's download the files before these connections burn themselves out."

I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted once all the Aurora files were safely transferred to the Atlantis systems. Rubbing a hand tiredly at the back of my neck I looked over at Doctor Zelenka. "Thank you Radek," I said sincerely. "I really appreciate you helping me with this ... Rodney was being ... difficult and it would have been painful to have asked for his help."

"You know Rodney," Radek acknowledged. "He likes to be centre stage – plus he was not happy that you thought of something that he did not. You've learnt much about the Ancient systems – I would be happy to have your help in the future."

"Really?" I smiled delightedly - that was high praise from Radek. "Thanks! I guess I better start searching all those files ... I'd hate to have done all that work only to find the secret communiqué isn't there."

I got up to leave before realising I hadn't cleaned up the Ancient hard drive. "What should we do with this?" I asked, pointing at the mess of wires and control modules.

"Leave it here," Radek said. "We may need to access the drive again."

I nodded, hoping that wouldn't be the case, before leaving to head back to my own lab. Getting the search program started I leant back in my seat, realising this was going to take a while. John was due back from a mission following up a lead on a ZPM so I headed down to the Gateroom to meet him.

It was almost a surprise to find that team Sheppard hadn't returned and were three hours late already. Things had been going well since the retrovirus and I'd been lulled into a false sense of security. Doctor Weir sent Major Lorne to check on them and the news was not good. There was no sign of them on the planet and after Doctor Zelenka had been there to retrieve gate addresses we had a list of fifty addresses dialled from that gate. It could conceivably take months to search them all.

Several days had passed with still no word ... every off world team was being used to conduct the search but so far there had been no clues to point to John's location. Things were going dismally on all fronts because I hadn't been able to find the secret communiqué in the Aurora files and had resorted to going back to the hard drive itself looking for sections of deleted material that hadn't made it on to my download. Even the files on Wraith defences I'd downloaded from the Aurora had so far yielded nothing that seemed significant. There was quite a bit of information about Wraith telepathy but it was mostly information we already knew from Teyla's experiences.

I can't begin to describe how frustrating it was to wait for word of John, knowing there was literally nothing I could do. Doctor Weir wouldn't let me go with any of the search teams either – she said it wasn't worth John's anger when he got back for me to do something I wasn't especially skilled in. I didn't know whether to be insulted by that or happy that she was behaving as if it were only a matter of time before John's team turned up again.

I worked each day until I was exhausted but slept poorly ... at the back of my mind the constant litany of 'what if' was running at mega speed accompanied by my positive inner self repeatedly telling me that John would be all right. I didn't want to give voice to my concerns for fear that would somehow make them come true, and I refused to listen to anyone else even hinting that I should prepare for the worst. After two weeks of that I wasn't fit company for anyone – snappy and short and bad tempered with anyone who attempted to get near me.

Finally progress was made, although from an unlikely source and in a completely unbelievable way. I heard pretty quickly that Doctor McKay had made it back to Atlantis. I ran down to the gate room and got there just in time to see Rodney bouncing around as if he were on drugs.

"Rodney, focus," Doctor Weir was saying sternly. "Where is Colonel Sheppard?"

"No, no, no, I had to take the enzyme because, because I had to take out the guards!" Rodney was pacing back and forth, speaking rapidly. Clearly he actually was on drugs! "But that's not the point -- the point is we don't have enough time. We need to stop the ship from getting to where the ship is going," Rodney ground to a halt, looking around in confusion.

"Come on," Doctor Weir urged, putting an arm around Rodney to guide him away from the gate. "Let's take a walk to the Infirmary, alright?"

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, what are you doing?" Rodney glared at her suspiciously, pulling himself away from her hold. "No-no-no-no, I don't wanna go to the Infirmary. I wanna go to the, to the, uh ... the, um ..." Rodney gestured vaguely away from the Gateroom. Before he could complete his sentence his eyes rolled back and he fell to the floor. A couple of guards rushed to pick him up, dragging him towards the infirmary.

"Doctor Beckett," Doctor Weir spoke into her headset. "We have an emergency. We're headed to you."

I hung around near the Control Room until Doctor Weir returned from the infirmary, hoping she'd fill me in on what had happened. My face fell when she admitted Rodney was in no state to tell us anything and that we'd have to wait until he'd gone through withdrawal from the enzyme.

Once again I found myself needing to wait it out in John's quarters – there was something about being surrounded by his things that comforted me. I couldn't sleep and ended up working on the Aurora files through the night. Rodney was finally able to tell Doctor Weir what had happened ... I'd always liked Lieutenant Ford but when I heard that he was the one who'd abducted John and his team I wondered how much of the old Ford was left in the man he'd become. Rodney and Major Lorne left on the Daedalus to try to intercept the Hive ship where the rest of team Sheppard were believed to be and I returned to my lab to work and worry.

I didn't realise it had gotten so late ... it was almost 19:30 when Dr Weir radioed to tell me John, Teyla and Ronan were safely returned. They were all in the infirmary being checked out by Doctor Beckett – I ran down the corridors, skidding to a halt just inside the infirmary doors when I caught sight of John obviously completely unharmed.

"Hey," John noticed me right away and strode over to pick me up in a tight hug. I grinned madly, not caring how unprofessional I looked to the others. "I take it you missed me?" John said smugly.

"Hardly noticed you were gone," I quipped, contradicting those words by how tightly I was still holding on to him. Finally I released him and took a step back to get a good look at him. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"We're all okay," John gestured to the others. John looked over at Doctor Beckett and Doctor Weir and grinned when they both nodded that he was free to go. "Let's go," he said, pulling me towards the door. "I'll tell you all about it and you can tell me what you've been doing."

"You know what the most disturbing thing was?" John asked after filling me in on everything that had happened while he was gone. "Those Wraith worshippers ... going on about the 'Great Awakening' like it was a good thing there are too many Wraith and not enough humans to feed them."

"The Great Awakening?" I frowned, certain I'd heard that term somewhere before.

"Yeah," John looked across at me. "Don't ask me what it means though."

"I've heard that term before," I said, thinking hard. "No, not heard – read! In the Aurora files ... um ...," I made a move towards my laptop but John pulled me back.

"Zelenka said you've hardly slept for days," John shook his head. "There'll be plenty of time to look it up tomorrow."

I nodded reluctantly, content for the moment to just sit and enjoy John's presence.

"Do you think Aiden's alive?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I hope so," John admitted. "He set us up and almost got us all killed ... but he also sacrificed himself to save us."

"You still hold hope that you can save him," I stated it as a fact, not a question.

"Maybe," John admitted. "Now," he turned and looked at me suggestively. "How about you show me how much you missed me?"

"Did I say I missed you?" I teased, keeping my distance.

"Okay, then I'll show you how much I missed you!" John lunged forward and I let myself be captured. Another life threatening mission had been resolved successfully. Unable to sleep despite being beyond tired, I lay awake into the night, worrying about how long it would be before John's luck ran out.