Chapter 20: John put you up to this, didn't he?

"Now that you've got a regular spot on an off world team I think it'd be a good idea to teach you how to fly a Puddle Jumper," John suggested one morning at breakfast.

"Really?" I asked excitedly. "You're gonna teach me how to fly a Jumper?"

"It'd be good back up for Major Lorne," John pointed out. "And hopefully you'll be a lot better than Rodney and Carson."

"When do we start?" I was eager to do it right there and then. Flying a Jumper had been one of my secret dreams since I'd first seen them but I'd always hesitated to ask John about it - that whole don't abuse my position as girlfriend of the military leader thing. John had shown me some basic stuff about the Jumpers ages ago, but I'd never gotten up the nerve to pursue it further.

"I'm dropping off Teyla and some supplies to the mainland this morning," John said. "You can tag along and then on the way back I'll give you your first lesson."

"Cool!" I smiled gleefully, so much so that John couldn't help but laugh.

"Remember, flying is a serious business," he warned me.

"I know, I know," I agreed, still grinning madly. "And when the time comes I'll be super serious, I promise."

"Okay," John's expression said he'd believe it when he saw it for himself. "I'll see you in the Jumper bay in an hour."

I had calmed down sufficiently by the time we'd dropped Teyla and the supplies off at the Athosian settlement for John to begin my instruction. Rather than just show me how the controls worked John insisted on explaining some of the general theory behind flying and navigation of an aircraft.

"Is all this theory necessary," I asked after we'd been sitting in the Jumper not going anywhere for almost thirty minutes.

"If you want to understand what you're doing, not to mention get yourself out of trouble if something goes wrong, then yes!" John insisted.

"Did you make Rodney and Carson learn this?" I asked suspiciously.

"No," John admitted, "which probably explains why neither of them are any good at flying!"

"Good point," I turned back to the HUD he'd brought up to explain how navigation on Atlantis worked.

"The Puddle Jumpers have a compass receiver," John instructed. "Atlantis sends out pulses at a specific frequency and based on the strength of what we receive here we can determine where Atlantis is." John looked up to see me gazing at him with a fond smile. "What?"

"I was just wondering why none of my teachers were ever as hot as you," I replied, even more endeared of him when his face flushed at the compliment.

"Um ...," John frowned before remembering where he was up to and continuing my lesson.

"What we do most of the time in the Jumper is essentially instrument flying," John pointed out a few minutes later, "being able to fly by reference to the cockpit instruments only when visual flight by reference to a natural horizon isn't possible."

"Like when you're in space?" I asked, intrigued.

"Exactly," John smiled at me, "which means you have to understand what every display the Jumper is capable of presenting is about."

"Do I have to understand them all before I get to fly anywhere?" I looked at him hopefully.

"I think I've loaded up your brain with enough new concepts for today," John answered. "I'll take the Jumper up and then we'll see how you do."

John set a course over the ocean before turning to me "Ready to take control?" he asked.

"Yes?" I almost asked hesitantly.

"Just remember this is as much about mental control as it is about understanding how flight works," John reassured me. "You've demonstrated very strong control of other Ancient systems ... so long as you focus on what you want the Jumper to do, you shouldn't have a problem."

"Okay," I said more confidently. "I'm ready."

"Transferring control to you ... now," John took his hands off the controls, leaving the co-pilot controls I was holding in command.

The Jumper was just like the other Atlantis systems ... through my mental connection I was aware of the capability that was available to me. I wouldn't admit it to John but I was glad he'd taken the time to explain the concepts to me else I'd have been hard pressed to understand most of what I was now connected to.

"Good," John encouraged me. "Just keep it nice and steady for the moment."

I did as instructed, gradually feeling myself relax - I looked out the front window at the blue surrounding us, both sky and sea, and smiled in wonder.

"I'm flying," I told John reverently.

"Yes you are," John agreed, looking at me with a fond smile.

"This is so cool!" I laughed happily. "I think I understand why you're so keen on this sort of thing now!"

"It's not the same as flying an F16," John admitted. "I kind of miss pulling G's and relying solely on manual command of the systems. But the inertial dampeners are a small price to pay for the absolute responsiveness of the Jumpers - it takes a microsecond from thinking something to seeing it happen."

"Weren't you flying helicopters in Antarctica?" I looked at him in confusion.

"Ah," John's face lit up. "Don't get me started on helicopters ... there's no comparison really - flying one of those is hard."

"I'll take your word for it," I said. "I think I'll just stick to the Puddle Jumpers for now."

"Let's take the Jumper in a loop around Atlantis," John went back into instructor mode. He made me fly a basic rectangular pattern around Atlantis before he was satisfied that I had been sufficiently familiarised with the flight area and the basic operations of the Jumper. Taking control again he flew us back to Atlantis, promising that he'd continue my lessons on a regular basis. I surprised even myself when I voluntarily asked John to link me into any reference materials on the theory so I could study a bit before the next lesson.

"You're a gem," John said fondly, ruffling my hair in affection.

"Don't get all soppy," I ducked away in embarrassment.

"I've gotta get to a briefing," John looked regretful. "I'll catch up with you later."

"Okay," I agreed. He'd taken a few steps away from me before I remembered to thank him. "Thanks for the lesson!" I called out.

"You're welcome," he called back over his shoulder.

"

A couple of days later I was working in my lab when Rodney came in to see me.

"Hey Rodney," I greeted. "Any progress on those shield improvements?"

"They're fine," Rodney said distractedly, looking at the various things I had strewn over the large work table.

"Can I do something for you?" I asked in confusion when he continued to hover without saying anything.

"Um, no ... I mean yes ..." Rodney broke off with a pained expression.

"Which is it?" I frowned as he continued to look very uncomfortable. "Is something wrong?"

"No no," Rodney said quickly, making eye contact before looking away again. "I ah I was talking to ah ... Zelenka the other day and he mentioned it was his... birthday and I just realised that you hadn't had one." Rodney said the last bit rapidly.

"One what?" I struggled to make sense of what Rodney was trying to tell me.

"Birthday," Rodney pointed out. "We've been here over a year and you haven't had a birthday."

"So?" I turned back to my laptop and pretended I was indifferent to where the conversation seemed to be going.

"It's just that ... we've celebrated Sheppard's and mine - even Elizabeth's," Rodney pointed out. "But not yours."

"I'm just not in to birthdays," I said dismissively. I could almost feel Rodney's eyes drilling holes in my back as he scoffed. "What?" I demanded, turning around to look at him again.

"I looked it up," Rodney admitted.

"Oh," I muttered, looking away again.

"Yeah," Rodney's voice took on that tone he got when he was trying to solve a puzzle. "How can your birthday be recorded as unknown?"

"What's this really about Rodney?" I asked, "because forgive me for saying this but you don't strike me as the type to be concerned about whether someone celebrates their birthday or not!"

"That's not fair!" Rodney protested, but the guilty look on his face gave him away.

"John put you up to this didn't he?" I demanded.

"No!" Rodney protested. "He just asked me to hack into Doctor Weirs files ..." Rodney's voice trailed off when he saw the angry look on my face.

"He did what?" I got up abruptly, making Rodney back away a step. "Why didn't he just ask me?!"

"He wanted to surprise you," Rodney admitted miserably. "I said I could find out but when the file said unknown I ah -"

"You didn't want to admit you couldn't get the information." I finished his sentence.

"It's not John's fault," Rodney insisted. "I'm sure he would have just asked you if I hadn't taken it upon myself to ..."

"It's okay Rodney," I let him off the hook, sinking back down on my chair. "I'll talk to John about it later, okay?"

"So you're not gonna tell me why you didn't put a birthday in your file?" Rodney complained.

"Goodbye Rodney," I urged him out the door without answering. I smiled in amusement as I heard him still muttering to himself halfway down the corridor.

"

"Rodney came down to see me this afternoon," I told John that evening.

"Doesn't he do that from time to time?" John asked, obviously wondering why I was bothering sharing such an insignificant fact.

"Yeah, but usually it's because he wants to complain about some incompetent underling," I replied. "Guess what he wanted to talk about this time?" I almost saw the light bulb go on in his head as he looked at me curiously.

"Ah ... your birthday?" John offered trying to charm me with his little boy look.

"My birthday," I confirmed, making it clear that I was less than impressed.

"He wasn't supposed to tell you!" John protested.

"So it's all right as long as I don't find out?!" I exclaimed.

"No!" John retorted. "Look, it's been a rough year for you and I just thought a birthday surprise ... thing ... might be ... nice."

"It was a nice thought," I let him off easily. Who could protest when someone wanted to give them something special like that? It really had been sweet of him to consider it.

"So when is your birthday?" John asked.

"I told you I was abandoned when I was a baby didn't I?" I asked in exasperation. When John nodded I continued "well what did you think that meant? I'm pretty sure most people who abandon a baby don't leave a birth certificate!"

"I know," John rubbed a hand over his face. "I thought they'd have given you a birthday when they found you."

"They did," I admitted, realising that if I was going to explain this I'd have to reveal something I'd glossed over the last time we'd talked about my family. "When I told you about my background I wasn't exactly ... honest," I admitted, looking at John to see that I'd surprised him with that comment. "I said that no one had wanted me enough to adopt me which was true from the time I was ten ... but before that I ah ... I did have an adopted family."

"Why didn't you mention it when I asked?" John asked curiously.

"It's just really hard to talk about," I excused my reticence.

"Can you talk about it now?" John invited softly. He was sitting on the bed and arranging himself so that I could sit with my back resting against his chest. I felt surrounded by his warmth ... safe ... and that made it easier to begin.

"After being found at the hospital I was taken in by Gwen and Roger Scott," I began. "They must have seen ... something in me because from that moment on I was theirs – they adopted me as soon as they could put the paperwork through. They always made a big deal about my made up birthday ... one of my earliest memories is my fourth birthday party. Gwen was very artistic and she'd created a fairy tale castle in the backyard complete with a matching cake. I think she was trying to make up for the fact that we didn't really know when my birthday was ... and making sure that I never doubted that although my biological parents hadn't wanted me, Gwen and Roger did."

"What happened?" John encouraged me to continue.

"The day of my tenth birthday Gwen had planned the usual party. I was really into ponies and she'd set up the back yard with play stables, big pony dolls to sit on ... she even had a real pony for everyone to ride. About an hour before the party was going to start Gwen discovered she and Roger had mixed up who was going to pick up the cake ... I always looked forward to the birthday cake best of all. They went out to get it, leaving me with my best friend and her Mother. They never came back ... drunk driver missed a stop sign and just ploughed right into them. Everyone was killed instantly."

"I'm so sorry Sabina," John hugged me tight, pressing a kiss into my hair.

"I remember sitting in the backyard with all the party guests there, waiting eagerly for Gwen to step through the door with the cake ... instead the police came and ... someone cleared all the guests out and they told me Gwen and Roger weren't coming back. If I hadn't been so keen on that stupid pony cake maybe it wouldn't have happened."

"You know that's not true," John told me. "You were just a kid ... Gwen sounds like the type who would have wanted to make everything perfect for you, regardless of what you said."

"She was," I smiled at fond memories I hadn't allowed myself to examine in years. "Anyway, there was no one else to take me in so I went back into the system. Foster families – none of whom were looking for a sad and angry ten year old to adopt. Birthdays became something to dread – by me anyway – usually the foster parents seemed disinclined to observe the day. Eventually I decided I wasn't going to have my birthday on some made up day anymore. If I can't do it on the actual day, which I obviously can't, then I don't want to do it at all."

"That seems a little ... extreme," John pointed out.

"Yeah well, you know me and stubbornness," I didn't try to excuse the fact that most people wouldn't understand my position. We sat together in silence for a few minutes before John asked another question.

"Even when you were out on your own - you didn't have parties ... presents ... stuff like that?" John kept at me.

"What do you want from me?" I said angrily, getting up and stalking over to the window. "From the time I was ten my childhood sucked - I never wanted another birthday party and I can't remember the last time I got a present." John opened his mouth to make some comment but I cut him off "and before you go getting all sympathetic, since I was sixteen that was entirely my own doing. I'm not the party type and I don't want people feeling like they have to give me stuff."

"See now that just bothers me," John admitted. "I love presents."

"That's because you're just a big kid," I said. "I haven't been a kid since I was ten. Look this is gonna start depressing me in a minute so can we just give it a rest?"

"Just one more question," John promised. "How do you keep track of how old you are?" he asked curiously.

"I just add a year to my age every New Years," I admitted. "Easy!"

"So can we make New Years your birthday then?" John looked at me with a hopeful look.

"Do you promise not to go overboard?" I asked, quickly adding "and not to rope anyone else in either?"

"But what if they ask me?" John protested. "How about I just promise not to volunteer any information about your birthday?"

"I don't know," I shifted uncomfortably, "I don't have any experience with this sort of thing - I'm bound to be really bad at it."

"I won't do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with," John promised.

"Will you drop it if I say yes?" I asked, reluctantly amused at his persistence.

"Yep," John agreed happily.

"All right then," I agreed uneasily. "But you're making up some excuse to explain this to Rodney," I added. "I don't want to hear anything else about it."

"I'll fix it with Rodney," John pulled me into an enthusiastic hug. "I'll even get him to hack your record so no one will have any reason to ask about it in the future."

"You do that," I ended the conversation. While all the talk about birthdays had been uncomfortable I was kind of glad I'd talked to John about my past ... maybe next time I over reacted about something he'd have a better chance of understanding why.

Authors Note:

Hope my departure into seeming triviality worked okay - the next three chapters are about The Tower (I had FUN with that one!) - I'll edit and post those tomorrow. Please stick around and read some more ...