***Disclaimer:see previous

The silence dropped over them like a curtain. A comfortable silence but a silence between them nonetheless. Her mind couldn't help but take her back to 'that night'. That night when three years of want, three years of desire, three years of curiosity had finally gotten the better of them. The car moved slower than usual, she noticed, for her benefit she was sure. Not wanting to talk just yet, the words not quite ready to take the leap from her tongue, she reached for the knob on the radio. She was more than a little surprised when she found all of her old presets still set. How many months had it been now? She punched a few buttons to find a decent song and settled back into the leather seat. She closed her eyes and let the music coax her pain away. Before she knew it, she had drifted off.

Gibbs stole as many glances as he dared across the small space. He smiled when he saw her reach for the radio controls and smiled again at the look of surprise on her face. He hadn't changed the presets mainly because he never listened to the radio. But truth be told, he had actually found himself scanning the stations these past few months, searching for a song – any song – that Lizzy had made him listen to. Ok, she never made him do anything he didn't want to. He was, after all, L. J. Gibbs. But he had loved watching her pop in a CD and shake it while she was cooking – while she was cleaning – or even while she was reading. They would be at either end of the couch, completely engrossed in their separate books when it would hit. The music would filter into her brain, past the words, past the conjectures, and flip the switch to dance mode. She would jump up, crank the volume, and proceed to 'shake it like a Polaroid picture' as she called it. Sometimes – rarely – she would be able to coax him from his spot. Sometimes he would coax her to his spot where his reaction to her shaking was always evident.

He stole yet another glance and noticed her slow even breathing. He switched lanes and when the light turned green, he circled around the pharmacy to the pick up window. He spoke quietly, paid, and moved the car back onto the highway. Now for the decision, monumental in his mind. Hers or his. His or hers. His house? Her bed? His bed? Her house? A decision he had to make alone with no input from her sleeping form. He knew she had to go home. He just wished that home was a place that they shared together. Wait, he thought, did that thought really just….Did he really just admit to actually wanting to cohabitate with a woman again? After all this time… But it was the truth. It was something that had been slowly pushing all other thoughts from his mind as of late. However, now wasn't the time.

He pulled slowly into her driveway and shut the car off. He opened the car door, careful to tap it shut, leaving sleeping beauty to her dreams. He took her bags in first, dropping them to the couch. He flipped on a couple of lights and looked around. Just like he'd remembered it, not that he had expected to have changed. He was heading back to the car to get her when the door opened and Lizzy stepped into the kitchen. She looked a little woozy as she moved to the couch.

"I was coming back for you."

"You took too long," she said, a sleepy grin on her face.

"Too long?" he said, matching her smile with his own. "You were asleep."

"Yea, I heard my bed calling my name."

Gibbs chuckled and grabbed her bag as he reached for her hand. He carefully pulled her up and wrapped one arm securely around her waist. She leaned heavily against him and waves of desire washed over him. He held her a little closer and guided her to the stairs. Her hand slid up the rail, moving slowly, one step at a time. Every few steps he would hear her grimace and touch her waist but they eventually made it to her room. He sat her on the bed and took the prescription bag from her hand. He opened the bag and read all the labels, noting the timetables and side effects of all.

"How're you feeling now?"

"Sleepy."

"Any pain?"

"Nothing I can't live with."

"Well then, the only one you need is the antibiotic."

He brought her a glass of water from the bathroom and tapped the meds into her hand. She tilted her head back and sipped at the water. He lifted her legs onto the bed and dropped the blankets over her. She sank onto her pillow with a sigh. He reached down and took her hand, squeezing it. She squeezed it back and gently rolled to her side to look up at him. His thumb moved back and forth across her hand. He wondered how long he could stay this way with her. She needed her rest. He needed time to work out the thoughts that had been running full speed through his brain since he had stepped back into her life. Being here, in her house, felt right. He loved his house, his basement, his space, but he loved being near her. His hand slipped out of hers and moved to rest on her hip. He started rubbing her side, with only a few layers between skin. He wanted to tell her now. Tell her that he had fought the demons and won. That he could move forward with her. They could move forward together. But how? 'Gee Lizzy, I just wanted you to know that ghosts no longer run my life. How do I know that? Oh, well, I spent a couple of hours staring at an old, burned out, empty lot, another couple thinking about Kate in bed, and a whole lot of hours talking, screaming, and rationalizing with grave markers. I'm good now.' Yea, that would go over real well. So instead he stayed silent.

He watched her eyes get heavier and heavier. He slowly lifted his arm from her hip and gently rose off the bed. The bed creaked despite his best efforts and she opened her eyes. She reached for him again, this time pulling him to the spot next to her. She turned again and pressed her back to his chest. He took a heavy breath and relented to her when she brought his arm around her waist. Touching. She always wanted to be touching. Within minutes her breathing had evened. She must have needed the warmth, the touch, the security. Hell, who was he kidding? He needed it just as much as she did. Being close to her again, so close, was everything he needed and all that he didn't. He still had no idea what she wanted. Who she wanted. She had allowed him the privilege of her lips in the hospital room. He had been granted permission to drive her home. But in the end, he knew it all came down to her. He was the one that had left. The one who had walked out. He hadn't discussed it with her and he sure as hell hadn't asked permission. Apologies and forgiveness had never really been a part of his life – mainly because he couldn't apologize to himself and beyond that, he had never been able to forgive himself. Not for Shannon and Kelly. Not for Kate. Not for Jenny. Until now. So if every part of him was now functioning as one. If his mind, his mouth, and his heart were able to leap forward – what was holding him back? He wanted to say it was love. He had only been in love twice in his life. Shannon. And Kate. And while the others weren't meaningless, they weren't anything close to what he had known with those two. But he and Lizzy had only been together three months. Three months, but three years to build to it. To build to the curiosity that had used up all but a few of that cat's nine lives. So maybe it was the first inklings of love. That point when you feel you know someone so completely and then not at all. When you know exactly how to get a smile to play across their lips. When you know that they take their coffee exactly like you do – black as hell. And you know that life without them would be absolutely miserable. So he moved as close to her as he could. He tightened his arm around her waist and kissed her neck. She gave a small smile in her sleep and he dropped his head to the pillow next to her.

She wasn't altogether sure at what point it became clear to her. Her mind was trying to break out of sleep mode. She attempted to shift position but felt two things at once. First was the pain at her side. The tearing, ripping, gut clenching pain that made her catch her breath. Second was the arm around her waist that she didn't remember putting there. But as the fogginess of sleep faded, her eyes focused on the hand that lay next to her chest. She knew that hand. She moved her head slightly and dropped a kiss onto the roughened knuckles. What she really wanted was to drop kisses on more than just knuckles but she knew. She knew they were up to their knees in it. And 'it' needed to be dealt with before they let their excitable parts get the better of them once again. She suddenly needed to see his face, needed to be reminded of all that she had next to her. She turned quickly, forgetting momentarily about the stitches in her waist. And in forgetting about them, she had also forgotten the pain that they brought with them. So her turn was quick but painful and as she landed on her left side facing Gibbs, she let loose a few choice expletives that caused the man beside her to shift and slowly open his eyes. She began rubbing the bandages on her stomach.

"Smart, Lizz, real smart," she said as her face scrunched trying to block out the pain.

Face still half in the pillow, Gibbs smiled. "Hey, nobody ever said we hired you for your brains"

That smart comment earned him a well placed punch in the shoulder. To which he replied by throwing his arm back around her waist and swiftly but gently pulled her to him.

"So Agent Gibbs….if it wasn't for my brains, then…?"

"Your ass."

She gave him a look.

"And your neck," he said moving in to nuzzle.

"My neck?"

"Mmmmm… and your hair. Definitely because of your hair."

She smiled and brought his face up to look at hers.

"Did you bring my medicine in last night?"

"In bed, under covers, pressed tightly and all you can think about is medicine?"

"Well the whole pressed tightly thing has me thinking a lot about painkillers."

He pushed back quickly, not realizing he had been hurting her.

"I'll get them."

He got up quickly, still dressed in his jeans and T-shirt from the night before. His hair was rumpled and stuck out to the left, reminding her of an older DiNozzo. As he walked back from the bathroom, water in hand, she sat up cautiously and propped herself against the headboard.

"That medicine must have one helluva kick. Last night is a little fuzzy to me."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"Ok, a lot fuzzy."

He smiled at her and sat on the edge of the bed as she downed the few pills he had put in her hand. She handed him back the glass and he put it on her nightstand. She slowly slouched back under the covers.

"Is it still Friday?" she said, turning her head to look at the clock. Five thirty AM. Well, 5:32am to be exact. In the morning. What morning she wasn't quite sure. She gave an inner groan which turned into an outer groan. Gibbs was about to stand when Lizzy's arms popped out from under the covers and stretched to the headboard. She started laughing, burying her head in her pillow.

"Owwww…," she said, still laughing. "I gotta quit doing that."

Gibbs smiled and leaned over, slowly pulling the covers from her body. He pushed them down to her knees and reached for her jersey. He slid it up so he could check her bandages. She didn't flinch or pull away. She let him examine the bandages, peel them away, examine the stitches and repatch. He smoothed his hands over the bandages. This was his opportunity and he knew it. He wasn't going to get an easier opening than this.

"So… did you ever manage to handcuff a doctor to the bed like I told you to?"

Lizzy propped herself on her elbows, looking down at her bandages. She let a full minute pass before taking a deep breath. She knew this was it. She knew she had to tell him. And she had to tell him now before she lost her nerve, and there wasn't much of that to begin with.

"Amazingly, they did have one there. I mean, a doctor… in a hospital… we get more advanced every day."

He smiled even though he knew she was only making jokes to cover her nerves. She took another deep breath.

"Jethro…"

"Lizzy…"

"I need to tell you something."

His gaze never wavered from hers. He wanted to let her know that it was ok. That he wasn't going anywhere this time.

"The day I got shot," she paused. "The day I shot myself…" she paused again. "I was…we were…"

He reached out and took her hand and helped her to a sitting position, but didn't let go. If anything he held it tighter. She seemed to gain confidence from his strength, his warmth.

"I was three months pregnant, Gibbs."

She stopped, waiting for the tirade that would follow. When it didn't, she met his eyes. She tried to keep the tears from coming but she could feel them. Feel the water threatening to spill onto her cheeks like Niagra Falls. But she held them back a little longer.

"I was pregnant. I lost more blood that I thought I would… and then I lost the baby. Again."

Then the tears came flooding out. Gibbs moved closer and gathered her in his arms, letting her cry and shedding a few himself. In the three and half years he'd known her, he'd never seen her cry, never wanted to. But this was a healing process, like everything else and just because he had known before she told him didn't make it any less painful to hear.

"Gibbs," she said, trying to let the sobs subside.

"I'm here," he said, pulling her even closer but she pushed away from him.

"I lost our baby. It was my fault."

He shook his head and started to speak when she stopped him.

"It was my fault. I shot the hostage. I didn't have time to weigh the options. I didn't figure on losing that much blood."

"If you wanna take the blame, I can't stop you but I can stop you from taking all of it."

She ran her hands through her hair and rubbed her forehead.

"The day I lost the baby was the day I was going to tell you. I was exactly three months."

"Why didn't you come to me in the beginning?"

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Would you have honestly been happy with a pregnancy in a relationship that wasn't even a relationship?"

He opened his mouth but closed it because he knew she was right.

"We would've figured it out…," he said, reaching up to tuck away a strand of hair that fell across her face.

"I also waited because the doctor said it would be a good idea. The way the last one ended…he thought it would be best to get through the first trimester before breaking the news to anyone."

"Even me?"

"Well… that one was kind of my decision….," she said, picking at some invisible speck on the blanket in front of her.

"You thought I would be angry?"

"Honestly, I wasn't sure how you would react. It was a baby, Gibbs. A baby."

"I heard you the first time."

"What would you have done with a baby?"

His voice dropped and became husky as he spoke.

"I would have loved it."

A/N: So my updates keep stretching out over longer periods of time. No apologies this time. A terrible sign of weakness of which I am guilty. The reason for the hold up is two fold: Got a job – yea me! And the other reason….well…I'll be posting the other reason on youtube by this weekend so everyone can check it out for themselves….get ready to laugh!