Chapter Five:

Flames

"For love is strong as death, passion as fierce as the grave; its flashes are flashes of fire, a raging flame." –Unknown

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

Travel by foot is a slow paced and grueling process. There is always the threat of attack by Earthbendersor soldiers of the Earth Kingdom army. We travelled as any unit of the army would. There were occasional run-ins with the enemy, but they were quickly over. Either by their defeat or their running away as the cowards they are! What a dishonorable act! The Fire Nation principle is to never give up. If one does, what honor do they have left?

The war had not touched me back in the Royal Palace. It had seemed such a far thing. Yet here it was, our daily truth, for we were travelling through parts of enemy territory. Fire Nation children are taught that the other nations, such as the Earth Kingdom, are uncivilized in their culture and bending compared to ours. The war is to help them so that we may share our greatness with them. Somehow that did not entirely seem to fit with what I saw with my own eyes. Any villages we passed through, controlled by the Fire Nation, had the eyes of a frightened and angered people. There was poverty everywhere. In enemy villages, which we usually avoided, there was outright violence to us, even if just in their words. There are many more things I could write about on this matter, but it only leads to a melded confusion. It is not my place to question this, but I wonder, what would Iroh and my father say?

The short battles I write about were never threatening. Lu Ten proved himself to be an exemplary fighter and leader in the eyes of his men. As for me…I did what I had to do. I had not ever been in a real battle before, even if it was just a skirmish. I will not ever forget our first run-in with the Earthbenders in a surprise attack…

We were at the head of the line. Lu Ten was riding on a Komodo-Rhinoceros, as was I. The one I rode was not pleased with the dust it breathed in from the winding, dirt road. There was a rough wall of a mountainside to my right and a jagged cliff to my left. We were currently plodding our way through a small mountain range. This caused the formation to be thin and long for the troops. We had just marched off from the port a month prior and had finally entered enemy territory several days earlier. No sign of the enemy yet. The sun spat down on us unmercifully.

I was wearing armor for the first time in my life since leaving the colony. We had only stayed there for a week in preparation for the march. It had been Lu Ten's idea, his excuse that we were actually in war. I detested the heavy weight of the armor and the way the heat encased itself inside. I was used to the freedom of simple garb that allowed movement. Armor is stifling. Lu Ten had his own tent at night, centered in the middle of the encampment each night. A tent is different from a room. It is vulnerable. Instead of his door side as my bed, it was now the floor beside his sleeping pad. Lu Ten had not been pleased with that. I smirked as I recalled his scowling face. I always seemed to win the arguments these days…except for the armor one. My smile slowly melted away as my eyes centered on Lu Ten's back in front of me. He rode his steed with such a calm confidence.

My chest clenched as I looked at him. I blamed the rising dust in the air. It was tormenting…to feel this way, but too afraid…

…to…

I still did not know. What would my father say?

A startled cry sounded the alarm from behind me. I twisted my back around sharply to see a huge boulder bursting out of the mountainside, sending troops over the edge of the cliff. The fall is…a long way down. "Earthbenders!" Was the clamoring yells from the men. Most of these men were experienced soldiers, already having served in the Earth Kingdom before. Only a few were untried and they were the ones to yell the obvious. The other men grimly and quickly returned the attack. Lu Ten assumed command, ordering the already fighting men to attack. The attack by the Earthbenders was clever, for the Earthbenders were aboveus on thin ridges lining the mountainside. They had the high ground. A flash of movement caught my eye meters aboveme. I sent a blast of orange fire at the narrowed ridge above me. The energy of my bending streamed through my veins, flickering the flame within my chest with the fiery power of firebending.

There was a cry as a man in green fell over; his clothes were caught on fire. He landed face down on the ground beside me with a sickening thud. I glanced at his unmoving form. The sight of his body caused bile to rise in my throat. The stench of burnt skin perfumed the dusty atmosphere. Shouts of men, the grinding and shaking of earth, and the hisses of fire danced in the air. Not all the men in the unit were firebenders and I could hear the whistling sounds of them throwing spears at the Earthbenders. They were partially successful in their throws, but the enemy had the advantage.

Lu Ten was shouting orders ahead of me, while sending his own punches of furrowing flames at the cliffside. My eyes stared back at the man that I had killed. He was the enemy. Yet…this was the first time I had killed anyone…

"Keiya!"

I looked up at the sound of Lu Ten's voice. He sounded afraid…?

The next thing I was aware of was something hard and solid knocking me off my Komodo-Rhinoceros. The wind was knocked out of me, but I realized that the clank of my armor was not of hitting the ground, but of armor hitting armor. My attention settled onto Lu Ten's face that was inches from my own. His arms were wrapped around me protectively as he had taken the brunt of the fall. I looked back to where I had been moments before. There was only a pile of boulders in instead. The Komodo-Rhinoceros was…

I rolled of Lu Ten with muttered thanks. It is my role to protect him, not the other way around! Lu Ten rose up to his feet beside me. It was strangely quiet for the battle had ended. The Earthbendershad retreated. The men were alive, albeit a few, but flush with the victory. It was difficult to accept that fact that the battle had only lasted for minutes. I head Lu Ten's ragged breathing next to me. "Don't scare me like that again," He murmured harshly.

I looked at his face, which was tight with emotion and dirt-streaked. A cut was bleeding lightly on his chin. I opened my mouth to respond…the sickness in my stomach slithered up my throat and snaked out of my mouth. The image of the man I had killed was flashing before my vision…the smell…all of the…

I was vaguely startled when I realized Lu Ten was stroking my hair back from my face while I shamed myself openly.

Life was a way of turning day by day. The journey to Ba Sing Se seemed to last for years at times and at others it passed in the blinking of an eye. There were other battles, but for the most part we marched on and camped when the night came. Lu Ten knew every one of his men and somehow became friends with the ones who dared to keep his company. Most could not forget who he was, while Lu Ten seemed to do that himself. I did not befriend any of the men, nor they me. Lu Ten had several advisers, the highest officers in his unit, who spoke to me occasionally in passing, but no more than that.

Lu Ten was my entire world. A bodyguard does not associate with others unless in protection of the charge. That was what I had been taught at the Society. There had been others in my life though…my long lost friend Kin, Iroh, my father, and Princess Ursa. There had been those in the Society. I had been raised in a secular way, so being around so many people caused me to find it distracting. I was shocked to realize that I am shy of other people, even if I have a mouth. Lu Ten did not know if he had killed anyone in that first skirmish, but eventually he did. He would not admit to the fact that he had shamed himself as I had, but he had done it privately that night after the battle. I had heard him and at the time had itched to comfort him. I held myself back as I had learned to do. There was a rick in such things, for one little slip…

It was in this life that months passed. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months. There were stretching days of humdrum marching. There were towns, villages, and the countryside. There were the Earth Kingdom civilians who hated us and there were more minor battles. I killed more men in my own defense and that of Lu Ten. I am not a soldier and was not trained to be in a battlefield. Each time I took a life, something tugged at me. They are the enemy, yet each face…I expected to kill someone some day in the defense of Lu Ten, but not so many in such a short time. I can remember each face. It did not become easier with time. That was what I had been told. I am doing what I am supposed to do, so it should not bother me so. I wonder what....what my father would say.

The day finally came when we had at last arrived at the siege of Ba Sing Se. The army surrounding its massive walls was huge. Iroh was in charge of so many troops, more than I had imagined. They were working on a way to break through Ba Sing Se's outer wall, a feat that has never been done before. Iroh's large and commanding tent was in the center of the encampment, which was naturally behind the front lines. The towering wall of Ba Sing Se stood in the background, just waiting to be toppled to the ground. Lu Ten stood before the flap of the tent with a seeming calm face. He was nervous though, I could tell that much. I felt my own anxiety swell within my stomach. I was going to see my father again! Iroh!

Yet…

Lu Ten opened the red tent flap and strode into the tent. I followed behind him like a shadow. The tent was simple in the inside with its furnishings. Iroh looked up at us from where he had sat at a low table, going over paper work. His eyes, the same as Lu Ten's alighted as he sat up with a grin. "Lu Ten," He said joyfully. Lu Ten hugged his father without another word. There was only one other person in the room, who stood in the background of the tent silently.

…Father…

It felt like I had not seen him in years. He slowly walked over to me and looked at me with his sharp, golden eyes. I was surprised to see his face more ragged than I remembered it. He smiled at me as if I were the sun. "Keiya," He said softly.

"Dad," I returned in a small voice. Could he tell? Was everything that visible in me now? He pulled me into a warming embrace. I held my head against his shoulder and knew that I had missed him more than I had known. Even more than I had at the Society. He always seemed to know what was right and I needed him now. He would be able to tell me what was right.

I pulled myself away to see Iroh and Lu Ten waiting patiently. Lu Ten came over with such a brilliant smile that I had not seen in months. "Reizo," He greeted my father. They hugged each other as if they were family. Our family.

Iroh looked at me with his twinkling eyes. I was not used to seeing him in his dark armor. I noticed with an annoyed thought that my father wore no armor. "Little turtle-duck," Iroh teased with a smile, "You've grown even more in these last few months."

"I have not," I replied instantly. I had not grown taller at all for the last several years.

"You're blooming into a beautiful flower," Iroh added with a thoughtful look, "Though a dangerous one, of course."

I laughed for what felt the first time in weeks. It was true though, I was startled to realize as I did. Iroh hugged me with his solid arms and I at last felt the sense of completion. Our family was whole again.

It was only a short while after that that I stood alone on a hill at the edge of the encampment. Lu Ten's unit seemed pathetic in numbers compared to the size of the Iroh's forces. The tents were all lined in the perfect military lines, the red tents in stark contrast with the yellow, grassed plains. The outer wall of Ba Sing Se stood in the hazy distance. A soft wind caressed my face as I looked out. Iroh was sure to win. He was a brilliant commander and did not have the title "Dragon of the West" for nothing.

The sun was setting behind the formidable wall of Ba Sing Se in bloody red tones. It would be considered a good sign; I thought wryly, to us at least for it our color. I looked to my left at the quiet approach of my father's feet. He came over and stood beside me while looking at the sunset. "Iroh in a meeting with his officers," He stated, "Lu Ten is with him."

"I know."

"You have been strangely quiet," Father commented concerned. I glanced at his searching gaze. He always knew. "What is wrong?"

How could I even begin to explain? My own doubts…about everything…Lu Ten…I swung my head back to my father's face. He would understand. Somehow he always did. "It's not my place to judge the war, but it was always so distant at home. I knew someday I would kill someone to defend Lu Ten, but not soldiers on a battlefield!" My voice started to rise with outright rage. "They're the enemy and I'm not supposed to care! But each time it doesn't get easer…it just…"

Father's face had remained placid in my vehement confession. He put his solid hands on my shoulder and looked at me directly with commanding eyes. "What you feel Keiya, is natural. It is what makes you human," He paused and a dangerous flint formed in his golden eyes. "The Society would have you feel nothing, but it is what you feel that makes you who you are."

I took in his words with a shaky breath. "It would be easier to feel nothing," I remarked with slight embitterment.

"True, but think of the things you would not have if you felt nothing," Father responded simply.

My chest contracted…Iroh…Father…

…Lu Ten….Lu Ten…

I saw the realization dawn like the morning star in his eyes as they looked into my own. Father released my shoulders with wide eyes. "How long?" He manged to word in a choked voice.

"I always have."

"Not like this," He replied darkly. "I had always feared this would happen."

Hurt speared my chest and anger burnt as well. I had expected him to understand, to tell me what the right thing was! "Feared? You've always taught me that love is a gift!" I snapped. I took a step back from him. "Everything you have taught me usually goes against what the Society taught me. I don't know what is right and wrong because of you!"

I could see the visible pain on my father's face at my words. His lips became a thin line. "I cannot tell you what is right and wrong, that is your own choice to make." He let out a frustrated sigh. "I did not mean to sound like that…I am just…" Father stopped and looked at my face with such an intense look it made me flinch. There was an open bleeding wound there I had not ever thought of. "I do not want your heart to be broken."

My mother had died to bring me into this world. I had always wondered about her. I had always had a missing part within me because of her death. I had not even once considered how it had affected my father. My throat became hard like the earth. "I understand…but I don't know what to do."

Father took my face into his hands with a loving touch of comfort. "Whatever choice you make, I will stand by you. You are my only child. Your name means hope and that is what you have always given me."

Days passed at the war-front of Ba Sing Se. Lu Ten was always in meetings with his father and when he was not, he trained. Iroh had not yet allowed him to be on the front line. They were close, I had heard, very close to breaking through the wall. I trained and kept guard over Lu Ten. Father and Iroh were there, but distant because Iroh had a siege to take care of. Lu Ten tried to get me train with him one day as I watched him drill…

"Keiya, come spar with me," He offered with a smile. His training clothes were simple, but close-fitting enough that it made my stomach flutter. I shook my head and stayed where I sat on my knees. Confusion was still mine. My father could not tell me what to do. "I need to train; Keiya and you're a good bender. Dad won't let me fight, even though I've already proven myself!" Lu Ten continued with irritation coming into his last words. I glanced up to see the resentment in his eyes. I had not thought of his frustration from not being allowed at the front line. Personally, I was glad neither to fight nor to have him in it. He was safer here.

I would not fight with him. It can be a personal thing, combating a person, certain steps, and certain moves…feelings…

"I'm tired, so go fight a Komodo-Rhinoceros!" I quipped annoyed.

Lu Ten glared at me. "At least I don't act like one," He snipped in return.

"Well, you smell as bad as one right now!"

"You…argh!" Lu Ten huffed off without another word.

We were both on short tempers. Both of us impatient and angry with our current positions.

…Lu Ten…

That night I slept as I had for months near his sleeping pad. There were times when I was not in the tent of course, but I had become used to seeing a shirtless Lu Ten. Not that it bothered him. Lu Ten was sleeping with his face looking so peaceful. It did not look that way when he was awake anymore. He had always been the calm one. Now he seemed so…angry…like me.

I was angry.

But at who?

I was sitting only several feet away and staring at his sleeping form. I had not been able to fall asleep...when I did, there were only nightmares. "Keiya?" Lu Ten mumbled in a tired tone. His face was turned towards me and quiet alert. "What are you doing?" He sat up slowly.

"I can't sleep."

"Bad dreams?" Lu Ten asked with a tiny smile. "I remember how you used to get them when we were kids."

"You ordered them away," I added with a laugh. Lu Ten's dark golden eyes were trained on mine. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was shirtless. Something shined in them that made my heart thud like a war drum.

"Keiya…I…" Lu Ten paused and shook his head. "Go to sleep, little one." He went to settle himself back down on his pad.

"Lu Ten?"

"Yeah?" He stopped and looked back at me.

"Could you still order them away for me?"

Lu Ten chuckled. "Of course, but I don't know if I want to. Do I still smell like a Komodo-Rhinoceros?"

I had somehow slowly scooted over to him this whole time, without even meaning to. I had not been far away to begin with. "No, you don't."

Lu Ten laughed lightly. "Nice to know. Good night, Keiya."

Before I could stop myself, my body made my long, fought over decision for me. I leaned over and kissed him. Having no experience in this department, it was strange to be the one to initiate. Lu Ten's lips were warm and there was a moment of shock before he responded. I was surprised by his response. Instead of shoving me away, he deepened the kiss.

It was I who pulled away first. Lu Ten was now sitting up in his bed with his face watching my every gesture. "That…that is quite the way to say good night," He manged to say at last.

My cheeks burnt, but I did not regret it. At least he had not pushed me away in disgust. "I wasn't saying good night," I responded. Lu Ten's eyes widened.

I have always known what I wanted.

I love him.

I wanted him.

I have never done these things before, but for him…I would do anything. I would scale the outer wall of Ba Sing Se or locate the city of the Northern Water Tribe if he ordered me to. When I leaned in to kiss him again, he did not push me away. Lu Ten knew the meaning of my words and kissed me right back the second time.

I did not say those three words, but I felt it with every pound my heart. Each beat was for him.

…Lu Ten….Lu Ten…

After that night…things were always how they had seemed to be during the day, but at night, they were forever changed by my actions. Several weeks passed in this manner, but I did not say anything about how I felt. Lu Ten did not ask or say anything, but I sometimes I thought I saw a look in his eyes. But that was probably what I wanted to see, I reasoned with myself. Even if he did not love me like that or it ended…at least…at least I would have gotten to have him, even if only for a short while.

There came the day that Iroh at last broke through the outer wall of Ba Sing Se. The troops were jubilant with this turn of events. All of us, Iroh, father, Lu Ten, and I had watched the wall at last fall. Lu Ten would be allowed by his father to at long last fight with his troops on the front line. I…I did not want him to and would have agreed with Iroh to tussle him up to keep him from going. Though Iroh would not have admitted it, he kept Lu Ten from fighting because he feared for him.

I was helping Lu Ten put his armor on in his tent. He would at last join the front line and his reunite with his unit. We were both silent as I strapped on his armor. I already mine on. The air seemed to be thick with tension. The tent's walls were a dim red as the sunlight beamed through. I was knotting one tie on Lu Ten's side when Lu Ten grasped my hands with his. He looked directly into my eyes. "Keiya, do you love me?"

I could not avert my eyes from his. They were magnetic with their questioning power. My chest felt as if my heart would be pulled through it by a string. "Yes," I said at long last. "I love you."

"Then…will you marry me?"

My jaw dropped open in complete and utter shock. Marry him? But…but…it could not work! He would have to marry someone important for he is a Royal Heir and as for me... "Don't think about how it will work because we'll find a way," Lu Ten continued in a passionate, persuasive tone. His face was waiting with anticipation in its every line. "I love you, Keiya. I always have and I want you to be my wife."

He loved me. An intense heat like fire flamed my viens, remind me of the energy from when I firebend. My heart beat was quick and fluttering. Marry him…All of the ways it was wrong..and yet…it was right…

I looked directly into his gaze. I knew what I wanted and once again I did not give a damn what the consequences were. I love him. "Yes," I answered. Lu Ten pulled me into his arms and his lips were on mine.

The battle was more chaotic and dangerous than any other we had ever been in. We had marched through the outer wall and had continued into what were farmlands. The Earthbenders were waiting and had ambushed us. There were the sounds of flying earth and hissing flames around me. In the chaos, I had lost sight of Lu Ten as I fought against the enemy. We were outnumbered in this battle. I felt the fear crawl up my spine and into my brain. Finally, I spotted Lu Ten a distance away. He was in the middle of fighting against several Earthbenders. I ducked and rolled to avoid a stray boulder the size of my head. Then I saw it, an Earthbender was preparing to attack Lu Ten from behind. Not on my watch!

I rushed as quickly as I could in his direction, avoiding to be caught in any more distractions with other Earthbenders. "Keiya! Look out!" I looked back at the sound of my father's frantic yell. Reinforcements had arrived, spilling into the battle. He sent a jet of flame that stopped a hurling rock that had been coming towards me. His face was relieved as he saw me unharmed.

I opened my mouth to thank him, but it turned into a scream. "No!" A rock, perhaps a stray one or intended for him, smashed into his head. He fell to the ground with half of his head gone. There was blood everywhere. I stood lost in shock and horror. No…no…

Lu Ten!

The thought of him made me turn away from my father's corpse. It was too late. I could see Lu Ten sprawled underneath a rock that had crushed him. I ran to him and tried to push the rock away. It was too large. His face was visible and his eyes were open wide. They were blank as if the sun had been driven from them. There was blood pooling around the boulder as I collapsed next to him in numb shock.

Blood…red…our color…

…everywhere…

Lu Ten! Father!....

I…No!...

Something hit me in the back of head, sending me into a world of darkness I hoped not to merge from.

A/N: I am sorry if this chapter too graphic. I tried to not be gruesome in the descriptions. I found this chapter the most difficult to write of all. Thanks for reading and please review.