Chapter Six:

From the Ashes

"The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise." –Miquel de Cervantes Saavedra

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.

When I first realized conscious thought from the darkness, it was with a flash of the truest pain and horror. My last memory and thoughts emerged before my closed lids and a scream escaped my lips. Someone's hand touched my shoulder gently. "Keiya!" The voice called boldly. My eyes shot open to see an unfamiliar face staring down at me in concern. "Calm yourself," The man said more softly. He was middle-aged and had the traditional looks of a Fire Nation man. He was dressed in a clean and simple manner. It hurt to move my head as I twisted it to look around my surroundings. There was a line of sleeping pads in the room, most filled with injured soldiers. I was in one of the tents for the injured, thus the man before me was a healer.

I did not close my eyes in the fear that the images would return. I was still in shock. It could not be…why did I have to live? "You received a blow to a head, but you should be fine. There will be some light-headiness and dizziness for the next few days," The man explained with a critical look. I turned my head into my pillow, away from the man's examining gaze. There was nothing inside me now, except for a great cavity that felt nothing except pure anguish. I had failed. They were dead and because of me!

The sobs of loss and pity frothed at my lips, but I bit down hard on my tongue to keep from crying. I knew that if I did, it would not stop. The man's hand tenderly touched my shoulder. "Prince Iroh will be coming to see you shortly," He said in a low voice. "And…I am sorry for your loss." I did not look up from my scratchy pillow to look at the kind healer. My whole world was gone, and I with it.

I had lost two out of the three most important people to me in the entire world. I would soon lose the only other person who understood me…the only other person who could have saved me. Pain and self-pity blinded me to his anguish and because of my own fault once more, I would lose the only person left in the world that I loved…

When Iroh had come to see me, I did not turn to look at him. I could not bear to see his face in the fear that it would be exactly like mine, but marred with hatred for me. He had spoken to me in a voice that I did not recognize, one that was barely in control of burdened pain. "You were gone for a few days, Keiya." His voice paused and he rasped as if he could not breathe. "I plan on withdrawing the troops and going home to the Fire Nation. I will be returning home and I want to know-"

I cut him off in a dead-pan voice that emerged from a throat that felt as if it were being strangled. My back was to him from where I lay on my side on the sleeping pad. "What did you do with them?"

Iroh's sob caught in his throat. "They…they were returned to the fire yesterday." I clenched my fists. I had not even got to say goodbye, but I still could not accept the fact…all of my fault! "Keiya, turtle-duck, look at me," Iroh pleaded. "It wasn't your fault. I don't blame you."

I stayed still. "Keiya!" Iroh pleaded with a moan that was more of a cry.

I still did not look at him, but replied in the voice that was what I had become, one of the complete loss of self. "Keiya is dead. She died with Lu Ten and her father." Iroh tried in vain to talk to me, but eventually he left. That was to be the last time I would ever see him.

The day I left the siege of Ba Sing Se was the day I went to the ashes of the pyres where their remains had been burned....

I stood before a field where pyres had once been, but now there was only different patches of scorched earth and wood. All that was left of so many. I did not know which ones they had been greeted by into the flames. The sky above was a cheerful blue with a beaming sun. A light wind scattered the golden grass of the field that was now grey from the ashes. I could not help myself as I sank to my knees and felt the vast hollow ache inside me. My heart thudded, but it seemed such a dead thing to me.

There were no words I could say. There was nothing I could do now. Keiya was gone…

She had died on that battlefield with the ones she had loved. I pulled out one of the only knives I owned and raised it….

It was with one quick stroke that I cut off the top-knot I always wore my hair in. It burned up in the flames I sent it in with an acidic smell. Never again would my hair fall long enough to be bound up.

There is more to the story of how I eventually returned to the Fire Nation, but is only one of weeks of drudgery as I forced myself to continue. There were days when I thought of ending it all, of simply raising a knife to my chest, or perhaps taking poison. Suicide is not an honorable act in the Fire Nation. The only two reasons why I lived were because my father had died to save me. I knew they would want me to live, even if I did not. Lu Ten…father…Yet as I had said to Iroh, the girl he had known was dead. The other reason for why I did not end it all was not for me, but for another. The healer, he had been the one to tell me before I left…

He watched me critically as I made way to leave the healer's tent. "May I speak with you?" He asked calmly.

I did not respond, but stopped in order for him to approach me. "There is something you need to know," He said quietly. His expression was guarded. "You're with child, did you know that?"

I stared at him agape. Agni…

Then I felt just the barest trace and it took me a moment to recall what it was…hope…

I was going to have Lu Ten's child. Than reality slapped me across the face. This child would not ever know his father or grandfather because of me. I bowed my head.

"Don't end your life," The healer continued, "I have seen the look you have now on many. Live for your unborn child."

I left without another word, not caring if the healer suspected who the father was. I was leaving this cursed place. The only place I could go to, the only place free of the haunting memories of my father and Lu Ten was the Center, the place I hated most in the world. I later learned on my return there that Fire Lord Azulon had passed and in his place, Prince Ozai had been crowned, not Iroh. Iroh was the rightful heir as the firstborn, but he had lost…from him there would be no more heirs' presumably. Once this would have outraged me. Yet than…than I did not care, for everything had become surreal to me.

There was nowhere else left for me to turn to, so I went to seek help from a man I detested. He was the only kin I knew of left in the world. He was my dead mother's brother and the Guardian of the Society. Perhaps I might have tried to have found my father's kindred, the very family that protects the Royal Heirs, but I did not know where to seek them out. Their identity was hidden from me, just as their secret was from the world and even themselves…

I had not spent my whole life at the Center as most do. Instead, I had only spent four years there in my childhood. I did not know any of the secret entrances, so I approached at the main gate. It had been dusk with cold stars gleaming above. A guard had opened the door with suspicious eyes. Not many knew the true meaning of this place and most did not come to it out of mere curiosity. Those who lived on other parts of the island knew to stay away. "Who are you?" The helmeted guard asked sternly.

"I'm here to see the Guardian," I said quietly. I do not know what the guard saw in my expression or face, but he let me in without another word. Naturally I was searched and led speedily and covertly about the Center, as if I had never been there before. The guards did not know that, but most did not know about the Society or who led it. I suppose that knowledge had been my key in. I spent a long time waiting in a dark corridor under the watchful eye of another guard before I was ushered into the study room that belonged to the Guardian. The room was simply square with two slotted windows across from the entrance. The walls were a bland grey stone. Both joint walls were stacked with shelves of books and a banner of the Fire Nation hung between the two windows. One round carpet with an imprint of a map of the world covered the chilly stones.

Upon it was a low table where Keitaro had papers spread out before him. He sat on his knees and looked up at me with a nondescript expression. He gestured for me to sit across him. Keitaro's dark eyes analyzed me shrewdly for several terse minutes. "I heard the news," He said at last placidly, "I tried to reach you, but it seemed you had left. Prince Iroh was unable to tell me of what had happened to you. He fears the worst." Keitaro bowed his head, a move which surprised me, even though I did not care. Little mattered to me these days, such could be seen in my disheveled appearance. "I am sorry. Reizo was my friend once," Keitaro continued in a tight voice that did not want to show emotion. "As hard as that may be for you to believe, Keiya."

"Don't call me that!" I snapped furious as I felt a surge of bitterness swarm my veins. "That girl died in Ba Sing Se."

Keitaro's head rose as he smirked darkly. "I wondered why you returned here. You always detested this place." He looked at me with a cynical face. "Do you know what happens to those who fail their charge?" I nodded. Those who are of the Society, the regular bodyguards, faced punishment from banishment to death depending on the circumstances. Those who protected the Royals…I did not know what rules applied, for so many were different for us.

"There's only one reason I returned here for I have nowhere else to turn," I said in a low voice.

"What would that be?" Keitaro asked with a trace of mockery.

"I'm pregnant."

Keitaro took me back under his wing into the Society. It was because of my condition that he arranged for me to live on a beach house on the infamous vacationing island for the higher classes of the Fire Nation, Ember Island. It was here for the next few months that I would dwell for the most part in isolation for it was turning to the winter months. Most of the noble families do not vacation there that time of the year. The home I was given had only several rooms, a kitchen area, and a general living space. It was located in a rather secretive alcove on the more unpopulated side of the island. I did not say much in those days and had only stayed at the Society for a week before I had departed for Ember Island.

At the Center, I was kept hidden from everyone else except for several guards. If the others were to know…the Elders….it would not bode well. Keitaro I did not see for days and I was kept in a bland chamber with little to do. He had not spoken to me since my confession of my condition. But frankly, I had not cared at the time. It was always the dreams that bothered me…the only thing that brought about any true emotions. The last day I was there, I was brought to the Guardian's study room once more…

I sat before him as I had only a week before. Keitaro looked at me with his unnerving black eyes. The hatred I had felt for him in the past was such a mundane thing to me now, what did it matter? Nothing did at all. "You are to stay at Ember Island until you have given birth," Keitaro began in a brisk tone. "You are to depart as soon as you leave this room." He paused and raised a dark eyebrow sardonically. "Do you not care to know more…such as who will be your escort?"

I shrugged and looked down at my hands. The nails were bitten to jagged ends. I had not used to bite my nails before.

"Your old friend Kin will be going with you. He has no assignment at the moment and I presumed you would like to have someone you know as a…maid and guard," Keitaro added with a note of disdain. "Hopefully he can help you to keep up your appearance at least."

"And after that?" I asked in a monotone voice. I did not look away from my hands.

"You will come back here," Keitaro replied serenely, "Kin will find a healer to help you with giving birth."

There was only one tiny thing that gave me…any sort of desire for a future…the child that grew within me. My child and....Lu Ten's child….Lu Ten's child…. "What about my child?" I inquired stiffly.

Keitaro gave me a small smile that almost appeared sorrowful. "You cannot keep this child. Fire Lord Ozai has no threat to his claim for the throne for Prince Iroh seems too heartbroken to challenge him. The people support him for he has heirs and the chance of Iroh ever having any again are slim, if at all," Keitaro explained as if he were talking to a small child. "I know who the father is, though you have not cared to tell me. If this child is a boy…he will be a threat to Ozai."

"What if my child is a girl?" I queried, but I already knew the answer.

"She would not be as much of a threat, but the result is still the same," Keitaro answered me coldly. "The legitimacy could be questioned, but there is that possibility that will threaten this child if Ozai were ever to find out. Besides, no royal child could be raised in the Society to be a bodyguard…the very idea is revolting."

"What will happen?"

"Your child will be safe and well-cared for," Keitaro amended almost sympathetically, but he frowned heavily as he spoke. "That is all you need to know."

When I stepped out of the room, I was almost surprised to not be greeted by one of the usual guards, but instead by a tall man in the traditional simple garb of the Society. He had light golden skin and the golden eyes that are usual of the Fire Nation. His dark brown hair was pulled into a top-knot and one scar ran across his jawbone. His face was elegant in way and he did not have facial hair as most men of our nation do. "Hello Keiya," He greeted me with a small nod of his head. "It has been a long time."…Kin…

He had been my friend once, long ago when we were children, training in the same class together. Till the age of nine when a student goes to train with one teacher. He had stayed here as was proper, while I had left. I vaguely recalled the grief I had felt at the time at leaving him behind. Yet at this time anger caressed me as I heard that name. "Don't call me that!" I hissed with glaring eyes.

Kin looked at me in shock, but nodded his head. "Alright, what do you want me to call you then?"

"Nothing."

Kin masked any expression as we both had been taught to do. "As you wish," He amended agreeably. "Come, we must be going to the dock."

The next few months passed at Ember Island. Kin was my only companion. He was my caretaker in many ways for I was a pregnant woman. He was also my protector I suppose. I dreamed most of the time…of the past and of what my child would be like. The child could not be raised by me. Keitaro was right….There was also an unspoken fear that resided in me…that I would destroy this child…everyone I had loved was gone because of me! Even Iroh must hate me because of what I had done and I had rejected him when he needed my help…and I had needed his.

Kin was not the same boy I remembered. He spoke as little as I did in those days and did whatever needed to be done for me. He was always there. Sometimes at night to pass the time, he would tell stories, even sing a song on the occasion. Kin was a bodyguard and had protected various charges in the last year since he had reached the full status of a bodyguard. Around the same time I had. He told me of what had happened over the years and what he had learned. Kin was a fighter, a survivor. He had passed our brutal training without even being a fire bender as most usually are. My training had been easy in comparison…I had had love and family. He had none of those things. I had been his only friend and that had been long ago.

I could describe all the details of those months, of the quiet peace that was there, a sort of tranquility that in ways almost helped me to find myself again. I could tell of all the new things I learned of what it is to be pregnant and its more unpleasant sides. In short, Kin did find a healer woman for me when the time came. It was long and painful, but I brought a son into the world. I would only hold that squalling, red faced child in my arms for several minutes…

The healer woman smiled at me kindly and moved to take him from my arms. I shook my head and held him closer. He was mine! "What is his name?" She asked kindly.

I had thought of names over the months, wondering if I would even be allowed to name him. A name had struck me, one that should be rightfully his for he was Lu Ten's son. Lu Ten Taro...Lu Ten's son…That name could not be given; there would be too much risk. "Xiao-Si," I managed to choke out. The healer nodded and took my son from my arms. I did not try to hold him back. When she walked out the door with Xiao-Si who cried loudly, I at long last let out a pathetic wail. I had not cried since waking up in the healer's tent in Ba Sing Se and I did so than with no holding it back.

Kin came to the room soon after and had somehow managed to taken me into his arms. He brushed my short hair and made soothing sounds. When I finally stopped in my pathetic cries, I looked up at his golden gaze. There was something in them, just a flash; of something I could vaguely recognize. It was soon gone. "She said you named him Xiao-Si," He said softly, "It means respectful heir…who was his father?"

I shook my head. "He's gone," I bubbled out painfully, "Just as she took him from me…" A sob erupted from my raw throat. Kin only held me in his arms as I let the rain fall.

That would be last time I would ever be weak like that again. Soon after I returned to the Center with Kin. It is a longer story of what was to follow over the next six years. When I returned, I was with Keitaro all of the time, learning from him, being instructed in the traditions of the Society. Eventually I realized that the hatred I held for him was long gone and in its place I felt a sense of companionship. He had no one, just as I did. We were family and in that we found an uneasy sort of friendship one could say. There came the day when the Elders found out the truth of his actions. A Guardian is supposed to hold that position for life. Keitaro was demoted from his status and given the rank of a teacher, a leniency for his previous leadership of the Society. Somehow, I did not ask how or why, I became the Guardian in his place. All those months following my return he had been grooming me to be his successor.

I will not list the duties that this required or the traditions for such things are forbidden. I am not that stupid either. The Society would be led by my stern hand for the next six years. I did not let the rules be broken for I had lost everything because of that. There would be order. Tradition would be respected and followed. Order. Tradition. That was my life. I led myself to become the definition of those things I came to hold dear. I would not be the weak girl I had once been. She was gone…Keiya was dead.

Keitaro came to be the teacher of Nira, my cousin who was to become the bodyguard of the now Crown Prince Zuko. I remembered the boy prince and knew of Princess Ursa's disappearance around the same time as my return to the Fire Nation. As the Guardian, I had inherited my own network. I never found out the truth behind Ozai's crowning, Fire Lord Azulon's death, and her disappearance. It was a tangle of truths that led nowhere. The only ones that knew what had really happened were them.

There came the day when Crown Prince Zuko was banished after a failed Agni Kai with his father. He had spoken out of turn in a war meeting. He was banished from the Fire Nation and sentenced to find the Avatar. Only than when he found him would he be allowed to return home. A fool's quest, so to speak. Nira was to accompany him. I had kept an eye on her over the years and at long last met her. A girl of not even fourteen years with bright blue eyes. She was not a firebender like most of our family and those of the Society. She had been the proper bodyguard. I would not ever have suspected her of anything unusual.

I did not find out what had happened to my son. Keitaro had hidden him from me. Than I did not really try to find him. The child was better off without me. The Society was all I had left now. Keitaro. And there was....Kin. He had refused to take any other assignments after Xiao-Si's birth and had stayed at the Center to become a teacher. He and Keitaro were the only who I confided in at all, though there things I could not tell Kin. Keitaro knew everything, therefore he was my closest adviser.

I am writing this all down in an account before I leave the Center today, for I do not know when I will return. Yesterday I met the Nira again after almost a whole year since she had left with Prince Zuko. He had returned only weeks ago and has been reinstated to all that was rightfully his. His prodigy sister and he are revered heroes for they have conquered Ba Sing Se…as Iroh had failed to do…and Crown Prince Zuko has killed the Avatar. Even now I find the news impossible to believe, even more that the Avatar had been some air nomad child. Yet Nira had not returned with him for she had apparently died in the failed siege of the Northern Water Tribe. A replacement was quickly dispatched to be his newest bodyguard, an experienced bodyguard of the Society.

It was an interesting event to say the least when young Nira returned, apparently to say goodbye to Keitaro of all people. A young Water Tribe man had followed her and was incidentally killed by accident. I met with her several days after keeping her imprisoned, my curiosity getting the better of me. Why had she not returned to her charge?...

I leaned against the cold stone railing, looking out over the green hills. This spot on the Western wall was my favorite place at the Center. I looked over at Nira's petite frame as she walked in my direction precariously from the stairs. She bowed and looked at me with haunted blue eyes. This girl had changed much since I had last seen her. Keitaro had told me all of what he had learned when I had questioned him, though he had fidgeted to do so. "There is no need for formalities," I said silkily. "Now that you know the truth, cousin." She looked at me in surprise with a hint of suspicion. "You have changed very much," I continued with a tilt of my head. "You were planning on leaving the Fire Nation for good…you did not intend to return to the Crown Prince. Why?"

Nira looked away from my searching eyes. "I am not who I was. I found a life outside of this one." I could help the smile that stretched across my face. I was not used to such facial actions anymore, but this girl…secretly I applauded her.

"Interesting," I commented in a humored tone. "That is very interesting."

Nira stared at me defiantly. "What do you plan to do with me?" She asked flatly. This girl had devolved spine since I had met her!

"What do you think I should do?" I asked in return with my grin growing wider.

"As the Guardian, you should have me imprisoned or killed for my betrayal," Nira stated with her eyes not leaving mine. "But as a woman who once loved, you should let me go."

A strange urge twisted inside me to slap her, but a maniac laughter escaped from my throat instead. "Daring at last!" I cried in humor, hiding anything from else from my voice. "You were so quiet and obedient the last time I saw you. Look at you now, all bristled to fight for your freedom." She reminded me now of what…of what I had once been like. I hated her for it. "Love is a dangerous thing. Do you still want it, even if it can destroy you?" I asked her.

"I will do what I want," Nira retorted simply, "I make my own path." This girl stood before me, ready to do what she had to do for what she wanted. Nira was a changed girl…woman. She knew who she was and I…I…

"If I let you go, you know what that means?" I asked her. She nodded and my grin returned. "I did not think you would be one to rebel. I suppose my estimation of you was mistaken." I commented in an almost apology. I casually gestured toward the stairs. "You are free to leave."

"My belongings?"

"Ah, yes." I said quietly. I pulled out the peculiar necklace that had been found on her. It was engraved with the shape of a lily. I had learned from a source that it is the sort of necklace used in the Northern Water Tribe as a betrothal necklace. I wondered who Nira had fallen for. "This is an interesting necklace," I noted. Nira's eyes widened as she heard my words. I tossed the necklace towards her which she caught swiftly. "I hope he is worth it. A man will be at the bottom of the stairs with the rest of your things. He will escort you out of the center." Nira bowed and headed for the stairs. "Nira?" I called, she turned back towards me. "See him and then leave. Do not come back to the Fire Nation. Ever."

Nira nodded once more and left without another word. I knew why she had returned to the Fire Nation, it had always been obvious to me. She loved her charge. I wonder if it is a curse for my family to love the Royals that we protect. Reizo…my father…had loved Iroh like a brother. And I…

I looked back to the green ridges that protected the Center from most sides. Soon the sun would be setting. I was not surprised when Keitaro silently joined me. "You let her go," He said at last in a neutral tone. "The Elders will not like this, but I suppose they may not find out the truth." I did not say another word. Keitaro liked to talk when he wanted to and this was one of those moments. "Tell me, did you let her go because she reminded you of what you had once been?"

"If that is how you see it," I said indifferently. I looked over at Keitaro's dark eyes and was surprised to see them shadowed.

"She hates me, just as you do."

"I do not hate you now," I replied casually. "The only reason I ever did was because you had hated me."

"You reminded me of her," Keitaro said in a dark voice. He looked away from my stunned gaze that I quickly hid. "My sister…I did not want the same for you. I clearly failed you just as I did my sister, and now my student Nira…"

I shifted about uncomfortably as I felt the first spark of sympathy for this man, my uncle. He had lost everything he had come to care about, like I had. "I only know of one who has left the Society," I said, changing the subject. "And has lived free of it, except for this newest case. Do you know what became of him?"

"Tadao?" Keitaro replied, quickly returning to his normal self. "The lost bodyguard of Ozai. He disappeared the same night as Princess Ursa did."

I wondered why, but did not think that thought aloud. "I am leaving the Center," I abruptly said, "You will be charge while I am gone."

Keitaro chuckled with no humor. "The Elders will not like this either. Where are you going?" I had left before on matters pertaining to the Society. This was not unusual.

"To find my son."

Keitaro's face blanched. "I cannot tell you where he is. You know I will not."

"I will be gone a month or so," I continued, ignoring his words. "Can you do this for me?"

Keitaro bowed his head without another word. He did not break tradition. "Yes, Guardian."

Soon after, I walked towards the study room that was now mine, intent on writing my story for I would be leaving the next day. I might not return, but Keitaro did not need to know that. I did not even know myself. There was no time to waste. Kin was waiting for me by the doorway, perfect timing for I needed him. "I am leaving tomorrow," I said shortly, "and you are coming with me."

Kin raised a dark brown eyebrow and unfolded his arms. "Why is that, Guardian? I am a teacher, I am supposed to stay at the Center," He said in a respectful voice with a hint of something more.

"You are the only one who besides Keitaro who knew were the healer took my son," I explained evenly. "You are going to tell me where he is."

Kin smiled at me broadly. There was something there…something so heartbreakingly familiar. "As you wish," He replied. He always used those words and I knew what he meant by them. It would not ever be for it could not be. All my love was gone, except for my son who was lost to me. But not for long.

I write this now, finishing what is my story. I am going to find my son. What will happen next I cannot say. I was once Keiya, bodyguard of Lu Ten. I was the beloved daughter of Reizo, bodyguard of Iroh. I once had a place in the heart of the rightful heir to the throne as family. I was loved by Lu Ten and I loved him.

He and my father died because of me. I will not ever forget that.

Now I am the Guardian of the Society and mother of Xiao-Si. I am going to find him. There will be more to the story as time goes on, but that will be the story of the Guardian. Mother of Xiao-Si. Keiya's story in truth ended that final day at Ba Sing Se. Yet somehow I can see a certain hope for myself….perhaps…

No, things cannot change. I dream of my father and of Lu Ten. They are gone, but one day…I will be with them again.

This is my truth.

A/N: This is the end for My Truth. Tell me what you think. On a side note, the idea for Kin saying "As you wish" was borrowed from movie Princess Bride. Don't want to plaragize here, so that's that. Thanks for reading and please review. There is going to be a sequel to my main story Some Distant Day and these characters may be seen again (hint!) This story is to be called Some Fine Day.